


It Takes Two

by ShyVioletCat



Series: It Takes Two [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:26:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 127,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22361041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: When a drunken argument with her roommate leads to the best night of Aelin’s life it leaves her with an unexpected consequence. Now Aelin and Rowan need to navigate their way through the circumstances they now find themselves in, both of them unsure of what exactly they’re going to do.(Started with tumblr prompts so the early chapters are shorter)
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Rowaelin - Relationship
Series: It Takes Two [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609639
Comments: 257
Kudos: 520





	1. Chapter 1

It had been the best night of Aelin’s life.

The blow up between her and Rowan had been simmering away for a while, and when they had exploded at each other it hadn’t gone the way that she expected. A few shouted words and soon turned into a clash of tongues, teeth and desperate hands. Clothes were pulled and torn, then discarded, and both of them were completely bare when they tumbled into her insufferable roomate’s bed.

When Aelin woke the next morning with a clear but hungover head she’d frozen at the realisation of what she’d done. What they’d done.

She wasn’t hanging around to see what Rowan thought about it. Aelin searched for her clothes, swearing inwardly as she slipped on her blouse and found at least of the buttons had disappeared. Then she left and went back to her own bed.

Neither of them had talked about in since.

That had been almost two months ago. Aelin hadn’t been able to forget that night for more than one reason. But the most pressing reason had her hunched over the toilet, hurling up what was left of last night’s dinner. About a week ago Aelin decided she was too late and feeling too horrible and decided to take a pregnancy test. Then another five. They all came back with the same result.

Positive.

And it was unquestionably Rowan’s and Aelin didn’t know how to tell him.

Aelin retched again and groaned. She hated throwing up.

“Oof, stomach bug?”

Despite how sick she felt her head snapped to the doorway, she’d been in such a rush to reach the toilet before she vomited all over herself that she forgotten to close the door. Now Rowan stood there, oozing that cold arrogance that drove her mad and not in the good way, leaning on the doorframe with arms crossed.

“I hope it wasn’t from dinner last night, because I ate what you did,” Rowan added.

Aelin flushed the toilet but didn’t bother to get off the floor. Well, better now than never.

“No. It’s morning sickness,” Aelin said, eyes fixed on a spot on the tiled floor, just trying to quell her rising nausea.

Rowan let out a choked laugh, “Who’s the unlucky bast-”

Rowan stopped talking as Aelin fixed him with a look. He stood up straight, his face paling, and didn’t say another word before he walked away. Aelin heard the front door of the apartment shut. The sound resounded through her body. It broke the control she had over her nausea and within half a second Aelin’s head was in the toilet bowl again.


	2. Chapter 2

Aelin unlocked the back door to her bookstore. She’d barely managed to get herself showered and dressed for work. There were copious amounts of dry shampoo in Aelin’s hair and not a flick of make up on her face.

She felt like shit.

After telling Rowan that she was pregnant she felt empty. She had imagined all different ways that she would tell him that she was pregnant. Him being a dick while she threw up was not one of them. Then he had left without saying anything. Aelin didn’t exactly know how she expected him to react, but leaving without uttering a single word… Him not knowing had been her entire focus and kept her distracted from other things. Like what was she going to do now?

Aelin left her bag in the back room and then went to the register and booted up the computer. Nausea roiled in her gut and she groaned.

“Aelin, lovely, where are you?” Lysandra’s voice called from the back room.

Aelin went to answer but she heaved instead.

Lysandra came round the corner just as Aelin heaved again.

“Oh, honey go home,” Lysandra said as she rubbed Aelin’s back.

Aelin shook her head. “Nope. Don’t want to be there right now.”

“You told him?” Lysandra asked.

This time Aelin nodded.

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything. He just left,” Aelin said, her voice flat.

Silence from both of them.

“What now?” Lysandra finally asked.

Tears were filling Aelin’s eyes, she couldn’t stop them. “I don’t know.”

“Whoa cousin, you look terrible,” Aedion appeared.

“I thought I told you to wait in the car,” Lysandra said, a worried look on her face.

Aelin mirrored her expression. Aedion didn’t know, only Lysandra did. Rowan was one of Aedion’s best friends and Aelin wasn’t sure how how’d he’d take it.

“I just saw Rowan while I was out front in the car, he didn’t look much better. You guys fight again?” Aedion asked.

“What do you mean you just saw Rowan?” Aelin asked, straightening, her voice rising in panic.

“He was walking by out front,” Aedion said as he lent on the counter. “Then after I said hello he went to the coffee shop across the road.”

Aelin pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes. He’d undoubtedly come to see her, then had seen Aedion and chickened out. She was going to be sick again.

“Get a bowl or bucket, or something from the kitchen Aedion,” Lysandra said.

Aelin heard rather than saw Aedion move to the kitchen in the back, her eyes were closed tight as she willed herself not to throw up.

“Aelin, what’s made you so sick?” Aedion asked as he offered her the large mixing bowl.

Well, it seemed this was the morning for revelations.

“I’m pregnant,” Aelin whispered.

“Bullshit.” Aedion hissed.

“Nope. I’m 100 percent serious,” Aelin answered as she hugged to bowl.

“Who…” then Aedion went perfectly still. “Why did you freak out when I said I saw Rowan?”

Aelin just looked at her cousin, who really had been more like a big brother her whole life.

“Are you serious? Rowan? I’m gonna kill him,” Aedion spat. Then he was moving for the front door.

“Aedion, no!” Aelin called after him but he didn’t stop struggled with the locked door.

“Does he know?” Aedion asked lethally as Aelin met him at the door and she braced herself against it.

“I told him this morning,” Aelin said quietly.

“And?”

Aelin sighed and looked at her cousin. He read every ounce of sadness, disappointment and pain in her eyes.

Then Aedion was moving again this time headed for the back door. He was so fast that it was only a few moments before Aelin saw him striding out front of the bookstore, headed over the road. Aelin swore and pulled her keys out and unlocked the front door.

“Aedion!” Aelin yelled as he crossed the road.

Aelin was moving, chasing down her cousin. By some fortuitous circumstance Rowan walked out just as Aedion reach the coffee shop, Aelin certainly didn’t want this altercation happening in an enclosed space. She was panting by the time she reached the other side of the rode, her body threatening to hurl her guts up, again.

“Aedion,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

Rowan must have heard her because her turned then, first spying her and then his friend who was heading straight for him.

“Wait, Aedion. Calm –”

Rowan didn’t get another word in before Aedion’s fist connected with his face.


	3. Chapter 3

Rowan staggered back as the punch connected, his cup of coffee flying out of his hand. When he steadied himself he saw Aedion was winding up to give him another. But then Aelin was between them, arms spread to keep them apart. She looked as if she could barely keep herself upright.

Rowan swore viciously as his hand youched his cheek. Aedion hadn’t pulled his punch.

“Don’t,” Aelin panted, as she planted her hand firmly in the middle of Aedion’s chest. “This isn’t your fight.”

“But you’re – ”

Remarkably Aelin stood up a little straighter and got into Aedion’s face, making him back up a step.

“Yes I’m your cousin. But I’m sure you are aware that it takes two people to procreate, so this is between me an him. Not you.” Aelin turned to Rowan, her face pale but fire was dancing in her eyes, then she turned back to Aedion. “But thank you.”

Aelin’s words did nothing to douse Aedion’s anger, he was still fuming and was barely restraining himself. “He’s a gods damned prick.”

“You don’t need to tell me that twice,” Aelin replied.

All the gods in hell, Rowan didn’t know what to do.

“Aelin…” he murmured and she whirled on him. But before she could say anything her face went impossibly paler and her hand shot to mouth. Before anyone could do anything she vomited again, all over Rowan.

Within a moment Lysandra was by Aelin’s side, both Rowan and Aedion frozen by surprise. Aelin had her hands on her knees and was gagging.

“Come on, let’s get you back to the store,” Lysandra said softly. Then her piercing green eyes were pinning Rowan in place. “You deserved that.”

Rowan could only watch as Aelin and Lysandra walked away, the former leaning heavily on her friend. That left him with Aedion, who was still seething with anger.

“Go to work dumbasses!” Lysandra shouted from the middle of the road.

Right. Work. Where’d he’d have to spent the rest of the day trying not to piss Aedion off further.

Aedion’s turquoise eyes were furious as he said, “We’re not done.”

Then Aedion walking away, leaving Rowan standing there on the street covered in vomit and face aching.

~~~~~

Lysandra helped Aelin through the front door of the bookstore then locked the door behind them.

“What are you doing? We’ve got to open the store,” Aelin groaned.

“I think you’ve earned a day off,” Lysandra said as she continued to lead Aelin through the store and to the back. “You own the place so I think you won’t be getting in trouble.”

“But the money,” Aelin panted as she sat in one of the chairs around the small table.

“You’re more important than that,” Lysandra said as she passed Aelin a glass of water. “But if you insist I can work the store by myself today.”

Aelin sipped at the water, just trying to calm herself. “Well, that was embarrassing.”

“You say embarrassing, I’d say hilarious,” Lysandra said with a smile.

Aelin gave a crooked smile back. “Now that you mention it.”

“Vomit all over him,” Lysandra elaborated.

Aelin let out a shaky laugh. For a long while neither of them said anything, just sitting there while Aelin sipped at her water.

Then Lysandra picked up Aelin’s hand and held it in hers. “What do you want to do?”

Aelin took in a shuddering sigh but still didn’t answer for a long moment. “I want keep it.”

Again there was deafening silence. Then Aelin spoke again.

“I want kids, so why not start now. I’ve almost paid this place off and I’ve almost saved enough for a deposit on my own place. I was planning to move out in like 6 months anyway,” Aelin explained.

“What about Rowan?” Lysandra asked.

“He can burn in hell for all I care. If he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, that’s fine by me. I might prefer it even. I’ll happily do this on my own.”

“You know you won’t be alone. You’ll have me and Aedion and Elide and just about everyone else in this town. We all love you, Ae. We’ll love this baby too,” Lysandra finished with a tight squeeze of Aelin’s hand.

Aelin didn’t know when she had started crying, but hot wet tears were rolling down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop them.


	4. Chapter 4

Rowan slammed the door of his pick up truck. The smell of Aelin’s vomit was rancid in his nose and he grabbed the towel that was lying in the passenger seat to wipe off what he could. He’d have to rinse the towel when he got to work so it didn’t stink out his truck and luckily he had a change of clothes in his locker. He leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, his mind racing.

He knew it had been a dick move to leave Aelin sick on the floor of the bathroom this morning, he just didn’t know what else to do. He’d gone to the bookstore to… Rowan didn’t even know what. But then he had seen Aedion and decided against it. 

It was such an Aelin thing to do. She had unceremoniously dropped a bomb in his lap and watched it explode. No regard for him or how he might feel about the news. It had probably been her plan all along, another one of her petty little games to piss him off.

With that thought spurring him he turned the key in his ignition much harder than he needed to, the engine grated in protest. Rowan’s knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel.

What was he supposed to do? Rowan slammed his fist on the steering wheel, barely registering the pain.

Now Aedion was pissed at him too. He understood why, but punching him in the face was a bit far. Rowan pulled into his parking spot at the gym and grabbed the towel before getting out of the car. He was still angry enough that he slammed the door again.

Lorcan was at the front desk as he stormed in and snapped, “You’re late.”

“Not today,” Rowan snapped right back.

It was then Lorcan looked up and saw what was undeniably vomit on his shirt. Lorcan’s brows rose but he didn’t enquire any further, thankfully. Rowan quickly made his way to the staff area of the gym and went to his locker and stripped off his soiled shirt and pulled on the logo-ed polo from inside. He didn’t like to work in this shirt, he found it too hot and restrictive for anything too physical which is why he only kept it in his locker for emergencies. Then he went to the sink and started to rinse off his shirt and towel. Thankfully there were no chunks, it seemed to be mostly bile. Meaning Aelin’s stomach must have been practically empty by the time she had vomited on him. A slight twinge of sympathy stirred in his gut but he didn’t think any more on it as his anger at Aelin started to consume him again.

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about that night they had shared. And often. He’d even gone chasing after the same thrill a few times since. But so far no one had left him satisfied, like Aelin had. And now…

Rowan threw his shirt into the sink with a loud slap and braced his hands on the metal edge.

“Hey.”

Rowan whirled. Aedion had come in, as if he’d just arrived. Rowan was surprised that he had beaten him to work but that was when he saw the cup and pack of frozen peas in his hands.

“Hey,” Rowan said back as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I shouldn’t have punched you,” Aedion said. “You didn’t deserve that. Especially from me.”

“Are you sorry about it?” Rowan asked.

Aedion didn’t answer he just stepped forward and offered both the coffee and peas. Rowan took them and pressed the peas to his cheek with a hiss.

“She’s like a sister to me. I’d do anything for her, but Aelin was right when she said it’s between you and her. I’m still pissed and angry as all hell at you, but I’m not going to get in the middle of this,” Aedion explained.

“So you won’t punch me again?”

A smile quirked the corner of Aedion’s mouth. “Not in the foreseeable future. Just depends how much of a dick you are.”

Rowan took the peas off his face to take a sip of coffee. “Seems fair.”

~~~~~

Aelin took Lysandra’s advice and went home.

She spent to day on the couch dropping in and out of sleep while Netflix played. When she was conscious she sipped on water and tried to keep down the dry biscuits she kept beside the couch. Hours went by and Aelin started to feel a bit better, still bone tired, but better.

The talk she would need to have with Rowan loomed over her like a storm cloud though. Aelin had called Aedion just to make sure he hadn’t beaten Rowan to a pulp, or was planning to, while he was at work. He said he hadn’t and Aelin made him promise that he wouldn’t.

As the next episode of Downton Abbey started Aelin checked the time on her phone.

4:42

Rowan would be home soon. With a deep breathe Aelin sat up and rebraided her hair. She wasn’t going to prepare herself much more than that. The minutes ticked by then the front door opened. Rowan walked in, face cold and unyielding.

Aelin swallowed against the tightness building in her chest. “We need to talk.”


	5. Chapter 5

Aelin watched as Rowan dropped his keys on the small table by the door and walked towards the armchair near where she say. Where Aedion had hit him was really starting to bruise, he’d probably have a decent black eye from it. Rowan sat down but, still neither of them said anything.  
  
“I’m sorry Aedion hit you,” Aelin said, dodging the giant elephant in the room. “The vomiting though, I have to say, not so much.”  
  
Rowan scowled and crossed his arms. So that’s how he was going to play it, classic Whitethorn cold indifference. Aelin felt her whole body tense as she went on the offensive.  
  
“This is where I stand. I’m having this baby.” Rowan sat up a bit straighter at that but still didn’t say anything, so Aelin went on. “Although you are just as culpable as I am for this situation I don’t, and won’t, expect anything from you. We don’t even like each other so I don’t suspect that you want to raise a child with me.”  
  
Rowan was silent, Aelin let him process her words, her decisions.  
  
“Are you sure it’s mine?” Rowan asked, disdain clear in his voice.  
  
Aelin temper went from zero to a hundred in less than half a breath.  
  
“Are you serious right now?”  
  
Rowan shrugged and Aelin felt tears of anger pricking her eyes.  
  
“Yes I am Rowan. I can honestly swear you are the only person I have had sex with for months. This baby is definitely yours.” Aelin was ready to spit fire.  
  
Rowan was silent again and it just added fuel to Aelin’s anger.  
  
“Stop being a child about this. Stop pouting and realise what this situation actually entails instead of trying to shift the blame or look for an easy out. I’ve given you an out. I’ll tell you now, again and explicitly, I do not expect anything from you,” Aelin’s voice was as hard as stone.  
  
Rowan rubbed at his face, the first sign of discomfort he’d shown. “I don’t know,” he said quietly.  
  
“You don’t know what?” Aelin demanded.  
  
“I don’t know what I want to do,” Rowan said a little louder. “What bullshit game was you telling me this morning out of nowhere? How long have you known?”  
  
Oh, he wanted to fight. Fine, Aelin would fight then.  
  
“It wasn’t a game. I didn’t know how to tell you. I’ve only know officially for about a week –”  
  
“A week?” Rowan cut in, his face incredulous.  
  
“Yes a week. But I have been feeling like death for longer than that. I’ve been tired, stressed, nauseous and, I’m not too proud to admit it, terrified out of my mind. So please forgive me for not telling the dickhead who knocked me up after spontaneous hate sex that I was pregnant.” Aelin was done. She stood up from the couch but swayed a little as she Was hit my a wave of dizziness.  
  
Rowan stood as well and put out his arm like he was about to help her but Aelin held up a hand to stop him from coming any closer. He lowered his arm but still but still took a step closer. It was close enough that his scent hit her hard by his and it was intoxicating. No intoxicating was the wrong word. 

It was nauseating.  
  
“Aelin, I – ”  
  
“I need you to move or I will vomit on you again and this time I’ll aim for your face.” She was serious.  
  
Thankfully Rowan moved and Aelin rushed to the bathroom and she managed to slam the door before she on her knees in front of the toilet.

  
~~~~~  
  
Rowan had never seen Aelin so disheveled. And knew he was an asshole for making it worse. He knew. Rowan also knew that he shouldn’t have started that fight. It was petty and uncalled for, and Aelin was right for calling him out on it.  
  
Rowan was lashing out out of insecurity and fear, another thing he knew without a doubt. He hadn’t even been able to give her an answer besides ‘I don’t know’. Now he was sitting in the lounge room by himself, the muffled sounds of Aelin emptying her stomach the only sound in the whole apartment. He couldn’t stand it, it felt like he was suffocating. He stood and grabbed his keys.

He wasn’t sure where he was going, he just knew he didn’t want to be here.


	6. Chapter 6

Rowan didn’t go to his car. Instead he just wandered the streets around their apartment building. His mind ran over the things Aelin had said.

_You are the only person I have had sex with for months._

_I’m keeping this baby._

_I’m terrified out of my mind._

_I do not expect anything from you._

Then he went over what he’d said to her. He was a bastard. A gods damned bastard.

Shame and embarrassment coiled in Rowan’s gut the longer he walked. He was being a coward no by not going home. What was he supposed to do, what was he supposed to say? He didn’t know if he wanted to be part of this child’s life, he hadn’t even had 24 hours to contemplate it. But Aelin had straight up given him a way out of this. Would he take it?

He and Aelin… there was something so volatile about their relationship. She was the most egotistical, obnoxious and self-indulged person he’d ever met. Sometimes he hated her for it. They tolerated each other when they had to, but when they spoke or try to communicate it usually ended in a fight, or that one time it ended in sex. And now look where they were. How was a baby supposed to fit into that?

But that was no reason for Rowan to act the way he did. This was no longer just about him. Aelin’s world had just been turned on its head and she was struggling. Instead of being considerate, he had made it a million times worse. Rowan turned into the grocery store, not really thinking of what he was doing. He wandered the isles, picking up a few things here and there. Then he ended up in the confectionary isle. He wasn’t much for sweets… But Aelin was.

Rowan looked at the shelves trying to remember what she liked, what she had bought for herself and left lying around. He was browsing the chocolate blocks and saw a block of milk chocolate with hazelnuts through it. Aelin had once bitten his head off when he’d eaten some, which he’d mainly done just to piss her off.

Rowan grabbed a block of it and added it to the pile in his arms and went to the register. He chose to do self-serve, not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment. Once he paid he left and started home.

~~~~~

The apartment was quiet when Rowan once again walked through the door. He dropped all the groceries except the chocolate on the bench and then went to find his roommate. The bathroom was empty so Rowan went to her bedroom and knocked. The door was ajar so as he knocked the door swung open a little more and Rowan peered in.

Aelin was asleep, her blankets curled around her. Not wanting to wake her Rowan stepped into the room as quietly as he could and put the chocolate on her bedside table. As he turned to leave her heard her stir and froze. Aelin only shifted a little with a small groan, her brows furrowing. Once she had settled again Rowan left and closed the door softly behind him.

~~~~~

Aelin felt sick before she even woke up. The nausea had been tugging at her dreams and eventually pulled her into wakefulness. But she squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to throw up. Gods she hated it. The burning, the heaving, the panic. As if this wasn’t hard enough.

When she eventually opened her eyes she hadn’t expected to see a block of her favourite chocolate on her bedside table. She blinked in surprise. It had definitely not been there last night. Aelin wanted to devour the block but she’d be too depressed when she threw it all up straight after. Instead she reached for her water bottle and drunk from that.

When she felt like she could stand she did, and headed for the bathroom. Rowan stepped out of it just as Aelin got to the door. They just looked at each other for a moment.

“Thanks for the chocolate,” Aelin said a bit weakly.

“It was nothing,” Rowan replied then moved past her and went to his room.

Aelin sighed. The chocolate was at least a sliver of an apology but it looks like she wasn’t getting much more than that, apology or otherwise.


	7. Chapter 7

Rowan hadn’t seen Aedion all day, and he was glad about it. There was doubt in his mind that Aedion didn’t know about the conversation that happened between him and Aelin last night, and he knew Aedion wouldn’t be happy about it.  
  
The bruise of his face had appeared in full force over night, around his eye was purpling more by the hour. Rowan even had to chew on the opposite side of his mouth while he sat in the staff kitchen to eat his lunch.  
  
There was a low whistle then his coworker dropped into the seat beside him.  
  
“That’s one hell of a shiner,” Fenrys said pointing to Rowan face with his fork. “What did you do to deserve that?”  
  
Rowan just glared at Fenrys then continued to eat.  
  
Fenrys ignored it and went on. “Oh come on, you don’t get something that impressive for no reason. Who gave it to you?”  
  
Just then Aedion stepped into the kitchen. For a moment his and Rowan’s eyes met and Rowan saw that a slow and painful death awaited him. Rowan averted his gaze back to his food, so he didn’t see Fenrys looking quizzically between them.  
  
“What’s got your knickers in a twist, Ashryver?” Fenrys asked, shifting his attention to Aedion now . Aedion didn’t answer, he just continued to prep his lunch on the bench. “Hey do you know how Rowan got his shiner?”  
  
Rowan looked up then and Aedion turned to looked at Fenrys, only Fenrys. “Being a prick, I’d say.”  
  
“Aedion,” Rowan said, but stopped he didn’t know what else to say.  
  
“You say one more word and I’ll give you a matching set,” Aedion bit out.  
  
Fenrys looked between them again, reading the energy between them. “Mother’s tits,” then Fenrys looked to Aedion. “What did he do?”  
  
Aedion didn’t answer, he just sat down at the table and started eating. Fenrys wasn’t giving up though.  
  
“Come now boys, out with it. Its not like Rowan slept with Aelin or…”  
  
Aedion’s head shot up and he glared daggers at Rowan.  
  
Fenrys let out a startled laugh. “Are you serious? The bro code, dude.” Fenrys tsked and took a closer look at Rowan’s face. “That’s one hell of a hit. You must have been raging Aedion.”  
  
“Shut up, Fenrys,” Rowan gritted out.  
  
“What it’s not like you knocked her –”  
  
Aedion stood at those words, so fast and hard that his chair tipped back. “She called me sobbing last night. Sobbing after what you said to her,” Aedion said and then he was storming out without another word.  
  
Fenrys was utterly still then so slowly he turned his head to Rowan. “What the hell, man?”  
  
Rowan was silent.  
  
Fenrys stood. “You got that bro code and,” Fenrys mimed breaking something over his knee, then scrunching it, then drop kicking it. With a finger he made and arc and made a whistling noise and then an explosion. “Obliteration.”  
  
Fenrys picked up his plate and left, leaving Rowan to lick his wounds on his own.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Aelin was so tired. She had hardly been able to keep her eyes open all day. When she closed for her half hour lunch break she had laid her head on the table and ended up sleeping for an extra 40 minutes. Now at closing time she was practically dead on her feet. Thank the gods it was only a 10 minutes drive home.  
  
When she got to her apartment Aelin kicked her shoes off and headed straight for the couch. She groaned as she flopped on to it and told herself that she’d lie here for only 5 minutes. Within two minutes she was asleep again.  
  
What woke her, however long later, was Rowan coming home. Aelin sat up with half a snore, and blinking at the light Rowan had turned on.  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were there,” Rowan said, truly apologetic.  
  
“No, no, I need to get up,” Aelin said rubbing at her face.  
  
Rowan came and sat in the armchair, much like he had last night. “Can I talk to you for a minute? I promise I’ll be civil.”  
  
Aelin nodded.  
  
“I’m sorry for what I said last night, what I said was uncalled for. The truth is I still don’t know what I want to do about… this situation. But any confusion or uneasiness I feel I can promise I won’t project onto you, I’ll keep it myself. I just need more time. I’ll keep out of your way and not cause you any trouble.”  
  
Aelin gave a one shoulder shrug, “Well, I think your got quite a months to sort yourself out.”  
  
Rowan nodded and left. For now it was enough, an apology and some action on his part. If Rowan was offering a truce, Aelin would take it.


	8. Chapter 8

Weeks went by and things between her and Rowan were getting better. Better meaning that they pretty much kept to themselves, often only being in the same room for maximum 10 minutes a day. Which was better than the alternative of them grating on each other. Aelin was glad of the reduced stress of not butting heads with Rowan because everything else in her life was stressing her out. Aelin’s morning sickness had been getting worse. It was getting to the point where she could keep next to nothing in her stomach, not even water. Aelin was looking towards that golden 12 week mark where morning sickness would hopefully stop. At 9 and a half weeks she only had 3 and a half to go.

  
Aelin kept up the mantra of three and a half weeks as she sat by the toilet, waiting for the heaving to start up again. She’d brought in a cushion from the living room to sit on and Rowan thankfully hadn’t objected and left it there. Some nights Aelin considered sleeping in here just to save her the effort of going back and forth between here and her bedroom. She’d had to close her bookstore multiple times these past few weeks because she’d been so sick, and the lack of money for those days was just another of those added stresses.  
  
Aelin took in a deep breath. Big mistake.  
  
She retched into the toilet, little more than nothing hitting the water. But still her body heaved and her guts roiled. Tears of gathered in her eyes and she let out a sob that turned into a gag.  
  
Then there was a knock on the door.  
  
“Aelin, I’m really sorry, but I need to get to work. Can I come in? I’ll just grab my toothbrush and take it to the kitchen,” Rowan said from beyond the door.  
  
At least he’s asked and not just come in. Her stomach started to settle and Aelin flushed the toilet. “Yeah I’m done, come in.”  
  
So Rowan did, he scrunched his nose a little at the lingering smell of vomit but he didn’t say anything about it. The bathroom was small with the basin practically right next to the toilet so Aelin went to stand so Rowan could get to it properly.  
  
“I can reach, you stay there,” Rowan said but Aelin kept moving.  
  
“No, I’ve got to get ready for work anyway,” she groaned as she halfway stood.  
  
“Are you sure?” Rowan asked as grabbed Aelin under an elbow. “You don’t look good.”  
  
Aelin huffed as she stood to her full height. “That’s not what you said –”  
  
The edges of Aelin’s vision started to blur and she swayed. Then her world went black.

~~~~~

Rowan sat in the waiting room at the hospital, elbows on his knees hands linked between them. He’d driven Aelin here himself after she’d fainted. Carried her to his car, strapped her into the passenger seat and driven her to emergency. He’d worked at the gym long enough to know when someone fainted from exhaustion and and overexertion, but still something nagged at him that this was something more serious. He’d called Aedion on the way, but he hadn’t picked up so Rowan left him a message and prayed that he checked it.  
  
He was lucky he’d been there to catch Aelin in the bathroom. Even with him there she’d almost hit her on the basin but he was able to pull her away just in time. Aelin looked awful, she was so pale now and she’d been lost weight. Rowan didn’t even know what she was eating these days because she never ate with him any more, she was either sleeping or claimed his food was making her nauseous.  
  
Rowan had thought about leaving and going to work, Aelin wouldn’t want him here anyway. But he didn’t want to leave her without anyone. In case…  
  
Just then the doors to the waiting room opened and Aedion and Lysandra walked in, both of them looking worried. Rowan sat up as they spotted him, Aedion pointedly ignored him but Lysandra came over.  
  
“What happened?” She asked and sat by him.  
  
“She’d been vomiting, then she stood up and just fainted,” Rowan explained.  
  
The doors to the waiting room opened again and Elide and Lorcan walked in. Rowan’s brow furrowed in confusion at the sight of Lorcan being here, he was the last person he’d expected to see. He looked at Lorcan who was refusing to meet his eye.  
  
“I’m going to go see what Aedion knows,” Lysandra said and left, taking Elide with her as she passed her.  
  
Lorcan came and sat by Rowan.  
  
“Do you want to tell me why you’re walking in here with Elide Lochan on you day off?” Rowan asked quietly.  
  
“Do you want to tell me what you were on that made you knock up the fire-breathing bitch queen?” Lorcan murmured back.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Well, me either,” Lorcan replied.  
  
They were both silent for a moment, Rowan watching a spot on the floor, but couldn’t help but consider the repercussions for Lorcan when Aelin found out one of her least favourite people in the world was apparently in some kind of relationship with one of her best friends. “Aelin is going to kill you.”  
  
“I can take her,” Lorcan muttered.  
  
That spot on the floor Rowan had been watching was taken over by a pair of brown boots. Rowan looked up to the face those boots led to and saw Aelin’s small dark-haired, dark-eyed friend standing in front of him, arms crossed and looking like she was going to replace Aedion’s shiner with one of her own. Rowan braced himself.  
  
Elide looked down at him, if only just, from where she stood. “You listen here Rowan. You may be taking your sweet time to sort out what you want to do about the baby but there is a woman who you are living with who needs you right now. Aelin’s told me of your gracious act of staying out of her way. But you share a responsibility for what she’s going through, regardless of your final decision, so ignoring her isn’t going to cut it. Aelin is struggling to function on a daily basis and your idea of helping is to leave her alone to fend for herself? Step up Rowan. If anyone could do this on her own it would be Aelin, but the fact of the matter she wouldn’t have to if you just pulled your head out of your ass. Take responsibility for the bad decision you were involved in and be what Aelin needs. I couldn’t care less what you decide in the end, but you need to be doing something now.”  
  
Elide didn’t wait for Rowan to respond before she walked over to where Aedion and Lysandra sat huddled together.  
  
Rowan looked over to Lorcan as if for confirmation that he had just indeed been scolded like child by a woman who was almost half his size. Lorcan just shrugged. Because they both knew she was undeniably right.  
  
“Rowan Whitethorn?” A nurse called from the door that led to the patients rooms. Rowan stood and so did just about everyone else. “Miss Galthynius would like to see you.”

~~~~~

Aelin remembered she’d been about to crack a joke before she fainted, about what she couldn’t remember, but it obviously would have been funny. She’d been fading in and out on her way here but only came to full consciousness in the hospital bed she was now lying in. There was a clip on her finger and a drip in her arm that led to bag of fluid.  
  
The fluorescents were burning her eyes but she opened them and sat up. She heard rather than saw someone walk past and then back up, then come into the room.

“Oh, you’re up, that’s good.”

“Hi Yrene, how are you?” Aelin said a bit hoarsely.  
  
“I’m fine, you on the other hand,” Yrene said as she raised the bed for Aelin so she could lean back. “You should have told me how bad your morning sickness was.”  
  
Aelin shrugged. “I thought it was normal.”  
  
“No,” Yrene sat down in the chair by the bed. “You were being all brave and stubborn and doing this on your own.”  
  
“Don’t call me out like that. I’m sick,” Aelin coughed for emphasis, then gagged.  
  
Yrene chuckled.  
  
“Yeah, ha ha,” Aelin said playing with the blanket that covered her legs. “Ok, besides being pregnant, what’s the diagnosis?”  
  
“I suspect its hyperemesis gravidarum. In the most basic terms it’s extreme morning sickness, but the major difference is that you can’t keep anything down. Which leads to dehydration and extreme fatigue and exhaustion. Which is most likely why you fainted,” Yrene explained.  
  
“I see,” Aelin said.  
  
“Nod if any of these apply,” Yrene said scanning the page on her clipboard. “Feeling constant nausea. Loss of appetite. Vomiting more than three or 4 times a day. Feeling light-headed or dizzy. Lost more than 10 pounds or 5 percent of pre-pregnancy weight.”  
  
Aelin nodded to each of them. “The last one I’m not one hundred percent on though.”  
  
“Looking at you I’d be inclined to say yes,” Yrene ran a doctor’s eye over Aelin.  
  
“How do I manage it?” Aelin asked.  
  
“Well, before that we need to see if you’re carrying twins. You haven’t had a scan yet have you?” Aelin shook her head at the question and felt the colour drain from her face. “Carrying twins can be a reason for hyperemesis gravidarum.” Yrene paused for a moment. “Do you want the father here?”  
  
Yrene had gone into doctor mode, rather than friend mode. Aelin had told her about Rowan and she was doing a good job at not letting her emotions show.  
  
Aelin thought for moment. “I think I’d like to ask him if he’d like to be here.”  
  
“Alright,” Yrene said with a nod. “I’ll send a nurse to go get him and I’ll go get the equipment I need.”  
  
Yrene left and Aelin sat quietly contemplating whether or not Rowan would want to be here. He might not even be in the waiting room, he could have left already. The more Aelin thought about it the more nervous it made her, so she tried to think about something else, anything else. But she couldn’t.


	9. Chapter 9

Rowan didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling as he walked towards Aelin’s room. After the nurse had called him everyone else waiting for Aelin looked either shocked, pissed off, or both really. Out of everyone there Rowan was the least likely person he expected Aelin would want to see. But here he was, walking towards the maternity ward.  
  
What Elide had said to him kept playing over and over in his head. Maybe if he had been more observant, more aware of Aelin, she wouldn’t be in the hospital right now. He had been doing the bare minimum. He was realising now it wasn’t enough. He could do better. Rowan reached the door of the room the nurse had said Aelin was in and without another thought he took a deep breath and went in.

~~~~~

As Rowan entered the room Aelin’s head shot up, the anxiety she felt shooting through the roof. What was she doing? Rowan had shown no inclination at all that he was interested in the baby so why would want to be here for the ultrasound?  
  
He stood in the doorway awkwardly. Aelin played with the corner of the blanket.  
  
“They’re going –”  
  
“How are you – ”  
  
They both spoke at once then stopped when the other realised what they’d done. Aelin decided to let Rowan go first.  
  
“How are you?” Rowan’s eyes darted to the drip beside her and where it connected to her hand.  
  
“I’m alright. Not great, but I’m okay,” Aelin said, feeling a bit weird about having such a civil conversation about her health. She’d never thought this day would come.  
  
“The baby?” Rowan asked, stepping into the room a little more.  
  
“Fine, well,” Aelin saw Rowan stiffen at her hesitation. “Here’s the thing. Turns out I have hyper-something or other, which is extreme morning sickness. One of the causes can be twins, so my doctor is going to check. Did you want to see?”

  
Rowan looked as if he’d been slapped in the face. “See?”  
  
“I’m getting my first ultrasound. I thought I’d ask if you wanted to see it,” Aelin explained, ignoring how her hand shook a little as it picked at the blanket.  
  
“Oh,” Rowan said. He was starting to look nervous too. “Yeah ok.”  
  
“Cool,” Aelin said.  
  
Just then Yrene came up behind Rowan, pushing something. Rowan moved out of the way and Aelin’s face fell when she saw what it was. A wheelchair.  
  
“I thought you were bring the machine to me?” Aelin said.  
  
“I was going to, but turns out the the really good one is free and that’s not portable. I thought you might enjoy the clearer image we’ll be able to get,” then Yrene turned to Rowan. “You must be Rowan.”

“Rowan this is my friend and Doctor Yrene Towers, Yrene this is Rowan the father of my prospective children.”  
  
Yrene gave him a smile that was a little too knowing, almost as there was somethings she was not saying. Aelin hid her own smile.  
  
“Shall we go?” Yrene said.  
  
“Surely I can walk?” Aelin said, as she looked at the wheelchair with disdain.  
  
“As your doctor I insist,” Yrene said as she brought it up beside the bed. “Would you prefer it if we wheeled you around on the entire bed?”  
  
“No,” Aelin said. Fine. She’d swallow her pride.  
  
Aelin swung her legs off the bed and went to stand. She immediately felt her nausea rise and she was so unsteady on her feet she swayed. Yrene was there, a hand under her elbow and guided her to the chair. She then attached the drip bag onto the stand on the chair and offered the blanket from the bed which Aelin waved away.  
  
“If you wouldn’t mind,” Yrene said to Rowan, indicating to the chair. He nodded and then stepped up to the handles.  
  
Yrene led the way to where the ultrasound was, thankfully it wasn’t too far because the movement of the wheelchair was making Aelin sick. Yrene closed the door behind them and got the machine ready.  
  
Rowan pushed the wheelchair as close to the exam table as he could get. Aelin eyed it for a moment before pushing herself out of the chair. Rowan was there straight away helping her, she didn’t like it but she allowed it because she didn’t trust her body at all.  
  
Yrene came over and helped Aelin roll her shirt up then tucked a towel into the waistband of her pants. She held the wand of the machine over Aelin’s stomach a gel glistening on it.  
  
“Alright, let’s see what we’ve got,” Yrene said.  
  
Aelin glanced beside her, Rowan was sitting on a stool beside her looking at the screen. Aelin did the same. When the wand pressed against her stomach Aelin jumped a little at the coldness of it but Yrene kept going. She moved it around, black and grey blurs moving across the screen. Yrene squinted slightly at the screen, moving the wand this way and that.  
  
“Oh,” Yrene said making Aelin jump again. “Here we go.”  
  
Aelin looked intently at the screen, still seeing nothing but grey blobs. Then Yrene paused it and pointed at the screen a what looked like an unevenly shaped peanut.  
  
“There we have the head, these are little arms and legs we can just see, and,” Yrene unpaused the image and pressed the wand to Aelin’s belly again. “Right there you can see the heart beat.”  
  
Aelin’s hand went to her chest as she stared at the screen and the flickering movement. That was her baby, her tiny little baby.  
  
“How big is it?” Aelin’s voice cracked on the words  
  
“About the size of a grape,” Yrene said with a little smile.  
  
“And there’s just one?” Aelin asked.  
  
“Yep, just one,” Yrene confirmed.  
  
“Oh thank the gods,” Aelin muttered. Aelin felt a tear on her cheek and quickly wiped it away. A flicker of movement caught her eye. Rowan had gone to hold her hand that lay beside her, but changed his mind at the last second.  
  
“Ok, sometimes you can’t hear the heartbeat this early, but I am pretty good at this,” Yrene said as she flicked a button and a whirring sound filled the room. Yrene pressed the wand down a little harder, focusing on one area. “Ah, there we go.”  
  
There was a different sound, this one quick and rhythmic. Aelin’s mouth fell open as she looked from the screen and then to Yrene. Yrene smiled at her as the sound continued.  
  
Then Aelin burst into tears.  
  
~~~~~  
  
When Aelin started crying Rowan was so surprised he almost fell off the stool. This… This was an Aelin he hadn’t seen. He’d seen her pissed of and angry enough to spit fire, he’d seen her confident and cocky. Rowan had seen her upset on occasion.  
  
But never had he seen her with this level of vulnerability. She cried with no concern about who was there in the room with her, how she looked. Her face was red and splotchy and she wiped her nose on the back of her hand, but still Aelin looked beautiful because something else was sparkling in her eyes.  
  
It was love.  
  
Aelin already loved the baby. The grape sized thing growing inside her. The thing that was causing her so much pain, so much discomfort, and she was already in love. Rowan didn’t know what to do with this realisation so he did the only think he could think of. He reached out and took her hand. Aelin didn’t pull her hand away, she just let him as her eyes were fixed on the screen and tears streamed down her face.  
  
“Can you tell what it is?” Rowan asked quietly.  
  
Now the two women turned to him now, Aelin’s expression told him he’d asked possibly the stupidest question in the world, Yrene’s smile was a bit kinder but suggested the same thing.  
  
“At about the 20 week mark we can determine the biological gender,” Yrene explained as she shut off the machine.  
  
With her free hand Aelin wiped at tears still running down her face, but she left her other hand in his. Yrene turned off the machine and cleaned up the the gel that covered Aelin’s stomach.

“I would like you to book in with the ultrasound technician, maybe around the 11-12 week mark. They’ll take all the proper measurements and everything and we can confirm that everything going as it should. But from what it looks like, everything is fine,” Yrene explained.  
  
“And just one.” Aelin confirmed.  
  
Yrene nodded. “Just one.”  
  
It was then that Aelin removed her hand from his as she went to get up, but she didn’t get far besides sitting. Aelin looked at Rowan, her eyes still glistened from her tears and there was resignation in her face.  
  
“I think I need help,” she said quietly.  
  
Rowan knew she wasn’t just talking about getting from the bed to the wheelchair. He saw in in the way her bottom lip almost imperceptibly wobbled and the way her hand shook as she reached out for Rowan’s outstretched arm. The way she adverted her gaze as if she was too embarrassed to admit to what she just asked.  
  
“Let me help you,” Rowan said quietly and Aelin met his eyes. “Please.”  
  
Aelin just nodded and took his hand.


	10. Chapter 10

Yrene left Aelin and Rowan to walk themselves back to her room saying she would be in soon to discuss what was to be done next. There was a small smile playing around Aelin’s lips that she couldn’t help, like she couldn’t help but rub the tight spot on her stomach. She hadn’t noticed it before now, that there was a slight protruding to her stomach, just like she’d eaten too much. Aelin had been too busy, too sick, too stressed about everything to notice. But when Yrene had used the ultrasound Aelin felt it.

Rowan pushed her back to her room silently. Aelin knew they’d shared a moment just now, a turning point for them. But exactly what that entailed it was still too new and raw to ask about it.

The wheelchair stopped by the bed and Aelin sighed.

“Here we go again,” she muttered. Then she stood, Rowan’s large hands supporting her as she sat on the bed. “The drip…”

But Rowan was already transferring the back from the chair to the stand by the bed.

“A nurse probably should have done that but thank you,” Aelin said as she settled back on the bed.

Rowan shrugged. “Want me to get the others?”

“What?” Aelin asked.

“Aedion, Lysandra and Elide are in the waiting room,” Rowan explained. “They seemed pretty worried.”

“Yeah, okay,” Aelin said.

Rowan nodded and left. Aelin guessed they’d be talking later then.

~~~~~

Aedion was the first to spot Rowan walking back into the waiting room and stood. Rowan walked right up to where they were and didn’t bother mincing words. “Aelin is fine and the baby is fine. She’d be happy to see you.”

Rowan listed off the room number and how to get there and Aedion, Lysandra and Elide left, leaving him with Lorcan. Rowan sat down and rubbed at his face. Lorcan didn’t say anything.

“I’m going to need a few days off,” Rowan said.

The height of Lorcan’s eyebrows were the only indication of his surprise.

“I – well, we – need to sort some things out. I just need a few days,” Rowan explained.

“You planning on playing house?” Lorcan asked.

Rowan shook his head. “Aelin needs help. I’m taking responsibility and doing what I need to do.”

“Fair enough,” was all Lorcan answered.

~~~~~

Aelin knew when her guests were coming because the three of them managed to sound like a herd of elephants when they practically burst into the room.

“Guys, shut up, you’re in a hospital,” Aelin said.

They all looked at her, trying to gauge how well she actually was.

“Just come in and I’ll explain.” And she did. When she was done everyone was silent for a moment.

“So, it sounds like you’re going to need help,” Lysandra said, the first one to speak.

“Yes, it looks that way, at least until it lets up,” Aelin concurred.

“Move in with us,” Aedion said.

Lysandra looked at him, “And where are we supposed to stay?”

“We’ll get a blow up mattress for the lounge room,” Aedion said.

“I don’t know how long this is going to last,” Aelin said.

“Come live with me then,” Elide offered.

“I’m not moving, I hate moving,” Aelin said as she crossed her arms. “I’m staying where I am. Me and Rowan… Well,” Aelin said and she saw the three of them practically lean in further to catch her words. “We had a moment.”

“What kind of moment? When?” Lysandra pressed.

“Just when the ultrasound was happening. I think we’ll both be better now.”

“Well, that’s good, I suppose. Besides I’m not sure there’d be enough space for you at Elide’s anyway,” Lysandra said with shrug.

Aelin’s head snapped to where Elide sat. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Traitor,” Elide hissed in Lysandra’s direction.

Lysandra shrugged again, grinning. “I’m not the one who walked in with Lorcan Salvaterre.”

“What!” Aelin said a little too loudly. Then she thought for a long, hard moment. “Well. Who am I to judge.”

Just then Yrene walked in. “If you are stressing my patient I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“We’re just talking about Elide’s new beau,” Aelin said but Yrene adverted her eyes. “You knew?”

“I knew there was… someone?” Yrene said with an apologetic smile that turned out to be more of a grimace. “Doctor/patient privilege. I wasn’t gong to say anything.”

Elide’s cheeks went red. Lysandra burst out laughing. It took a moment for Aelin to catch onto exactly why Elide would need to see Yrene now that she was seeing Lorcan, but then it clicked.

“Get some, Elide,” Lysandra crowed.

Aelin started laughing so hard her body shook, then stopped abruptly as she felt the contents of her stomach rise. Her hand flew to her mouth and Yrene was there a moment later a sick bag in her hand. Aelin shook her head.

“I think I’m ok,” Aelin said.

She wasn’t. She grabbed the sick bag and heaved.

“Seems like an excellent segue,” Yrene said once Aelin was done. “Unfortunately there’s no miracle cure for hyperemesis gravidarum, it pretty much comes down to management. Because of the vomiting, loss of appetite and fatigue you can spiral downhill pretty easily. The biggest concern is that you won’t retain the nutrients you and the baby need.”

“Makes sense,” Aelin said. “What do I do?”

“Small, frequent meals are your best bet. Dry food or cold food. Cold food is less likely to trigger your sensitively to smell. But you’ll need to focus on keeping your fluids up, if you don’t feel nauseous drink and eat. You’re going to be exhausted, which is normal for pregnancy, but you’re body is going through more than a standard pregnancy so your exhaustion will be greater too. You’ll need to rest as much as you can, and don’t push yourself. I’m serious,” Yrene added when Aelin gave her a look. “If you can’t keep anything down for more than 24 hours you come straight back here. Or sooner if you feel like you’re on the verge of fainting again. Because there can be complications for the baby if we’re not on top of this. There are some anti-nausea medications that are safe to take during pregnancy and we can give it a go, but if you would prefer to see if we can manage without it that’s an option too. The choice is your.”

“What complications are there for the baby?” Aelin asked quietly.

“Preterm birth, low birth weight and small gestational age. If we can get the HG under control though, these shouldn’t be a problem.” Yrene now looked around the room to Lysandra, Aedion and Elide. “You’re going to need support.”

“She’s apparently got that sorted,” Aedion said, then added. “I think you have Elide to thank for that.”

Aelin’s head whirled to where Elide sat. The small woman just shrugged. “He had it coming. He’s an alright guy, he was just taking too long.”

Out of all Aelin’s friends Elide was the only one who seemed to like Rowan and hold a conversation with him out of actual interest.

“But what did you actually do?” Aelin asked.

“It was like she physically slapped him, but with words,” Lysandra explained. “It was pretty impressive to see.”

Aelin blinked.

“I just told him what he already knew somewhere deep inside that thick skull of his,” Elide said.

“My favourite bit was when you told him to pull his head out of his ass,” Lysandra said, a wistful expression on her face as if she was recalling one of the fondest moments of her life.

Aelin let out a short laugh.

“I didn’t mean to overstep,” Elide said. “A punch in the face didn’t work so I thought I’d try a different approach. I was angry and upset, so I’m sorry if I crossed the line.”

Aelin thought for a moment, something stung in her chest at the fact Rowan had to be dragged into helping her. But Elide, and even Aedion, had reacted the way they did because they loved her and wanted to help. Hell, if Aelin had the energy she would have ripped into Rowan herself.

“Thank you, Elide,” Aelin said.

“Any time.”

“This doesn’t get you off the hook though, we’ll be having a chat about your broody boyfriend later,” Aelin said and Elide let out a burst of laughter. Then Aelin turned back to Yrene, “So when can we go home?”

~~~~~

Rowan and Lorcan didn’t talk much while they waited. Rowan was glad of it as he ran through what he would need to do. He would take these few days sort things out with Aelin, get her set up with everything that she needed, then they would go from there.

They didn’t need to be friends, but Rowan could definitely stop being an asshole.

The doors to the waiting room opened from the rest of the hospital and Aelin came through leaning heavily on Aedion for support, Lysandra and Elide following close behind.

“I’m out. This is just going to get awkward,” Lorcan said and left.

Rowan stood as Lorcan walked out the other set of doors that led to the car park and waited for Aelin to approach him.

“So,” Rowan said, “I can take you home if you want?”

Aedion, Lysandra and Elide all seemed to be assuming an air of indifference towards him but Rowan just focused on Aelin.

“Yeah that would be good. I need to stop by the shops first if that’s alright,” Aelin said.

Aedion straightened a little. “I can take you.”

“It’s fine Aedion,” Aelin said, sounding exasperated. “We live in the same apartment it makes sense.”

“Rowan’s rostered on today,” Aedion said.

“Mala given me strength,” Aelin said looking at the ceiling.

“I’ve taken today off, and the next few days off as well,” Rowan said.

Aedion looked at him now, clearly surprised at the revelation.

“There we go, so you go to work Aedion and Lysandra. Elide…” Aelin shook her head a little. “I can’t condone anything you do today.”

Elide laughed and passed what she held over to Aelin, a packet of tablets and a few pieces of paper. Then she leaned over and kissed Aelin’s cheek.

“Love you, Aelin,” Elide said then walked away.

“Alright let’s go, I don’t know how much longer I can stand,” Aelin said.

~~

Aedion had refused to relinquish his duty of care until they go to Rowan’s truck, even going as far as to practically lift her up into the passenger seat.

“Please Aedion, I’m fine,” Aelin bit out.

“I just… I don’t know,” Aedion said pulling on the seatbelt.

Aelin reached and put her hand on his arm. “I know.”

“Alright. I’m gonna go,” Aedion said.

He did, and Aelin waved him off with a smile. Even though Aedion hadn’t said the words she knew what he’d meant. They were the only family the two of them had left and he wanted to be everything for her that she was missing. He didn’t want her to be alone.

Rowan got in the drivers seat and started the engine, “You good?”

“Yep,” Aelin said quietly.

“Where do you want to go?” Rowan asked as the car started moving.

“I just need food,” Aelin’s voice was flat when she said the words. The thought of old was not appealing.

“Ok.”

After that they didn’t talk much, mainly because Aelin was focusing on her breathing to make sure she didn’t get too nauseous, and also because she didn’t know what to say to him. This civility was new territory for them. Before too long Rowan pulled up to the grocery store and turned off the engine.

“I don’t think I can go in,” Aelin admitted.

“That’s fine,” Rowan said and pulled out his phone. “What do you want me to get you?”

“Um,” Aelin pulled up a piece of paper from her lap. “Yrene gave me a list of foods for me to try. Food that should help with fluids and food stuff.”

Aelin couldn’t help the slight look of disgust on her face as she read the list. It was all just so… unappealing.

“Is there anything you feel like? Anything at all?” Rowan asked.

Aelin thought for a moment, it was hard, she was so tired.

“Watermelon,” she said finally. “And strawberry milk.”

“Alright. Done. Give me the list and I’ll pick some other things while I’m in there.”

Aelin passed over the piece of paper and Rowan handed her the keys on return.

“I’ll try not to be too long,” Rowan said as he got out of the truck.

Aelin nodded and put the windows down a bit. Then she lent her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes. She hadn’t noticed she’d fallen asleep until Rowan’s door closed as he got back in the car. He put two very full bags of groceries between them on the bench seat. Aelin looked at them a little wide eyed, it looked like he’d got just about everything on the list.

“Keys?”

“Oh yeah, here,” Aelin said as she handed the keys back over.

Rowan started the car and they were off again. “There’s a small bottle of strawberry milk in there somewhere if you want it now.”

“Think I’ll wait until I’m not in a moving vehicle.” Aelin was quiet for a moment as she chewed over her next words. “So, Yrene said that the HG could cause some complications for the baby, preterm birth, low weight and I can’t remember the other one. If you wanted to know. But she also said if I can get it under control the baby could be perfectly healthy.”

It was so strange talking about this with Rowan. The whole situation was strange and awkward, and Aelin wasn’t sure she’d be able to how ever many months more of it, maybe it all would just get easier. Or it could just get worse considering what was ahead of her.

“We’ll do everything we can to make sure that happens,” Rowan said.

Aelin looked over at him and studied him, he could no doubt feel her scrutiny but didn’t look over.

“We?” Aelin asked.

Rowan blew out a heavy breath. “Elide said some things that made me realise that I haven’t been… Well, that I’ve been a dick and have a responsibility in this situation that I’ve been ignoring because it makes my life easier. The problem is that it was making your life harder and I just decided to ignore that fact as well.”

“I wouldn’t say it made my life harder,” Aelin said quietly.

“It didn’t make your life any easier.” Rowan glanced over then, just to emphasise his words. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Thanks,” Aelin said and looked out to the road.

“I’m not saying we’ll be best friends or anything. But I’m here to help,” Rowan added.

Aelin snorted at that.

“Speaking of best friends, did you know about Lorcan and Elide?” Aelin asked.

“Nope. I only found out today when they walked into the waiting room together.”

“What good are you then, if you can’t help with any gossip?” Aelin huffed playfully. She glanced at Rowan again and for a moment she swore she saw a half a smile quirk on his lips. Well, if he was smiling at her jokes that’s was definitely the start of something.


	11. Chapter 11

Aelin felt like she was dying. Literally dying.

It felt like every part of her body was betraying her and she couldn’t stand it. She’d always been independent, almost to a fault after he parents had died. Her independence had been a necessity for her, part of her survival. But now all it did wound her pride.

When they arrived home after picking up the groceries Aelin was just about ready for another nap as she forced her body to move. She had reached to open the car door but Rowan was already there to help. He went as far as to try and lift her down but Aelin stopped him.

“I think a hand will be enough,” Aelin said.

Rowan didn’t say anything but backed off a little and just offered his hand. Aelin took it and stepped down from the truck. She started making her way towards the elevator and behind her she heard Rowan grab the bags and lock up his truck. It didn’t take him long to catch up with her with how slow she was moving. He kept glancing at her as they walked, like he was afraid she would shatter into pieces if her foot hit the ground too hard. It was driving Aelin crazy.

“I’m tired, that’s all,” Aelin said. “Please stop fussing.”

“I’m not fussing,” Rowan said as he pushed the button for the elevator.

Aelin didn’t have the energy to argue with him as the elevator doors opened in front of them with a ping. Rowan held his hand in front of of the door to stop in from closing as though it might do so because Aelin wasn’t able to move fast enough. Just to prove him wrong Aelin quickly stepped into the elevator and tried to keep herself steady against the railing. Rowan didn’t miss what she’d done.

“Really?” He said as he stepped in himself.

“Shut up,” was Aelin’s only reply.

The elevator started moving and Aelin closed her eyes against the rising nausea that came with the movement of the elevator. She blew out a heavy breath.

“Are you –“

“Don’t. Don’t ask,” Aelin said. “I’m fine as I can be.”

That seemed a good enough answer for Rowan and they rode the rest of the trip in silence. Aelin was beyond relieved when the elevator stopped at their floor and she didn’t wait for Rowan in any capacity before she started for their door. She went to open the door but realised she didn’t have any keys, but Rowan was a step behind her and had his ready. He went inside and went straight to the kitchen, Aelin made her way to the bedroom.

“I’m having a lie down,” Aelin announced.

“Did you want anything to eat before you do?” Rowan asked as he stared to unpack the shopping bags.

“No,” Aelin answered then shut the door to her bedroom. All Aelin did before climbing into was pull off her pants and then she was beneath her sheets and asleep within minutes.

~~~~~

When Aelin woke up there was a rhythmic tapping coming from the kitchen and the hum of music being played low. She was almost to the door when she remembered she wasn’t wearing any pants so she grabbed a pair of pyjamas pants off the top of her washing pile a put them on before leaving her bedroom.

She found Rowan in the kitchen chopping up food. There we already a fair few containers around him that already had things in them. He must have heard her shuffling because he looked up, wiped his hands on a towel and turned his music off.

“Hey,” Rowan said and didn’t wait for her reply before he spoke again. “So, I’ve cut up and prepped a bunch of stuff so you can grab what you want when you want. And there’s water and iced ginger tea in the fridge. Can I get you anything now?”

Aelin was a little stunned as she took a seat at the bench. Rowan wasn’t kidding around. She thought for a moment, considering how she felt and what she might want to eat. Her nausea wasn’t too bad at the moment, the meds she’s took at the hospital must have worked.

“Yeah, that watermelon might be good,” Aelin said.

Rowan went to the fridge and when he opened it she saw that her parts of fridge were practically full of prepped food too. Rowan pulled a container and popped the lid off and put it in front of her. He’d cut it all into rindless pieces so she didn’t have to worry about disposing of that later.

Rowan went back to chopping, cucumber this time, while Aelin took a tentative bite of the watermelon. It was fine, so she took another and another then picked up the next piece. The fresh coolness of it was refreshing and delicious.

While Aelin ate and Rowan prepped neither said anything for a very long time. Aelin didn’t know what to say, this was all new territory for her. She gathered Rowan was very much in the same boat. Rowan finished cutting up the cucumber and put it in a container.

“So,” Rowan said.

Aelin swallowed. “So. This awkwardness is killing me.”

Rowan let out a short laugh, “Yeah. Let’s just get to it then. What can I do over the next few days to make sure you are comfortable and have everything you need?”

Aelin sat up a bit straighter and sighed. “The food is a good start.”

Rowan nodded, “If you need anything else just let me know.”

“I think I’ll have to work from home a bit,” Aelin mused. She would have to do what she could from home most days, if she could barely get out of bed there was no way she’d be able to physically go to work. But she could do the accounts and orders from home.

“What do you need for that?” Rowan asked.

“Nothing really, except the wifi. I’ll probably just set up on the couch most days.”

“Well if there’s days you need to go into work I can drive you, it’s on the way to the gym,” Rowan offered.

“Thanks,” Aelin said.

Then that awkward silence started up again.

“Anything else?” Rowan asked breaking the silence.

“I… I don’t know.” Even though Aelin had just woken up from a nap she still felt so tired. “Maybe that strawberry milk?”

Rowan turned back to the fridge and got out the small bottle of pink coloured milk and even twisted the lid off. Aelin bit back her retort of how she could have done it herself and instead she just took the bottle from him. The smell of it hit her nose as she lifted the bottle to her lips and her stomach turned. As quick as she could Aelin put it back on the counter and pushed it as far away from herself as she could.

Aelin took in a deep breath. “Changed my mind.”

Rowan was quick to put the lid back on and put the bottle back in the fridge.

“Think I’ll just watch some TV,” Aelin said.

Rowan nodded and started to put the lids on everything. “I’m going to head out for a bit but just call or text if you need something.”

“Alright,” Aelin said as she shuffled over to the couch. She put on a movie she seen probably at least 10 times, not having the energy to try and pick something new out. She didn’t even make it 15 minutes before she’d fallen asleep.

~~~~~

Aelin was most definitely asleep when Rowan left the apartment. He was struggling to comprehend the sheer exhaustion her body must be experiencing if she could wake up from a nap and then fall asleep so soon after. On his drive to the department store he tried desperately not to cringe as he went over their painfully awkward conversation. They just seemed to be going in circles which started and ended with him asking Aelin if there was anything she needed. He wasn’t sure if it was much better than biting each other’s heads off.

No this was better, but just even less enjoyable.

It felt ridiculous that the only help he seemed to be able to offer was making Aelin food. He felt like he should be doing more. Gods, she could barely move from one spot to the other without collapsing but he knew if her offered to help her in that regard it would wound her pride. Rowan had needed to come to the store get some more shirts for him to trash at work but talking to Aelin had given him a few ideas as to what might make her life a little easier if she was going to be stuck at home. First he grabbed a trolley and went to get his shirts. He picked out a grey and light blue one and threw them. Then he made his way over to the homewares.

If Aelin was going to be stuck at home she might as well be comfortable. He browsed the isle’s just seeing what there was. He passed a tub of plush footstools and stopped. Maybe Aelin would quite literally like to put her feet up while she worked. With a shrug he grabbed one and put it trolley. Then he saw some pillows that might be good for supporting her back to he picked up one of those as well. Passing the kitchen-y type stuff Rowan went by some lap trays. Aelin would do a lot of work on her computer, and then she could probably use another one for snacks. He picked up two. The last things he picked up for Aelin were a few large drink bottles so she could leave them wherever and always have another one without having to stress.

Rowan gave the contents of his trolley a once over and made his way to checkout. He was almost there when he slowed his trolley to a stop. He had reached the baby section. Rowan looked around at the tiny clothes, the blankets and all the other things. So. Many. Things. He wondered if he should buy something for the baby but he had no idea where start if he did.

Getting something for the baby… it wasn’t a line he was ready to cross. Considering their circumstances it felt too intimate, too much like he was saying something about what he was yet to decide. Maybe he was reading too much into it but Rowan continued his way to the checkout without picking anything up.

~~~~~

Aelin was awake when Rowan walked through the door, looking a lot better than she had earlier. He laptop was in front of her and she was on the phone.

“Okay, so we close Wednesdays indefinitely for the moment, and you’ll work every second Tuesday. No, Lys. I’m practically stealing your weekends from you, you are not working 6 days every week.”

Rowan dropped the bags that held the things he bought for Aelin by the couch and went to his room where he chucked his new shirts into his laundry basket. When he came lack to the living area Aelin was off the phone but rubbing at eyes. She looked stressed at on the verge of tears. Perfect time for a distraction.

“I got you some things,” Rowan said and Aelin looked up at him, very clearly surprised.

“Oh?”

“To make working from the couch a little more bearable.” Rowan pulled out each of the things he’d bought for Aelin, the surprise turning into delight as he showed her. “I got two of these so you can have one for your laptop and the other for snacks.”

Aelin actually let out a breathy laugh at that, which brought a small smile to Rowan’s lips.

“That’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you,” Aelin said, a genuine smile on her face. “Pass me the footstool.”

Rowan slid it along the floor to her and she pushed into position and put her feet up. “Very nice.”

“I’m glad,” Rowan said quietly.

Aelin turned to him, her head cocking to the side and something glinted in her eyes. This wasn’t going to be good.

“Happy to do something that gives me pleasure? You haven’t done that since we —“

“I have work to do,” Rowan said quickly, cutting Aelin’s words off, but it didn’t stop the heat rising to his cheeks. He knew exactly what she was getting at. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

Aelin laughed, truly laughed, which was something he hadn’t heard her do in weeks, as Rowan turned to walk to his room. Granted it ended in a heaving noise — just singular and there wasn’t any rushing to the bathroom — but Rowan was happy Aelin’s spirits were up.


	12. Chapter 12

It turned out that it was just after waking up that Aelin needed the most help. The long sleep with no food or fluids made her nausea unbearable. Rowan would come in of a morning with crackers, water and anti nausea tablets. If she was asleep he’d leave them on the bedside table. That became Aelin’s routine, she’s wake up, eat the cracker, swallow the tablet with a few sips of water and then wait until she felt well enough to move. Then she would sit out on the couch with her laptop and Netflix for company. She would do her orders, pay her bills, eat what she could, napped when her exhaustion pulled her under. She still managed to vomit a few times a day when her nausea got really bad, but she was keeping enough food and water down that it wasn’t an overly pressing concern health wise. She thanked the gods for Rowan’s food preparation, she could just shuffle into the kitchen grab a container of something and shuffle out again. He even allowed he to keep snacks on his usually meticulously clean counter for the ease of access. But that was where her gratefulness at his fussing stopped.

When Rowan got home he spent the fist 10 minutes asking Aelin if she was all right, what she had eaten that day, how many times she’d thrown up, did she need anything. Aelin had taken to having a lie down around the time that he got home to avoid it. When she re-emerged he was usually a little more distracted so Aelin got away with one or two questions instead of ten. Some evenings she didn’t emerge at all. She either slept through until morning or she just lay in bed moping.

Aelin had never been a moper, never really allowed herself to be quiet or still enough. But as the weeks dragged on, her limited activity and company started to weigh heavily on her. That’s where she was now, lying on her bed aimlessly looking through an old fashion magazine barely registering the pages, when there was a quiet knock on her door.

Aelin flicked her magazine shut. “Come in.”

Rowan pushed the door open and Aelin’s eye caught on her phone in his hand.

“You got a text, I thought you might want to check it,” Rowan said as he came towards her bed and handed Aelin her phone.

“Thanks,” her voice a little rough from disuse. Aelin read the message then sat up a little. “Oh. I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Rowan asked.

“It’s an appointment reminder for the 12 week scan tomorrow, I completed forgot what day it was, they’re starting to all blend together. I lost track,” Aelin said. Then she realised she would have to leave the house and wasn’t sure of she could even drive herself. “Hey, are you busy tomorrow?”

Rowan straightened a little and Aelin could tell what his answer was going to be before he said the words.

“I can’t, there’s this thing I have to run at work,” Rowan said apologetically.

“No, no. That’s fine. I should have planned this better,” Aelin said as she rubbed at her eyes. “I’ll find someone else.’

“I’m really sorry, Aelin,” Rowan said but she waved him off.

“This was me, I’ll sort something out,” she insisted.

“Okay,” was all Rowan said before he left the room.

Aelin felt a lump in her throat, she didn’t know why. She thought that maybe after last time, maybe Rowan would want to be there again. She tried not to read to much into it, that Abe he really did have a thing on at work. But… but maybe this was a sign he was making his mind up about what role he wanted to have in they baby’s life. Aelin tried not to let it sting. There was no reason at all for him to want to be a father, and no reason really for her to want him to be that person either, it’s not like him helping her out these weeks meant he had.

~~~~~

Rowan was in a foul mood. He had wanted to go with Aelin to the ultrasound today, for reasons he didn’t quite understand. He felt bad for not being there when she had asked for help, but the gym staff was low today and he had a class he needed to run. Rowan had tried to get Lorcan to take it, but he had a personal training client he couldn’t move around on such short notice. So here Rowan was, snapping orders at patrons while his mind was elsewhere.

He had wanted to see the baby again. When he had seen that grey bean-ish looking thing all those weeks ago something in his chest had flipped at the sight of it. He had just kind of assumed he’d be there for the next one, but the circumstances dictated otherwise. More than anything he felt terrible for letting Aelin down. He was determined to help Aelin as much as he could, she was suffering so much and it was equally his fault and he wanted to make sure he was doing anything he possibly could to make her life easier.

A buzzer went off indicated the end of the class and Rowan didn’t even wait around to chat to the patrons you were sweaty and out of breath. Instead he went to the staff kitchen to grab his bottle of cold water from the fridge. He pulled out his phone to check his notification when a text from Aelin lit up the screen. And a photo.

~~~~~

“So tell me why it’s me taking you to this appointment and not… someone else?” Lysandra asked as she pulled out of the parking lot of Aelin’s apartment building.

Aelin sighed, half out of exasperation and half out of trying to settle her nausea. Driving, it seemed, was not her friend. The motion of the car was too much for her stomach. Lysandra had to close to the store today to take Aelin to the ultrasound appointment. That was another day without money coming in, for both of them. Aelin felt awful about it.

“I asked Rowan to, but he couldn’t get out a thing at work. I sprung it on him last night so don’t get pissy at him,” Aelin explained.

“I wasn’t going to,” Lysandra said. “I knew he must have had a reason to not be your dashing knight in shining armour this time.”

“He’s not my knight in shining armour, he can barely stand being around me,” Aelin said as she crossed her arms.

Lysandra made a noise that sounded like she disagreed. “So that’s why he brings you meds and water every morning, why he keeps that fridge stocked with anything your miserable gut could desire, that’s why he’s constantly asking you —“

“All right, all right, I get,” Aelin snapped as she closed her eyes. “He’s being nicer than he was but he’s only doing it out of guilt. Now don’t talk to me or I swear I will vomit in your car.”

Lysandra was probably right, but Aelin was too miserable to think otherwise. They didn’t talk for the rest of the ride, only music played which thankfully gave Aelin something to focus on besides the feeling of her morning crackers rising from her stomach. Aelin only knew they had arrived when the car stopped moving and the engine switched off. With a deep steadying breath Aelin opened her eyes and grabbed her bag. There was a sinking feeling in her gut that had nothing to do with her nausea.

“Lys, I…” Aelin’s voice faltered and she couldn’t finish her sentence.

“I’ll come ‘round.”

Lysandra understood what she had meant without asking. Aelin felt so weak, so fragile, she wasn’t sure if she had the energy to pull herself out of the car. Lysandra extended her hands and helped Aelin stand. The gesture was kind and caring but it only tore at Aelin’s wounded pride. The wound that was starting to sting and tear if she thought about it too long. She tried to ignore it but failed. The best she could do now is not let the others see, they fussed and worried enough. She didn’t want to burden them with this too.

“Aelin, you ready?” Lysandra asked and Aelin nodded her head, ridding those thoughts from the forefront of her mind.

“I think I can walk in my own,” Aelin said.

It was slow, but Aelin walked by herself to the ultrasound examination room. This time it wasn’t Yrene who did it. It was a technician Aelin forgot the name of because was too concerned about not throwing up. Seems her meds weren’t doing her job today, or maybe it was because she was exherting herself more than she usually did. Either way she just wanted to get this over and done with.

“Alright, here comes the gel,” the technician said but Aelin still flinched a little at the coolness.

Aelin turned her attention to the screen watching the indiscernible shapes on the pulse and shift. Then, suddenly, the greyish blobs took shape and she saw the perfect outline of the baby, just like she saw in the pictures she’d googled while being bored out of her mind. But this one… this one was hers.

“There they are,” the technician said. “I’m just going to take a few measurements then we’ll do the heartbeat.”

Beside her Aelin heard the sound of a camera shutter and glanced over to see that Lysandra snapping a photo on her phone.

“Thank you,” Aelin whispered and Lysandra smiled.

Aelin turned her attention back to the screen. The baby was moving, just little shifts and stretches of arms and legs, but it was moving. It was so bizarre to see it but not feel anything, not feel the tiny person that was growing inside her. Every once and a while the screen froze as the technician took snap shots and the measurements they needed to. Aelin didn’t think she was blinking, she didn’t want to miss a moment. Then she heard the heartbeat again and felt the tears welling in her eyes.

“I’m really sorry, I know you’d like to watch this all day but I have another appointment soon,” the technician apologised then turned the machine off. “But everything looks good, I’ll send them of the your doctor and they’ll go over them with you at your next appointment.”

“Thank you,” Aelin said as she wiped off the gel with the paper towel she’d be given and pulled down her shirt. When she swung her legs off the table Lysandra was there waiting, a wide grin on her face. Aelin couldn’t help but return it.

“That was the cutest shit I’ve ever seen,” Lysandra said as she steadied Aelin as she jumped down.

Feeling lighter Aelin linked her arm with Lysandra as they walked back to the car.

“Did you see it stretch out like it had just woken up?” Aelin said, her voice excited. Lysandra nodded. “I cant wait for the next one. That’s when we find out the gender.”

“So you’ll find out?” Lysandra asked.

“Yes, I don’t think I need anymore surprises,” Aelin said with a quiet laugh.

When they reached the car Lysandra opened Aelin’s door but Aelin waved her off before she could help her in, the her friend walked around and got into the drivers seat.

“Before we go can you send me that photo?” Aelin asked.

“Sure.”

Lysandra tapped on her phone a few times then Aelin’s own phone lit up with the notification. Then she typed out a message to Rowan to preface the the picture of the baby.

_**Hey. You seemed kind of disappointed about not coming. Thought you might like to see this.** _

By the time the photo had sent Lysandra had started the car and Aelin settled in for the ride home, falling asleep before they were even halfway there.

~~~~~

Aelin was lying down watching TV on the couch when Rowan got home, he was much later than he expected he’d be and he was a bit surprised to see she was still up. She looked over at him and smiled but didn’t get up, looking a lot brighter than she had in a little while.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hey.”

“Did you get my text?” Aelin asked as he moved into the kitchen.

“I did. So, everything is fine?” Rowan asked. “Sorry I din’t reply, work got hectic.”

That last part was a lie. Rowan had had the time to reply, he just hadn’t known what to say. He would probably would have just needed up apologising again.

“Yeah it looks that way.” Rowan could hear the smile in her voice.

“That’s good,” he said as he opened the fridge to get things out to cook dinner.

Aelin pushed herself up slowly from the couch, pulling the throw blanket around her a bit tighter. “Well, I’m off to bed before whatever you’re planning to cook makes me sick.”

“I can eat something that won’t, I don’t mind,” Rowan said turning to face her.

“I don’t think you’ll survive on cucumber sticks, so I’ll go to bed because I’m tired anyway. Goodnight, Rowan,” Aelin said as she shuffled off to her bedroom.

“Goodnight, Aelin.”

Rowan cooked himself up a steak and put together a salad for his dinner. He ate in front of the TV, watching whatever was on as he flicked through the channels. He’d been in front of the TV for a while when he heard whimpering coming from Aelin’s room. He assumed she was just fighting her nausea and thought nothing of it. Then the sound changed into a cry, as in she was crying. That had Rowan moving, it wasn’t the first time Aelin’s dreams caused her to cry in her sleep. It continued and got more urgent, and that had Rowan not hesitating before he opened the door.

Aelin was on the bed groaning, stuck somewhere between being awake and asleep. Rowan came up to the bed saying her name softly, “Aelin. Aelin, wake up.”

She groaned again and that turned heave and she sat up and vomited all over herself and the bed. That woke her up as well, her eyes going wide.

“Oh gods, oh gods,” she panted, her hands covering her face. Then she was sobbing. “Oh gods.”

Rowan sat on the bed and but his arm around Aelin’s shoulders. “Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t need to cry.”

His words went unheeded and she cried harder. “Rowan, I’m covered in vomit. Don’t touch me.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he murmured quietly.

“I need… I need to change my sheets,” Aelin said as she tried to push away from him. Rowan barely felt a thing her hands were so weak.

“I’ll do it,” Rowan said.

“No…”

“Aelin, you can barely stand. I’ll do it. Let’s get you cleaned up first. Alright?”

Aelin nodded and she went to stand but her legs wouldn’t hold her weight and she was shaking. Rowan scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bathroom. He sat her down on the floor by the toilet in case she was sick again.

“I’ll be right back,” Rowan said softly and Aelin nodded.

Rowan went to his room and grabbed a tshirt of his from his drawer, he wasn’t about to go rifling through Aelin’s things to find something for her to wear. When Rowan got back to the bathroom Aelin had grabbed a towel and was wiping down her face. She still looked very dazed, as if she was starting to drift off again. Rowan knelt in front of her.

“Can you put this on?”

Aelin nodded but her movements were slow and sluggish, so Rowan helped her slip her arms out the the straps of her nightgown then pulled it over her head, careful not to get any mess on her. Luckily, she wore a crop bra beneath it. Then Rowan helped pull his tshirt over her head, and her arms through the holes.

“Are you feeling okay? Need to vomit again?” Rowan asked and Aelin shook her head.

Rowan scooped Aelin into his arms again and carried her to his room, she tried to protest but Rowan assured it was fine. He laid her down then pulled the blanket over her. By the time Rowan got to his door she was asleep again, he knew because he stopped for a moment to look at her. She looked so small in his tshirt, when he changed her out of her ruined things he saw how much weight she’d lost and she had been so light in his arms. Something in his chest was aching because of it.

Maybe it was the sheer sacrifice Aelin was making, sacrificing so much of herself for someone she didn’t even know yet. Rowan left her and cleaned up her sheets and put them in the washing machine before turning it on. He contemplated putting new sheets on Aelin’s bed and sleeping there, but he didn’t know if he had the energy too. So instead he got changed into a loose pair of pants and a new shirt and slipped into bed beside Aelin. She didn’t stir at all as he did so, her breathing was even and deep. Rowan lay on his back and stared at the ceiling for a while, his mind racing with thoughts. Eventually his eyes grew tired and he closed them and he slowly drifted off to sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

_Aelin laughed as Aedion pulled silly face. That was their game, to see who could pull the silliest, ugliest face. The real test was timing it right as they went under the street lights. It was pitch black outside, the clouds ready to drop snow at any moment. They went under another street light and Aelin took her turn. Aedion laughed so hard tears were building in his eyes and Aelin caught her Uncle Gavriel’s smile in the rearview mirror. The car that drove in front of them was driven by her father, her mother with him. She had begged to ride with Aedion and her uncle. He was being deployed again soon so Aelin wanted to spend all the time with him as she could. Her parents didn’t mind in the slightest._

_Aedion was about to take his turn when her Uncle let out a cry. Aelin looked up just in time to see her parents car spin out and slam into a tree. Black ice on the road had caused her father to lose control of the car. Gavriel slammed on the breaks, somehow managing maintain control. As soon as the car stopped Aelin was unbuckling her seatbelt and running for her parents car. But strong arms grabbed her, easily keeping her eight year old body in place._

_“No! You can’t,” Gavriel said by her ear._

_But Aelin could barely hear him over her desperate cries. She called for her mother and father. Begged them to get out of the car and come to her. Then Aedion was beside her._

_“Keep her here,” Gavriel said then he was running for the wrecked car._

_Aedion held onto Aelin as she watched and waited, a strange silence filling her body, a gruelling anticipation. Gavriel reached the car, the drivers side where her father would be. Then he fell to his knees and cried._

_Aelin screamed then. The sound coming from another world. Then she was crying, heavy shuddering sobs that shook her to the very core of her being. She felt sick, she was going to be sick._

_“Aelin…” Aedion said, trying to bring Aelin back to herself._

_“Aelin…”_

_This time it wasn’t Aedion’s voice, it was too deep for the the 13 years he had been that night._

“Aelin, Aelin, wake up.”

Aelin groaned, but that turned into a heave as she sat up, completely startled. She couldn’t calm her stomach and less that a heartbeat later she was vomiting on herself and her bed. That was enough to shock her into consciousness, her eyes going wide and she fully realised what had happened. Rowan had woke her from her nightmare and she… she…

“Oh gods, oh gods,” Aelin panted as she tried to catch her breath, her hands coming up the cover her face in her shame. “Oh gods.”

Then Aelin was crying, she couldn’t stop. When she started sobbing Aelin felt her mattress dip from a weight that wasn’t her own, then a strong warm arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Shhh, it’s okay. You don’t need to cry,” Rowan said soothingly.

His words made no impact and Aelin cried harder, the realisation Rowan was touching her while she was covered in vomit hit.

“Rowan, I’m covered in vomit. Don’t touch me,” Aelin said, horrible embarrassment washing over her.

Rowan didn’t move as he murmured, “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”

Aelin did worry about it. She didn’t want Rowan to see her like this. Fainting in front of him was one thing, even vomiting on him wasn’t as bad as this. This was something completely different and Aelin couldn’t stand it. She wanted him gone.

“I need…” Aelin panted, trying to reel in her fraying control, “I need to change my sheets.”

She tried to push Rowan away from her. Get some air, get some space, get him out of here. But it was useless, she could feel the lack of strength in the amount of pressure she put on his chest.

“I’ll do it,” Rowan said, without hesitation.

“No…” Aelin breathed.

“Aelin, you can barely stand. I’ll do it. Let’s get you cleaned up first. Alright?” Rowan said firmly.

He was right, there was no way she could do anything right now. Already she could feel her exhaustion pulling at her consciousness. She went to stand, but her legs wouldn’t hold her weight and she was shaking from the effort of keeping herself upright. Before Aelin could collapse back on her bed Rowan had scooped her up. She didn’t protest, didn’t have the energy to. Then Rowan was placing her on the cool floor of the bathroom by the toilet, no doubt in case she needed to vomit again.

“I’ll be right back,” Rowan said softly and Aelin nodded.

Aelin was so tired, sleep pulled at her but the lingering emotions left from her dream kept her awake. She hated reliving that night, the night when her parents had spun out on the black ice on the road and died. Her uncle had protected her from the worst of it, bundled her in his arms and made sure she did not see a thing. Sometimes she saw them in her dreams regardless, broken and shattered by the impact. Less than a year later she would lose her uncle as well, killed on a deployment leaving Aedion an orphan just like Aelin was. Grief weighed heavy on her now, settled her into a daze. But she managed to grab a towel and wipe at her face.

She heard Rowan’s footsteps coming back towards the bathroom, she tried to rouse herself a bit more but failed. From half closed eyes she saw Rowan kneel down in front of her holding a black tshirt.

“Can you put this on?” He asked, his voice so soft.

Cleaning herself up seemed to have drained what was left of Aelin’s energy, her movements were slow, she didn’t want help and if she couldn’t pull herself together Rowan would have to do it. Aelin wasn’t sure if she could handle anymore embarrassment tonight. Her body refused to cooperate, and she felt Rowan help pull off her nightgown, then he carefully dressed her in the tshirt as if she were a child.

“Are you feeling okay? Need to vomit again?” Rowan asked and Aelin shook her head, the movement making her head throb.

Once again Rowan picked her, but he didn’t carry her back to his room, instead he carried her to his.

“No, Rowan,” Aelin said, her voice so small and broken in her ears.

“It’s fine, Aelin,” was all Rowan said.

Then he was laying her down in his bed and pulled a blanket over her as well, the bedding soft and smelling of him. Aelin tried not to take comfort in it, but she couldn’t help it. It helped ground her in reality, instead of the memories in her head. It only took her moments to fall asleep again.

~~~~~

When Aelin woke up she felt heavy.

And sick.

She squinted and saw her tablets, water bottle an a small packet of crackers on a bedside table that was not hers. Moments from the night before came back to her and all she did was curl in on herself and groan. She was so embarrassed.

The apartment was quiet and Aelin lay there for a very long time making sure she was alone before pulling back the covers back and sitting up. It took her all of one second before she realised she needed to vomit and she was stumbling for the bathroom. It wasn’t until Aelin had finished vomiting that she realised she was wearing one of Rowan’s tshirts, not one of her own. She looked down at it, not feeling anything by now. Dreaming of her parents always made her feel like this, empty and hollow. Left her numb.

She went back to Rowan’s room and sat on the bed and swallowed the tablets, then went to the kitchen and grabbed a box of crackers before returning to her own room. She was preparing herself to remake her bed, but to her surprise it was already made. Not with her sheets, they were a set of Rowan’s. Most likely he hadn’t been able to find of hers in the basket at the top of her wardrobe, so he’d used his instead. Aelin didn’t think anymore on it as she climbed into bed and let her tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away as they soaked the sheets.

~~~~~

It had been three days since Rowan had woken Aelin up from her nightmare, and he had barely seen her. The only times he did was when she was heading to the bathroom, grabbing a box of crackers from the kitchen or when he was putting her tablets and bottle of water on her beside table. Aelin was sleeping when he went in, or he suspected feigning sleep. She looked awful, the dark circles under he eyes had deepened and she was so pale. When he saw her awake her eyes were red rimmed and her face blotchy like she had been crying. Rowan knew she wasn’t eating much either, the food in the fridge was untouched. He would try and ask if there was anything he could get for her, but Aelin always turned away from him, Rowan could tell she was ashamed of what she looked like, about what had happened, the way she was acting now. He wanted to say it didn’t matter to him, but Rowan never got the chance.

They hadn’t spoken beyond one or two words together since that night. Rowan had tried but Aelin always fled. If she had just given him a moment he would have explained that it was okay to grieve, to feel as she did. Everyone one had hurts. But she wouldn’t speak to him. So that’s why he found himself here now, lingering in the staff area of the gym after closing. Waiting for Aedion to walk in.

They had become more cordial over the passing weeks, since Rowan had rushed Aelin to the hospital after she fainted. Rowan had tired here and there, but when Aedion shut him down Rowan took the hint. But he was at his wits end, he didn’t know what to do to help Aelin, and she needed it.

Aedion finally walked in and barely gave Rowan a second glance before going to his locker.

“Aedion,” Rowan said quietly.

“What?” He asked without turning around.

“It’s Aelin.”

That had Aedion whirling on him, face in a cold panic. “What’s Aelin?”

Rowan took in a deep breath before he spoke again. “The other night I woke her up from a nightmare —“

“Of what?” Aedion cut in.

“I don’t know, she hasn’t spoken to me since,” Rowan said.

“Since when?” Aedion demanded.

Rowan swallowed his retort at Aedion’s rudeness. He knew he was concerned for his cousin.

“That was about three days ago,” Rowan said.

“Three days?” Aedion turned back to his locked and grabbed out a duffle bag before slamming it shut. “Shit, Rowan. You couldn’t have said something earlier?”

“I didn’t know what to do,” Rowan said simply.

That seemed to cool Aedion’s rage a little and he let out a heavy breath. “Thank you for telling me. I’m going to go see her.”

“Should I wait? Give you two some space?” Rowan suggested.

“That would be good,” Aedion said and then he was gone.

~~

Aelin was staring at the ceiling fan above her, it wasn’t on but still she watched it. She felt a numbness deep down in her bones, she felt nothing. It was a choice to feel nothing, because if she did it would break down the wall she had been building so carefully. If it cracked and fell apart Aelin wasn’t sure if she’d be able to pick herself back up. She had been banishing enough thoughts to the dark recessives of her mind over the past few days that it would be enough to wreck her completely.

She heard the front door open and curled onto her side, ready to feign sleep if Rowan came in to check on her. But those weren’t Rowan’s heavy footfalls making their way towards her room. Her door opened but still Aelin did not look up. Then a heavy body dropped onto her bed.

“You know, telling someone you’re fine when you’re clearly not, is bit of a dick move,” Aedion said.

“Piss off,” Aelin told him, her throat already getting tight.

She felt him shifting around then heard the tug of shoes being pulled off, and then he was flopping next her up on the other pillow. “Not a chance.”

The two of them were silent for a long while and Aelin felt her eyes welling with tears, despite how much she willed them away.

“I’m here for you Aelin, don’t shut me out like this. I, more than anyone knows what you’re going through. I know how your nightmares… I know what they do to you,” Aedion said softly, but he didn’t make any moves to touch her, comfort her. No. He would wait for her to decide.

“It’s not just that that, this time,” Aelin murmured, her voice so small.

“What is it?” Aedion asked gently.

Aelin rolled over, and Aedion wrapped an arm around her, and so patiently he waited.

“I’m so alone Aedion,” Aelin said finally.

“You’re not —“

“I am,” Aelin interjected. “I am alone in this, it’s my body that’s going through this, I’m the one who suffers everyday. I’m here in this apartment while you’re all out there living, I feel like I’m barely living anymore. I just survive from day to day so this baby…” Aelin’s voice broke. “And the only person I need to help me through this is not here, she is no where I can reach her, so I am alone with no idea what I’m doing.”

Aelin’s voice was near hysterics by the end, three days worth of pent up emotion finally broke free, that wall crumbling to dust. And Aedion, he held her through it all. Like he had that night on the road, like he had countless times since then.

“What if I made the wrong decision to keep this baby?” Aelin asked her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t know how to be a mother. Mum, she’s… she’s broken memories, feelings, I don’t know how I’m supposed the learn from that. What if I do something wrong?”

“I don’t think you’ll make every decision perfectly. I’m sure Evalin made plenty, but you remember her through rose coloured glasses and there’s nothing wrong with that. Our parents were taken from us too early, they didn’t have time to tell us about how they almost dropped us on our heads or fed us the wrong thing,”

Aelin huffed a laugh, “Most definitely dropped in your case.”

Aedion’s deep chuckle sounded in her ear where it lay on his chest. “You’re lucky you’re pregnant, otherwise I’d kick your ass for that.”

“I could still beat you,” Aelin countered.

Aedion laughed again. “Sure, Ae. Whatever you say.”

Aelin wiped her eyes on the blanket she had bunched in her hands. “I’m so scared.”

“I’m sorry, Aelin. I should have have realised you needed me. That you needed us. We all thought you were fine, because every time we called or texted you fooled us with your insufferable swagger, making us think you were fine. We all want to be there for, you just need to let us.”

Aelin felt her pride rise up, ready to fight.

“Please, Aelin,” Aedion said quietly. “Please.”

There was a pleading in Aedion’s voice that Aelin could not ignore. She swallowed her pride down, biting back the words of no I’m fine and please don’t worry about me. She was not fine. Not in the slightest.

“Alright,” Aelin said.

“Thank you,” Aedion said and gave her a squeeze with the arm that was still draped around her. They were quiet for a long while then Aedion cleared his throat. “On my way over Emrys called me, said he’d like to visit.”

Even though Aedion couldn’t see Aelin rolled her eyes. “You mean you called him and asked him to visit.”

“Okay, so I did the calling. But he said he wanted to visit without me even hinting,” Aedion admitted.

“When?” Aelin asked.

“Whenever you want, you just let him know,” Aedion said.

Aelin thought for a moment. “Soon, I think.”

“Soon is good.” Aedion shuffled over a little and sat up. “Now, I’m starving. How about you?”

~~~~~

Rowan had hung around the gym while he waited for Aedion to text him. Went over some plans for clients, worked out a bit, just waited sitting at the small table. He was berating himself for not telling Aedion earlier. What an idiot to have waited three days. _Three days_. When did he become such an idiotic bastard? He wouldn’t lie to himself, he knew when. The tattoo that snaked up his left side and arm was a constant reminder of exactly when he had become someone different to what he had been.

His phone buzzed on the table, it was Aedion telling him to come home when he wanted. Rowan picked up his backpack and left. On his way home he swung by a drive through for a fast food place, something he rarely did, but tonight he couldn’t be bothered to do anything else. His thoughts had gone to a place he was eager to ignore and he just wanted to eat something to stave off his hunger and go to bed, maybe watch something to distract himself.

Before too long he was at the apartment door letting himself in. Both Aedion and Aelin were in the kitchen, eating from a container of watermelon between them. They were chatting quietly, both smiling. When they heard Rowan walk in they turned, and to Rowan’s surprise Aelin smiled at him. Aedion gave him a nod then went back to the watermelon.

“Hey,” Rowan said as he closed the door behind him.

“Hi,” Aelin said as she wiped he hands on a tea towel. “Thank you for the other night. For everything.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rowan said.

“Care to join us? It’s watermelon and cucumber sticks tonight,” Aelin nodded to the counter.

Rowan shook his head and held up the paper again in his hand. He saw Aelin’s face pale and he added quickly, “I’ll eat in my room, don’t worry.”

The look of sheer gratitude on Aelin’s face made his lips twitch in amusement and he saw hers do the same.

“Well, hurry up then, I’ll hold my breath while you go past,” Aelin said, but there was neither a bite or venom to her voice. Just amusement, like she found this a little funny as well. “Come on, my lung capacity isn’t what it used to be.”

“Alright, I’ll go,” Rowan said and went by, Aelin’s eyes watching him and bright with a spark he hadn’t seen in a long time, her mouth tightly closed and her fingers pinched her nose. Once he was in the doorway of his room he called back, “No need to be so dramatic. It’s just a burrito.”

As he closed the door he heard Aelin burst out laughing. Rowan couldn’t help but smile at the sound. He thought about ditching his plans to eat in his room and go out and join them instead. Bur he didn’t. Aelin needed company, and Rowan didn’t want his presence pissing off Aedion and ruining it. So instead he grabbed his laptop and opened his burrito, settling in for a night on his own


	14. Chapter 14

Aedion wasn’t kidding around when he said he and the rest of their friends would be there for her. Lysandra dropped by almost every day after work after their chat, usually with a snack Aelin didn’t feel like eating. She picked at a blueberry muffin one afternoon before the texture of it had her pushing it away. Then there were calls and texts, Elide’s were by far the most entertaining with how ardently she defended her relationship with Lorcan. The two of them baited each other back and forth jokingly, but still Aelin struggled to see the man Elide painted him as. She had called Emrys after Aedion had left that evening, he had been very excited to hear from her and they had arranged to meet on that coming Sunday. 

That’s what Aelin was getting ready for now. She felt like she had been wearing nothing but pyjamas for months, which wasn’t too far from the truth. Aelin hadn’t opened her wardrobe in weeks, she had just lived from what was in her drawers, which was either sleepwear or lounging clothes. But Emrys wanted to take her out, Aelin wasn’t sure how well she would do, but Emrys was adamant. Aelin picked out a dress without giving it much thought and slipped it over her head. The waist of it caught on her chest and she had to give it a good tug to get in down. She hissed as it dragged over her breasts, their sensitivity over the recent weeks had been a constant irritation.

It was when she went to zip it up that she ran into real trouble. The zip ran up her side and she pulled it up. It only went as far as her hip before it stopped and wouldn’t go up any further.

“Son of a…” Aelin muttered as she tugged at it again. She got it a little higher but then it stopped again. Aelin muttered something about dodgy zippers as she went to the full length mirror in the corner of the room to inspect it closer. It was when she drew her hand away to see the problem clearer, when her hand brushed across her stomach, that she noticed. “Oh.”

Aelin hadn’t bothered to look in the mirror much of the past few weeks, hadn’t really wanted to see what her reflection held. But she looked now and noticed that there was a definite bump on her stomach. Her hand shook slightly as she ran her hand over it. It was something she had rarely done since that first trip to the hospital. Just with everything, the way her mind was, the struggle every day had been, she hadn’t thought to. There had been a disconnection and she hadn’t noticed.

But there it was. Her baby.

Even though she had been so sick all this time and she’d seen the scans, this added a level of realness to her pregnancy that had her feeling giddy. Before she really knew what she was doing Aelin was rushing from her room, careful not to make herself feel sick, dress still unzipped down her side. Rowan was in the kitchen doing a load of dishes, tea towel flung over his shoulder.

“Rowan,” Aelin said a little breathlessly and Rowan turned, immediately concerned. Aelin blushed, suddenly unsure of why she’d come out, but she desperately wanted to share this with someone. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I just… I need to show someone,” she said a bit shyly. Aelin hadn’t been shy a day in her life, but she was now as she turned and smoothed her dress over her bump to show Rowan.

A look Aelin couldn’t read the look that passed over his face but then he was smiling, a small smile but she could see it. “It’s really there.”

Aelin nodded and was saved from a, most probably, awkward answer by a knock on their door.

“Can you get that? I have to find something else to wear,” Aelin said and started back to her room.

~~~~~

Rowan dropped the tea towel onto the bench and did as Aelin asked. He knew it would be Emrys at the door, the old family friend of Aedion and Aelin, knowing both their mothers before they had died. Rowan had met him a few times over the years when it had been Aedion living with him in this apartment instead of Aelin.

When Rowan opened the door Emrys stood there, his chestnut eyes warm and kind as he saw Rowan.

“Nice to see you, Rowan,” Emrys said as he stepped through the door Rowan held open for him.

“You too,” Rowan replied.

Emrys made his way to the kitchen counter where he put down a small box that he carried.

“How goes the gym?” Emrys asked as Rowan started to dry the dishes.

Rowan shrugged. “It’s good. Much easier to work with people you like most of the time than people you don’t.”

“What about the blonde one with the insufferable smile? He still driving everyone up the wall?” Emrys asked.

Rowan knew he was talking about Fenrys and huffed a laugh. “Yeah.”

Just then Aelin’s door opened behind them and she came out. She’d changed into a loose top and leggings, looking a little frazzled and frustrated.

Emrys turned and Aelin smiled at him as they met for a hug.

“It’s good tot see you, Aelin,” Emrys said as they broke apart. “You look good.”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “Sorry tot keep you waiting. Wardrobe malfunction, bad zipper.”

From what Aelin had shown him just before he, wasn’t sure if it was the zippers faults.

“Doesn’t matter,” Emrys said dismissively, but kindly. “Ready to go?”

“Mmhmm, my nausea meds have kicked into today, so I should be right for a while,” Aelin said, then she turned to Rowan. “Bye.”

They headed for the door then Rowan called out.

“Wait.” Aelin turned to face him, a little confused. “I’ll be with Lorcan today and I’ll leave soon. Do you have your keys?” Rowan added a little awkwardly, confused at exactly why he was asking. He hadn’t really ever bothered before.

Aelin nodded. “I do.”

Neither she or Emrys said anything more before they left the apartment.

~~~~~

Aelin was out of breath by the time they had taken two steps out onto the street. All they had done was ride the elevator down and walk out of the building. It was enough to almost completely exhaust her, it seemed. But it as nice to be out and be in company, especially when that company wasn’t needing to rush off to work or home.

“Here.” Emrys offered her his arm. Aelin took it, she wasn’t going to argue with him about it. He rested his hand on hers and patted it a few times. “So.”

“So,” Aelin said, she braced herself for the conversation they were about to have.

“Rowan’s the father,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

Aelin hummed out a noise that told him he was right.

“Aedion told me, using some fairly colourful language,” Emrys explained.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself, not about Rowan. About the baby, I mean,” Aelin said as they walked.

“From what I hear you have some pretty decent excuses,” Emrys said with a smile. “How’s it all going?”

Aelin shrugged. “Do you mind if we stop soon?”

“That bad, huh? I thought we could go to that café just there,” Emrys explained, pointing to a place that was two store fronts away.

Aelin breathed a sigh of relief. They walked the rest of the way in silence, which Aelin was grateful for because less talking meant more energy for walking. When they got to the cafe Emrys asked if she wanted to sit inside or outside.

“Outside, the sun is lovely today,” Aelin said.

Ever the kindly gentleman Emrys pulled out her chair for her, and tucked her back in.

“Hazelnut hot chocolate, right?” Emrys asked and Aelin nodded. “Anything else?”

“No thank you,” Aelin replied. She didn’t feel like eating anything but the hot chocolate sounded good — the sweet, nutty, chocolatey goodness. She was surprised, she hadn’t wanted when it came to food in a long time, it was more about necessity these days.

It didn’t take long for Emrys to come back, a table number in his hand, that he placed as he sat down. He let out his own sigh, then looked at Aelin for a long moment.

“Pregnancy wasn’t easy for your mother, or your Aunt even. Something in the Ashryver line I think,” Emrys said. “This kind of morning sickness wasn’t a problem for them, but the pregnancies definitely weren’t smooth sailing.”

“Yeah?” Aelin asked, playing with the napkin in front of her as she looked up at Emrys.

He nodded, his face sympathetic. “Yeah.”

“I wish she was here,” Aelin said so quietly she wasn’t sure he’d heard her. But then his gentle hand was on top of hers. He didn’t say the words but the gesture was enough to say what his words didn’t.

_I know…_

Aelin swallowed against the tightness building in her throat. She didn’t want to cry. Especially not here. Emrys let her to gather herself, let her not talk until she wanted to, rather than push her to speak. Aelin didn’t remove her hand from under his either, she took comfort in that kindness and in his being here.

“Hazelnut hot chocolate and earl grey tea?” The waitress asked holding their order.

“Tea for me,” Emrys said, saving Aelin from answering.

They both removed their hands form the table so there was room for their drinks. While Emrys prepped his tea Aelin stirred her hot chocolate before blowing on it. She took a sip, expecting her nausea to hit her full force. But it didn’t, if anything the sweetness soothed the lingering nausea that constantly plagued her, so she took another sip and smiled.

“Good?” Emrys asked and Aelin nodded. “Good,” Emrys said again, for an entirely different reason.

Emrys stirred his own drink and cleared his throat. “How are things with Rowan?”

Aelin’s cup paused halfway to her lips before she took another sip. She thought she had got away with not talking about this, but apparently not. “Things are fine. Things are good. We’re getting along.”

Aelin’s sentences were stilted and about as awkward as she felt.

“Getting along as friends?” Emrys asked.

“More or less,” Aelin said then shrugged. “Probably a little more along the lines of less.”

“What role will have?” There was a tinge of harshness in Emrys’ voice that she hardly ever heard from him, and she had a feeling it wasn’t directed at her.

“He’s not sure. Hasn’t decided.” As Aelin spoke the words it felt like a stone was sinking in her chest.

“How considerate of him,” Emrys said tightly.

“Don’t… its not all on him. He just needs time to work things out,” Aelin said, though she wasn’t quite sure why she was saying it, after those horrible things he had said at the start. Maybe it was the kindness he had shown her the other night that had her defending him.

“He hasn’t had enough?” Emrys said. Aelin didn’t answer and Emrys didn’t push her.

“How’s Malakai?” Aelin asked, desperate to change the subject. “And Luca?”

“They’re both doing well, both driving me crazy. They wanted to come but I didn’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

“Thank you,” Aelin said. She wasn’t sure if she would have been able to handle Malakai’s too knowing stoic presence or Luca’s exuberance on top of everything else.

“Weylan dropped some things off,” Emrys said and that almost had Aelin dropping her drink. Weylan Darrow had been her uncle Orlon’s partner for many years before Orlon died a few years before her parents. He had become estranged over the years so hearing Emrys bring him up had come as a surprise.

“He’s selling up, moving to a smaller place,” Emrys explained. “He found a few things that Orlon had left to your father, he thought you might like them.”

To say Aelin was shocked was an understatement. She would never have expected this from Weylan.

“I left them back at the apartment,” Emrys said as Aelin’s eyes searched for the said items.

The conversation flowed a bit easier after that, mainly thanks to Emrys. It was mainly just him telling funny stories about Luca and his adventures. On the way back to the apartment Aelin took Emrys’ arm before he had the chance to offer it again. She was starting to feel queasy again and was looking forward to getting back to the apartment. When they got to the door Aelin handed over her keys to Emrys so he could unlock it, because she was lacking the coordination to do the door _and_ keep herself upright _and_ not throw up. Emrys opened the door and Aelin went straight to the couch while Emrys went to the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything?” Emrys asked.

“Just some water from the fridge.”

Aelin closed her eyes and she heard Emrys moving around the kitchen, opening the fridge. She opened them when she heard him approaching her, bottle of water in one hand, small cardboard box in the other.

“Which do you want first?” He asked.

“Water,” Aelin said and took the bottle he offered her. Emrys sat as she took a few sips of water and put the box between them on the couch. When she was sure she wasn’t going to throw up Aelin put the bottle on the coffee table then opened the box. On the top were a few photos which she only glanced at before moving them to the side to see what else was under them. Her eyes caught on a flower encased in glass. This hadn’t been her father’s, and Aelin was beyond surprised it see it in a box of things for her. This was something that had belonged to her Uncle, something he cherished. It had sat on his desk as long as she could remember. Aelin pulled out the kingsflame flower in perfect bloom and looked at it.

“Weylan thought you might like that,” Emrys sad quietly.

She did. She had played with it when she was small, admired the perfectness of it, the beauty frozen in time in the glass. She placed it carefully on the table and then Aelin looked through the photos. Tears began to fall as she saw the young faces of her parents and their friends, there were even some of Emrys in there. She passed each one to Emrys, and he added stories where he could. The last one was of her mother holding her. Evalin didn’t look at the camera, instead she looked at the baby in her arms. Aelin wouldn’t be more than a few weeks old.

“Can you tell Weylan thank you. From me,” Aelin said as more tears fell.

“Of course,” Emrys said.

Just then the door opened and Rowan was walking into the apartment. Not wanting for him to see her cry again she stood, muttering something about the bathroom before fleeing there herself.

~~~~~

Rowan saw Aelin dart away.

He’d forgotten his laptop and hadn’t realised until he was across town at Lorcan’s place. He had tried to work without it but it had become impossible so the only option had been to come back for it. He said as much, after nodding a greeting to Emrys, as he passed him seated on the couch. He looked sterner than when he left.

After grabbing his laptop from his Rowan was about to say another farewell when Emrys turned to him and said, “What are you doing?”

Rowan stopped, utterly confused. “What?”

Emrys fixed him with a stare. “With Aelin. With the baby.”

Rowan felt his back stiffen, going on the defensive. “I don’t know. I also don’t see how that’s any of your concern.”

Emrys didn’t back down an inch. “It is when I see her suffering. I don’t know what it is that is holding you back from deciding, but I see your indecision weighing on her. Aelin has just about something in every aspect of her life pulling her down. When what she desperately needs is someone to pull her back up.”

“I don’t know what that has to do with me,” Rowan said but he could taste the bitterness of the lie in his words as they passed his tongue. “What am I supposed to be to her in all this mess?”

The look Emrys fixed him with a look told him he didn’t much believe them either. “She needs friends right now, Rowan. She has no family left beside Aedion. Aelin is here, you live together, from what she tells me you’ve been getting along much better than you have. Why can’t you put whatever it is aside and just be her friend?”

Just as Emrys had said those last words Rowan heard the bathroom door opening. He didn’t want to be caught here with Emrys looking at him like that while the old man’s words echoed in his head. So without waiting any longer he left.

~~~~~

It was after dinner when Rowan returned to the apartment. He’d eaten at Lorcan’s, but when Elide turned up he decided to make himself scarce. Aelin was lying on the couch watching TV, eating what looked like cucumber sticks from a plastic container. He had been going over Emrys’ words to him all day.

It wouldn’t be a hard transition, from what they were now to friendship. Once upon a time it was a different story, back when they had been hissing and spitting at each other like cats. But now… now things were different. Thing were calmer, quieter, they could speak to one another without pissing the other off. Rowan had decided that it was worth try.

He walked to the living area and dropped his things on the arm chair. “Scooch over, I want to sit down.”

Aelin moved her feet slightly, allowing Rowan enough space to sit, which he did. If she was surprised at his request she didn’t show it.

“What are we watching?” He asked, propping his feet up on the footstool he had bought her.

“It’s a period piece,” Aelin said then she was reaching for the remote. “I can change it if you want.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Rowan said quickly and Aelin lay back down. “I don’t mind watching it.”

Aelin quirked a brow, “You sure?” Rowan nodded. “I just started watching, want me to restart it?”

“No, its okay. Just fill me in,” Rowan said.

“Cucumber?” Aelin offered the container to him and Rowan grabbed a few sticks as he settled in to watch.

It turned out that he actually enjoyed the film much more than he expected to. Aelin answered all his questions, he predicted the outcomes of the couples, he even laughed at parts. Aelin had laughed at him when Rowan expressed his indignation when the scoundrel of the story ran off with, who he thought, was the wrong sister. When the movie finished Aelin went to grab the empty container and a plate from something he hadn’t seen her eat.

“I can get those, you go to bed,” Rowan said.

“You sure?” She asked as she stood up.

“Yeah, its fine,” Rowan said as he picked them up instead.

“Thanks,” Aelin didn’t say anything else before she left to go to her bedroom and Rowan turned to the kitchen. He was almost there when Aelin spoke.

“Rowan,” she said his name softly and he turned to see her standing in the doorway of her bedroom. “And thanks for watching it with me, it was much more entertaining to watch it with with you,” Aelin said as she smiled.

Rowan let out short, breathy laugh, “I actually enjoyed it. I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting to.”

Aelin laughed at that. “Maybe we could do it again. I’ve got quite the collection.”

“I think I would like that,” Rowan said.

“Goodnight,” Aelin said.

Rowan returned her smile. “Goodnight, Aelin.”

Aelin didn’t say anything more before slipping into her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Rowan went to the kitchen thinking that maybe this being friends thing wasn’t such a bad idea after all.


	15. Chapter 15

Their evenings together had became part of their routine. And Aelin was enjoying them.

They watched something, a movie, a series, until Aelin couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore. Rowan sat at the opposite end of the couch sharing her incredibly bland snacks, he even went to the kitchen to get more when they ran out if she wanted more. Sometimes it was something from Aelin’s collection, sometimes Rowan, other nights they managed to agree on something together. It was nice, this tentative friendship that was growing between them.

Something else that was growing too.

Day by day, week by week, Aelin’s stomach got bigger. She was slowly losing more and more of her wardrobe. She had started browsing websites of maternity clothes when she got bored during the day, but they were so expensive. It didn’t make sense to her to spend so much on clothes that she would only be wearing for a few months. Not that she went anywhere too often for it to matter what she wore anyway, she still spent most of her days on the couch trying not to throw up. But if she ever did go out she she wanted to look nice. Today though Aelin had her 16 weeks doctors appointment so she had to be up and moving and dressed in something that wasn’t pyjamas. 

When she’d woken up and opened her eyes Aelin was expecting to see her water bottle, tablets and crackers on the bedside table, but they weren’t there. She assumed Rowan had forgotten or maybe he was in a rush. So taking a deep breath Aelin took herself off to the kitchen to sort herself out. Aelin wasn’t going to hold this against him, this was the first time he hadn’t done it since he started. She swallowed against the rising nausea and hoped that by the time Lysandra got here the meds would have kicked in. A quick glance her phone told her it was just on 9, she still had a while. Luckily she been able to get the appointment on Lysandra’s day off.

Once in the kitchen, taking her tablets was the first thing Aelin did. Then instead of crackers, she decided on toast, just to mix things up a little. She pushed down the lever on the toaster then hissed, putting a hand on the small of her back. Her back was aching every once and a while now, and her cheap, lumpy mattress wasn’t helping. Aelin rubbed at it until the toaster popped and she gingerly put the hot bread on a plate. Just as she was buttering it she heard movement from Rowan’s room, evidently her hadn’t gone to work yet, he might have the day off.

When he appeared Aelin said good morning without looking up from her toast. When he didn’t reply or move she looked up to see him looking at her, a strange expression was on his face.

“What?” Aelin asked and Rowan shook his head as if clearing his thoughts.

“Nothing. Just surprised to see you up so early,” Rowan said.

Aelin quirked a brow, a little confused. “Are you serious? It’s after 9.”

Rowan head snapped to the microwave where the the time was displayed. Aelin followed his gaze and saw that the time was 9:17.

Rowan swore and rushed back to his room, not bothering with anymore words. Slept in and late, Aelin concluded. A few minutes later Rowan was rushing back out, tugging the hem of his shirt down. He threw a farewell over his shoulder leaving Aelin in the kitchen, smiling at his misfortune. She buttered her bread but didn’t put anything else on it, not wanting to tempt fate too much. Taking a breath to prepare herself Aelin took a bite. It turned out fine, nothing setting her stomach off so she took another bite, and then another. It went surprisingly well.

With breakfast done Aelin went to go see if she could find something to wear that fit and was half decent. Pants were becoming an increasingly difficult problem, she would most likely end up having to wear leggings and a loose shirt. Most of her dresses required a waist to fit properly, a waist she no longer had.

As Aelin suspected, leggings were her only option. She went through about three pairs before she found some that were loose enough not to sit on her bladder making her feel like he had to pee constantly. The shirt she ended up choosing was just a blue floral thing that she usually tucked into whatever bottoms she was wearing. She was nervous that without tucking it in it just made her look frumpy, but looking for clothes was exhausting and Aelin couldn’t be bothered to go do it again.

Aelin went to the fridge in search of something sweet to drink. Opening it she saw Rowan’s lunch sitting on the middle shelf forgotten on his rush out the door. Aelin knew he was very particular about what he ate during the day and would not be happy about having to buy something. Especially if it was a busy day, he may not even have time to go get something that was passable and not deep fried. These were all things he’d divulged and discussed during their evenings together when Aelin started whining about the food she wanted to eat but couldn’t stomach. Aelin grabbed a bottle of weak cordial Rowan had made up for her as she looked at that neatly packed lunch. Then she looked at all the other containers in the fridge, full of food Rowan had prepared for her. Aelin supposed she could take it to him, after her appointment. It was on the way home.

She searched the cupboards for a cooler bag, she had seen a few lying around. She found one, one of hers she had used to take her lunches to work in. It wasn’t particularly ‘Rowan’ with the bright coloured, cutsie woodland animals on it, but Aelin didn’t particularly care. It was while Aelin was packing the lunch and some extra cucumber sticks when Lysandra walked in.

“Hello, hello,” she said as she waltzed right into the kitchen. “What are you doing?”

“Hey,” Aelin said as she went to the freezer and pulled out some freezer bricks. “Packing up Rowan’s lunch.”

Aelin looked up to see Lysandra blink once.

“You’re doing what?”

“Rowan forgot his lunch so I thought we could drop it off after I’m done at the doctors,” Aelin said as she zipped up the bag.

“You’re doing what?” Lysandra repeated.

Aelin cut her a look. “Don’t be like that. I’m just doing something nice.”

“Oh so that’s what it is,” Lysandra said, the sarcasm thick in her voice.

“We’re friends, friends do nice things,” Aelin said dismissively. “How many times have you brought me lunch?”

“Its just odd to see you so… pleasant to each other. After you know, everything,” Lysandra admitted. “You ready to go?”

“Yep, I’ll just go get my purse.”

~~~~~

“Well,” Yrene said, with a smile, “looks like everything good. Do you have any questions?”

Aelin covered her eyes with a hand, breathing through the waves of nausea. “When do I stop feeling sick all the damn time?”

“HG is a bitch, around week 20 it should at least lessen. But it could hang around for longer,” Yrene said sympathetically.

Aelin groaned, the car was her nemesis. She could maintain some control over the nausea until she was in a car. She didn’t want to be house bound for the rest of her pregnancy, or vomiting the rest of the time either.

“Do you need to throw up?” Yrene asked.

Aelin took in a shuddering breath, “I should be ok, I took my tablets. Its just left over from the car ride.”

“Okay, is there anything else?” Yrene asked gently.

“No,” Aelin said as her nausea settled a little.

“If you do have any question at any point please call me, any time,” Yrene said.

“I will. Thank you,” Aelin said.

“I will see you back here in four weeks, remember to book in your ultrasound. If your baby behaves you might be able to see the gender.”

_Your baby._

It was still such a strange thing to comprehend.

Aelin said one last goodbye and left Yrene’s office and headed back to the waiting room. Lysandra was there, looking slightly perturbed. Aelin just indicated to the door and Lysandra was out of her chair.

“The waiting room always grosses me out,” Lysandra murmured as they walked out the front doors.

“Me too, I always feel like I need a shower after,” Aelin agreed.

“You look a bit pale, do you want to skip the gym?” Lysandra asked as they got to the car.

“No, I think it would be good to break up the journey. Might make me less sick,” Aelin said as she ducked into the car.

Lysandra did the same and they were off.

~~~~~

Rowan had been in a piss poor mood most of the day. First of all because of the stupid dream he’d had this morning, then that stupid dream had made him late, and because he was late Lorcan had ripped into him as soon Rowan had walked in the door.

His subconscious had done a number on him with that dream. In it Aelin had woken him up with soft kisses and then he’d followed her out into the living area decorated for Christmas, and the baby… Rowan closed his eyes and shook his head to banish the image from his mind. All day he had felt Aelin’s lips ghosting across his, he remember how happy and content he had been. The three of them together. It was something Rowan didn’t have the will to think about. He was just getting comfortable with the fact that they were now friends. Anything beyond that…

A familiar burst of bright laughter intruded his thoughts and he turned towards its source. Aelin was at the front desk, chatting to Fenrys. Rowan was surprised to see her here, and honestly just to see her out. He knew she had the doctors appointment but that didn’t explain what she was doing at the gym. Curiosity had him leaving the gear he was tidying and walking over. Fenrys was leaning back in his chair swivelling a little with his hands behind his head and smiled as he said something that had Aelin laughing again. By now she had seen him coming and turned that smile on Rowan. His heart stuttered as he was reminded again about his stupid dream and she looked confused when he didn’t return her smile.

“Don’t mind him, he’s been pissy all morning,” Fenrys quipped, folding his arms.

Aelin snorted. “Isn’t he pissy all the time.”

Rowan slip his hands onto the pockets of his shorts. “I am not.”

“That’s right,” Aelin said feigning some sort of revelation, “I was thinking of Lorcan.”

Fenrys let out a bark of a laugh, and Rowan smiled then. Aelin did too but her face suddenly fell and she swayed a bit. Both he and Fenrys moved at the same time, Fenrys ready to leap over the desk, but Aelin waved them off as she used the desk to steady herself.

“I’m fine,” she insisted. That didn’t stop Rowan from stepping a bit closer.

“Why are you here?” Rowan asked.

Aelin held up a cooler bag. “You forgot your lunch.”

Fenrys’ eyebrows shot up so high that they were almost lost in his golden curls. “You brought him lunch?”

“Yes, I know he’s fussy with his food and we were driving by,” Aelin explained.

Fenrys just continued to look shocked. “Since when?”

“I suppose he’s been fussy all his life,” Aelin said.

“No I mean —“

Aelin held her hand up. “As much as I am loving this banter I need to sit down.”

“Come to the staffroom,” Rowan said as he moved out of the way to let Aelin by. “I’m taking my lunch break now if anyone asks,” he threw over his shoulder to Fenrys.

Fenrys just watched them walk by, still a little shocked.

Aelin had been to the gym a few times to visit Aedion over the years so she knew her way around. Rowan followed and she held out the cooler bag for him to take.

“How did the appointment go?” Rowan asked.

Aelin put a hand on her stomach. “Sit first.”

Rowan stepped ahead when they got to the door, hodling it open for her and Aelin headed straight for a chair.

“Cars make me feel so sick,” Aelin said as she sat down. She did look much paler than she had this morning. She let out a heavy sigh. “Yrene said everything is looking good, nothing bad to report.”

Rowan nodded. “That’s good.”

“Do you mind, I put some snacks in there for me too,” Aelin said pointing to the cooler bag.

Rowan unzipped the bag an pulled out the container that had Aelin’s snacks in it. She popped off the lid the lid off the cucumber sticks and bit into one.

“So, what excuse did you give Lorcan about being late this morning?” Aelin asked.

“I told him a slept in,” Rowan said as he opened his own lunch.

“You could have told him that I’d thrown up on you again,” Aelin said with a smile. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

Rowan laughed, “I’m not in the habit of lying to my boss.”

“Why not? Lorcan wouldn’t care what you told him, he’d still be a dick about,” Aelin said trying desperately to keep her face straight. If there was one person she had disliked more that him, it was most definitely Lorcan.

Rowan laughed though, because she was right. His laughter cracked her resolve and she was laughing too, just as Aedion walked in.

“Hey, Fenrys said you were…” his words trailed off as he took the two of them laughing, he looked very much like Fenrys had. Like he’d gone into shock. “What alternate universe have I just walked into?”

Aelin scoffed at him. “Haven’t you heard?” She waved a hand between her and Rowan. “We’re friends now.”

“And you brought him his lunch?” Aedion asked.

“Yes, I brought Rowan his lunch. Why is everyone so caught up on that?”

Aedion leaned over Aelin and picked up a cucumber stick, “Because it’s you.”

“What and I can’t do nice things?”

Aedion’s eyes darted over to Rowan for half a second. “Not to him.”

Aelin sighed. “He knocks me up, but he can’t be my friend?”

Rowan felt his face flush and he pointedly looked down at his lunch. Out of the corner of his eye her saw Aedion stiffen.

“Oh please, you’re telling me you two haven’t made up yet? Rowan has been taking very good care of me. He even watches romantic period dramas with me which you never did.”

Aedion just made a noncommittal noise.

“Don’t be an ass.” She hissed and Rowan looked up just in time see Aelin throw a piece of cucumber at Aedion, hitting him square in the chest.

More footsteps sounded and then Lysandra breezed into the room, she went straight to Aedion and kissed him on the cheek.

“Why do you look like you just bit into a lemon?” She asked him.

Aedion gestured a hand to Rowan and Aelin sitting at the table. “Did you know about this?”

“Oh, yeah. Super weird,” Lysandra said but she looked more amused than anything. Then she turned to Aelin. “I ended up in a short stay park. You ready to go?”

Aelin nodded and picked up the container of cucumber to take with her as she stood. “Gentlemen, a pleasure as always. Now stop being stubborn bastards and make up.”

She didn’t bother with any other goodbyes and she and Lysandra left after the brunette had said goodbye to Aedion. That left the two of them in the room together, drowning in awkwardness.

“Not today,” was all Aedion said before her walked out as well.

~~~~~

Aelin was in her usual spot when Rowan walked through the door. She glanced over at him from where she sat on the couch.

“You and Aedion kiss and make up?” She asked with a wink.

Rowan shook his head at her antics. He had managed to banish his dream to a very dark corner of his mind where it hopefully wouldn’t bother him anymore, if he could help it.

“What are we watching tonight?” Rowan asked.

“Another of Jane Austen’s classics, Sense and Sensibility. But I think you need to shower first, all the car rides have left me feeling queasy and I don’t want your sweaty man smell making me feel worse,” Aelin explained. “I even managed to make us some popcorn.”

“I’ll be as quick,” Rowan said and disappeared into the bathroom.

Although his shower was fairly quick Aelin seemed to be dozing by the time that he came back out dressed in a tshirt and sweatpants. She blinked a few times as Rowan sat down on the couch.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to bed?”

Aelin shook her head. “The longer I stay up the later I sleep.”

She pressed play on the movie with the popcorn bowl sitting between them. Rowan had eaten out again, mostly because he’d been on a later shift and had not wanted to upset Aelin’s sense of smell with whatever he would cook, but the lightly salted popcorn was a good snack. Rowan didn’t mind this movie either it turned out. It was compelling enough that it kept him interested.

When one of the love interests got a girl pregnant Aelin said, around a mouthful of popcorn, “Hey, that’s you.”

Rowan threw some popcorn at her, though he was smiling. “So now I have to find a ridiculously rich woman to marry to save myself?”

“What you do in your own time is none of my business,” Aelin said, brushing off the popcorn. “If you’ve got massive gambling debts and that’s your only way out, you do you. Your aunt hasn’t cut you off for getting a girl pregnant out of wedlock had she?”

It was a little strange, joking about they pregnancy like this, but it didn’t seem to phase Aelin in the slightest. It unsettled Rowan a little, but he wasn’t going to let Aelin see.

“My aunt hasn’t disowned me,” Rowan said as he put the empty popcorn bowl on the coffee table.

Aelin yawned. “That’s good.”

Aelin began to shuffle around, either to stay awake or get comfortable, Rowan couldn’t tell. She leaned her head on the back of the couch, propped her elbow up on the arm, stretched out her legs in front of her. She eventually ended up curled beside him, lying down on two seats of the the three seater couch. Her head brushed his thigh and she huffed.

“You don’t look comfortable,” Rowan said leaning forward so he could see her face, she looked annoyed.

“If I lay on my right side I get heartburn, and I really want to lay down,” she said a bit sadly.

“You can…” Rowan cleared his throat a little, “you can lie across me if you want.”

Aelin rolled over so she could look up at him. “You don’t mind?”

Rowan shook his head. “If I need to sacrifice my legs so you’re comfortable I can take that.”

Aelin stretched out, her head resting in his lap. She let out a contented sigh, “Much better, thank you.”

“No problem,” Rowan said.

Then they were silent while they watched the movie again. Unsure as to what to do with his arms, he crossed them over his chest. He felt Aelin’s breath even out and slow. Rowan assumed that she had fallen asleep until she murmured, “Mmm, I love this scene.”

One of the suitors was carrying one of the heroines through the rain, the music swelling. It was a good scene Rowan silently agreed and watched as the rest of the story unfold. He laughed when one of the sisters cried hysterically after it was revealed the man she loved was dumped by his fiancé for his brother. He had expected a scolding from Aelin but she had now actually fallen asleep and hadn’t even stirred when his body shook when he had laughed. She must have been well and truly asleep. Rowan let her be as he watched the movie to the end. As the credits rolled he gently nudged Aelin’s shoulder.

“Aelin,” he whispered, she didn’t stir. He said he name a bit louder. “Aelin, time for bed.”

She groaned, her face scrunching as she rolled onto her back. She rubbed at her face no doubt trying to wake herself up a little more. Then Aelin stretched out, her hand almost hitting him in the face as she stretched her arm above her head.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Aelin said, her voice thick.

“Do you need help?”

Aelin squinted up at him, fire flashing in her eyes. “No.”

But Aelin didn’t move. Rowan tried to hold in his snort of laughter and failed.

“I’m going, give me a minute,” she told him.

“Need me to carry you?” Rowan offered with a teasing smile.

“Nope, I can do this.” Aelin finally pushed herself up with a groan. Then she sat there blinking for a few moments. Rowan stood and offered her his hands, that offer she did accept. As she stood up Aelin lost her balance and Rowan caught her against him as she stumbled. She looked up at him, her eyes glassy from from sleep and she looked so much like the Aelin from his dream this morning that Rowan couldn’t breathe as the storm of emotions he had kept at bay resurfaced. His eyes fell to her lips, but Aelin didn’t notice as her eyes closed in a long blink.

Then she casually patted his bicep, “Thanks for that.”

Aelin moved back and Rowan’s arms fell from her waist and she walked away.

“Goodnight, Rowan,” she said over her shoulder and through a yawn.

“Goodnight,” Rowan answered. He didn’t know if Aelin had heard him, he could barely hear his own voice over the roaring in his ears.

Rowan swallowed hard, this was all nothing he told himself. Over and over. This was just his subconscious punishing him, mocking him, calling him out for the bastard he had been his whole life. He and Aelin, they were friends, he had no desire for it to be anything else beyond that. There were days coming up soon that he would rather no think about, days that sent him spiralling into memories and regrets. Maybe this dream was just that start of that. The roaring in Rowan’s ears quieted, the music of the credits the only sound in the apartment. Today was done with, it was over. Rowan decided that by tomorrow those lingering emotions from the dream would be forgotten, they weren’t real, they didn’t matter, they belonged to another man who didn’t exist. 

He liked this Aelin who was open and vulnerable and lighthearted with him, he was happy to call her his friend. After everything that Aelin had been through already she didn’t deserve to be affected by this kind of shit. She deserved better than that, Rowan thought as he finally started to drift of to sleep once he found his way to his bed, she deserved better than him.


	16. Chapter 16

Aelin wouldn’t cry.

She told herself she would not cry. It was stupid to cry over clothes, clothes didn’t matter, they weren’t important. So she would most definitely not cry over them. That didn’t stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

She wiped them away, furious at herself for crying because none of her dresses fit. Or her pants, or shorts, or skirts. Basically all her T-shirt’s had started ride up or were too tight and she couldn’t stand the feeling of the tightness on her skin. This had all started after she had taken a nap on her bed and woken up sweating. The weather had started to turn warm and she was running so much hotter these days that the slight shift in temperature had her struggling. Immediately after waking up Aelin felt as though she was going to vomit and stripped off her damp pyjamas, just trying to cool herself down. It wasn’t enough, and seconds later she was stumbling to the bathroom to throw up. After she had laid on the blessedly cool floor just breathing, blinking back tears, trying to soothe the stinging in her eyes.

But now she was back in her room sitting on her bed, items of clothing strewn around her as tears fell from her eyes. She had nothing to wear. The things she could wear were in the laundry basket, dirty laundry which she hadn’t had the energy to do. Aelin couldn’t handle this half functioning state she lived in, it was driving her crazy. Her phone lit up with a message, who it was from, she didn’t care. She saw what the time was and started crying harder. Elide would be by soon to drop off more anti nausea tablets before they ran out. Aelin didn’t particularly feel like answering the door in her underwear, especially if Elide happened to be bringing anyone with her.

Aelin looked over to her laundry, contemplating putting something on from that. Then she saw something dark green poking out from amongst her clothes. It was Rowan’s tshirt, the one he had dressed her in after she thrown up in bed. It somehow hadn’t found its way into the washing machine yet. There were clothes in her apartment that would fit her, they just weren’t hers.

~~~~~

Rowan had sent himself home early from the gym. He had been helping a client with some weights and he had pulled something the wrong way in his wrist. At the gym he had iced it and strapped it but it was still hurting, when he got inside he would probably have to ice it again. In his good hand he held his keys and unlocked the door, being as quiet as he could entering the apartment just in case Aelin was sleeping. When he saw her to see walking by the kitchen, wiping at her nose, he was fairly surprised.

She stopped when she saw him, “You’re home early.”

Rowan took her in, her eyes were red and puffy like she had been crying, her voice sounded very much like she was trying to stop herself from crying again. Then he took in what she was wearing. That was his grey tshirt brushing just above her mid thigh and a pair of her pyjama shorts peeking out from underneath. She sniffed wiping her nose again with a tissue.

“Are you all right?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes,” Aelin said, but evidently she wasn’t as she tried desperately to hold in a sob and failed. Tears were building in her eyes and Rowan was at a loss at what to do. Aelin looked away and went and sat on the couch.

Rowan took a few steps towards her. “Can I get you anything?”

Aelin’s whole body shuddered as she inhaled. “I need my tablets.”

With something to do Rowan snapped into action. He broke off two of Aelin’s tablets still in the packaging and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. He lent over the couch to give them to her. “Here.”

Aelin took them without looking him in the eye, swallowing the tablets and some water. He saw her gag a little but she didn’t get up to rush to the bathroom.

“Food?” Rowan asked.

Aelin was silent for a moment then said very quietly, “Strawberries.”

Rowan went back to the kitchen and grabbed those from the fridge as well. But instead of handing them to her he sat on the couch and put the strawberries on the lap tray that sat between them. Aelin popped off the lid of the strawberries and picked one out but didn’t eat it, she just held it in her fingers. Rowan waited one moment, then another before he asked her again. “Are you all right?”

Rowan saw a tear roll down Aelin’s cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “It’s stupid,” she said quietly.

“If you’re this upset I don’t think it is,” Rowan said.

Aelin glanced up at him, “It is.”

Rowan just gave her a look and she took a deep breath.

“My clothes don’t fit,” she said at last. But she wasn’t done. “The ones that do aren’t clean because I haven’t been able to wash them because I can barely move. I’m… I’m sorry I borrowed one of your shirts. It was so hot, I couldn’t stand anything else.” Aelin stoped to wipe her nose again, the tissue looking as if it was on its final use.

“I can do your washing for you,” Rowan offered.

“I don’t want you to do my washing, gods!” She practically yelled at him and it took Rowan a fair amount of self control to not flinch at it, he knew she wasn’t angry at him. “I just want to be able to function like a normal human being.”

Aelin was almost sobbing by this point and Rowan was way out of his depth. Mildly panicking he looked around the room for inspiration and saw the tissue box beside the TV, he got up and grabbed it and brought it back to the couch. He pulled a tissue out and hissed as the movement caused a twinge of pain in his wrist. “Here.”

His hiss had made Aelin look up and she took the tissue from him. “Did you just hurt your hand pulling a tissue from the box?”

Rowan braved a laugh. “No I did it at work today, that’s why I’m home early.”

That seemed to be enough of a distraction for Aelin to stop crying and she pulled out another tissue herself to and wiped at her eyes. She sniffed, her body shuddering, “I’m sorry about that. I think it’s the hormones.”

“Don’t apologise. I can’t even imagine,” Rowan said. “Why don’t you buy some new things?”

Aelin outright scoffed. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked up maternity clothes but for some reason I don’t understand, they’re ridiculously priced. I don’t have the money to spend that much on so few items. I look at regular clothes and think that maybe they could fit but I’d have to try them on, meaning I would need to get to the stores and I don’t think I can drive myself.” Tears were building in her eyes again.

“I can take you,” Rowan said before he knew what he was saying.

“What?” Aelin’s voice was a little incredulous.

Rowan cleared his throat. “I’m taking tomorrow off. No point in me going in and doing more damage to my wrist. So, I’ll take you to the shops.” He had planned to go to work tomorrow, even though Lorcan was adamant he should take the day off rather than risk making his injury worse, and then ending up taking even more time off.

Aelin eyed him, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Rowan told her.

“You don’t mind about the shirt?” Aelin asked, pulling at the fabric over her stomach.

“Of course I don’t mind about the shirt,” Rowan said gently. Which was true, he didn’t mind at all.

Aelin looked at nothing, a frowning smile on her face, then she let out a heavy sigh. “I feel disgusting. I’m going to go have a shower.”

Aelin stood, popping the strawberry in her mouth as she did and left Rowan sitting on the couch. He heard the shower start behind the closed door but then the door opened and Aelin’s voice called out. “Hey, if Elide comes just get my things. I’m not in the mood for people.”

Then the door was shut again.

Rowan turned the TV on examining his wrist, trying to work out what exactly he had done, and it wasn’t too long before there was a knock on the door. Answering it he saw Elide standing there.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you here,” Elide said.

Rowan stepped aside to let her in. Elide walked past him into the apartment, then she pointed in the direction of the bathroom. “Shower.”

“Yep,” Rowan said.

Elide went to the kitchen and pulled out Aelin’s things from her handbag. “How is she? She didn’t answer my text.”

“She’s doing okay, I think,” Rowan said

“Heard she brought you lunch the other day,” amusement was shining in Elide’s eyes. “That’s the first time I think I’ve ever seen Lorcan shocked about something.”

Rowan smiled at the thought, it wasn’t often he saw Lorcan anything other that stoic.

Elide looked at him for a moment, Rowan couldn’t read it, then she said, “Well, I’m off. I have a hot date tonight and I have a feeling Aelin isn’t in for a chat anyway.”

“Aelin told me tell you not to wait,” Rowan admitted.

Elide nodded and said goodbye, Rowan returned it. Once Elide was out the door Rowan pulled out his phone and called his boss.

After Lorcan’s abrupt hello Rowan said, “I won’t be in tomorrow. You were right about my wrist.”

~~~~~

Aelin was on her third outfit. Despite the warm weather she had opted for jeans but she had struggled to find a shirt that was comfortable but looked nice, she had eventually found one though. Right now her focus was on trying do up the button on her jeans, it was a struggle but she knew she could do it.

“There,” Aelin said as she finally got it buttoned. But it was not comfortable, definitely for the long term. If it got unbearable she could always change into something she bought.

Rowan was in the kitchen when she left her bedroom. “You ready?” He was already dressed in dark jeans and a grey tshirt.

“Yep, I just —“ Aelin startled, hand pressed on her stomach. “Ah,” the sound was strangled.

“What is it?” Rowan asked, she could hear him moving towards her.

He stopped a little ways from her and Aelin looked up. “I… I felt it move,” Aelin whispered. “I felt the baby move.” This was the first time she had felt it move. It seemed she wasn’t the only one being made uncomfortable by the tight waistband of her jeans. It felt weird, it felt like an organ had flipped inside her body. “It felt like there’s an alien inside me, I’m not sure I’m a fan honestly.” Despite her words Aelin was grinning. “That was really weird,” then Aelin winced as the waistband of her jeans dug into he skin. “But I don’t think I can wear jeans.”

She ended up in a dress she found buried deep in her drawer, it was a few years old and she had used it to throw over her swimmers when she went to the beach. Nothing she would usually wear for a day out shopping but it was loose and comfortable. From the moment Aelin got in the car until they arrived at the shopping mall she closed her eyes. It managed to keep most of the nausea at bay, but they had driven in Rowan’s truck so she thought maybe being higher up off the road had helped as well. Aelin stepped down from the passenger seat before Rowan could come around to help and reached back into the car to get her handbag only to find it was already gone. A little confused Aelin turned around and she almost jumped when Rowan was there in front of her holding out her bag.

“Thanks,” Aelin said as she took it.

“Lead the way,” Rowan stepped aside and she noticed the bandage on his wrist as she went past.

“You weren’t kidding about the wrist,” Aelin said as he followed her through the cars.

Over her shoulder she saw Rowan shrug. “Just a sprain. It will be fine in a few days.”

“No carrying my bags then?” Aelin said as they left the tight spaces between the cars and Rowan could walk beside her.

To her surprise Rowan laughed. “I still have one good hand.”

Aelin smiled. “Lucky me.”

~~~~~

They had been here a while, so long that Rowan was a little worried to check his phone to check the time. He had followed Aelin from shop to shop within the shopping mall. He was impressed by the way she went about it, she didn’t go to the more expensive stores, Aelin went to the chain stores and went to the sale sections, trawling through it. Rowan knew Aelin poured just about every cent she’d had into getting the bookstore up and running and she was probably close to own it outright by now if she didn’t already. But he knew her funds were about to take a huge hit with this baby. The way she shopped was smart, he was impressed.

What he wasn’t impressed by were the looks they got. He knew what they assumed when the shop assistants and other shoppers saw them together, him trailing after Aelin and carrying her bags. Aelin didn’t seem to notice, or if she did it didn’t bother her like it did him. It happened again as they left a store, the assistant at the register giving them a wide smile, Rowan struggled to hide his scowl.

“You two make such a cute couple, congratulations,” she said as she handed Aelin her bag.

Aelin laughed then said. “Thanks, but he’s my brother.”

She didn’t say anything else before she walked away, leaving the assistant blushing and gaping a little.

“Brother?” Rowan asked once they were out of earshot.

“Well, it was the most direct. I was getting a little tired of all those looks,” Aelin said. “Would you mind if we stopped for a minute?”

Rowan nodded, this wasn’t the first minute they had stopped for, he wasn’t going to complain though. He wasn’t the one growing a baby. Aelin sat down on one of those chairs they scattered randomly in the empty spaces, Rowan just stood, waiting.

“I think I’m almost done,” Aelin said with a sigh. “I’m not even sure I could last much longer.”

“You can rest as long as you need,” Rowan said casually.

Aelin shook her head. “I’m reaching my limits.” Aelin sighed again and pushed herself up from the chair, a few bags dangling from her hand.

“Want me to take those?” Rowan offered.

“I’m fine, I don’t want to hurt your wrist more that it already is,” Aelin said. “There, last one I think. But I doubt I’ll find anything.”

Rowan followed Aelin into a store that looked a little fancier than the ones they had been in. Aelin browsed around, touching this and that. Rowan tried not to hover, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“How do you know what will fit? These aren’t maternity clothes, right?” Rowan asked as Aelin looked at a pink skirt.

“Cut, and shape. Sometimes I can get away with a size up. If its got elastic that a good bonus, if it wraps thats good too,” Aelin explained as she put the skirt back. “Really I don’t know until I try it on.”

“Wraps?” Rowan asked, confused by what exactly she meant.

Aelin looked around then went over to a blue dress and took it off the rack. “See how this has a tie? It goes through here then this side will wrap over. Plenty of room.” Aelin looked at the dress again. “Oh this is pretty.”

Aelin kept hold of the hanger and kept looking, heading towards the back. Rowan kept back as she picked up a few more things then headed to the change room. A shop assistant breezed by mentioning a seat in there he could use, Rowan headed for it and sat down. Just as he did he heard Aelin swear from the change room.

“You right in there?” Rowan asked. There were some more noises but Aelin didn’t reply. “Aelin?”

Then her head poked out from behind the curtain. “I’m stuck. Don’t you dare smile Rowan, I swear.”

Rowan did feel his lips tug up.

“I mean I’m really stuck.”

“Do you need help?” Rowan asked.

Aelin disappeared for a moment then reappeared again, looking pissed. “Yes.”

Rowan pulled back the curtain a little more. Aelin had got stuck in a dress and was scowling as she turned her back to him. The zip had jammed just above the small of her back, leaving all of it bare except for the band and straps of the beige bra she wore.

“If I had of known you’d be seeing me like this I would have worn something a little sexier,” Aelin said jokingly over her shoulder.

Rowan had to force a too casual laugh from his lips as his mind went wandering of it own volition, back to _that_ night. She had been wearing something sexy then, she’d been out with her friends just like he’d been out with his. The bra had been a black and blue lacy thing, cut so Aelin was almost spilling out of it.

Aelin shifting and leaning her hand on the wall had Rowan coming back to the present and he willed his hands To be steady as he reached for the zipper. He tried desperately no to touch her skin, not wanting to fuel the fire in his already traitorous mind. He tried tugging the zipper down, then up, but it wouldn’t budge.

“Hold on,” Rowan said as he pulled the zipper away from her skin slightly so he could see exactly what was wrong. The fabric from the dress was caught in it jamming it where it was. He would need to use both hands to tug it free, meaning he would mostly like have to touch her. “It’s jammed with fabric, give me a second.”

Rowan fingers grazed Aelin’s spine as he gripped the head of the zipper in his fingers, while the other held the fabric of the dress. He didn’t miss the way Aelin shivered at the contact. Pushing that thought from his mind he tugged at the zipper, once, twice, and it pulled free on the third try.

“Up or down?” Rowan asked, hand still on the zipper.

“Down, I don’t want to tempt fate,” Aelin said.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Rowan said as he ducked back outside and sat back on the chair. He rubbed his hand his thigh, trying to rid the feeling of Aelin’s skin from his, then grabbed his phone from his pocket. Fenrys had sent him a text complaining about how Lorcan was making him pick up his slack, his language colourful to say the least. He heard the curtain pull back and he looked up.

“This is a wrap dress.”

Aelin was wearing the dress she had used in her explanation, and she… Rowan practically did a double take as he saw her standing there. Blue suited Aelin, Rowan had noticed that many times before, and this shade was perfect for her. It brought out the blue hue in her turquoise eyes, making them brighter, made her complexion brighter too. She’d gotten so pale these months with her not leaving the house, but this…

“What?” Aelin said, snapping him out of thoughts.

“That looks really nice,” Rowan said and he saw a faint blush rise to her cheeks.

“It doesn’t,” Aelin said, her hand brushing a little self consciously over her stomach.

“Aelin, just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being attractive.” The words were out of his mouth before he could even realise what he was saying to stop them.

Her eyes snapped to his. And this time he felt the blush on his own cheeks, she undoubtably saw it and smiled. “That’s very kind of you. But it’s not on sale and I never buy anything unless its on sale.”

With that she closed the curtain again leaving Rowan to berate himself and his stupid mouth in solitude.

~~~~~

Aelin was smiling to herself as she pulled off the blue dress. It did wonders to herself esteem knowing she could still get a double take from a man when she was feeling like absolute shit. The dress did look nice, but the price on it was not what she wanted to be and considering what she had already spent… she would just have to keep an eye out for when it hopefully went on sale. She had just wanted to see what it would look like. Aelin got dressed for what felt like to hundredth time that day and found that Rowan was gone from his seat. She popped the items she had on the rack to be put away, walking back through the store. Glancing around she couldn’t find Rowan but then she spotted him waiting outside.

“You didn’t get the dress?” Rowan asked, noting her empty hands.

Aelin shook her head. “Maybe I’ll come back when it goes on sale.” Aelin paused for a moment. “I know I said that was the last store but…” No. She shouldn’t ask, maybe she could get Lysandra to bring her back sometime. But she was here, she might as well.

“Where do you want to go?” Rowan asked.

“I need new bras.” She swore Rowan stumbled a step. “I reminded myself back there.”

Aelin led the way to the lingerie store and Rowan stopped before going inside. “You don’t need me for this, I’ll wait here.”

“What if I get stuck again?” Aelin said jokingly, but Rowan didn’t laugh. “I’m going to get fitted so I might be a while and they’ve got really comfy chairs in here. But if you want to brood out here that’s fine. Or you can go somewhere else, just let me know.”

Aelin left him outside and went in the store. It wasn’t too long before a shop assistant was asking her if she wanted help and they were headed off to the change rooms. The assistant measured Aelin up and left to get a few options. She returned with some of the ugliest bras Aelin had ever seen. Aelin had decided to bite the bullet and get some maternity bras and she was sorely regretting the decision. The assistant left her and Aelin just looked at her options for a moment before removing the bra that she wore. The first one she was trying on was white and looked like it as made for a grandmother. She had just finished doing the clips when she heard Rowan calling out to her.

“Aelin, you got a phone call.”

Aelin suppressed her groan. She had slipped her phone into one of her shopping bags instead of her handbag and forgotten. Not bothering to pull the top of her dress up that was currently sitting above her bump like a skirt she just opened the curtain and help out her hand for phone. Rowan’s eyes darted around, not knowing where to look before he actually covered his eyes with his hands.

Aelin scoffed. “Please. You’ve seen me naked Rowan. This is nothing, not in this grandma bra anyway.” Aelin took her phone and closed the curtain again, seeing that a number she didn’t recognise had left a message. Aelin dialled her message box.

_Hello. Just reminding you to book your ultrasound appointment. It’s a busy time right now and I know you like to leave things to the last minute. So don’t forget. Bye._

It was Yrene leaving her a very helpful reminder. Aelin had forgotten, and it was just under two weeks until she was meant to have her 20 week scan. Aelin sent of a quick text to Yrene’s mobile number as a thanks and set a reminder in her phone to call to make the appointment later. Then she turned back to the bras. She picked up the least offensive of the bunch, she supposed it would have to do.

Aelin only walked out with the one bra, even though the majority of the ones she owned now were struggling to contain her. She just couldn’t bring herself to buy any others yet. Rowan was waiting outside, her other bags resting on the floor, she had been in there for a while after size checking a few times. Her small shoulders were making it hard to find a good fit with her boob to shoulder ratio currently out of whack.

“Just so you know,” Aelin started but then covered her mouth to yawn, “I did not buy the white one. That thing should be burned.”

Rowan didn’t look at her, but she didn’t miss his small smile as he shook his head.

“Ready to go?” He asked and Aelin nodded.

“It’s just not fair. Just because I’m pregnant, it doesn’t mean I want to wear ugly things. I mean, just anything. Most of the maternity items I saw were pretty shocking, not just the underwear. I mean, I didn’t lose my fashion sense when I gained a baby,” Aelin outright ranted.

“I’m glad you managed to find some things you liked then,” was Rowan’s choice of commentary.

“Thanks for bringing me. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate that you did,” Aelin said as they made their way to the car park.

“Don’t worry about it,” Rowan said.

He led the way back to his truck and when they got to it he flipped back the cover and dropped her bags into a crate in the tray, then he took the ones Aelin held and put them in there too. She went around to the passenger side, pulling herself up into the truck, and was just finishing with her seatbelt when Rowan climbed in as well and started the engine. Aelin lent back on the headrest and closed her eyes. She felt them drive out of the car park and soon sunshine was shining through her eyelids. But she kept her eyes closed, the drone of the engine and soft movements of the car lulling her to sleep.

“Aelin.”

Aelin blinked slowly, her mind catching up to exactly she was exactly. They were home in the parking garage of their apartment building. She stretched out the pain and stiffness in her neck and rubbed at her face.

“Need some help?” Rowan asked.

Aelin just shook her head and eased herself down. Rowan went and grabbed the bags from the tray as Aelin made her way to the elevator, feeling nauseous. Her tablets must be wearing off. She needed water, meds and a snack, ASAP. Aelin stepped into the elevator and held the door until Rowan caught up.

“You don’t look too good,” Rowan said, shifting the bags on his sore wrist.

Aelin reached out and took them. “My meds have worn off.”

“When you get inside go lie down, I’ll get them for you.”

Aelin only managed a hum in response.

Once inside the apartment Aelin just dropped her shopping bags by the door and headed to the bedroom and lay down on the bed. Her phone went off in her handbag and she groaned as she blindly reached for it. She squinted at the screen, it was the reminder for her to book her ultrasound appointment. She didn’t have the energy for that now but she also wanted to do it before she forgot again. Rowan came into her bedroom, meds, crackers and water in hand.

“Thanks,” Aelin said as he put the on her beside table. Then she swallowed, mainly her pride. “Can I ask you to do something?”

“Sure,” Rowan said.

“Can you…” Aelin sat up and just took a second. “Can you call and make my ultrasound appointment for me? I just, I just want to do it now but I can’t,” Aelin said and she felt pathetic.

“Yeah, no problem. For when?” Rowan asked.

 _When?_ That’s right, Aelin needed a day. And a ride. This was too much, too much to think about.

“I, um,” she looked up at Rowan. “Would you be able to take me? I mean, you don’t have to come in, I just… a ride. But if you want to,” Aelin reached for her water as her head started to spin.

“I can take you,” Rowan said simply.

Aelin risked a glance at him. “You sure?”

“I want to,” Rowan said, and it seemed like he meant it.

“Cool, sometime around the 29th, and then whatever suits you,” Aelin said then reached for her tablets.

“I’ll book it, you get some rest,” Rowan said and left.

Aelin watched him leave, something stirring in her chest, something she couldn’t quite place. She assumed it was just due her empty stomach, her body telling her to hurry up and eat something before she regretted it. So Aelin ripped open the crackers and ate as much as she could before she lay down and took another well needed, post shopping nap.


	17. Chapter 17

It was the hormones, that’s what Aelin kept telling herself. That was the only explanation for it. The reason why she looked forward to Rowan coming home each evening, why their time together was the highlight of the day. Why she kept looking at him when he was sure not to see her, blatantly checking him out. Holy gods, his body was… she shook her head turning back to her computer. It was just the hormones and she was lonely, to put it politely.

Aelin brushed it off, it all meant nothing. It was just another thing in her life she wasn’t in control of.

Rowan was in the kitchen, having scored himself a half day apparently, prepping her lunch while Aelin went through the accounts for the bookstore. She was just breaking even, bringing in a little profit to hopefully get herself and the baby set up, even if the thought of having to buy all that stuff was a little daunting. Of course she had been looking at things for the baby, but she was yet to buy even a onesie. Aelin hated moving but she would have to start looking for a place of her own soon, doubting Rowan would want a newborn cramping his style. And it made sense that she shouldn’t be buying stuff now. Because she would have to move it all later and that would make moving even more of a pain. Something about the thought of leaving this place had a sinking feeling starting in her chest. She assumed it was just due to her absolute hatred of moving, nothing to do with her roommate.

Said roommate placed her plate of food on the coffee table ready for when she wanted it. Today’s lunch mainly consisted of fruit and a very mild cheese. Any kind of meat still sent her stomach roiling, especially the smell of it cooking. Rowan sat down next to her on the couch, the empty seat of the three-seater in between them, in what had become his usual spot. But he looked very uncomfortable.

“You right?” Aelin asked, closing her laptop.

Rowan crossed his arms, further evidence of his discomfort. “I have a favour to ask.”

Aelin went to reach for her food but Rowan got to it first and handed it to her, he could be a fusspot sometimes. “What is it?”

Rowan ran his hand over his hair. Whatever it was it must be really something. “There’s this woman.” Aelin’s heart sank without her permission, Rowan kept going. “We dated a while back, and she’s in town.”

“Are you asking me to vacate the apartment for a night?” Aelin said as she picked up a piece of apple.

“No!” Rowan said a little too quickly. “It’s kind of the opposite actually. She works at the gym I used to work at in Doranelle, and our boss has sent her out with a few others to see our set up. I showed them around the gym this morning. She can’t really take a hint, no matter how many times I tell her I’m not interested.”

“So what exactly do you want me to do about it?” Aelin took a bite, her lips were starting to tug up into a smile. Seeing Rowan this perturbed was highly amusing for some reason.

Rowan blew out a heavy breath. “She wants to go out to dinner tonight, with the two other coworkers from Doranelle that she will probably just ignore the whole time. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming with me, as a… deterrent?”

“Are you asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Aelin said, her mouth pulling into a wide grin.

Rowan rubbed at his neck, gods his arms were huge Aelin thought to herself, but his voice brokeinto her thoughts. “I wouldn’t say that exactly.”

“Is this why you took me shopping last week? So I would owe you a favour?” Aelin teased.

“No that was purely out of the goodness of my heart,” Rowan said adamantly. “If you don’t want to come I’m not going to guilt you into it or anything.”

“What do I get out of it?” Aelin asked, intrigued and mildly curious.

“I’ll buy you dinner,” Rowan offered.

“You say that like I can actually eat food,” Aelin said a little sadly. She missed eating food. “Can I pick the place?”

“Sure. And whatever you like, I’ll get it for you,” Rowan said.

“Well, I guess it would be nice to get out of the house,” Aelin said. Then she gave him a wicked smile. “And cause a little trouble.”

~~~~~

A few hours later Aelin was walking into a nice little restaurant that was one of her favourites in the city. It was the kind of place you went to the counter to order and not particularly on the fancier side of things, but the food was very good. It was run by the sister of Aelin’s friend Nesryn and the sister’s husband. Aelin had been here enough that they knew her by name, so when she stepped through the door Rowan held open for her she was met with cheerful greetings.

“Aelin!” Delara said, coming around from the till to greet her. “I haven’t seen you for ages.” Then the dark haired woman spied her stomach. “And now I see why. Congratulations!”

Aelin smiled as Delara kissed her cheek. “This is Rowan.”

Delara smiled at him too. “Welcome. Sit where you like.”

The place was quiet but fairly busy and Aelin led them to a table as far away from the kitchen as they could get so the smell of the cooking food didn’t have her asking Rowan to take her home. She wanted to see who this ex of his was, out of some perverted curiosity. Aelin tucked her chair in tight to the table, her bump still small enough that it hid beneath it. Rowan sat opposite her and from the way he was brooding it certainly looked like he was not happy to be here.

“You know, if we’re supposed to be fake boyfriend and girlfriend I think you should look like you actually want me here, not glower at the salt and pepper like they’ve offended your mother,” Aelin said as she flipped the menu over.

Rowan looked up at her, “I never agreed to that.”

“Yes, but if you want this woman to leave you alone it really is our best option,” Aelin said and watched that broody glower deepen. Aelin held her arms up, letting him know that he’d won, before crossing them over her chest. “Fine, I’ll just sit here and look pretty.”

Rowan’s face softened just a little. “You do look very nice tonight.”

Aelin couldn’t help the blush that rose to her cheeks and she just prayed Rowan didn’t notice. She had worn one of the nicer outfits that she’d bought on their little shopping adventure. The dress was tight, but not uncomfortably so, with enough stretch that she didn’t feel like it was suffocating her. The cut of the neckline was just enough to show off a little bit of her cleavage that had never looked better in her life. She’d even caught Rowan checking her out, a few times actually, at the apartment and on the way to the car. That made something in her chest flutter no matter how hard she willed it not to. And to make matters worse his words from the fitting room kept echoing around her head — just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you’ve stopped being attractive. Aelin was clamping down hard on the thrill that gave her. Stupid hormones.

Rowan sat up a bit straighter and Aelin followed the direction of his gaze. Three people were walking towards them, led but a tall woman with pale blonde hair and cerulean eyes. She had the height and body of a supermodel, skin a perfect porcelain. The other woman was beautiful as well, with curves Aelin was growing more jealous the longer she looked at her. The last of them was a man who was fixated on his phone, and when he did look up his dark eyes were utterly bored.

The first of the women made a beeline for Rowan, not even noticing Aelin was there, or maybe choosing to ignore her. If it was the latter, Aelin just might have to come up with a few reasons not to be ignored. Rowan stood up to greet the woman Aelin assumed was his ex-girlfriend and she grabbed his hands and kissed his cheek, lingering just a little too long. Rowan promptly dropped her hands and took a step back, looking over at Aelin and she gave him a sweet smile. Rowan’s look of warning almost had her letting out a snort of laughter. But by some miracle she held it in, she wasn’t about to break the ruse.

“Remelle, Essar, Benson. This is Aelin,” Rowan said and the three of them turned to her.

Remelle just raised a brow, the man stopped looking bored and instead gave her a once over that left Aelin feelinggross. The only one of them who seemed friendly was Essar, who lent over and shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Aelin,” she said kindly.

Aelin smiled and was a little relieved when it was Essar who moved around the table to sit next to her. She didn’t think she’d be able to hold a conversation with Remelle and she might end up punching Benson in the face if he didn’t take his eyes off her chest, but from the look Rowan was giving him he might be inclined to do it for her. Even though there was a perfectly good menu in front of her, Remelle chose to lean over Rowan to view his, her chin leaning on his bicep. At the sight of it something roiled in Aelin’s gut, and that roiling turned to anger as she saw how Rowan looked deeply uncomfortable at the contact.

“What’s good here?” Remelle asked Rowan.

Rowan shrugged her off, much more politely than Aelin expected him to. “Don’t come here very often. Aelin do you know?”

Remelle finally looked at her then, really looked at her. Whatever Remelle found was definitely lacking, Aelin could read it in the cleverly disguised curl of her upper lip and the shift of her eyebrows. For Rowan’s sake she wouldn’t start something now, maybe give Remelle the benefit of the doubt. So Aelin just turned to Rowan and gave him another sweet smile, “Mmm, the chicken is very good, so are pork ribs. I’ve not had a bad meal here so you should be safe with whatever.”

Remelle’s eyes darted between the two of them, desperately trying to work out if there was anything between them as Aelin continued to smile at Rowan. Essar too, and out of the corner of her eye Aelin saw Essar’s eyes glance down at her stomach. Remelle couldn’t see from where she sat across the table but Essar was observant enough that she noted that Aelin was pregnant. Benson was back on his phone and wasn’t paying attention to anything.

Remelle picked up her menu with a sigh, glancing over it disinterestedly.

“What did you want?” Rowan asked Aelin, leaning towards her and away from Remelle.

“I think just some fries,” Aelin said. “Just salt, no sauce.”

“Sure,” Rowan stood and went to order at the counter taking both their menus.

Remelle followed half a moment later, and Essar snorted.

“She’s an idiot. I swear that woman doesn’t know how to take a hint,” Essar said. “Congratulations. How far along?”

“Almost 20 weeks,” Aelin said, she tried not to bristle at the question, worrying that it would lead to more, but Essar just gave her a reassuring smile. 

“Don’t worry, I have no further plans to delve into privacy besides that,” she said.

“Did you work with Rowan at the gym in Doranelle?” Aelin asked, gladly steering the conversation away from herself.

“For a short while, I came in just before Rowan left to come out here. He was glad to be rid of the place I think,” Essar explained then looked down at the menu again. “I’m deciding between the steak and the crumbed chicken, I think.”

“They’re both good, but just casually the chicken would be better for me,” Aelin said.

Essar nodded and then said, “Chicken it is.”

Then she stood to leave the table leaving Aelin alone. At some point Benson had slunk off as well, Aelin saw him standing in line still on his phone. Rowan and Remelle were a few spots up, she was laughing — probably at her own joke from the look on Rowan’s face. She lent towards him, putting her hand on his arm and Aelin felt that writhing in her gut again. Or maybe it was the baby. Or maybe it was indigestion. She couldn’t really tell.

Rowan didn’t bother to wait for Remelle before heading back to the table, scowling like Aelin hadn’t seen him do in a while. He sat down and Aelin smirked.

“Don’t you dare,” Rowan said.

“I didn’t say a word,” Aelin said leaning on the table.

Rowan copied her movement, bracing his elbows on the table, leaning forward. “But you want to.”

“Of course I do. I just saw a woman make you very uncomfortable, you have no idea the amount of things I want to say.” Aelin had lent in closer as she spoke, dropping her voice so that Rowan would have to lean in further again to hear what she said. “I don’t think you were using your big brain when you went after her.”

Rowan huffed a laugh and went to reply but someone, and Aelin had a fair suspicion as to who, cleared their throat. Rowan gave Aelin a smirk that told her he knew exactly what she was doing, what this looked like; the two of them lent over the table, whispering. Aelin moved away first, sitting back in her chair and the look on Remelle’s face was the best thing Aelin had seen in a long time.

Remelle just sat back down, angling herself towards Rowan. “This place is… nice.”

Aelin went on the defensive at Remelle’s tone, at the way her nose crinkled slightly as she looked around.

“I think it’s great,” Rowan said and Aelin gave him a grateful look.

“It’s quaint, I suppose,” Remelle said. By some stroke of luck Remelle’s phone rang and she excused herself, mainly to Rowan, to take the call.

By then Benson and Essar had returned. Benson had put his phone away but still looked bored. But Essar struck up a conversation with Rowan, and they asked each other back and forth about places and people Aelin didn’t know about, but they didn’t exclude her, telling her bits and pieces as they went. Soon Delara was bringing out their food, she set the bowl of fries down in front of Aelin.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” She asked, putting a hand on Aelin’s shoulder.

Aelin shook her head. “No this is great, thank you.”

Delara gave Aelin’s shoulder a final pat and said, “You just let me know if you do.”

All too soon Remelle came back, and just about everyone tensed when she sat down. She took a few bites of her salad before her face twisted into a look of disgust.

“This is bland,” was all she said as she flicked over the leaves.

Aelin couldn’t help it. “You ordered a salad without dressing, what did you expect.”

Remelle looked at Aelin, not bothering to hide her disdain. “Maybe in Orynth this passes, but in Doranelle —“

“You are eating a bowl of leaves, what did you expect it to taste like?” Aelin said, gesturing to Remelle’s plate with the fry in her hand. She was enjoying her own dinner immensely. It had been forever since she’d had fries and they weren’t making her feel like she wanted to throw them up. Aelin had also felt the baby start moving a bit as well. She guessed the baby liked fries too.

Rowan and Essar both laughed at Aelin’s statement, and that had Remelle pouting with a malicious glint in her eye. Aelin was in for it.

“I won’t be paying for it, it’s inedible,” Remelle said and pushed her plate away.

“It’s what you ordered, you’ll pay for it,” Aelin said matter of factly.

“You work here?” Remelle asked, a serpentine smile on her face.

“I don’t, I own a bookstore downtown. But I know the owners and I’m sure that salad would have tasted fantastic before you went and changed it, so I don’t think you should be blaming them,” Aelin said. She was contemplating flicking her half eaten fry at the blonde woman’s face, just to see what she would do.

Remelle turned to Rowan, putting a hand on his arm, a blatantly possessive gesture. If that wasn’t enough to set Aelin off she saw Rowan stiffen, she could tell he was uncomfortable with her touching him without his permission.

“Rowan you —“

“Please take your hand off me,” Rowan said, Aelin could see the effort he was putting in to be polite.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Remelle said with a bitter laugh.

“I think the ridiculous thing is that you can’t admit you’re wrong and the fact Rowan asked you to stop touching him, yet you haven’t listened,” Aelin said, she was starting to see red. “So I suggest you take your hand off him.”

“What are you to him, anyway? His girlfriend?” Remelle simpered, her voice almost mocking, but she did remove her hand from Rowan’s arm.

Aelin gave her a wicked smile. “We don’t like to put labels on what we are.”

Then Aelin stood and watched Remelle’s eyes go wide. She looked like she could have died right then and there as she took Aelin’s pronounced stomach and the way Rowan half rose from his chair to help her. Aelin waved him off.

“I’m just going to get a drink,” Aelin said, giving Rowan a grateful smile.

Aelin didn’t look back until she was at the bar. Rowan looked smug, as did Essar, but Remelle still looked like Aelin had physically slapped her in the face. Delara appeared, looking very amused.

“What can I get you?”

“Just water, with lots of lemon. Like three slices,” Aelin said.

“After watching that you can have anything that you like. Hell, come back when you’re not pregnant and you can have whatever,” Delara said as she dropped the lemons in the glass.

Aelin laughed. “I’ll definitely be taking you up on that.”

~~~~~

Rowan couldn’t believe how effectively Aelin had been able to shut Remelle down. Her pettiness and attention seeking hadn’t got her what she wanted and now she was pouting like a scolded child. When Aelin had come back to the table with her water Rowan had returned her grin. Remelle didn’t talk to Aelin at all, she only addressed Essar and Benson, and sometimes Rowan. It was all work related though, just another way to keep Aelin excluded.

When Aelin started yawning Rowan took that as their cue to go.

“Let’s go?” Rowan asked and Aelin nodded and they both stood.

“Pleasure to meet you Essar,” Aelin said.

Essar gave her a smile. “Likewise.”

Aelin didn’t say anything else to anyone as she waited at the end of the table for Rowan. He nodded his goodbyes but as he walked away Essar said, “Give Lorcan my regards.”

“I will,” Rowan replied and walked to the till with Aelin, noting how her eyebrows had shot up at Essar’s words. Rowan paid and told Delara, “if the blonde woman refuses to pay, please let me know I’ll sort it out.” Aelin had given him an approving look at that.

It wasn’t until they were out on the street that she brought up what Essar had said.

“Essar is Lorcan’s ex?” She asked, a little disbelieving. Rowan nodded. “But she’s so… nice.”

Rowan chuckled. “What does that say about Elide then?”

“Oh, she’s got an evil streak, you can trust me on that. The stories I could tell you,” Aelin said.

“I never understood what drew Essar to him, but she was the one to break it off,” Rowan explained.

“Understandable,” Aelin said. By this time they had reached the car. “I’m not going to talk to you in the car but don’t think that the conversation about tonight is over.”

True to her word Aelin did not say one thing as they drove home, eyes and mouth closed to stop her motion sickness. She didn’t actually say anything until they reached the apartment, instead she went straight to the fridge for some water, a funny little smirk on her face.

“If I never see them again, it’ll be too soon,” she said, closing the fridge door behind her.

Rowan paused on the way to his bedroom. “I thought you liked Essar.”

Aelin swallowed her mouthful of water and nodded. “Yeah okay, maybe Essar. But those other two. No thank you.”

Rowan laughed and continued on his way. He was hoping Aelin wouldn’t follow, wanting to escape her imminent teasing. He wasn’t going to get so lucky because as soon as he was through the doorway Aelin was leaning against it.

“Remelle is a delight,” Aelin was grinning as she said the words. Rowan just fixed her with her look that had her laughing. “I don’t know why you ever let her go.”

“Remelle was… a very, very big mistake,” Rowan said.

“She doesn’t seem to think so,” Aelin said, as she perched herself on his bed.

Rowan huffed a laugh. “She just wants what she can’t have. It’s not a new trait.”

“She was practically clawing at you,” Aelin said as she lent back on one of her hands as the other rubbed her belly.

“Remelle can claw as much as she wants, I’m not making that mistake again,” Rowan said as he took his phone out of his pocket and threw it on the bed.

“I could go stay with Elide just for the night, if you want to make sure,” Aelin added and she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing.

“Feel free to stop talking anytime now.” Rowan said as he pulled out some pants to sleep in from his drawer.

Aelin laid back on the bed then rolled on her side to face him. Rowan’s eyes caught on the neckline of her dress and what her new position did there. She didn’t seem to catch his gaze, luckily for him, then she smiled.

“Why, when it’s so much fun?” She stretched up and grabbed one of his pillows.

“Just make yourself at home why don’t you?” Rowan asked, but he was almost laughing.

“I just might, your bed is so much comfier than mine.” Then Aelin’s brow furrowed and she watched her stomach intently. Rowan was about to ask her what was wrong when she said. “I can feel the baby moving.”

“You’ve been feeling that for a while haven’t you?” Rowan said but he took a step closer.

“No I mean I can feel the baby moving, like from the outside,” Aelin explained, her voice almost a whisper. “Give me your hand.”

Rowan hesitated, he… he didn’t know if he should. This moment seemed too intimate to be sharing with her. But at the same time he wanted to. So he gave Aelin his hand and let her guide it to the right spot. She pressed it firmly against the fabric of her dress and he almost pulled away, not wanting to hurt her. But she held his hand there and they waited.

Then Rowan felt it, the smallest of movements under his hand and he swore his heart stopped dead in his chest. Aelin looked up at him, her face lit up in utter happiness.

“Did you feel it?” Her voice was breathless, excited.

Rowan swallowed, something akin to awe making his throat tight. “I did.”

Aelin laughed, unshed tears in her eyes. She looked so happy and as if she was burning with some inner light in that moment, all Rowan wanted to do was kiss her if only to drink in some of that unadulterated joy. That thought had Rowan’s heart stuttering and he felt the colour drain from his face. Aelin didn’t notice, she had sat up saying something about telling Lysandra and Aedion and she was gone from the room. Rowan just stared after her, then the empty space of his door long after she was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

Rowan had been quiet on their drive to the hospital for the ultrasound. Really, he had been quiet ever since they’d gone out to dinner with his old work colleagues. Aelin wasn’t sure if it was something she said or something she did, but he had skipped out of some of their evening movies together and when he did watch them he was flicking through his phone, instead of watching the movie with her. Aelin tried no to let it sting.

But it did.

Aelin wanted to apologise, but she didn’t know what she was supposed to apologise for. He had been fine immediately afterwards, something had changed when they got home. Maybe his big boss had got him in trouble for pissing off Remelle, or maybe it was Lorcan. Maybe he didn’t want to say anything to her about it so Aelin wouldn’t be upset. Whatever it was, it was making him distant and broody, and she thought he was past that. At least with her anyway.

Aelin sighed, she might regret this later but this cold silence was killing her. By some miracle her hyperemesis gravidarum had started to lessen. She was down to vomiting only three of four times a day, usually after waking up in the morning or after naps, and the anti nausea tablets were really keeping it under control now. But driving was still her nemesis.

“I don’t know why you booked the scan on the same day as the twins birthday party, I don’t know how I’m going to stay awake tonight,” Aelin said, half seriously complaining but was more looking to evoke a reaction from Rowan.

“I’m sorry,” Rowan said, keeping his eyes on the road. “I didn’t really think.”

He sounded so… Aelin didn’t know what, but it was enough that she didn’t want to tease him anymore. “It’s okay, I was just joking. I doubt I’ll want to stick around long anyway. I’m thinking an hour before the smell gets too much.”

Aelin smoothed her hands over her stomach, the baby was moving in what felt like little flips. She didn’t really have any idea how exactly it was moving around, but that’s what she imagined. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rowan glance over and she turned to him. There was the faintest hint of a smile on his face.

“Have you felt it again, from the outside?” Rowan asked.

Aelin remembered how Rowan had looked when he’d felt the baby. He had looked a little shocked but a little in awe as well. “A few times. I have to be lying a certain way and trying to relax. That seems to be when the baby likes to move around.”

The baby. It still felt so weird to say it. And if they were lucky they might be able to call it a boy or a girl after the scan.

“Do you…” Rowan started then took a moment to think. “Do you mind what it is? Boy or girl, I mean. Do you hope it’s one or the other?”

Aelin thought for a moment. “I know I should say just as long as it’s healthy I’ll be happy but,” Aelin paused again, shrugging. “I would like a girl. I know what to do with girls so it will be easier.” _Easier to do it by myself_ is what Aelin didn’t say out loud.

They hadn’t gone near that subject. Not with a ten foot pole. Aelin hadn’t dared bring it up, she remembered what their earlier conversations had been like when she first told Rowan about the pregnancy. She knew there was something that he wasn’t saying, something that made him distant. Maybe that was why he had been quiet these past few days. That _something_ had been stirred up again.

They pulled into the car park of the hospital and Rowan parked as close to the doors as he could. As expected, Aelin was feeling nauseous after the car ride so she was fairly slow getting out of the car. But Rowan had learnt his lesson and didn’t offer any help, just held the door open for her. By the time they got to the reception area for the ultrasound it was all bearable but Aelin chose to stand instead of sit, not being bothered to expend that extra energy.

It wasn’t too long before she heard her name being called by the ultrasound technician and Aelin headed into the examination room. She hesitated in the doorway when she realised she was not being followed. Turning she saw Rowan still sitting in a chair.

Aelin cocked her head in question. “You coming in?”

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to,” Rowan said.

Aelin shrugged feigning some nonchalance, “It’s up to you, but you are more than welcome. It is your baby, too.”

The words were out of her mouth before she even thought about what she was saying and she swore she saw Rowan flinch at them. But then he was getting up and following her in.

The technician was at the computer getting everything ready. Aelin didn’t wait for the instructions, she eased herself up on the table and relaxed back onto it. Pleasantries were exchanged and then Aelin was rolling up her shirt so that the technician could smooth out the gel with the wand. She tried not to, but still Aelin flinched at the coldness of it and the technician gave her a knowing smile.

“20 weeks,” she said, “officially halfway.”

Aelin started, she hadn’t thought of it that way. “Oh yeah, I guess I am.”

“Here we go,” the technician nodded to the screen.

Aelin’s heart was in her throat as she looked at the screen. It truly looked like a little baby now. It was losing its alien proportions and looked like a little tiny baby. A little tiny baby that was squirming about, wriggling and moving. Aelin could feel it inside as well. It was all so overwhelming.

She looked over at Rowan and he was looking at the screen, an unreadable expression on his face. Aelin didn’t look at him long, just a glance, she wanted to watch her baby again. The technician was doing what she needed, tapping at some buttons, and Aelin just looked at the screen trying to remember each second of it. Then she remembered Lysandra had asked her to take a photo so she could see. Aelin did one better, she took a video just as the baby jumped.

The technician laughed. “You’ve got quite a dancer there.”

Aelin loved dancing, so that made her smile.

“Alright, do you want to know the gender or are you keeping it a surprise?” She asked.

“I want to know,” Aelin said quickly, then added with a smile, “please.”

“Alright let’s see if our tiny dancer will cooperate.” The technician moved the wand around, almost squinting at the screen. It took her a few minutes but then she smiled. “Looks like we have a girl.”

Aelin was sure something in her chest had burst, whether it was out of relief or happiness she wasn’t sure

It was a girl, the baby was a little girl. Aelin was going to have a daughter.

~~~~~

“Looks like we have a girl.”

The words reverberated through Rowan’s body. It was a girl. He was going to have a daughter.

The realisation hit him like a brick in the face. There was going to be a little girl out in the world that biologically would be part of him, he was going to be a father. No, he _was_ already a father. The baby Aelin was carrying was his, that was his daughter.

Once upon a time this was in his future, but it was meant to be his wife beside him, not his roommate he had accidentally got pregnant. He would be holding Lyria’s hand, her chestnut eyes lit with excitement as they waited for the news. But they hadn’t made it this far and it was all his fault.

His baby… it wasn’t… Lyria was supposed to be the one he was here with.

Grief and shame and guilt hit Rowan like a thundering wave, pulling him under, drowning him. He couldn’t hear anything that was said in the room over to roaring in his ears. He had wanted to be a father, from the moment he married Lyria he wanted that for his future, for their future. And it would have been that way except for him and his stupidity. Lyria had not deserved the fate Rowan had caused for her. He felt ashamed for what she must think of him now from wherever she was.

He was a bastard, and a fool. He shouldn’t be a father.

It was Aelin chatting to the technician that brought him back to the present.

“I have, I read it was kind of early to feel the baby moving from the outside.”

The technician laughed. “Well considering how active she was, I’m not surprised.”

By now Aelin was all cleaned up and getting off the table. Instinctually Rowan offered his hand to help her down, which she took, but as soon as she was on the ground steady and safe he let her go. He couldn’t bear the contact.

The other night he had almost kissed her, the thought had haunted him for days. He was being drawn to her and he hated it, hated that pull he was feeling. Rowan hadn’t wanted this again, didn’t want the risk of his world being broken again. He had decided all those years ago that being on his own was the best, for him and everyone else. But now… now he was going to have a daughter. Gods, he couldn’t bear it. And the fact Aelin who was so strong and brave was caught up on it all threatened to pull Rowan under again.

Thankfully Aelin didn’t say much on the way back to his truck. She was busy on her phone, no doubt telling her friends the news. She didn’t notice the inner war Rowan was having with himself. He didn’t want her to notice, he didn’t want her to ask if he was alright, or what he was thinking after the ultrasound. He didn’t want to break the fragile happiness Aelin had.

The car ride was silent again, but he could tell Aelin was starting to not feel well as they got closer to home from the way she slumped on the window. Rowan was grateful for the silence all the way from the underground car park all the way up to the door of their apartment.

Once inside Aelin spoke. “I’m going to have a lie down so I can actually enjoy myself a little bit at the party tonight.”

She was almost at her bedroom door when Rowan stopped her. “I was thinking I’d head out early, see if the boys need help setting up or whatever.”

Aelin nodded, he could see that she was already exhausted. “Yeah that’s fine. I’ll get a ride with someone. I’ll be fine.”

When the door to Aelin’s room closed Rowan went to his own and swapped into a button down shirt. He needed to get out of the apartment; it was too close to everything that was pushing him to the edge.

~~~~~

Lysandra was the one who picked Aelin up. Aedion had gone straight from work to the pub where the party was, so when Aelin had asked Lysandra she was more than happy to come and get her. Aelin had chosen a loose green cotton dress, it was a little warm tonight and she didn’t feel like having her clothes hug her skin. She had even put on a little makeup, the first time in forever it felt like. All day she made sure she was on top of her meds and ate little bits here and there to try and hold off any nausea. Aelin wanted to enjoy tonight as long as she could.

Lysandra whistled when she saw Aelin. “Dressing up for someone special?”

Aelin rolled her eyes, but joined in on the joke. “No, I’m just hoping to get lucky.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be worse than what happened last time,” Lysandra gave her a pointed look to her stomach, but she was smiling.

“What’s the worst that could happen after this,” Aelin smoothed the dress over her stomach affectionately. “Just as long as it doesn’t involve vomiting for months straight I’d say that’s a win. And I can’t get more pregnant.”

Then she grabbed her bag and they were both headed for the door. As Aelin locked it behind her Lysandra said, “Just so you know, Aedion has watched that video like 50 times trying to work out what it is.”

“Ah-ah, no. I did not almost throw up cracking an egg into the packet mix cupcakes for nothing. I promised him I would tell him first,” Aelin said as she pushed the button for the elevator. In her bag in a little container was a single cupcake from a batch she had made yesterday for Aedion to eat, pink icing on the inside. It was just something cute to do for him because he was just so damn excited.

Soon enough they were in the car and Aelin was glad that the pub wasn’t too far away, she was just starting to get queasy as they arrived. It was one of their more frequented places and the twins had booked one of the more private function rooms for it. Lysandra led the way in and as soon as they both walked into the room they were spotted.

“Aelin!” Fenrys all but yelled when he saw her and soon she was sandwiched between the twins in a gentle but inescapable hug. “We’ve missed you!”

“Throwing up constantly is a bit of a mood killer,” Aelin as they let her go. “Happy birthday, boys.”

First Connall, then Fenrys, kissed her cheek.

“You have a reserved table over there,” Connall pointed towards the back of the room. “It literally has your name at.”

“Thank you,” Aelin laughed but she was touched by their concern and kindness.

Aelin headed for it, Lysandra on her heels and they found Aedion seated at her table. Her name indeed was on it, on a folded piece of cardboard written in gold and decorated with all kinds of glitter. Aelin made a note not to touch it, otherwise she’d never get the glitter off her hands.

Aedion grinned when she saw her, watching her expectantly. “Well?”

Aelin pulled the container from her bag and put it on the table in front of Aedion.

“It’s not my birthday,” he said.

“Just bite into the damn thing, then look inside,” Aelin said and Aedion opened the container up. He did as Aelin told him to, taking a bite and then looking inside. Aelin couldn’t help but smile as Aedion started to grin.

“A girl?” He asked.

Aelin nodded and he stood up and hugged Lysandra, almost bone crushingly tight.

“I’m getting a niece!” He cheered then kissed his girlfriend’s cheek. He let her go to then supposedly tell the whole room about it as he started to mingle amongst the people, cupcake in hand and still cheering. “I’m getting a niece.”

Lysandra sat in Aedion’s vacated seat. “He’s a bit cute.”

Aedion practically had Vaughan in a headlock, showing him the pink icing on the inside of the cake.

Aelin laughed. “He is a bit.”

Aelin looked away from Aedion scanning the room for someone else. Rowan had said that he’d come to help set up, what exactly Aelin had no idea, there were next to no decorations. Yet she hadn’t seen him here. Something was wrong, she could tell. Aelin just wanted to make sure he was okay.

~~~~~

Rowan hadn’t gone to to help set up, he’d gone to a kick-boxing gym instead. He had a set of workout clothes as well as some other gym necessities in a bag in the truck, so he’d changed there and left his shirt hanging in the locker. He needed to clear his head and punching the shit of a padded bag was the best thing he could think of. He’d wrapped his hands but he had punched so hard for so long they were still pink and raw by the time he was done. In the shower Rowan finally came to a decision.

Aelin would be fine, she had the friends who would support her through this. She wouldn’t need him, the baby wouldn’t need him. While they lived together he would keep helping her, she deserved that after everything he had done and said. But beyond that, it was better for her if he let her go. It didn’t matter how or what he felt. Aelin didn’t deserve his confusion and pain. So instead he would feel nothing at all.

After his shower he’d driven to the pub, the party was about an hour from starting but he didn’t feel like prying questions from any early attendees so he ordered a beer and found a table in a secluded corner well out of sight of where the function room was. She noticed him first, Rowan wasn’t really looking away from his phone and she had come to him.

“Do you mind?”

Rowan looked up to see a pretty woman, black haired and brown eyed. She was exactly everything Aelin was not, almost her opposite in every way. Maybe that’s why he had shook his head and smiled as she took a seat.

“You looked so sad over here by yourself, I thought you might want some company,” the woman said. “I’m Sara.”

She extended her hand over the table and Rowan shook it. “Rowan.”

Sara cocked her head, eyeing him curiously. “So Rowan, why do you look so sad?”

“I’d rather not talk about that,” Rowan said, slipping his phone into his pocket.

Sara lent on the table. “What would you like to talk about then?”

Rowan only said one word. “You.”

They had outright flirted, Rowan asking her about herself and her answers were strewn with sultry laughs and sly glances. He lost track of time and it wasn’t until his phone buzzed in his pocket that he realised how late it was. Lorcan was calling, probably drawing the short straw to check where he was. Rowan didn’t bother answering, it would take him less than a minute to walk over.

“I’ve got a party in the room over here. I’ve got to make an appearance, would you mind waiting for me if I promise I won’t be long?”

Sara nodded, her full bottom lip caught beneath her teeth.

“Great, I’ll see you soon,” Rowan said and left her at the table.

The room was fairly crowded when Rowan entered and he looked for the twins so he could say happy birthday to them, his obligation over with. They were easy enough to spot and Rowan said hello and happy birthday to both. Then he joined Vaughan over by the wall, not really in the mood for socialising.

“You’re late,” Vaughan said. “I thought you would have come with Aelin.”

Rowan shook his head. “No, I had some things to do in town.”

Vaughan left it at that. Without his permission Rowan’s eyes began to search Aelin out, he saw her near the back of the room sitting at a table with Lysandra and Elide, Aedion standing behind his girlfriend’s chair. Elide was saying something and they were all listening intently, then they burst out laughing. Seeing her happy like that, seeing her bright and content, only helped to solidify Rowan’s decision. Aelin didn’t need him, she would be fine.

Rowan stayed for another 20 minutes, mainly just to eat some of the canapés that were being served. Then he told Vaughan he was going out the the bar to grab a drink and left.

~~~~~

Aelin swore she had seen him standing over by the wall with Vaughan. Elide had been in the middle of a story when she had spotted him. Then the fries Aedion had set down were a distraction, but now Aelin was focused on finding him. She weaved through the guests until she found Vaughan leaning on the wall.

“Hey have you seen Rowan?” She asked him.

“Yeah, went to get a drink a bit ago. Haven’t seen him since,” he said.

“Thanks,” Aelin said, she was about to go searching for him but then she had another idea. All Rowan’s co-workers were bordering on freakishly tall. “Can you see him?”

Vaughan stood up to his full height and glanced around the room. “Nope.”

“Thanks again,” Aelin said then headed for the door. Maybe there was a line for the drinks, she would go out and check. She felt like a lemonade anyway.

Aelin headed for the bar, but she never made it there to get her lemonade. She was almost to the counter when she spied a familiar head of silver hair in the corner. But he wasn’t alone. There was a black haired woman next to him, almost sitting in his lap really. Her fingers ran up his forearm and he lent in to whisper something in her ear. Aelin was frozen in place, she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t look away as Rowan pulled back a little and the woman nodded. All she could do was stare when Rowan lent in again, this time the woman did as well and their lips met.

Aelin felt like she had been punched in the chest, like the floor had fallen out from under her. She realised she had been in denial, was lying to herself. It wasn’t hormones, it wasn’t just gratitude. She had been falling in love with Rowan and she wanted it to be her he was kissing right now.

As he cupped the woman’s face with his hand Aelin couldn’t stand it anymore. She could feel the phantom touch of it as he had done the same thing to her all those months ago. Aelin fled back to the party, desperately wanting to forget what she had just witnessed. She couldn’t, tears were starting to sting her eyes. She had to keep it together until she could make it outside. But first she needed to find Lysandra. Aelin needed to go home.

Lysandra was still at the table, blessedly alone. She knew something was wrong as soon as she saw Aelin’s face.

“Aelin what —“

“I need you to take me home, Lys,” Aelin said, “please.”

Her voice broke on the last word and it was Lysandra who grabbed their things before linking her arm with Aelin’s. It was the chill in the night air cooling the hot tears on her cheeks that told Aelin she was crying. They didn’t stop falling the whole way home, Lysandra didn’t ask what was wrong. She would wait until Aelin was ready to talk. But Aelin wasn’t ready to voice what she had seen and what she was feeling.

Lysandra helped her all the way up to her apartment, a steady, comforting presence. Aelin sat on her bed and Lysandra knelt in front of her.

“Do you need anything?” She asked, Aelin shook her head. “Do you want me to stay?” Again Aelin shook her head. “It’s not the baby, is it?”

“No,” Aelin said quietly.

“Alright, I’ll have my phone right next to me all night. You call me if you need anything,” Lysandra said.

Aelin nodded this time and her friend stood up, pressing a kiss to Aelin’s head before leaving her in the silent room. All Aelin did was pull off her shoes and turn off the light before she crawled into bed and let her tears sweep her away into a heavy oblivion.


	19. Chapter 19

Rowan’s phone went off in his pocket. Just the once at first and he tried to ignore it, instead he focused on to losing himself in the woman who was currently providing a more entertaining distraction with her lips pressed to his. But it went off again. 

“One second,” he said as he pulled out his phone. Rowan had expected taunting and teasing, thinking maybe someone had spotted him out here on their way to get a drink but the messages he saw took him by surprise. They were from Lysandra.

_I’ve taken Aelin home. Maybe check on her in the morning._

Then there was another sent a little later.

_Never mind. Don’t concern yourself._

Rowan’s brow furrowed in confusion. What did that mean? 

“Everything alright?” Sara asked, toying with the collar of his shirt.

Rowan slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Yeah, everything is fine.”

Sara smiled, “I was thinking, maybe we could go back to your place?”

The question took him by surprise, it shouldn’t have, considering what they had been doing and her intentions had been clear from the start. We’d welcomed her advances, but now when it came to calling it, Rowan was hesitating. 

“I have a roommate,” Rowan said as Sara traced the lines of his tattoo on his forearm. That felt wrong, the sight of her touching that tattoo had his jaw clenching. He used that arm to reach over and drain the rest of his drink. He couldn’t bring this woman into Aelin’s space, cause and intrusion like that. Her routine was fragile enough without a stranger messing it up.

“Mine then?” Sara suggested, determined not to give up.

 _No_. The thought resounded in his mind. If he went back to Sara’s he wouldn’t be there for Aelin in the morning and that was when she actually needed him. And after what Lysandra had said, there was something wrong and despite her dismissal Rowan was still concerned and he wanted to make sure Aelin was okay. He refused to acknowledge the other feelings of disquiet that nagged at the back of his mind as to why exactly he didn’t want to take Sara to bed.

“I don’t think I can. I should probably go.” There was no point in leading her on anymore. He’d decided and it was time for him to go. “I had fun,” he assured her.

Sara sighed but she still smiled at him. “I’m glad I could cheer you up. I’ll give you my number, maybe another time?”

Rowan unlocked his phone and gave it to Sara and she typed in her number, her false nails tapping on the screen. She passed the phone back to him, her number saved with her name finished with the lips emoji. As she stood she kissed him again, this one no doubt to tempt him into reconsidering. And she was good, very good, but he wouldn’t.

“Please, call me,” she whispered into his lips then left him with one last quick kiss.

She walked away, and gave him a glance over her shoulder. Rowan barely saw it. He had his messages open and was typing a text. 

_I’m about to come home. You need anything?_

He waited a few moments, but the message didn’t come up as seen. Rowan went to the bathroom and then walked out to his car without bothering going back to the party, no longer feling like being around people. Just before getting into the driver’s seat he checked his phone again, still nothing. Assuming Aelin must already be asleep Rowan turned the key in the ignition and drove home.

The apartment was completely silent when he walked through the front door, no lights on either. On memory he made his way to the kitchen before he turned a light on. He got Aelin a couple of tablets, a packet of crackers and a fresh water bottle from the fridge. If he accidentally slept in on his day off tomorrow he didn’t want to leave her without what she needed when she woke up. 

As quietly as he could Rowan eased her door open, cringing when it creaked, but Aelin didn’t stir. He didn’t look at her as he gently put her things on her bedside table. When he turned to leave the room Aelin stirred, rolling over to face him. Not for the first time she was struck by how beautiful she was. In sleep she looked less troubled, calmer, had a softness to her face that he didn’t often see. Rowan looked away, he didn’t want to dwell on it, it would come to nothing… those lines of thought. So he left her room, closing the door behind him.

Rowan headed to the bathroom, needing to wash away the feeling of the pub off him, the feeling of Sara’s hands and lips. Here in the apartment he couldn’t stand it, it left him feeling dirty. He tried not to think about why as he stripped off his clothes and turned the water to near scalding and stepped beneath it.

~~~~~

Aelin knew it was late when she woke up, she knew she had slept in way past when her usual wake up time. Her entire body was protesting against moving but with the way her stomach was feeling she knew she didn’t have long until she would need to throw up. So even though her head was pounding from crying herself to sleep and her legs felt weak, Aelin pushed herself up and stumbled to the bathroom. She managed to heave only the once before she got there, then all too soon she was emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl. 

The memory of Rowan kissing the random girl at the pub kept resurfacing, making her heave harder. Her heart hurt. She hadn’t realised the full extent of her feelings for Rowan until they were thrown in her face. Maybe he had realised before she did, maybe that’s why he had been distancing himself. Aelin understood why, she was a mess. No one would want her right now.

Aelin used the basin to help her stand so she could wash her mouth out and brush her teeth. She refused to look up at her reflection, not ready to face herself. She was dreading the thought of going out into the communal space, would the girl be in the apartment? Would she be in the kitchen wearing nothing but one of Rowan’s shirts? The thought had tears pricking at her eyes. She shouldn’t be getting upset by this, she didn’t even know if it was true. 

With the taste of vomit out of her mouth Aelin took a moment to think and just gather herself together, she needed to get food into her system. She was craving something salty, but not something dry, it might get stuck in her throat with how tight it felt. There were instant noodle cups in the cupboard, she might have one of those instead. They could easily be ready and taken back to her room. Initially Aelin assumed that Rowan wouldn’t come home last night at all with how that woman had almost been in his lap as they kissed, but the items on her nightstand told another story. Remembering last night had Aelin feeling sick again, but she clamped down on that nausea before she threw up. 

The baby started moving, looking like it had woken up, and Aelin smiled. At least one thing in her life was able to bring her joy. She should probably start calling the baby a she now that they knew. Yesterday was supposed to be such a happy day, but Rowan had gone and ruined it with his stupidity. Or maybe it was hers. That sadness that threatened to pull her under shifted into something new, something burning, a kind of anger that gave her the strength to push off the basin and walk out to the kitchen. If this is the way things were now, fine. Whether or not she had to be happy about it was another matter.

~~~~~

It was the slamming of the kitchen cupboards that woke Rowan up. He groaned as he rolled over and looked at his phone. He saw the time and rubbed at his eyes as he tried to focus on the messages. There were a bunch in the group chat that he thought he might ignore for a little while longer. Because of the party last night they had all been given a very rare day off and had closed the gym for the whole Sunday, and didn’t feel like exposing himself to their antics just yet. There were also some from Sara, Rowan decided to ignore those too. Dropping his phone onto his pillow he went to investigate the commotion in the kitchen and to see if Aelin needed help.

The kettle was boiling when he walked into the kitchen, and Aelin had one of those poison filled noodle cups prepped on the bench. If she knew he was there she didn’t show it. 

“Those things will kill you, you know,” Rowan said. 

Aelin didn’t look at him as she shook the packet of flavouring. “You know what will actually kill me? Not eating.”

Rowan brow furrowed at her tone, she sounded… angry. The switch on the kettle clicked and Aelin picked it up and poured the hot water in the noodles.

“I can make you something else if you want,” Rowan said. When the only response was silence he offered again. “Sit down, I can get you whatever.”

“I don’t want you to, Rowan.” Her voice broke on his name, so subtly that he almost missed it. But she still refused to look at him as she got a fork from the drawer, slamming it shut. 

He wanted to ask her if she was all right as she walked past him and into her bedroom, the words were on the tip of his tongue. But it seemed that Aelin didn’t want his company right now, or even speak to him. Rowan decided it would be best to get out of here for a while so she could move around the apartment without him getting in the way. So he headed to his room to get ready to leave to give Aelin the space she obviously needed.

About an hour later Rowan was knocking on Lorcan’s door, assuming he would be the least drunk of his friends. When Lorcan opened the door he looked visibly surprised. 

“If you’ve come to complain about your worries about knocking up another unsuspecting woman last night, you’ve come to the wrong place,” Lorcan said as he held the door open.

“What? I didn’t. Nothing like that happened last night,” Rowan said, feeling himself getting ready to go on the defensive.

“Could’ve fooled me,” a female voice said from inside the apartment.

Rowan looked over Lorcan’s shoulder and saw Elide on the couch, arms crossed and glaring at him.

“How did your night go, Rowan?” She simpered at him.

Lorcan stepped aside so Rowan could come into the apartment. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to, he felt like he was walking into some kind of trap.

“Why are you here?” Lorcan asked as he moved towards the kitchen.

“Aelin seemed pissed off this morning so I thought I’d give her some space,” Rowan explained.

“Maybe it’s because you were sticking your tongue down some random woman’s throat last night,” Elide said as if she hadn’t just thrown a grenade at his feet. 

“Who told?” Rowan asked.

“I saw you,” Elide said as she picked up a discarded magazine and began to flick through it. Viciously. “If you were so concerned about not being seen you shouldn’t have picked a public space.”

Rowan ran his hand over his hair, if Elide had seen him he doubted there wasn’t anyone amongst their group of friends that didn’t know. The thought that Aelin knew had his stomach dropping. 

“You told her?” Rowan asked, he made sure to watch his tone with the glare Lorcan was sending him.

Elide closed the magazine, slamming it rather, then she was up, advancing on him and Rowan found himself being backed up to the door. “I didn’t tell Aelin anything. None of us did. But she went to the bar to get a drink and she came back in tears and Lysandra took her home. All because you couldn’t keep it in your gods-damned pants.”

Rowan sent a pleading look to Lorcan but he stayed where he was and said nothing, he only shrugged as if to say _she’s not wrong_.

Aelin had been in tears. Why? Surely it wasn’t over him. “So what? Why would that upset her?”

Elide turned to Lorcan. “He’s not serious. Please tell me he’s not serious.”

Rowan turned to Lorcan as well. He just shook his head from where lent against the kitchen’s island bench.

“Not serious about what?” He asked, glancing between the two of them.

Elide lunged for him, looking as if she might strangle him, and Rowan hit the door as he managed to back away just that little bit further. Lorcan was there half a moment later restraining the small woman who most definitely had murder in her eyes. 

“Elide, sweetheart, I would prefer it if you didn’t murder my friend right now. Maybe we can go down to the boxing ring at the gym and then you can have a go at him? Considering his stupidity track record I’m not surprised he hasn’t realised Aelin is in love with him,” Lorcan said placatingly, then added with a glance at Rowan. “He just hasn’t allowed himself to admit how much he cares yet.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rowan said. It was an outright lie.

Of course Elide knew it too and lunged for him again but Lorcan reacted instantly and picked Elide up and threw her over his shoulder. “Alright feisty pants, let’s go.”

The dark haired woman glared at Rowan as she was carried away, pure wrath in her eyes. “We’re not finished,” Elide said pointing a damning finger at him. 

He didn’t understand, Aelin wasn’t in love with him. He had feelings, he knew that. But he thought they were only one sided. But from what Elide had told him about Aelin’s reaction last night after she had seen him and Sara together and the way she had acted this morning… apparently he was wrong.

He heard voices coming from the bedroom, Lorcan’s apartment was small enough and the walls thin enough that it wasn’t hard for Rowan to overhear what Lorcan and Elide were saying. 

“He’s a gods-damned dumbass!” Elide all but yelled.

There was a pause and then Lorcan spoke. “I know. Let me talk to him. If that doesn’t work, you can have a turn.”

“I’ll murder him, I swear I will,” Elide promised.

“Maybe not murder, El. Maim him, but not murder. I’d prefer my girlfriend not to go to prison,” Lorcan reasoned.

“Stop trying to make jokes, this isn’t funny. And I make no promises,” Elide all but seethed.

“Look, if that’s the best you can do, that’s fair,” Lorcan said.

Rowan was a little stunned as he finally made his way to the couch and sat down. Lorcan came out of the bedroom a moment later and shut the door behind him. Rowan was leaning his head on the back of the couch, he heard, rather than saw Lorcan sit in the other chair.

“Was I the only one who didn’t know Aelin had feelings for me?” Rowan asked, staring at the white ceiling.

Lorcan’s voice held absolutely no inflection, only brutal honesty when he said, “Yes.”

Rowan felt sick to the pit of his stomach.

“Look, I’m not going to pretend I like Aelin, or even tolerate her, but she doesn’t deserve this. She has enough shit to deal with, she doesn’t need you projecting your issues onto her,” Lorcan said.

Rowan looked up then and looked at his friend. Really looked at him. Lorcan and Aelin couldn’t stand each other. Even when Aelin and he were on less than cordial terms she had loathed Lorcan just that little bit more, and Lorcan felt much the same. And to hear him come to her defence like this was more than a little unsettling. When had Rowan become the one to be the most disconnected from Aelin? Given what they had been through together these past months it didn’t make sense. 

“I don’t want to hurt her. It’s better for Aelin and the baby if I stay out of their lives. Regardless of how she feels,” Rowan swallowed and looked away. “Regardless of what I feel. Look at what happened last time. I changed after the accident, I lost parts of myself. Who I was with Lyria, I am not that man anymore.” _A man who could care, a man who could love_ was what Rowan didn’t say aloud. 

“Rowan, I get it. But Aelin isn’t Lyria. This is a totally new set of circumstances. You can’t keep holding onto the past,” Lorcan said. “You’ve been looking after Aelin, and the baby, for months now. Are you telling me that means nothing? Because it certainly doesn’t seem like it to me. You care for her more than you’re willing to admit to yourself. Aelin and the baby do not deserve you running away again because you’re in denial or scared. Because that’s what you are Rowan, you are terrified of letting yourself be open to something good again.”

“Getting her water and meds isn’t the same and being part of their lives,” Rowan said as he stood and began to pace, his heart pounding as he spoke the words. “I’m not someone who can do that in the long run. It’s not fair to them, they don’t deserve some half-assed attempt, so I’m choosing to walk away now and save them the hurt. What is wrong with that?”

Lorcan let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. “I don’t think that’s entirely your decision to make. I think you should go talk to her Rowan. And I’m not sure how much longer I can hold Elide off when you keep saying these stupid and idiotic things.”

Rowan stopped pacing and was quiet for a few long moments. Lorcan was right, Aelin didn’t deserve this. Without even saying goodbye he left Lorcan’s apartment and went down to his truck. He didn’t leave straight away, he sat there thinking, figuring out what he would do next. 

Aelin deserved to know the truth at least, and then she would understand why he couldn’t do this, understand why it was best for him to stay out of her life. Rowan wouldn’t deny that it was for selfish reasons as well. If he went down that road with her, and something happened to her — or the baby — Rowan wouldn’t be able to bear it. His chest seized at the thought of that. That was enough to tell him enough about what his feelings truly were. And if he somehow caused it… He looked down at the tattoo on his arm that served as a reminder of his pain, guilt and shame. Aelin and the baby were another physical reminder of what should have been blaring in his face everyday. The real shield to his pain was being a hard hearted bastard, that would be the easiest way for him to walk away. With that finalising thought Rowan started the ignition.

He would go home, he would tell Aelin the truth. Then he would let her go. 

~~~~~

Aelin reclined on the couch rubbing at the underside of her stomach. She had spent the last half hour on the phone with Yrene worried about the pain she was getting. After explaining exactly where the pain was, how it felt, how consistent it was Yrene had assured her that it was most likely something called round ligament pain — a very common and normal part of pregnancy apparently. Although her words had reassured Aelin, Yrene insisted that if she was at all worried she should go down to the hospital and see the midwives at the maternity ward. But from what Yrene had said, Aelin was at ease enough to stay home.

What she was most concerned about now was getting back to her bedroom. Elide had sent her a text a little while ago saying that Rowan had left Lorcan’s apartment meaning he would probably be home soon. Aelin wasn’t ready to face him again, she was probably going to start crying again if she saw him. Her emotional capacity was at its limit and she was still reeling from last night’s brutal revelation about how deep her feelings for Rowan went. The anger was mostly gone now, Aelin just felt deflated and anxious instead.

Aelin shuffled forward to the edge of the couch and used the arm to push herself up. As her stomach grew her manoeuvrability was lessening, she wasn’t looking forward to when she was the size of a planet and the difficulties that would pose. She had just stepped from around the couch when she heard the front door open and she froze. She’d taken too long. 

Rowan didn’t notice her at first and Aelin took him in. He looked as if he’d been hit by a bus, his hair was so out of place he must have run his hands through it a hundred times. That anger that had been burning since this morning guttered to nothing more than an ember. Instead of feeling angry Aelin felt something else, something softer. Maybe it was pity, she couldn’t tell. Just then Rowan looked up at her, something like devastation in his eyes. Something was wrong.

For a long moment they just looked at each other, neither saying anything. Aelin cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry for snapping this morning,” she said. She couldn’t think of what else to say. And she was sorry, Rowan wasn’t a mind reader. How was he supposed to know what he had done had hurt her. Rowan shrugged and went to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, Aelin followed tentatively. Common sense was telling her to go back to her room, to leave him be. But that stupid and idiotic part of her wanted to make sure he was okay. “Rowan, what is it?”

Rowan looked up at her, his face hard but his eyes were a sea of confusion. She stepped towards him, the water forgotten on the bench. Unwittingly her hand rose, resting on his cheek, despite it all she could see he was warring with himself and Aelin wanted to soothe it, to help him. More than anything it was the longing for him that hit her like a stone. She had spent so long dodging and denying it, putting down to exhaustion and gratitude and hormones. But it wasn’t any of that really. She cared for Rowan and she didn’t want to see him like this.

She stroked her thumb across his cheekbone and he stared at her. Then she saw his green eyes go flat and dull, in a way she hadn’t seen in months, and he pulled her hand away from his cheek.

“Don’t touch me like that,” Rowan said as he dropped her wrist, like it had burned him.

That was enough to spark the smouldering anger in Aelin, the flames began dancing and flickering. She’d had enough.

“Why do you do this, Rowan?” Aelin said quietly. “Why do you push me away?

Rowan said nothing. He just turned his back to her and braced his arms on the sink. The apartment was absolutely silent for seconds that seemed to stretch out for eternity before Rowan spoke. “I know you saw me last night, I know why you were upset.”

Aelin’s heart beat so hard she could hear it in her ears. He _knew_. He knew what exactly? Rowan continued to stare out the kitchen window, not looking at her. 

“Don’t do this, Rowan,” Aelin breathed, trying to fuel the anger and not the panic that was rising in her. “Don’t go back to what you were before.”

Rowan turned then, one hand still gripping the edge of the sink, an anger burning in him as well. “Go back? I haven’t changed, this is who I am.”

“You’re a lying bastard. Anyone with any amount of sense could see that you’ve changed. I’ve changed too, and I would say for the better,” Aelin told him

His eyes flashed. “What is it that you want from me?”

“I want you to admit to the truth. You’re scared of the way I make you feel because you don’t want to feel anything at all.”

Aelin spat the words at Rowan, each one laced with disappointment and anger. She had thought that maybe they were becoming something more. But it seemed Rowan would rather continue his bleak existence than be with her. With _them_. It was that thought that had Aelin stepping back, her heart sinking, had her recoiling from the hardness in Rowan’s eyes. She would be left. Again. And this time it wouldn’t be just her it would hurt because of it.

Rowan’s grip on the sink tightened, the muscles of his back taught, like he was holding back from something.

“Just admit it Rowan. Just admit it so we can finally be honest with each other,” Aelin said. Utterly defeated.

Rowan turned to face her fully, the look on his face had Aelin rooted to the spot. She couldn’t read his gaze but the intensity of it kept her eyes locked with his. 

“There is nothing that I can give you. Nothing I want to give you. You are not owed an explanation for what I do with my life, the choices I make. What you want to do with your life does not concern me.” Rowan’s eyes dropped to her stomach as her hand protectively rested there. “You offered me an out and I’m taking it.”

There was a roaring in her ears, her face burned — whether from embarrassment or anger she didn’t know. She stepped back and hissed as the round ligament pain flared again. Rowan took a step towards her, his hand extended ready to help. Aelin couldn’t bear for him to touch her so she held up a hand to stop him, he dropped his hand but he was still standing close, too close. “Don’t touch me,” she seethed echoing his sentiments from earlier. “Why are you doing this Rowan?” Aelin demanded, her voice so much steadier than she felt. “Why?”

That last word was the breaking of her self control as her voice rose and it echoed in the apartment.

Rowan answered her, his voice hollow. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.” He stepped back from her and Aelin looked up, his face was so hard, cold and hard and unyielding. Then he said the words again. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.”

He moved past her, careful not to touch her in the tight space of the kitchen and then he was slamming the door behind him, leaving Aelin standing there spiralling and falling, to where she didn’t know.


	20. Chapter 20

The hallway was silent as Rowan stormed over to the elevator, pushing the button much harder than needed. He braced his arm on the wall, his head pressing on his forearm. So many emotions were warring within him, it was making him feel sick. And angry. 

When he’d left Lorcan’s he had been determined to talk to Aelin, tell her about his past and the truth of why he couldn’t do this. But then she had touched him, so gently like she could soothe that raging battle within him. But it hadn’t, instead it had made him put his walls up, made him fight back when she offered him kindness. He had gripped the kitchen bench hard enough that his hands had hurt. But he did to stop himself from reaching for her, to stop him falling to his knees and begging for her forgiveness.The things he said should have never left his mouth, he had panicked and lashed out, he had made sure she would stay away from him by any means.

He was a gods-damned bastard.

His fist slammed against the wall just as the elevator doors opened. Rowan went to step inside, but he stopped.

_What was he doing?_

He’d been doing this too long, running from whatever took too much of him to deal with. It was how he’d ended but in Terrasen in the first place, running from his pain, his responsibilities. The reactions of an immature boy. That’s not what he wanted to be anymore, he had punished himself for long enough. It’s not what Aelin deserved. It what _he_ deserved, and it had taken him years to realise it.

The elevator doors closed behind him as he walked away and back to their apartment.

When he opened the door and he found Aelin still standing in the kitchen, one arm wrapped around herself the other braced on the counter. He could see her shoulders move as she breathed heavily. Rowan heard a pained sound come from her lips, and that had him shutting the door behind him and rushing to her. That sound had her turning to him and she watched him take those last few hurried steps. Rowan could see her tears reflecting in the light and she looked utterly lost. But as he got closer her demander changed, she drew herself up, that lost look turning into anger.

“Aelin, I —“ 

The sound of her hand hitting his cheek resounded through the apartment. 

“I don’t know where you get off Rowan, but I can’t do this. I can’t…” She took a deep breath as her voice cracked. “I don’t know what bullshit excuse you’ve come up with to rationalise whatever is going on in your head, but I don’t know what I am supposed to feel anymore. What I do know is that you’re a bastard and liar. I know I can’t deal with you running every time you get scared.”

“I know,” Rowan said quietly, hands still by his side. He didn’t touch his stinging cheek. “I realise that my running… it’s not the right thing to do. It never has been.”

Aelin just glared at him, and he saw a single tear roll down her cheeks. She wiped it away as if she was furious that it fell without her permission. Then she looked down, one hand resting on her stomach. Rowan watched the gesture, something in his chest ached at it.

“I can’t,” Aelin said as she turned away from him, the door to her bedroom closing almost silently. 

Rowan wished he would have slammed it, wished she had been angry and raging. Because this alternative, this quiet sadness, it threatened to break Rowan wide open.

~~~~~

Aelin’s hands were shaking as she closed the door behind her. She was feeling too much, it was consuming her, threatened to start burning her to ash. 

Rowan had come back. She hadn’t expected him to, he ran, that’s what he did. But he had come back to her and told her he was done running. Warm tears rolled down her cheeks. She hated them, she hated this, hated that she was alone and confused. 

Her baby started moving, the feeling of it making her feel a little queasy on top of everything else, so Aelin sat down on the bed. She blew out a few breaths through tight lips just trying to calm herself, calm the way her heart was racing.

Aelin didn’t know what to do. 

Should she go and hear Rowan out? Should she leave? The slap to his face left her feeling no regrets, if anything it was a long time coming. 

The phone ringing on her bedside table had Aelin jarring out of her thoughts. She moved around to the other side of the bed to see who it was. It was Elide. Aelin couldn’t bring herself to answer, not right now at least. If she spoke she didn’t know what might come tumbling out. But it seemed Elide was relentless, calling and texting non stop. Aelin finally answered after seeing a text that said if she didn’t pick up Elide was coming over. 

Elide didn’t bother with pleasantries, didn’t give Aelin a chance to say hello, before she was demanding to know what happened. “What did he say when he got home?”

Aelin’s breath rattled as she tried to speak, but couldn’t.

“Gods, Aelin what happened?” Elide asked, her voice taking on a quiet concern. 

“Why did he go to Lorcan’s?” Aelin asked, buying herself some time.

Elide told her, told her everything that had happened. Despite how she felt, Aelin barked a laugh at Elide being carried away by Lorcan to stop her from handing Rowan his ass. When she was done Elide asked Aelin to tell her what happened once Rowan got home. Elide’s anger managed to rekindle Aelin’s and she told her friend what Rowan had said, how he reacted. Aelin could feel Elide’s anger rising through the phone.

“Pack a bag,” Elide said tightly. “I’m coming to get you.”

“Elide, I…” Aelin said then took a breath. “I’m not leaving, I’m not going to move out. I can’t do that right now.”

“I know, I don’t think you’re right, but I know. Just stay with me for a night or two. Give you two some space,” Elide explained, then she sighed heavily into the phone like what she was about to say hurt her in some way. “I think you should go hear Rowan out. He came back, he came back straight away which he hasn’t done before. And if you know you’ll be able to think clearer, have all the information before you make any decisions. I’ll leave in five minutes, I’ll see you soon. Love you, Ae.”

“Love you too,” Aelin said and hung up. She gave herself five minutes to dry her tears, pack a few changes of clothes into a bag, and just breath. Then she opened the door to her bedroom and walked out.

Rowan was sitting on the couch, elbows resting on his knees. Aelin didn’t bother to hide her approach as she rounded the couch and stood in front of the TV, putting the coffee table between the two of them and crossed her arms over her chest. Rowan looked up at her, something like devastation on his face. Aelin’s heart twisted at the sight of it but that was the extent of how much she let it affect her. She chose the burning anger as her defence, she would not break again.

“You have exactly twenty-three minutes before Elide gets here, and she won’t be bringing Lorcan. If you have something to say I suggest you do it now.”

~~~~~

Aelin stood in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest, watching him expectantly. Rowan knew she had been crying even though her face was harsh and distant, her eyes were red-rimmed and her cheeks still flushed. 

“I want to be better,” Rowan admitted, feeling as if he was laying part of his soul at Aelin’s feet. 

“Why?” Was all she asked, her expression softening just in the slightest.

“Because it’s what you deserve,” Rowan said and Aelin took in a shuddering breath. “There are things I want to tell you. Will you let me?”

Aelin only nodded before she walked over to the armchair and eased herself into it. He felt that need to help her, just like when she had hissed in pain in the kitchen when they were arguing, but she wouldn’t want his help. Rowan didn’t know where to look so he chose his clasped hands in front of him as he began to drag up the words he needed to say. They fought and rebelled but Rowan fought back. He was done running.

“I was 20 when I married Lyria, only just. She was 19 and she was this bright happy light in my life. We were only married a few months before she got pregnant. We were young, poor and a little stupid, but we were happy. I went out one night, Lyria wanted me to stay home, we’d both been working so hard just trying to save money for the baby, even though we hadn’t told anyone yet. But it was Vaughan’s birthday and I didn’t want to miss out. So I went.” Rowan’s hands started to shake and he clasped them tighter. “I was wasted so she came to get me. We lived a little ways out of town, had to drive along a highway to get to the bar I was at. A truck driver fell asleep, hit them head on.” _Them_. The word rang in his head. 

“I’m so sorry,” Aelin whispered.

Rowan couldn’t look at her, not yet. Not when his mind was full of Lyria. “I ran from it all. I was there for the funeral, but then I ran. My family tried, but I pushed them away until they stopped. I got offered the job to start up a gym here with Lorcan and I took it without hesitation. My friends only ended up here because of the gym and the fact Lorcan and I couldn’t do it by ourselves. It was them who actually brought me back to some semblance of existence. Before all that just to feel something, or to punish myself, I was never quite sure, I got this tattoo,” Rowan nodded at his arm. “It’s a reminder of my shame and guilt. I should have stayed with her, she had all but begged me. But I was young and the thought of missing out made me stubborn and arrogant enough that I went anyway. So I lost her. I lost them. A day doesn’t go by where I don’t blame myself for what happened.”

Rowan risked a glance at Aelin, she was wiping away tears from her eyes, on hand resting on her stomach.

“I’m not using it as an excuse for how I’ve treated you, Aelin. Nothing excuses what I said and what I did, but it’s just why I ran,” Rowan said, then he looked over at her, looked into her eyes. “Because I am terrified that if something happens to you or the baby it might just break me entirely, so it was easier to shut you out.”

Aelin only held his gaze for a moment before he looked down, down at her stomach, her throat bobbing as she swallowed.

“What is it that you want from me, Rowan?” She asked quietly.

 _Everything_ , he wanted to say. _I want everything and every part of you, I want to be in both your lives_.

But instead he said, “Whatever you’ll give me.”

Aelin looked up at him then an expression he couldn’t read on her face. The words hung between them and Rowan waited for the axe to fall.

“I need time,” Aelin said at last. “I… this…” her lips pursed as she took a moment to collect herself, and when she spoke again her voice was collected and decisive. “I’m going to need time to figure this out.”

Just then there as a knock at the door and Aelin stood and went to her bedroom. She was only gone a handful of moments before Rowan saw her come out with a packed overnight bag. Unwittingly panic gripped him, she was leaving. The tables had turned on him and she was leaving. 

Aelin put the bag on the kitchen bench and packed her medicine and a few water bottles, then she said. “I’m going to stay with Elide for a few days.”

Aelin didn’t say anything more before she was walking to the front door and opened it. Elide stood there and she glared at him, her mouth opening to say something but Aelin closed the door behind herself before she could. 

Rowan didn’t know how long he sat on the couch, staring at his hands. But it was long enough for the apartment to go dark and for him to realise that through his own stupidity he may have lost the brightest burning light in his life.


	21. Chapter 21

The car ride to Elide’s apartment was silent. 

Aelin kept her eyes closed the entire time, trying very hard not to lose what she had managed to keep in her stomach. Because of today’s event Aelin had fallen behind on her anti-nausea tablets and she knew she would be paying for it. She just needed to get to Elide’s, that was her goal. Get to Elide’s apartment and then she could give up.

Elide drove into the car park of her apartment building and switched off the car and then said, “I hope you don’t mind but I called Aedion. I didn’t tell him anything, but I thought you might want to talk to him. Or not. I just thought you would want him.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Elide, you are too good to me. I don’t deserve you.”

Elide reached into the backseat and grabbed Aelin’s bag. “Ae, I’m sorry to say but you most definitely do.”

Aelin laughed, barely, then pushed her door open. By some godly design Aedion drove in just then. He managed to pull into a parking spot and get out of his car by the time Aelin had got out of the car and closed her door. His face was clouded with concern and he made his way straight to her. Aelin felt her control slipping, felt the pain she had been suppressing rising, it all fell apart completely as Aedion enclosed her in his arms. He just held her, letting her take comfort in his being there — like he always was when she needed him the most.

“What happened?” Aedion asked her, but Aelin’s only response was to grip him harder. Aedion swore and then asked Elide instead.

“It’s not for me to say,” Elide said then Aelin heard keys jingle. “Take her upstairs, I need to get some groceries.” There was a moment of silence then Elide said, “You stay with her until I get back. You hear me?”

“Yeah, of course,” Aedion said and then he pulled away then so that he could look at Aelin’s face. “What happened?”

Aelin shook her head, her nausea reaching breaking point. She needed to get upstairs. Now.

Aedion was a step behind her as they walked to the elevator. Aelin was breathing deep, trying to steady her nausea. Minutes, only minutes longer is all she had to wait.

“You going to be sick?” Aedion asked while they rode the elevator. Aelin just nodded.

When the doors opened Aedion was out first so he could open the front door to give her a clear run. Aelin went straight to the bathroom and lost her stomach. She groaned, hating this feeling. When she was done she rinsed her mouth out, thinking that she would need to text Elide to pick her up a toothbrush as she realised she’d left hers behind.

Aedion was on the couch when she walked out, waiting for her to tell her.

“Um, so,” Aelin said as she sat down. “I realised that I may have feelings for Rowan.”

“Yeah, I know,” Aedion said.

Aelin cut him a look. “You know?”

Aedion shrugged. “And I’m pretty sure he has feelings for you too, somehow you two are the only ones not to realise it.”

Aelin put her face in her hands and groaned. 

Aedion didn’t say anything, but she could see the question he had already asked twice in his eyes. Aelin could feel how tense he was getting with that need to protect her, that he seemed to be born with, rising to the surface. Aelin’s hands began to shake as she went to say the words to explain to her cousin what Rowan had said, what had happened between them. And she did, the words tumbled out of her mouth and tears rolled down her cheeks. When she looked at Aedion his fists were clenched, that anger taking over him.

“I don’t know what to do, he says things like,” Aelin took in a breath as her body shook. “He says there is nothing he can give me, nothing he wants to give me and then the next minute he’s saying he’ll take whatever I’m willing to give him. I don’t, I can’t,” Aelin’s chest felt tight, she couldn’t get enough air in. “I can’t. Aedion…”

His name came out as a panicked sound and he moved immediately, kneeling in front of her taking her trembling hands in his.

“Aelin. Breathe okay, I need you to breathe. Look at me,” Aedion said, his voice gentle, calm. “Baby needs you to breathe.”

Aelin tried but all she managed was a painful gasp.

“Ae, baby needs you to breath,” Aedion said again. “With me, okay?”

_Baby needs you to breathe._

Aelin glared at Aedion. It was a low blow, bringing the baby into her panic attack. But it managed to draw her out of it enough to match Aedion’s breathing. _In. Out. In. Out._ Aelin did it over and over, until the pain stopped, until she could trust herself to not get hysterical again. Her hands still trembled, but Aedion kept them in his own. He wouldn’t leave her, Aedion would always be there for her.

“You good?” Aedion asked. 

Aelin nodded, “I’m good.”

“I’m not letting go. Not yet,” Aedion said as he moved to sit next to her on the couch rather than be crouching on the floor, still holding onto her hands. “What do you want to do about… it all?” He hesitated, no doubt trying to find the right words to say. “Just keep breathing, don’t get overwhelmed. I’m here.”

Aelin took a deep breath in, then back out. Then in… “I care about him, but I don’t know what I should do.”

“Well, you already slapped him in the face, so you can cross that off your list,” Aedion said, a wry smile on his lips. “I’m angry at him, so angry. All I want to do is go over there and hand him his ass. And I think he’s so out of it that he would let me do it. But he came clean Aelin, he laid all that out for you. I didn’t know any of that, I knew he was married but none of what actually happened for him to not be married now, and I’ve known him for a while. He’s a private guy, and he’s held that in for years. He’s been a dick, but he’s been honest, it just took him a while.”

“So, you think I should be with him?” Aelin asked.

Aedion shrugged. “Is that what you want?”

Aelin looked down at her stomach, “This isn’t just about me anymore. What if he runs out again, and it’s not just on me? I’m so terrified of it. I feel like I made a mistake that maybe… I shouldn’t have kept the baby.” The words tasted like ash as they passed her mouth. “No. I shouldn’t have slept with Rowan. We could be continuing to hate each other, I’d probably be in my own place by now. But instead I’m here, confused, hurt and I don’t know what to do.”

They were both silent for a long moment before Aedion spoke.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

Aelin huffed a laugh, finally feeling calm enough to pull her hands out of his to wipe at a stray tear. “You’re being really helpful.”

“It’s not an easy situation,” Aedion said.

“How do I forgive him after he did that?” Aelin said and felt her emotions rising again. 

Aedion took her hand again, a grounding presence. “I guess you let him prove himself before you think about taking it further.”

“I’m so tired, Aedion. I am so tired,”Aelin said, feeling a little defeated.

He squeezed her hand once, his words simple but comforting. “I know. I’ll be here to share what burdens I can.”

Aedion stayed until Elide got home, and he promised her he wouldn’t go to her apartment to hand Rowan his ass, as he had put it so succinctly before. Elide fussed over her, not in a suffocating way, more as a distraction. She insisted Aelin take the bedroom as she stripped the sheets from the bed and remade it. Aelin tried not to think too hard about the implications of that, it only worsened as Elide winked at her as she went by. 

“I’ll vomit I swear, I don’t understand you and… him,” Aelin said.

“You just do not know him like I do,” chided as flicked out the top sheet.

“Maybe I don’t want to,” Aelin muttered.

Elide just laughed. 

Afterwards Elide made them a dinner of cucumber and watermelon, Elide ate it too not even complaining. They were deciding what movie to watch when Aelin swore, realising what day it was and that had Elide stopping her browsing immediately.

“What is it?”

Aelin rubbed at her face. “I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. Rowan, he — uh,” her stupid voice managed to snag on his name, “he was going to take me.”

“I’ll take you,” Elide said without hesitation. “What time?” 

“It’s at 2,” Aelin told her.

Elide was quiet for half a moment. “I can take you. I’ll just leave at lunch and take a half day.”

“Are you sure?”Aelin said, rubbing her hands nervously.

“Yeah, it will be totally fine. Don’t stress about it,”Elide said and then read the hesitant expression on Aelin’s face. “Please.”

“Alright, fine,” Aelin conceded. “I suppose I should text him to let him know.”

“I’ll do it,” Elide said firmly. “You don’t need to speak to him until you’re ready. I can handle a cancellation for you.”

Aelin sat further back on the couch, leaning on Elide’s shoulder. “You’re all too good to me.”

Elide didn’t miss a beat. “It’s because we love you.”

~~~~~

Rowan's phone lit up the darkness of the apartment and he checked it much faster than he usually would, he wasn’t going to to lie to himself about why. He hoped that it was Aelin, saying just about anything to him, even if it was hurling abuse. But it wasn’t Aelin who texted him, it was Elide.

_I’m taking Aelin to her appointment tomorrow._

That was it. Rowan thought about replying with one word, just to let Elide know he got the message. But he couldn’t help himself.

_Alright. Aelin needs her meds the first thing in the morning with crackers and water. The sooner it is to her waking up the better, she gets less sick that way._

He left off the _tell her I’m sorry,_ he doubted Elide would pass it on. But he wanted to make sure Aelin got the best start to the day she could, especially if she had somewhere to be. His phone buzzed again and Rowan didn’t have to unlock his phone to read the reply.

_Ok_

He pushed himself up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to grab something to eat. The silence of the apartment was deafening, just a bleak reminder to how stupid he had been. 

~~~~~

Aelin spent most of the next morning in Elide’s bed. Elide had flopped down next to her before she had left for work, Aelin’s anti-nausea tablets, cracker, and water bottle in hand. Aelin managed to get it all down without feeling too sick but that was never a guarantee. Elide stayed for a bit asking mainly baby questions, letting Aelin decide if she wanted to talk about anything else and she even managed to feel the baby move which had her laughing, but still feeling a little weirded out by it. Then it was time for Elide to head off to work, telling Aelin she would be back at quarter past 1 to take her to her appointment. 

After that it didn’t take Aelin long to roll over and fall back asleep, being asleep was much easier than being awake and being forced to into thinking about _things_. But just before noon Aelin woke up, feeling sick enough to stumble into Elide’s ensuite and throw up the crackers she had eaten that morning. 20 weeks was hopefully meant to be the time when her hyperemesis gravidarum would calm down. It had, she wasn’t throwing up as much as she had been at the start, but Aelin just wanted to be able to function a little better. She brushed her teeth before getting in the shower, washing away that awful acidic taste. After getting dressed Aelin went out to the kitchen to try and get some more food in her stomach. Elide had bought her some fruit and vegetables, but not cut it up. So Aelin spent the next little while cutting it up, snacking as she went, not that she had expected Elide to cut it up for her, she had just been used to it after…

Aelin shook her head to try and rid the thoughts of _him_. She would think about that later, she needed to get through this appointment then she would think about all that. Taking her food to the couch Aelin turned on some inane day time TV show to keep her company while she waited for Elide to pick her up. When it got to 1 she went and got her handbag ready so she’d be ready to go. At quarter past Aelin started watching the time, then when it got to 1:30 Aelin started to stress a little. It was 1:36 Elide called.

Aelin answered, speaking straight away. “You on your way? It doesn’t matter if I’m a little late, the doctor’s clinic is always running behind.”

“I’m stuck in traffic,” Elide said, sounding a little exasperated. “I’m not going to make it. But —“

“But what?” Aelin said, panicking a little.

“Someone is doing me a favour, well rather I may owe him a favour or two after this,” Elide said and Aelin could hear the smile in her voice.

“Why do I feel like you’re going to enjoy giving these favours a little too much? Please tell me it's not him. Anyone but him,” Aelin all but pleaded.

There was a knock at the door and Aelin was up and moving to answer it.

“Just try to not to kill each other, alright? I love you both and I do not want to choose who I have to testify against,”Elide said.

“Elide, I swear if I open this door —“

“Oops, cops. Gotta go,” Elide said and then hung up.

Aelin bit back her curse as she opened the door to see Elide’s giant, hulking, sour-faced boyfriend standing there.

“You ready to go?” Lorcan said without even bothering to say hello.

Aelin rolled her eyes and went back to the couch for her bag and to turn the TV off. Lorcan just waited by the door, locking it behind her once she stepped out into the hallway. The whole way down the Lorcan’s car they didn’t say a word, it wasn’t until they got to the car park and Aelin saw his Jeep that he spoke to her, no doubt seeing the glare she was giving his beast of a car. 

“Do you need… help?” Lorcan asked hesitantly. Aelin turned her glare on him and this time he rolled his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. 

Subconsciously Aelin rubbed at the underside of her stomach, just knowing that this would flare up her ligament pain. Bracing herself she opened the door to his Jeep, using the handle to pull herself up into the passenger side. When she let out a very quiet hiss of discomfort Lorcan turned to her. 

“You right?” Lorcan asked as he climbed into the drivers seat.

“Mmhmm, just fine,” Aelin said, putting on her seatbelt.

She and Lorcan… they had never got along. She had known him for years, since Aedion had started working for him at the gym. For some reason they just rubbed each other the wrong way. Aelin suspected it was because he was a sullen prick who couldn’t take a joke, and she supposed his dislike came from him thinking she was a bitch and made too many jokes. So they had settled on a bitter indifference, both of which they were content with. 

But now he was dating one of her best friends and Elide seemed pretty serious about him. So maybe it was time to make an effort.

“So, I hear I should thank you for preventing Rowan’s murder,” Aelin said, playing with her nails, not looking at a him.

“Are you sure I should have prevented it?” Lorcan asked a little wryly. 

Aelin huffed a laugh, “Still up for debate, honestly.”

“Gods, he can be ass,” Lorcan muttered under his breath.

Lorcan wasn’t wrong, and she was about to tell him but the motion of the car was making her sick, so she just groaned instead — much louder than she had intended to.

“What was that?” Lorcan asked.

Aelin looked at him, and saw a slight panic on his face. She almost snorted at his reaction, but all her energy went into answering him. “Easily put, motion sickness. I’m fine.”

“Please don’t vomit in my car,” Lorcan said with a cringe. 

“Don’t talk to me and I won’t,” Aelin said as she leaned her head on the headrest. 

Lorcan didn’t say anything more, typically him, he probably would have kept silent whether or not she asked him to. In the silence Aelin thought about what Elide had told her about the conversation she’d overheard Lorcan having with Rowan. How Lorcan had come to her defence and told Rowan to pull his head in and be honest with her. Granted, he had. He had just torn her world apart first. 

Before too long Aelin felt the car reversing into a parking spot. When the car stopped Aelin opened her eyes, breathing deeply. She looked around, she knew where they were, but it wasn’t particularly close to the doctor’s clinic. 

“You couldn’t have parked closer?” She snapped, her settling nausea making her irritable.

“No parking,” Lorcan said by way of explanation and opened his door.

Aelin bit back her retort and opened her own door. To her surprise Lorcan was there holding it open for her as she stepped down onto the footpath. Once she was clear Lorcan closed the door behind her and the car beeped as he locked it. Aelin needed a moment to just gather herself, and Lorcan looked so gods-damned awkward while he waited. Aelin decided to throw him a bone.

“Elide told me what you said. To Rowan,” Aelin said, finally standing up a little straighter, ready to go. “Thanks, for doing that for me.”

But Lorcan shrugged, and he spoke which Aelin had definitely not expected him to do. “Listen, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, we don’t have to pull any bullshit here. I drove you here because you’re pregnant and Elide probably would have killed me if I didn’t, so it’s not a favour to you. But what Rowan did, it was really shitty and even you deserve better than that.”

Lorcan started to walk past her, and as Aelin went to reply she took a step to follow him. But she was hit by a sharp stabbing pain on the underside of her stomach and she lurched forward, needing something to hold onto so she could keep standing. That something just happened to be Lorcan’s hand.

He stopped, looking down at her hand gripping his. “I know that was a sweet moment and all, but hand holding is a bit much.”

_Bastard_ , Aelin internally seethed as she tried to catch her breath. She knew this was just the ligament pain but it was enough to immobilise her.

“Aelin?” Lorcan asked, his voice was worried now. 

“I’m fine,” Aelin said as she released his hand and started walking. “Stiff from the car.”

Lorcan fell into step beside her, not commenting further. Aelin didn’t say anything more either, all her concentration was going to being prepared for more pain. She went a few more steps before she felt a twinge, but kept her feet. It was another few steps before it hit again and this time she stumbled and grabbed Lorcan’s arm for support. He stopped, whirling to face her. Aelin looked up and saw blatant panic on his face. 

“Do we need to get you to the hospital? Is it the baby?” Lorcan said.

Aelin couldn’t help the smile that spread across her lips. “Lorcan Salvaterre, I never thought I’d see the day you would be so concerned for my welfare.”

Lorcan’s face was set in a grimace as he ground out, “What in the name of Hellas is wrong?” 

“Round ligament pain, seems my body is rebelling over the fact that it’s growing a child,” Aelin explained. “Baby is fine. I just need to get to my appointment.”

“Do you… I mean,” Lorcan said awkwardly, “do you want me to carry you?”

Aelin gave him a very long look that conveyed exactly what she thought about his suggestion. 

“Alright then, we just walk. But you can use my arm if you need it,” Lorcan said.

Aelin only nodded and they started walking again, albeit very slowly. Lorcan kept glancing sideways at her, making sure she was still standing upright. When Aelin rolled her eyes she made sure she was looking across the street so Lorcan couldn’t see. That was when she saw a little ice cream shop she used to go to before she stopped enjoying food. But as she looked at it she had a sudden craving for one of their cookies and cream milkshakes, letting out a heavy sigh at the thought of it.

“What?” Lorcan snapped, evidently on edge.

Aelin almost snorted, but instead she said, “I was just reminiscing about a cookies and cream milkshake that I would get from that place there.” She pointed it out. “But I appreciate your chivalrous behaviour. I’ll be sure to report back to Elide, might earn you some brownie points.”

Lorcan didn’t say anything to that and they kept walking, his face set in one of his resident scowls. When they finally reached the doctor’s clinic Aelin let Lorcan help her up the three small steps. If her pain hit then, she didn’t want to fall flat on her face. Once she was steady on the top step Lorcan let go of her hand and proceeded her into the waiting area. To Aelin’s surprise he walked straight to the reception desk, but that surprise turned into anger as she heard what he asked the receptionist. Or rather demanded.

“She needs a wheelchair.”

Aelin had had enough of his unnecessary fussing and she swatted him on his solid bicep. “I do not need a wheelchair, and if you ever suggest anything like that again I swear I will castrate you.”

The receptionist looked between them, a small smile on her face. “It’s nice that your partner is so concerned.”

Aelin felt her spine straighten, as straight as it would go. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lorcan’s posture do the same, and without a doubt she knew the look of disgust that was on her face would be mirrored on his. But she wasn’t going to find out for sure, Aelin refused to look at him.

“I’m out,” she heard him say then Lorcan started to walk away. “I’ll be outside.”

Aelin didn’t turn to see him walk out, she just stepped up to the reception counter ignoring the now highly amused face of the receptionist. “Aelin Galathynius. I have an appointment with Dr Towers.”

~~~~~

Rowan had taken the day off to take Aelin to the appointment, it was the easiest thing to do rather than going back and forth between the gym and home. But now that he was no longer needed he didn’t bother to go into work. He wasn’t afraid to call himself a coward when he admitted why. Aedion undoubtedly knew by now what had happened, and it wasn’t just guilt and shame keeping him at home, it was a healthy dose of fear. Aedion had promised not to punch him again as long as he didn’t act like a dick. After what happened last night... that was certainly going to be considered to be a dick move. 

He was a gods-damned bastard for what he had said and done to Aelin. After he had talked to Lorcan, Rowan had been determined to come clean and tell Aelin why he was acting the way he did. But then he had lost his nerve and said those terrible and false things to her instead. He had apologised, but words were not enough to make up for what he had done. Rowan would spend every day for the rest of his life making it up to Aelin, if he could. But it wasn’t up to him, and from the look he had seen on Aelin’s face as she had walked out that door it would be a long while before she could forgive him. 

To keep himself busy he cleaned out the fridge, getting rid of food that was no longer good and eating some of what was for lunch. He made a mental note to go to the store and pick up more of what Aelin needed once she came home. _If_ she came home. She had said that she would only be staying at Elide’s for a few days, but Rowan wouldn’t be surprised if she decided to move out altogether. 

That thought had him wanting to break something. He’d been so blind. Blind to the fact he was falling for a fierce, beautiful, strong woman who was quickly consuming every part of him like a raging wildfire. Then there was the baby, his baby. No, that was wrong, it was _their_ baby. Rowan wasn’t sure if he was ready to be a father, but he was more than willing to try his hardest to find out. But again, that choice wasn’t up to him. It was up to Aelin.

Everything, for longer than he cared to admit, came back to Aelin.

After lunch Rowan went to his room and grabbed his laptop to catch up on any work emails. He turned Netflix on to keep him company in the too quiet apartment. What came up as a suggestion was one of those period piece dramas he and Aelin had watched together. He didn’t know why, but he pressed play.

~~~~~

“So a girl, huh?” Yrene said as he looked over the ultrasound photos. “Relieved?”

Aelin laughed. “Yeah, a little. I know how girls work. Still a bit terrifying all the same.”

Yrene glanced her way, eyes holding a kind amusement. Then her focus went wholly to her computer screen as she looked over whatever those numbers and notes meant on the images. With a final click Yrene turned in her chair to face Aelin.

“So,” Yrene said. Aelin tensed at her tone. “The baby is a little small, nothing to be concerned about at this point, but just measurement wise, she’s little.” 

“But it’s nothing to be concerned about?” Aelin reiterated.

“We’ll keep an eye on it, but sometimes babies are just small. You just need to make sure you’re getting enough nutrients to sustain the both of you. How are your HG symptoms?”

Aelin shrugged. “Getting a little better. I can usually keep vomiting down to four times a day if I keep on top of the anti-nausea tablets. Food is getting a little better.”

“That’s good, hopefully over the next few weeks they’ll start to clear up more,” Yrene said.

“But there’s nothing to worry about?” Aelin said, looking for those magic comforting words.

“Having a baby is never worry free, but this is a keeping and eye on it kind of situation,” Yrene said. “You should book in with the midwives at the hospital in about a month, and they’ll help monitor it too. There’s also parenting and birthing classes at the hospital, new session starting soon. You should book into those too.”

Aelin felt herself pale. “Birthing classes. Right. Guess it’s gotta get out somehow.” 

“Indeed it does,” Yrene said consolingly. “Also for your round ligament pain you can try some prenatal yoga or stretching, a belly belt could help too. Any other questions?”

Aelin sighed and shook her head.

“Alright, taking the doctor’s hat off, putting my friend one on. How are you?” Yrene asked, her demeaned softening. 

Immediately tears were in Aelin’s eyes, she couldn’t help it. “Me and Rowan had a bit of a… discussion last night. Went so well I’m staying with Elide.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Yrene said and lent forward to take Aelin’s hand. 

Aelin shrugged. “It was a long time coming it seemed. I’m fine, just confused.”

“Throwing hormones and exhaustion into the mix probably doesn’t help either,” Yrene added.

“Nope.”

“You let me know if there’s anything I can do,” Yrene said.

Aelin just nodded and stood up. “See you next time.”

“Take care, Aelin,” Yrene said as Aelin opened the door and walked down the hallway back to the waiting area. 

Lorcan wasn’t there, not that she had expected him to be, so Aelin used the railing to ease herself down the steps. Looking both ways down the street Aelin didn’t spy him sulking anywhere so she headed to where he parked the car. She made it all of two steps before she heard a two note beep of a car horn and turned towards the sound. Aelin had been so focused on trying to spot Lorcan that she had missed his hulking car parked almost right outside the clinic doors. Turning around she walked painfully slow towards it. Through the windshield she could see Lorcan on his phone, not bothering to watch her approach. 

Aelin opened the door and managed to only groan the once and she climbed into the passenger seat. Lorcan was still on his phone when he reached in between them in the centre console and passed her a takeaway drink.

“Here,” he said, offering it to her.

Aelin took it but she eyed it sceptically. “Did you… get me a milkshake?”

“Cookies and cream, right?” Lorcan said as he shoved his phone into his back pocket.

“You got me a milkshake,” Aelin said, her voice taking on an incredulous tone.

Lorcan didn’t look at her as he started the car and said. “What of it?”

Aelin took a sip, it was just as good as she remembered. “You’ve gone soft Salvaterre.”

~~~~~

They didn’t really talk on the way home, Aelin silently willing her nausea to calm. Every now and then she sipped at her milkshake and it helped a little. When they got to Elide’s apartment complex Lorcan held the door open for her as she got out of the car. 

“Not going to offer to carry me?” Aelin asked, when Lorcan just glared she chuckled to herself. She saw Elide’s car in its usual spot so at least once they got upstairs there would be a buffer between her and Lorcan. Although, it was likely he might have been planning to leave once he dropped her at the door.

Aelin did her best to ignore the pain that flared up as she walked but Lorcan seemed to notice and walked slower and closer. But she managed to make it all the way to Elide’s apartment without having to grab his arm like she had on the street. Elide smiled brightly from where she sat on the couch as the two of them walked in.

“Ah, good to see you both survived,” Elide teased.

Aelin sat down next to Elide on the couch. “You’ve got yourself an insufferable mother hen there.”

“I am not,” Lorcan called from the little kitchen.

Aelin turned so she could see him glaring while he braced his arms on the kitchen counter. “You wanted to get me a wheelchair.”

“I thought you were going to collapse,” Lorcan said defensively.

“The receptionist thought we had sex and I would never!” Aelin said, gesturing her hand in his direction.

Elide let or a short surprised laugh. “Wait, what?”

Aelin sighed heavily and recounted the whole affair to Elide who was cackling by the end. Lorcan was just scowling from the kitchen as he turned to open the fridge, probably just looking for something to do. Elide took pity on him and got up from the couch and hugged Lorcan around the waist before standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Honey, it’s cute. Don’t be embarrassed.”

Lorcan looked down at his girlfriend and gave her a rare smile as Elide grinned back at him. The sight of that had something in Aelin’s chest aching and it all came crashing down on her why she was here and not at her own apartment. She could feel the tears rising in her throat, but she didn’t want to cry in front of people right now. So instead she pushed herself off the couch and headed to Elide’s bedroom.

“I’m just going to lie down for a bit, tired and sore,” Aelin said as she passed the kitchen.

“Alright, just sing out if you need anything,” Elide said, too wrapped up in Lorcan to notice how close Aelin was to breaking. 

Aelin didn’t begrudge her for it, not one moment. She managed to hold on long enough that the first tear fell just as she closed the door. Exhaling, her body shuddering with a sigh, Aelin supposed it was time to figure out what to do.


	22. Chapter 22

A sense of doom was hanging over Rowan like a dark and storming cloud. Everyone would know something about the events of the weekend. Whether it be the idiotic kiss, the blow up with Aelin, or the fact she was staying with Elide, they would all know something. So when he walked through the door and saw Connall glaring at him from the front desk he wasn’t surprised. Rowan gave him a nod and risked a smile. Connall returned the nod at least.

Rowan saw Fenrys and Vaughan on the floor of the gym helping clients, Aedion and Lorcan nowhere to be seen. He wanted to talk to Lorcan, but Aedion he’d rather avoid though. The staffroom was blessedly empty when Rowan walked in and he dropped his things in his locker. He had just turned to leave when Fenrys walked in, not hesitating before walking straight up to Rowan and smacking him on the back of the head. 

“What was that for?” Rowan asked, rubbing at his head. “You can’t be that pissed about me missing your party.”

“You dumbass, of course not. I’m pissed that you decided to kiss the wrong girl,” Fenrys said as he leaned on the table, arms crossed across his chest. “What happened?”

Rowan deflated, all anger, all that fight leaving him. “I panicked. All I saw when I looked at Aelin was everything I could lose. And… I panicked.”

Fenrys cleared his throat. “I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know about Aelin seeing you, but you’ve walked in like you’re waiting to be shot. I’m assuming something else happened.”

“I messed up real bad, Fen. Really bad,” Rowan said. 

“How bad?” Fenrys asked, almost as if he was scared to hear the answer.

“As in she’s been staying with Elide,” Rowan admitted. 

“Mother’s tits, Rowan. What did you do?” Fenrys said, his voice quiet.

So Rowan told him what had happened, every detail he gave Fenrys’ face got harder and harder. When Rowan finished, for once in his life Fenrys was speechless.

“Shit,” Fenrys said, his hand dragging across his face and then rested on his chin, his face set in look of disbelief. “You actually said that?”

Rowan just nodded.

“You should definitely keep out of Aedion’s way, he’s raging something fierce. Lorcan is also extra pissy too, I’m not exactly sure what that’s about,” Fenrys told him. “What are you going to do now?” 

Rowan let out a heavy breath. “It’s not up to me.”

Fenrys let out an incredulous laugh, then he walked over to Rowan and slapped him on the shoulder. “Only you could have a woman right there waiting for you and then mess it up.”

~~~~~

Aelin sat on Elide’s bed, rubbing her hands over her stomach. She had spent the better part of her morning researching prenatal yoga like Yrene had suggested, finding a few videos she would look into. Regularly, Aelin hated yoga. It was too slow, she got too bored, but maybe if she put music or or watched something while she did it she would be fine. She was doing it for her body, not her mind. But all that had been a distraction from what she really needed to think about. Now she had run out of distractions.

“Alright, little baby,” Aelin said to her bump, “if we break it right down we have two options. We either pack and leave or we stick it out. Cons of option one, I hate moving. Our choice of residences are pretty limited at the moment, it would be a few weeks before we could get a place of our own if we’re lucky. I don’t know if you’re aware but my run of luck has been shocking lately. So, we would probably stay here or with Uncle Aedion and kick their owners out of their beds, something my pride is not likely to allow. Because no matter how much I insist they won't let me sleep on the couch.There’s also the fact I can’t really excerpt myself without vomiting or pain.” Aelin paused and let out a heavy sigh. “My pride is also pushing me towards option two. It’s telling me to stand my ground, because that place is just as much my home as his. Why should I be the one to go, anyway? But something I don’t think it’s my pride that is telling me is that he’s not so bad, that he’s a good man that life dealt a heartbreaking hand to. He was hurting and said some awful things.”

Aelin didn’t say anything as those words went through her head, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

_There is nothing that I can give you._

_You offered me an out and I’m taking it._

_It wasn’t supposed to be you._

Aelin’s voice was quiet as she spoke again. “And that makes me so angry, when I can’t stop hearing those words over and over in my head. And I might just be tempted to slap him again if I’m left in the same room with him for longer than a minute. So I’m just as confused as I was at the start, no closer to knowing whether I should go or stay. What do you think, hmm? Let’s not even mention the fact I may be falling in love with him as well,” Aelin asked as she smoothed her dress over her bump. There was a flutter of movements, nothing she could feel from the outside but just that strange inner sensation, then the baby settled. Aelin huffed a laugh, tears welling in her eyes. “Well, you’re no help.”

~~~~~

Rowan knocked on the door of Lorcan’s office and he called out for him to come in almost immediately. Lorcan was pouring over something on his tablet and didn’t bother to look up until Rowan dropped the forms he held in the tray on the desk. 

“Two more for your self defence class this evening, apparently Elide has been spreading the word. Might have to give her a cut,” Rowan said, attempting some light conversation. 

Lorcan didn’t say anything. He just picked up the forms and looked them over. 

Rowan cleared his throat. He had debated asking, but he needed to know, and Lorcan was his best bet to find out anything . “How is she?”

“Elide is fine.”

They both knew Rowan hadn’t been asking about Elide. Lorcan was enough of an ass that he would keep dodging the question until Rowan asked him outright, and he wasn’t in the mood. 

“How is Aelin?” Rowan asked.

Lorcan lent back in his chair and looked at Rowan for a moment before he spoke. “Oh she’s fine,” Lorcan said but his tone told Rowan he was in for more. “Except for the fact some gods-damned dumbass can’t get his shit together so he tells her all these lies and leaves her confused and hurt.”

It was strange to hear Lorcan come to Aelin’s defence with such vehemence. It left Rowan speechless.

“I took her to her appointment yesterday, Elide was running late so I covered for her. I have never seen Aelin look so lost. That woman can bluff her way through anything but she could hardly keep herself together in front of me. When I told you to talk to her I didn’t mean like that.”

“I had meant to tell her everything, then let her go,” Rowan admitted. “But then we ended up fighting and I said other things.”

“Why on earth would you let her go?” Lorcan said. 

Rowan sat down heavily in the chair on the other side of Lorcan’s desk. “It would be better for them if I did.”

Lorcan looked as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing and shook his head. “You say that as if you have some curse hanging over you.”

“That’s what it feels like sometimes,” Rowan said quietly. “I told her I’d take the out she offered me right at the start. I can’t stop seeing her face when I said those words, she was so hurt and shocked. And then when I told her it wasn’t supposed to be her, Aelin looked completely devastated. I don’t know how she could stay in the room to hear me out.”

“Because she’s stubborn and proud, and most likely in love with you,” Lorcan suggested.

Rowan looked at his friend, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth. Lorcan wasn’t known for his sentimentality.

“I just don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here,” Rowan admitted.

“I think you just need to show her you're committed and it will ultimately be up to her where this goes, Aelin has more on the line than you do,” Lorcan said and Rowan nodded. He’d come to that conclusion himself over and over, but still he was glad to hear it again. Then Lorcan hesitated, as if he was unsure he should say more. “Aelin is good, the appointment went fairly well from what I could tell. She’s been getting something called round ligament pains though. It can make it hard for her to move around.”

Rowan felt concern cloud his features, he hadn't known. Maybe that’s why she had been in pain when they had been arguing. “Thank you for telling me, and listening,” Rowan said as he stood, then he added, “and for not kicking my ass.”

A small smile appeared on Lorcan’s lips. “I wouldn’t dare. Elide called dibs.”

The rest of the work day was pretty uneventful, except for the disappointed glares he got from most of his colleagues when Rowan walked past them. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to try and explain himself, his words weren’t of any use right now, his actions would speak louder. The confrontation with Aedion was avoided until Rowan was grabbing his things in preparation to leave for the day. Aedion walked into the staffroom and for one long, silent moment they looked at each other, then Aedion shook his head as he turned to leave.

“Aedion,” Rowan started but realised he wasn’t actually sure what else he was going to say.

But Aedion spoke, saving him. “I know, Aelin told me everything. And I am raging mad at you, I really am. The only thing stopping me is that I promised I wouldn’t be the one to hand you your ass. But,” Aedion ran his hand through his shaggy shoulder length hair, “I need you to stay out of my way, because promise or not, it's pretty hard to not want to punch your teeth in.”

“That’s fair,” Rowan said, then he decided to push his luck a little. “I just want you to know I’m going to try and make it up to Aelin. But it will be up to her whatever direction we take this. And if she wants me to walk away, I’ll do it and not look back.”

Aedion stared at him for a long moment, maybe trying to figure out the extent of Rowan’s sincerity. But finally he just nodded and walked away, whatever Aedion needed from the staffroom could wait until Rowan left it seemed.

Rowan grabbed his bag and was walking towards the front doors when he spotted the twins and Vaughan watching the class area of the gym. Lorcan’s self defence class had started and right now he was squaring it off with Elide. This class was where they had met when and started to get to know each other, things had apparently taken off from there. 

“There’s no way she can drop him,” Connall said as Rowan reached them. “No way in hell. She’s too tiny.”

Lorcan’s back was to them but they could see the grin on Elide’s face.

“I swear they use this as foreplay,” Vaughan added. 

Fenrys made a disgusted sound but then said, “I don’t think you’re wrong, though.”

That made Rowan’s lips pull into a smile and he began to watch as well as Lorcan moved. Elide was quick and efficient, and within a few moments she had dropped Lorcan to the ground so hard Rowan swore he heard the breath leave his lungs. They all gaped at the sight. Then Elide looked up, right to where they all stood and her eyes locked with Rowan’s. They were hard as she used a two finger point to indicate from her eyes to his. Her message was clear. Rowan was her next target.

“She can, and will, kill us all,” Fenrys muttered. “Good luck, Rowan.”

When Elide glanced at the rest of them they began to scatter like little boys busted sneaking food from a pantry. Then she flipped the braid over her shoulder and turned to offer Lorcan a hand up. Rowan didn’t bother waiting any longer and he went out to his car, throwing his bag on the passenger seat. The sun was starting to set, the June days getting longer. The city started to be bathed in a warm glow and Rowan’s eyes caught on a florist. The woman was taking in buckets of flowers, bunches of beautiful white lilies were tucked under her arm. Rowan reached into his bag and grabbed his wallet, locking his car behind him

~~~~~

The first stars were starting to appear when Rowan parked at the lookout. He had reversed so that the tray of his truck would face the mountains and the river. Flicking the latches that held up the tailgate it fell with a clunking noise. Rowan put the lilies on the tray before he jumped up to sit beside them. For a few long moments he just looked at the last rays of sunlight shining on the surface of the river. Then he pulled one of the lilies from the bouquet and twirled it between his fingers. His breathing was unsteady as he looked at the near perfect flower. White lilies had been Lyria’s favourite. He’d come out here for the quiet and the solitude because there was something he wanted to do. 

“Hello, Lyria,” Rowan said to the empty expanse of the dusk sky. “It feels odd, talking to you like this but there are things I want to say that I never did, out loud at least. I never should have asked you to come get me that night. Really I should have stayed with you, at home. I am so sorry,” his voice broke on the words. “I loved you, I loved the life we had, I loved what our future held. But it was taken from the both of us. Sometimes I wish I had been in the car with you, that maybe if it would have been better if the car had got hit after you picked me up. Some days the pain was too much and I could barely stand it. I’m sure you’ve seen the tattoo, you would probably hate it,” Roan said with a laugh. “You would have told me I was being dramatic and self pitying. But I needed something to remind me, I needed that reminder of the pain, so I would never forget any of that guilt or shame.”

The lights of the city flickered to life. Lyria had never been here to Orynth, they had never the chance to do much travelling. They had plans though, so many plans.

“I wanted to talk to you about something, well someone. Aelin she, she’s shown me I can feel something again. I never thought, that after everything, that I would want something like that again. But she came in swaggering and insufferable, and I didn’t mean to fall for her. I fought it but she…” Rowan stilled the flower in his hand, “she is amazing, and strong, and so beautiful. I’m not just talking about looks either, what I’ve seen of who she is, she is beautiful. A pain in my ass at times,” Rowan added with a quiet laugh. “But I’ve come to realise that I don’t want to live my life without her. She burns with this wildfire I can't help but be drawn to. I guess as ridiculous as it sounds I just want to ask for your blessing. I will try and do everything that I can to make sure she understands I am committed to this, to the two of them. If she lets me I will love the both of them with my whole heart. I’m going to have a daughter and I will strive to be the best father that I can. If Aelin will let me. If she won’t, it will have been my own fault and I will have to accept that.”

Rowan let out a heavy sigh and he took the bouquet of lilies to the fence, easily stepping over it and placed the flowers by a tree that overlooked the city.

“I hope you’ve forgiven me, wherever you are Lyria,” Rowan whispered. “And I hope I can make you proud.”

Rowan didn’t say anything more as he climbed back over the fence and got in his truck. On the drive back to the apartment he didn’t put music on. He was too busy formulating what he would say to Aelin when he saw her again, how he would tell her he was in for the long haul. He was so focused on his inner thoughts that he didn’t notice that the door was already unlocked when he turned the key, nor did he notice that lights had been turned on. The only thing that snapped him out of his thoughts was a quiet voice coming from the kitchen.

“Hello, Rowan.”

~~~~~

Rowan was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice her sitting on the stool at the kitchen bench. It had taken hours for Aelin to decide to come back, but when she had come to the decision Elide hadn’t argued with her and just dropped her off before she’d gone to the gym for her self defence class. Aelin had come up to the apartment and decided to wait for him, not wanting to pass him awkwardly later, she had sat at the kitchen bench and waited. He looked shocked to see her, his eyes wide and mouth parted just a little. If Aelin wasn’t still pissed at him she might have laughed or teased him. But there was still a heavy weight in her chest, and it felt heavier and heavier the longer she looked at him.

“Hey,” he said as he slowly approached her, as if he was likely to startle.

Considering everything, Aelin still very well might. Rowan stopped on the edge of the kitchen, leaving the bench in between them, and staying silent and waiting for her to speak. She was grateful for his tact right now.

Aelin took in a deep breath, readying herself for what she was about to say. “I get it Rowan. I understand that you’re in pain, that you still carry those things from your past. But you said some horrible things. And even if you didn’t mean them and you want to take them back I still hear them,” Aelin raised one of her hands and tapped her temple, “up here. So right now, I don’t know where we stand. I need time, you need time, to figure ourselves out. When we have, then we can talk. Until then I just ask that you give me some space.”

Aelin watched Rowan as he took in each one of her words, went over what she said. Then he nodded, reflexively Aelin nodded back and shifted to move off the chair. 

“Wait,” Rowan said quietly. Aelin stilled, waiting. When Rowan realised that he spoke again. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do, you take all the time you need. I will wait, and whatever you decide I will follow without question. But, please, let me have the chance to prove that I can be better. I meant it when I said I was done running.”

Aelin could feel her emotions rising, so all she did was nod and stood up from the stool. She didn’t look back as she closed the door to her room behind her, hoping desperately Rowan meant what he said and she had made the right choice to come back.


	23. Chapter 23

To say that life in the apartment was awkward would have been an understatement. Rowan did his best to give Aelin the space she had requested, but they lived in a not very spacious two bedroom apartment so that made it hard at times. To make it easier, if Rowan was home he would keep to his room or check if Aelin was on the couch or in the kitchen before he went out for food or whatever else. Usually by the time he usually got home in the evenings she had disappeared to her room anyway. 

He still helped out where he could. He cut up and stored her food, noticing that Aelin was eating a little more these days which was good. In the morning he left a fresh water bottle, crackers and her anti-nausea tablets on the kitchen bench -- instead of her bedside table -- so she could grab them on her way back from the bathroom. Rowan had gathered that Aelin wouldn’t want him in her space, and he wasn’t about to ask about it either. Their spoken interactions had been terse and short on her part, Rowan didn’t blame her. So he was as pleasant as he could be, not letting any of his frustration show. He would wait until she was ready to talk, however long it took. 

The dilemma he was presented with today was that it was his day off, and Aelin was obviously home as well. Him being here was a disruption to the routine she had, he didn’t want to get in her way, but he also wanted to eat food and stay hydrated. So when Rowan ventured out to whip up something quick for lunch and he heard music playing through a portable speaker he debated going back to his room, but he was starving. He didn’t spot Aelin as first because she wasn’t in her usual spot on the couch. Instead she was on the floor, yoga mat under her with her phone propped up on a book. There wasn’t any space in her bedroom for activities like this so that was why she must be out here. She ignored Rowan completely as she watched the screen, and started to move slowly into a pose.

“What are you doing?” Rowan asked, hoping to start a casual conversation.

“What does it look like?” Aelin said, her voice not particularly friendly.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking,” Rowan said and then added, “Some kind of stretching, I assume.”

Aelin glanced at him over her shoulder while she stretched her hand over her head, leaning to the side a little. “Yoga.”

“I didn’t pick you for a yoga person,” Rowan said offhandedly as he opened the fridge to get some of his leftovers out for lunch. 

“I’m not, hence the music,” Aelin explained.

This was the longest conversation they’d had in a week and Rowan wasn’t going to push it by asking more questions. Aelin moved into a position that had her balancing precariously on her feet when the music cut out as her phone started to ring, she looked down quickly and that threw her balance off and she wobbled. Rowan was moving before he really thought about what he was doing but Aelin caught herself and eased herself to the ground before picking up her phone.

“Hey, Lys,” Aelin said.

Rowan tried not to listen to the conversation as he prepared his lunch, but when Aelin’s tone turned what he could only describe as alarmed he couldn’t help it.

~~~~~

“What? Are you serious?” Aelin paused as she waited for Lysandra’s answer. 

“Yeah, it’s him,” Lysandra said, her voice a little hushed.

“But I don’t deal with him,” Aelin rubbed at her eyes, this wasn’t good. “Why is he there?”

Lysandra sighed. “He said it was something to do with an overdue payment. Wanted to make sure you weren’t in trouble or some bullshit excuse like that.”

“What… I haven’t. Hold on on second.” Aelin brought her phone away from her ear and pulled up her banking app. After logging in she went through her accounts and there it was, a decent sum of money sitting in the wrong account. Aelin groaned and put the phone back to her ear. “It’s in the wrong account. If you tell him I’ll pay it right now, do you think he’ll leave?”

“I don’t think so, I think he has something for you to sign. But you know what he’s like,” Lysandra said.

“I do. Okay, I’ll be down as soon as I can,” Aelin said. “See you soon.”

“I’m sorry Aelin, to make you come down,” Lysandra said.

“No its fine,” Aelin insisted. “It's not your fault.”

“Okay, bye,” Lysandra said and she hung up.

Aelin just dropped her phone onto the yoga mat as she rubbed her face and groaned softly. She didn’t need this today. Today was the day where everyone worked, everyone except her roommate apparently. She didn’t want to leave Lysandra at the bookstore by herself for longer than she had to and Rowan was the most obvious option. But that meant being alone with him without an escape. She’d barely spoken to him in a week, still reeling from the whiplash he had given her with the things he had said and done. Aelin was not ready to have _that_ discussion with him. 

Rowan had been trying. She knew he was staying out of her way as much as he could, and he was still prepping her food, and getting her tablets in the morning regardless. And just now she had seen him panic when she had lost her balance, he was ready to run over and catch her. But Aelin just pretended that she hadn’t seen it and didn’t acknowledge him in the slightest. 

“Are you okay?” He asked tentatively.

Aelin’s jaw clenched, that _gods-damned question_ , she was tired of hearing it — especially from him. There were a few beats of silence and Aelin could feel the intensity of his gaze, but he didn’t say anything more. This day could go to hell. First the trouble with the bank and now she would have to deal with his overbearing fussiness. 

Aelin ignored his question completely and decided to go on the offensive. “Hey, asshole I need a ride.” She could have been pleasant but she didn’t feel like it. The meaner she was the more chance of Rowan keeping his distance, even though something crumpled in her chest as she spoke the harsh words.

Rowan’s eyebrows shot up but he didn’t bite back, Aelin was almost a little disappointed beyond all sensible reason, but just said tightly, “Where?” 

“Bookstore,” Aelin said as she awkwardly got to her feet. “Lysandra needs me to come down, can you drive me? I wouldn’t ask if I didn't have to.”

Rowan nodded once. “I can.”

“I’ll get ready,” Aelin said then walked to her room to get changed.

~~~~~

Rowan quickly ate his lunch while Aelin got ready. He knew she was just angry and lashing out but her words still stung regardless. So he just ate, grabbed his wallet, his keys, and waited. Aelin came out of her room not too long after, wearing a flowy dress that almost hid her bump. Rowan thought that was a little odd, she had never tried to hide it before, but at the right angle and if she kept moving you could almost not tell she was pregnant. 

“Ready?” Rowan said as he grabbed a drink bottle and set it on the bench for Aelin to take if she wanted to. 

Aelin just walked past him, picking up the drink bottle as she went. Rowan wisely decided not to comment on it and just followed her out of the apartment. They were riding the elevator when Rowan asked, “So, why does Lys need you to come down to the store.”

Aelin let out a heavy sigh, but didn’t look up from her phone as she said, “I missed a repayment on my loan, it was just sitting in the wrong account and someone from the bank turned up.”

“That seems a little unprofessional,” Rowan said as they reached the underground car park.

“Most definitely,” Aelin said but didn’t offer any more explanation.

Rowan went to his truck and got it started as Aelin climbed in. Her eyes were closed before they even took off and Rowan turned the radio on to fill the silence. That 15 minute drive to Aelin’s bookstore was one of the longest of his life. They parked around the back and Rowan quickly darted around to Aelin’s side of the car and opened the door for her. She eyed him as she stepped down, he did not miss the hiss of pain she let out. She walked past him and Rowan shur the car door, before he started following. Lorcan had told him about how Aelin had almost fallen a few times when he’d been with her and Rowan wanted to stay close so that if she needed him he wouldn’t be far.

“You’re hovering,” Aelin said tightly without looking at him. “Circling like a hawk.”

Rowan wanted to laugh at her metaphor but instead he said, “Um… well, Lorcan said —“ 

“What did Lorcan tell you?” Aelin demanded, whirling on him.

“He told me that you might have a little trouble walking,” Rowan admitted. 

Aelin looked away from him and shook her head. “I’ll kill him, I’ll maim him in his sleep.” She started to walk away from him then threw over her shoulder, “I can walk fine.” She had barely finished saying the words when she stumbled. Rowan was moving but Aelin had recovered and had a finger pointed at him. “Don’t you dare. That was the uneven sidewalk.”

Rowan let out an exasperated sigh. He wasn’t about to let her faceplant it on the concrete just because she was being stubborn. But he once again bit down on his frustration and just said, “I’m not going to let you fall.”

His own tone surprised him, the sincerity in his voice. Aelin seemed to hear it too because she gave him a strange look that was gone before he could read it. Then she was walking back towards the back door. Rowan still kept close but he wasn’t scolded any more than a muttered _overprotective buzzard_ under her breath.

Then he was following her through the door, into the back area of the store. It wasn’t Lysandra who waited for them by the small table, it was a man. Even though Rowan couldn’t see her face from the way Aelin’s body language changed, the way she almost imperceptibly seemed to fold in on herself, Rowan knew she wasn’t happy to see him.

This was proved further when Aelin spoke and her voice was cold, colder than she had ever used on him.

“Hello, Arobynn.”

~~~~~

The years had been kind to Arobynn Hammel and Aelin hated him for it. Nearing his mid forties he was still a handsome man, with his auburn hair and striking silver eyes, those eyes that looked over her and she didn’t miss how they lingered on her stomach just a little bit too long.

“You didn’t have to come down, a phone call would have sufficed,” Aelin told him. “Not to mention you’re not the financier on my loan anyway.”

“Mr Cortland is away, I’ve taken over his accounts while he is,” Arobynn said as he brushed some non-existent lint from the sleeve of his immaculate shirt. “When I saw the payment was late I wanted to follow up straight away to make sure you didn’t incur any considerable penalties.”

Aelin took a step forward. “Again, a phone call would have sufficed.”

Arobynn smiled, Aelin resisted the urge to find something to throw at him.

“But I haven’t seen you in such a long time,” he said. “Thought I might just drop by myself and say hello.”

“I’ve been busy,” Aelin said. And sick, and immobile and dealing with a man who was putting her emotions through the wringer.

“I can see that,” Arobynn said, his eyes sparkling as they darted between Aelin, Rowan and her stomach. 

Aelin took a very deliberate step away from Rowan, putting a enough of a physical distance between them in the hopes that Arobynn would dismiss him. Arobynn had always been one for games. Working in his bank had been her first job, he was close with the woman who ran the care home Aelin lived in through her teenage years, not surprisingly as Clarisse was one hell of a bitch herself. So when Aelin had got old enough to work Arobynn had offered her a job. Without any other prospects and no references Aelin jumped at the opportunity to spend time away from the crowded home and it also managed to keep her out of some trouble while providing her with an income. Arobynn had been fine at first, fulfilling some feeble father figure in her life while treating her like any of the other tellers, which wasn’t particularly pleasant on a good day. He was borderline mean and condescending, always pushing them to do more and more without much helpful encouragement. But as Aelin got older he got creepier. Just after she turned 18 she began to notice his eyes lingering too long, him standing too close, he would say things to get a rise out of her. She got out of there as quickly as she could.

“So, how do I fix this?” Aelin said. 

Arobynn nodded to a small pile of papers on the table. “A few things to sign, transfer the money, then that should be it.”

“Fees?” Aelin said matter of factly.

“Yes, unfortunately. There’s always consequences,” he said, but not sounding sorry in the slightest. “Although I might be willing to waive them if —”

Aelin stepped towards the table. “No thank you, I don’t want any special treatment.”

That was the one thing she had been adamant about when she got this loan, sure some leniency had got her the loan in the first place because who was going to give someone practically straight out of school, finishing up a business course at the local community college a loan? But besides that Aelin had insisted she be treated like any other client. She had declined Arobynn’s offer for him to overlook her account personally, she had gone with Sam instead, who had been a good friend to her while they were both stuck in that hell hole. Aelin moved to sit in the chair so she could sign the damned documents when she felt a hand slide onto her lower back, and it most definitely wasn’t Rowan over reacting in his overbearingness. Aelin tried not to shudder, but failed. She noticed Rowan shift on his feet and she glanced over at him and saw that his face was hard. Nothing had gone unnoticed by him it seemed.

“I can sit in a chair without help,” Aelin said as she started to skim over the paperwork in front of her. 

“My apologies,” Arobynn said smoothly as he took the seat across from Aelin. “I suppose I have been remiss in my manners and should offer you my congratulations.”

Aelin just kept reading, not bothering to thank him.

“You’ve yet to introduce me to your friend,” Arobynn said, nodding towards Rowan.

“He’s my roommate, he was kind enough to give me a lift down,” Aelin said, leaving out the finer details. 

“I was curious as to why it was Lysandra alone I found working in the store. I thought this was your passion project, I thought you’d be spending all the time you could here. Regardless of your circumstances.”

“Like I said, I’ve been busy,” Aelin muttered as she tried to focus on the next page.

“Is the father in the picture?” Arobynn asked nonchalantly.

Aelin didn’t look at him. “That’s none of your business.”

“I’m just concerned about your situation.”

Aelin nearly slammed her hand on the tabletop as she looked over at Arobynn. “And what situation might that be?” He wasn’t about to pull the concerned father bullshit on her.

“It’s purely professional interest. I’ve noticed your revenue has been down the past few months and now with this,” he shook his head once as he tsked almost disapprovingly. “I just wonder how you’ll cope with everything.”

Show couldn’t tell if it was the car ride or Arobynn’s thinly veiled insinuations making her want to vomit, but Aelin was considering vomiting all over him. But she was distracted by the sound of Rowan’s footsteps stepping up behind her. She just hoped he would keep his mouth shut, she didn’t need to deal with him as well.

Arobynn crossed his arm over his chest, an elegant and arrogant gesture. “Considering the situation you’re in, it's not really the best circumstances to be raising a child. Especially alone.”

Before Aelin could spit out an answer Rowan spoke instead. “Who says she’s alone.”

Aelin turned to where Rowan stood, behind her but slightly to the side, giving her full view of his intimidating stance and hard face as he stared Arobynn down with his own arms crossed. Aelin sent a prayer up to whichever gods were listening that he wouldn’t say anything more, that he would keep his godsdamned mouth shut. But of course she wouldn’t be so lucky. 

“I intend to be there for my child,” Rowan said.

Aelin closed her eyes and her fists clenched where they rested on the table. Mala give her strength to deal with these two imbeciles. When she opened her eyes she saw an almost delighted surprise on Arobynn’s face.

“Well,” Arobynn said. “The plot thickens.”

“Are we done?” Aelin demanded, signing the papers a little more aggressively than she needed before pushing them away. 

Arobynn pulled the papers towards himself, taking his time going over the signatures. Aelin just focused on trying to relax her hands. 

“Looks fine,” Arobynn said at last. “I will just say, if you’re ever caught in a tight spot there’s a job at the bank waiting for you. I might be able to offer you some more security than you get working for yourself.”

“No thank you, I’ve worked too hard to let this go so easily,” Aelin said resolutely.

He gave her a smile that sent her skin crawling. “Always a pleasure to see you, darling. Let’s not leave it so long next time, hmm?”

“Goodbye, Arobynn,” Aelin said, refusing to look at his smiling face. 

Arobynn picked up the papers and she heard him walk out through to the main part of the bookstore. Aelin didn’t move, she didn’t dare look at Rowan. Too many thoughts were running through her head.

_I just wonder how you’ll cope_

_Not really the best circumstances to be raising a child. Especially alone_

_Who says she’s alone_

_Alone_

_My baby_

_Alone_

“Aelin.” Lysandra’s voice made Aelin turn to the doorway, her friend’s face concerned. “He’s gone.”

Aelin nodded. “Good. I’m going to head home, not feeling great.”

“Did everything go alright?” Lysandra asked as she absentmindedly gave Aelin a hand up.

“Yeah, all sorted. I’ll call you later,” Aelin said.

Lysandra gave her hand a quick squeeze. “Alright.”

Aelin gave her a weak smile in return then walked out, not bothering to check if Rowan was following. She knew he would, the sound of the back door shutting confirmed it, then it didn’t take him long to catch up to her.

“Aelin, are you —“

Aelin whirled, facing him, the movement so quick he almost walked into her, he had to step back quickly to avoid it. Her anger was burning and she nearly yelled her next words.

“ _Your_ child?”

~~~~~

Aelin was angry, and Rowan hadn’t seen her this angry in a long time. He knew he shouldn’t have spoken those words but he had been so determined to run that creep off that they had left his mouth before he could think it through properly.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to —“

“I have been dealing with Arobynn creeping on me for years, I could have handled it myself. There was no reason for you to say anything,” Aelin said to him. 

“I’m sorry,” Rowan said simply, not sure what else he could say.

Aelin looked at him and he could tell that her emotions were near the surface, and it wasn’t going to take much to push her over the edge. Something about today had hit a nerve, but Rowan had no idea what it had been.

She took one step towards him, hand to her chest. “This is my child, wholly mine until I say otherwise.”

“I know Aelin, I know,” Rowan said meekly. He’d really stepped in it now. “I just…” Rowan rubbed at the back of his neck. “He was wrong. You aren’t alone in this.”

Aelin's mouth tightened. “Not alone, huh? That’s interesting coming from you considering the amount of times you’ve walked out on me these past few months.”

Rowan felt as if she had physically hit him in the chest and he felt his face fall. All Aelin did was turn around walking towards his truck. There wasn’t much else he could do but follow. He unlocked it remotely and Aelin climbed in and by the time Rowan got into the driver's seat she had her eyes closed and he pretended not to see the tear tracks that ran down her face. They did not speak on the drive home, this ride somehow feeling so much longer than the first. The truck had barely stopped before Aelin was hauling herself out and headed for the elevator.

This time Rowan didn’t follow. He sat in the quiet, once again not sure of what he should do. He decided that he would give Aelin some space, give her a few minutes to have the apartment to herself and calm down without him getting in the way. So Rowan waited a few minutes, and then a few more before he made his way up to the apartment. It was silent when he walked in and Aelin’s bedroom door was closed. His gut reactions were telling him to knock, see if she was all right or if she needed anything. But common sense won and after grabbing a drink from the fridge Rowan went down the hall to his own bedroom closing his door, the sound echoing before that crushing silence enveloped the apartment once again.


	24. Chapter 24

It had been a week and Rowan was getting more miserable by the day. He had barely spoken to Aelin, he had barely seen her, since that ill fated trip to the bookstore. When he had she had barely looked at him, if he tried to speak to her she ignored him or maybe gave him a one word answer if he was lucky. After a day or so it was apparent he was getting nowhere and Rowan decided it would be better if he just got out of her way as much as he could. So he left for work early, stayed back late, he’d got take-out more than he had in a long time and just took it to his room to eat. Rowan knew this wasn’t the way to fix things but he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do while waiting for Aelin to make the decision to move towards making things better.

He was currently sitting in the staffroom eating his lunch and staring at his phone. He’d sent Aelin a text asking if she needed anything when he did the grocery run this evening. It had been a few minutes since he sent it and he still hadn’t got a reply. Rowan had asked nothing except that, hoping that Aelin would see the necessity of the question and answer him. 

Rowan knew he had been out of line when he’d told her old boss he was going to be there for _his_ child. And Aelin was more than valid in her reaction. That wasn’t something he should have dropped in that conversation, or in any conversation really. His anger had got the better of him and he wanted to shut down Arobynn and his smary, smiling face. Aelin wasn’t alone and she had already sacrificed so much, it wasn’t fair that Arobynn had thrown everything in her face and insinuated she couldn’t do this. If anyone could raise a child independently it would be Aelin. But when it came down to it, no matter how Rowan felt about it, it was Aelin’s decision if Rowan would get the chance to be part of it. 

He could tell there was something eating at Aelin beyond what was going on between them. Something had happened when she’d had that meeting with Arobynn, something had been said or done and a switch had flicked over causing her to retreat even further into herself. Rowan wanted to help but he understood why she was pushing him away. He had betrayed her, he held no blame with her for the anger she had towards him. But Rowan was getting frustrated, his heart was hurting and he wanted it to stop. He was starting to worry that she had decided that it was all too much, that Aelin would walk away from him and he’d lose everything. Again.

_This is my child, wholly mine until I say otherwise._

That was the last real conversation they had had, and he heard her voice over and over in his mind, saw the devastation and anger on her face. Understanding had been dawning on him this past week. An understanding of how Aelin must have felt all those times that he had walked out on her. The gut wrenching limbo of not knowing what was coming next, the crippling disappointment of things not going as they should have. How had she endured that, as well as everything else? Gods, he wanted her to stay, he wanted to fix this, but she could walk away at any moment and Rowan would have to accept it. He would have to let her go, let them both go, and not follow. The longer Aelin was all but silent the more it felt like a damning confirmation that she had decided to give up and walk away.

The door opened and Rowan looked up to see Fenrys walk in, his agonising thoughts interrupted.

“Hey, man,” he said as he walked over to the fridge. 

“Hey,” Rowan said in reply. 

The guys at the gym had been pretty good with him these past few weeks as he and Aelin tried to sort themselves out. Well, everyone except Aedion. Rowan hadn’t expected anything different from him. But everyone else had been nice enough, especially Lorcan which was a little strange. Seems he had managed to develop some level of empathy since being with Elide.

“How you doing?” Fenrys asked as he took out a couple of boxes from the fridge. 

Rowan shrugged. “Fine.”

“The two of you talking yet?” He asked.

“Nope,” Rowan said quietly.

Rowan stared at his half empty plate but he heard Fenrys walk up behind him and without any warning he found himself in a headlock mixed with a hug. Rowan didn’t fight as Fenrys mussed his hair before pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Love you, bud,” Fenrys said as he released him with a final hair messing.

Rowan couldn’t help but smile a bit at that. “Thanks, Fen.”

“Anytime,” Fenrys sang at him.

Just then Rowan’s phone buzzed from where it sat on the table, a message lighting up the screen. It was one word, Rowan didn't know why he expected more.

_No_

Rowan didn’t bother to check it to get rid of the notification, he just left it there. She had replied, at least that was something.

~~~~~

Aelin sat on the couch, the sound down low with the subtitles on. It was late, but she couldn’t sleep. Her sleep was getting progressively more broken these days. At night her body was restless, her mind as well, and she was starting to find laying in bed wishing she was asleep wasn’t doing much to help. The baby also moved the most at night, as if Aelin’s stillness gave her child permission to dance away just so her mother was acutely aware that she was there. A not so gentle, and untimely, reminder.

So Aelin had started coming out to the couch on those nights, watching TV or doing things on her laptop, sometimes both. She liked this quiet time out of her room with little chance of being disturbed. It had almost reversed her sleeping pattern completely, she napped through the day and was up most of the night. It came as a blessing in disguise because it gave her an excuse not to be out in common areas when Rowan was home. But still, she knew she had been spending a little too much time in her room while trying to avoid him. Aelin knew she was most likely ready to talk to him about some of their looming issues but she just couldn’t bring herself to start the conversation. Maybe it was her pride, maybe it was fear — most likely a combination of both really — stopping her from opening her mouth. But either way she’d barely spoken to him in almost two weeks.

It was getting ridiculous.

The only positive for her was that her hyperemesis gravidarum symptoms had lessened, although the nausea was still a near constant feeling Aelin was only throwing up once or twice a day if she kept it managed and didn’t do much. And the yoga positions she had been doing almost daily had helped with her round ligament pain as well and she was moving around a lot easier now. So it was actually two things that were going right. Too bad about everything else. 

Absentmindedly Aelin put her hand on her stomach, feeling the baby kick beneath her hand. She was feeling more and more from the outside as the baby and her stomach grew. It was so odd for Aelin to have so little mobility in her core. Bending over was becoming a non-existent feat and getting up and down from the floor for yoga took a lot of leg work.

The baby kicked again and Aelin remembered how she had pressed Rowan’s hand to her stomach the first time she had felt it from the outside. She had been so happy in that moment and so happy to share that moment with him because…. because they had been something then. They had been friends and now….

Aelin swallowed against the tightness building in her throat as her anger and sadness rose, her eyes starting to sting with tears. She was tired of crying about this, tired of feeling all this. What Arobynn had said had stirred up some things she had worked very hard at burying for years and they had risen to the surface.

_Considering the situation you’re in, it's not really the best circumstances to be raising a child. Especially alone._

The sound of the TV faded to the background as Aelin’s mind wandered it to the past. She hated it, hated how those words affected her. But she had been left so many times in her life, there were years of loneliness and solitude that still haunted her. So when Arobynn had said those triggering words, when he’d thrown that fear in her face something in her had snapped. Aelin shook her head banishing her thoughts away. She wasn’t alone, not really. There was Aedion, Lysandra and Elide, hell she guessed she could even rely on Lorcan to an extent these days. But still… it wasn't the same. It wasn’t what she wanted.

Over the low sound of the TV she heard footsteps coming down the hall. She couldn’t bring herself to face him, so she kept her focus on the screen but she heard his footsteps falter as he no doubt saw her. There were a few beats of deafening silence between them before Rowan spoke. 

“Hey,” Rowan said by way of greeting and kept walking towards the kitchen, “you’re up late,”

Aelin took a deep breath, willing herself to be pleasant, to just try. “I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

Aelin tried not to cringe at how small and broken her voice sounded, praying that Rowan would get what he needed and go back to bed.

“Is everything alright?”

Turning Aelin saw Rowan grabbing a glass from the cupboard. “Yeah, all just normal pregnancy stuff apparently,” she told him before she looked back at the TV.

“Ah, okay,” Rowan said and then the fridge door opened then closed and he poured himself a drink. 

The only sound in the apartment went back to being the low hum of the TV.

The baby moved, pushing on Aelin’s bladder. She let out a frustrated groan, “Uh-ah, no way I just sat down.”

“What was that?” Rowan called from the kitchen, sounding very confused. 

“Talking to the baby,” Aelin said, her voice carrying no inflection as she answered Rowan’s question and she heard a soft chuckle from him. That sound grated on her nerves. A reminder of exactly what they weren’t and the messy situation they were in. Aelin was so tired, she was weary down to her soul and before she knew it she could feel herself retreating — those walls getting higher — ready to shut Rowan out yet again. But she didn't try to stop it as that fire within her sputtered out.

~~~~~

Seeing Aelin out of the couch had taken Rowan by surprise and he had been wary talking to her. But then she had managed to speak two sentences to him without being hostile or almost non responsive and it had calmed a little of Rowan’s anxieties. And her talking to the baby, that was downright adorable and he hadn’t been able to stop the soft laughter that came out of his mouth when he realised Aelin wasn’t talking to him. Rowan threw caution to the wind and instead of going back to his room like he planned after getting a drink of water he was considering trying to strike up a conversation, see if they could move past some of this tension between them. But he wasn’t willing to push his luck too far so he offered his help instead.

“Can I get you anything while I’m in here?” Rowan asked.

“Ah, yeah. Sure,” Aelin’s voice was hesitant.

“What would you like?” Rowan asked, trying not to let it show that he was slightly unnerved at the fact the conversation was continuing, definitely making it the longest conversation they’d had in a fortnight. 

“Watermelon,” Aelin answered.

Rowan opened the fridge and got out the container with the watermelon in it before he grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and forked in a few pieces for Aelin to eat. He left the container out as he walked to the couch and passed the bowl to her. When she took it from him she barely looked away from the TV screen, and when she did she looked at the bowl and not at Rowan.

“Thanks,” she muttered quietly, 

Rowan hovered for a moment, wanting to say more, wanting that bridge that gaping ravine between them.

“Aelin, I —“

“You can go, I’m fine,” Aelin said, staring resolutely at the screen.

“Can I just —“ 

“No. You can’t,” she finally looked up at him. “I’m fine here on my own.”

Something shuttered in Aelin’s eyes before they went hard as she said those words that effectively pushed him away. Rowan felt his frustration rise. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do to move past this and it was fraying him to the end of his tether. He left her on the couch and went back to the kitchen, packing away the watermelon and tidying up the bench. In his frustration he was closing doors a little harder than he should — the sounds echoing — but he could feel a tightness building in his throat, a burning in his eyes. He needed to keep busy or he just might fall apart completely. 

Pulling the bin out into the open he tied up the trash bag and pulled it out. His keys were on the kitchen counter from where he had left them after bringing in the groceries and he grabbed them. They jingled as Rowan’s hand shook.

“Go on, run away then,” Aelin said to him, her voice undoubtedly panicked. “You’re so good at that.”

Rowan stopped. Slowly he dropped the bag of trash on the floor, his hand still shaking as he rubbed it over his face as he let out a shuddering breath. Logical comprehension was a little beyond him in this moment, all these mixed signals and turmoil of emotions had finally pushed him to his limits. And he snapped.

“What do you want me to do?” Rowan said, taking a step towards the couch, willing Aelin to look at him just so she could read him like she had so many times before, so she could understand. “You’re mad at me because you think I’ll leave but you’re mad at me when I stay. I’m bending over backwards to help you and you can’t even talk to me. I want to move past this. I just…” Rowan’s voice cracked as he finally broke, tears welling in his eyes. “I’m trying, I really am. But what do you want me to do, Aelin?”

Rowan’s voice was defeated, her name coming out as a plea more than anything. But he wasn’t ashamed of his tears that fell. Aelin turned to him then, her face clouded by anger and what was probably confusion. Rowan didn’t back down, he let her see him as he laid everything bare for her. He let her see the tears as they rolled down his cheeks, the desperation in his eyes. He knew this was the definitive moment, and it was entirely up to Aelin which way it went.

“How can you say that when you’re leaving again?” Aelin demanded, her defence not faltering.

_Oh_.

The realisation hit Rowan like a punch to the gut. She had heard him grab his keys, after everything he had done she assumed he was leaving her again. She hadn’t realised…

“I was just taking the trash out,” Rowan said softly. “I was taking my keys in case I got locked out. I didn’t want you to have to get up if it did.”

Aelin looked at him, her face falling, her eyes catching on the bag of trash by his feet. Her eyes met his again, they were wide and finally that will of iron wavered and her impassive face broke. Then she burst into tears.

~~~~~

Gods, she had been such an idiot. Rowan was taking the trash out, he wasn’t leaving. He was just being his helpful self and she had panicked and she had accused him of leaving her again. Aelin felt so stupid, she had been mean and rude and downright unpleasant these past few weeks. Rowan hadn’t been perfect by any means, but at least he had kept some semblance of a functioning human being. Aelin on the other hand…

Her body shook with the force of her crying, her face hiding in her hands, if she didn’t calm down she would probably make herself vomit. She had been bitter and angry with plenty of good reasons, but she had dragged it out for long enough. Punished Rowan for long enough. It had taken her making this mistake to realise.

“Hey, hey it’s alright,” Rowan said gently, but most definitely panicking.

He was hovering, Aelin was sure if she took her hands from her face she would find him kneeling in front of her. Heartbeats passed and Aelin kept crying, shame and anger washing over her in waves. When she managed to stop her sobs, getting her breathing under control, Rowan finally spoke.

“What do you want me to do, Aelin.”

Rowan’s voice was barely about a whisper and he sounded uncertain, maybe a little fearful as if Aelin might be the one to deal out his death sentence at this moment. That made Aelin drop her hands, it made her look at him. He was kneeling in front of her and she could see tears shining in his eyes, a single tear stain running down his cheek.

Rowan reached up but he didn’t move to take her hand or touch her at all, he just put his hand beside her on the couch, steadying himself. Then he spoke again, his voice thick. “Tell me and I’ll do it, I just want all this to stop. Please. Just tell me.”

Aelin swallowed against her tears, her hand finding its way his. She swore he trembled at her touch, then she looked up at his face, willing him to see right through her.

“Stay, I want you to stay.”

Rowan’s body shook as he let out a deep breath, his eyes dropping to her hand and he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

“Aelin, I —“

“I’m sorry, Rowan. I’m so sorry,” Aelin said as tears continued to fall from her eyes.

Rowan’s free hand hesitantly rose to her cheeks giving her the opportunity to pull away, to stop him. But she didn’t, she let him cup her cheek softly and he brushed a tear away with his thumb.

“You do not apologise for defending the people you care about,” he said and she looked away from his heavy gaze, understanding exactly what he meant.

Aelin’s free hand went to her stomach, a soft sob escaping her lips. “I thought you were leaving me.”

So gently Rowan turned her face to look at him again, his hand slipping out from under hers to rest on her other cheek and gave her a crooked smile, his lips trembling as he fought with his own emotions. “I am not leaving. I am done running. I won’t be leaving again, not unless you tell me to. I want to be here, for you. For the both of you.”

Now Aelin’s hands were shaking as they came to rest over Rowan’ gently coaxing them away from her face, but she didn’t let go, she didn’t want to. 

“There are reasons why I need you to mean what you say, Rowan. Why I’ve acted the way I have. But I’m not sure if I can tell them to you right now. I’m sorry, I just need some more time.”

“You don’t have to tell me now and you don’t have to be sorry for it,” Rowan said, his hands squeezing hers gently. “You can tell me when you're ready. I… Aelin,” he shook his head, not at her but at himself. “I never really apologised for everything. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said those things to you, I’m sorry for the things I did. I’m sorry you suffered for my pain,” Rowan took a deep breath and looked at their hands before he looked back into her eyes. “I’m sorry it took me so long to see how strong and fierce and remarkable you are. I am so sorry for every moment of pain I caused you. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

Aelin felt the truth of every word Rowan had said to her, they settled on her heart, into her very soul. There was still a long way to go before they would be at some semblance of normal. But this was a start. Rowan had told her he wasn’t going anywhere and she believed him. He finally got off the floor and sat next to her on the couch, leaving a little space between them but still he kept one of her hands in his. 

“What do we do now?” Aelin asked, wiping her nose not so delicately on her sleeve and looking to where her hand rested on her stomach.

“I’m not sure. But Maybe,” he said, quietly enough that she looked at him again. “Maybe we could find the way back together.”

For a few long moments Aelin didn’t say anything, she just sat there pondering over all the things Rowan had said to her, at the truths she was holding close.

“I think,” she said, barely more than a whisper, “I would like that very much.”

Aelin looked up at Rowan, his handsome face full of hope as he said, “Together, then.”

They might not get back to what they had been a few months ago, and that was probably for the best. They had both suffered unbearable pain in their lives and maybe now with everything laid bare they could find a way out of the abyss they had both fallen into, climbing out inch by inch. There would be a new found understanding between them and they would be stronger and whatever came they would face it together. Aelin would not be alone.

“Together,” she agreed and she brought his hand to rest on her stomach, another tear escaping from Rowan’s eye. 

And somewhere far and deep inside Aelin, an ember began to glow.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A whole bowl full of awkward

Adjusting to their new dynamic took some time, and some silent prayers to the gods on Aelin’s part. It was awkward to say the least and it took them a few days of them dancing around each, other testing out how they now fit together. How that was Aelin wasn’t sure, but she was nice — pleasant even — and Rowan was… well. That was what had Aelin begging the gods for help.

His fussiness had returned in what seemed like tenfold. He still left her meds and water on the kitchen counter but he was now back to asking her if she needed anything, if she was all right, if she was feeling okay — any pain, any nausea — it went on and on. Rowan was hovering like a buzzard and Aelin was trying not to let it drive her insane. He was just trying to help, that’s what Aelin told herself over and over again. He was feeling guilty and making up or lost time and this was him just reaffirming to her that he was all in and he wasn’t going anywhere. Bless his fussy heart.

Today Lysandra and Elide were coming over to keep her company. It was hard for the three of them to meet up, Lysandra was picking up the slack at the bookstore because Aelin still wasn’t working and Elide’s work schedule tended to all over the place. So when they both ended up with a Sunday off Aelin insisted they come over. And they were bringing treats. Aelin’s appetite was slowly returning and she was able to stomach a wider variety of food so she’d put in what was probably an excessive order from their favourite bakery. 

Lysandra had also asked to borrow a particular set of earrings and Aelin was currently looking through her jewellery box in search of them. Aedion was taking her out for a hot date and apparently Aelin owned the perfect pair of earrings that went with Lysandra’s dress. Aelin held the box in one hand, her forearm resting on her stomach, while her other flicked through her jewellery. The box was a mess, she really needed to clean it up. She found one earring and was looking for the other when she let out a gasp of pain and then swore when her jewellery box fell to the floor. Luckily most of it was in such a tangled mess that it didn’t go far but she saw a few things had scattered on the floor.

She rubbed at where the pain occurred, not phased at all by now when her ligament pain flared up. This morning she had chosen sleep over her yoga and apparently her body did not approve. Aelin sighed, looking down at the mess. She didn’t doubt that she would be able to get down and pick it all up. It would just take some effort and Aelin wasn’t sure if she could be bothered. But she did have another option.

“Rowan!” She called out. When she didn’t hear an answer she called out again. This time she heard him coming down the hallway, his footsteps quick. He appeared in her doorway, eyes going straight to her. Aelin quirked a brow at him. “Did you run here?”

“I wouldn’t call it running,” Rowan said, looking the slightest bit embarrassed. “You okay?” He asked, eyes darting over her again, his voice full of concern.

“Oh, yeah I’m fine,” Aelin said and then she looked at the floor. “I was just wondering if you could help me out.”

“Yeah, sure. No problem,” Rowan said and then he was kneeling on the floor.

Aelin perched on the corner of her bed as Rowan first handed up her jewellery box, semi closing the lid to keep what was still in there in place. While Aelin tidied that up Rowan set about picking up the loose pieces, handing them to her as he did. 

“Sorry to disturb you,” Aelin said apologetically. “It’s just, the floor is a long way down these days.”

“No, it’s fine,” Rowan said as he handed her an earring. “It’s not a problem at all.”

Some pieces had fallen under her dresser drawers and Rowan really had to get down on the floor to find them. Considering that, it was probably best that she had called him in to help. He looked under the dresser then reached under and pulled out a silver chain bracelet, Aelin recognising it immediately. It was one of the last gifts her mother had given her.

Rowan looked at it, at the thin plate that broke up the chain and what was engraved on it. “Fireheart.”

Aelin hadn’t heard that word in years, and it did something in her chest to hear it spoken aloud in so long.

“What does that mean?” Rowan asked as he passed it to her.

Aelin put two fingers in the bracelet so it stretched out and she could read the inscription. It was written in her mother’s own hand, whoever had done engraving had taken the time to get it just right.

“It was my mother’s nickname for me,” Aelin said and looked at Rowan who was now pushing himself up, dusting off his knees. 

“It suits you, the name I mean,” Rowan said. Then added, “You should wear it more.” 

Aelin looked up at him and saw the genuity in his face. He had really meant what he had said and it took her a moment to work out a reply.

“Thanks,” she said quietly, unsure of what else to say.

“I think I got it all, but if anything is missing let me know and I’ll have another look,” Rowan explained.

“Thanks,” Aelin said again and felt kind of silly for it. Surely she could think of something else to say.

Rowan stood there awkwardly for a moment, then his eyes caught on what she was wearing. It was his dark green t-shirt that had never quite made it back to him after that first night he had lent it to her after she had had that nightmare. Aelin had debated with herself about putting it on this morning but it was so godsdamned comfortable she couldn’t resist. Most of her other comfortable clothes were dirty and it was one of those stuffy warm days and the t-shirt was loose enough that it didn’t make Aelin feel like she was suffocating. 

She half expected Rowan to say something about it, but he didn’t. Instead he looked away, his eyes straying to something on top of the dresser. It was the kingsflame bloom preserved in glass. 

“That’s a kingsflame,” Aelin said as Rowan picked it up. “It used to sit on my uncle’s desk. Emrys brought it to me last time he was here.”

“It’s lovely,” Rowan said. 

“It’s always been my favourite flower,” Aelin admitted quietly. 

Rowan continued to look at the flower a little longer then he gently put it back. Then he just cleared his throat and said, ”Well I’ll leave you to it.”

He left without a flourish and Aelin looked back down at the bracelet in her hand. Although her mother had given it to her when she was eight, Aelin had links added to it so that it still fit her now. Without another thought Aelin undid the clasp and draped it over her wrist before doing it back up again. Maybe she should start wearing it more often. 

~~~~~

Aelin had just finished putting the plates and glasses on the coffee table in front of the TV when Lysandra and Elide walked in. Their arms were full of bags, no doubt holding a wide variety of treats that Aelin was excited to get into. After the hellos her two friends didn’t bother dropping the food in the kitchen, they just came over to the living area and put the food on the table, sitting themselves down. Lysandra sat next to Aelin on the couch while Elide took the armchair.

“It is sweltering outside,” Lysandra said, bracing her hands on her thighs so her arms didn’t touch her body unnecessarily.

Elide hummed her agreement, fanning herself with a random flyer.

“Mmhmm, yeah, interesting,” Aelin said. “What did you bring me?” 

Lysandra laughed. “No sympathy for your friends?”

Aelin shook her head. “No, I’m too excited. I’ve been craving this all morning, you wouldn’t understand.”

It was Elide who took pity on her and handed her a particular bag. “Chocolate croissants.” 

Aelin sat up excitedly and blew her friend a kiss before grabbing the bag. When it was in her possession she opened it, inhaling deeply. “These smell divine.”

For a few moments she just sat there, inhaling the sweet chocolatey scent from the bag. Lysandra looked over, one eyebrow raised. 

“You right there?”

From where Aelin was sitting lengthways on the couch she poked her friend in the side with her toe. “Pregnancy thing. You can’t judge.”

Lysandra smiled, “Well it seems somebody is chipper today. That’s a bit of a change.” 

Aelin contemplated good-naturedly flipping her friend off but she was too absorbed by the pastries in her possession. Just then Rowan walked through to the kitchen, saying hello as he went. Lysandra replied but Elide gave him little more than a nod, seemed she hadn’t forgiven him just yet. Lysandra looked between Aelin and Rowan, no doubt reading the lack of animosity in the room.

“So,” she said, her smile turning feline. “You two finally bang it out?”

Aelin just froze, croissant halfway to her mouth, as something clattered in the sink as Rowan fumbled with whatever he was holding. Then she sent her friend a scathing look.

“What? Considering the situation I think it’s a valid question so don’t give me that look,” Lysandra said as she pulled out a muffin from another bag.

“We did not bang it out,” Aelin said and took a bite, trying to brush off the painful awkwardness. “We talked about it like mature adults.”

Lysandra straight out snorted. “No you didn’t. What really happened?”

Aelin looked over the back of the couch and saw Rowan making a discreet exit, then she pouted as she crossed her arms.

“We talked like reasonable, _normal_ adults,” Aelin said, the pastry still in one hand. Then she sighed, there would be no way out of this as both Elide and Lysandra gave her pointed stares. “Fine. We fought and —“

“Then you banged it out?” Lysandra interrupted.

“Will you stop it with the banging it out!” Aelin exclaimed, her patience finally burning up. 

“Please do,” Elide interjected. “I like my food where it is in my stomach.”

“Oh, Elide,” Lysandra said, “you just made me want to say it so much more.” 

Elide rolled her eyes but Aelin could see the hint of a smile on her face, and Aelin could feel her own lips twitching upwards. 

“So, what happened?” Lysandra pushed.

With a final sigh Aelin told them, leaving out some of the more intimate details. But it was clear, she and Rowan were moving forward, together. How that was going to work exactly, they were still figuring that out. When Aelin finished they were all quiet for a long moment.

“So,” Lysandra said, drawing out the word. “There was no banging,” a quick glance at Elide to see her roll her eyes. “At all?”

“No,” Aelin seethed. 

“What am I supposed to think? You’re in his shirt,” Lysandra said as she lent over and tugged on the sleeve.

“All my other ones that fit are dirty,” Aelin said defensively. “I just found it in my drawer.” Not a lie, it had ended up in her drawer.

“It’s not yours,” Lysandra insisted, eyeing the dark green fabric.

“Debatable,” Aelin threw back. “It’s been in my possession longer than a week, so under claiming rules I would say it’s mine.”

Lysandra smiled, it was one that trouble always seemed to follow after. “How long exactly has it been in your possession?”

Aelin chose to look at her croissant instead of her friends. “A few… months.” 

“The plot thickens,” Elide added. Aelin knew she was smiling without even looking at her.

“So that’s ‘months’. As in plural,” Lysandra confirmed.

“Ugh, fine you are the worst. I vomited one night, Rowan helped me out. The shirt just didn’t make its way back to him,” Aelin said, rushing the words.

“How many times have you worn it?” Lysandra asked.

“Why,” Aelin said, probably much louder than she needed to, “does it matter?”

Lysandra was still grinning. “Oh, it matters.”

There were a few beats of silence before Elide added, “Well?”

Aelin shifted uncomfortably, and she managed not to cringe when her voice was much higher than she anticipated when she said, “A few.” She was most definitely leaving out the fact she had slept in it more than a few times.

“I just need to confirm,” Lysandra said. “This shirt was not acquired post banging?”

Aelin looked wide eyed at Lysandra, not understanding why she hadn’t let this drop yet.

“Why are you so interested in this?”

Now Lysandra was quiet and refused to meet Aelin’s eye

“Lys? Why?” Aelin said.

“I was just wondering if pregnancy sex was any good,” Lysandra said with a shrug.

“What?” Aelin sat up a little further and poked Lysandra’s side with her finger this time. “Why do you need to know that?”

“I’m just curious, for you know,” Lysandra said. “For one day maybe in the distant future. So don’t get too excited.”

“There’s also a bet,” Elide said, pouring out three glasses of water.

Lysandra gasped and turned her head to where Elide sat. “Traitor!”

Elide shrugged, bringing the glass closer to her lips. “Just returning the favour.”

Aelin gaped, looking between them and trying to process everything they had said. Lysandra and Aedion were talking babies and there was a bet for… oh she was going to kill them all. 

“There’s a bet for when me and Rowan… bang?” Aelin asked incredulously. “Are you serious? You’re both in on it?”

“I’m not,” Elide said coolly. “Lys on the other hand.”

“Come on, Ae, it’s just a bit of fun. Just, you know, it’s happened once already so,” Lysandra added with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

Aelin lent back on the arm of the chair, appalled at what she was hearing. “Well sorry to ruin your _fun_ but I can barely walk up a flight of stairs without needing to vomit. As if I could last through _that_. So there is no banging going on. Nor will there be.”

“Please stop saying bang,” Elide muttered.

“Oh don’t act like you’re not doing plenty of banging yourself,” Aelin said, making Lysandra laugh, choking on a mouthful of muffin.

“I’m not going to deny it,” Elide said. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Me either,” Aelin admitted.

Aelin thought they were done but then Lysandra turned back to her. “But you want to though.”

“Lysandra!” Aelin balled up the napkin she had and threw it at her friend who easily caught it. 

“What? All I’m hearing is reasons why you _can’t_. You said nothing about not wanting to,” Lysandra gave her friend a wicked smile and a knowing look.

Aelin felt her cheeks flush. “Well… I…” Then she got defensive. “Why are we still talking about this?”

“Oh come on, Aelin,” Elide said. “We all know the truth here.”

Aelin blinked at the betrayal of yet another friend. “We are done talking about this. We’re finished discussing anyone banging anyone else. Done. Finished.”

“Fine,” Lysandra said, resigned. But she was smiling when she pulled out her phone. “Let’s talk baby shower then.”

~~~~~

Rowan was pretty certain that Lysandra and Elide had left, but he hesitantly poked his head around the corner just to make sure. He let out a sigh of relief when it was just Aelin he saw sitting on the couch, flicking through a magazine.

“It’s safe to come out,” Aelin said, not bothering to look up from her magazine. “They’re gone.”

Rowan stepped out into the open space and let out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t want to get caught in the middle of another conversation. That last one was a little awkward.”

Aelin laughed softly, the pages of the magazine flicking. “Well it’s not such a terrible idea.”

The glass Rowan had in his hand almost fell to the floor but he managed to catch it and it clattered onto the bench instead. His cheeks heated and he refused to look over at Aelin. He knew she wasn’t serious, but still… When she spoke, he couldn’t help but look over.

“I was kidding,” she said and then her eyes darted over his face, no doubt seeing the flush to his cheeks. Aelin looked at him for a moment before her own cheeks turned pink and she finally turned away, slapping the magazine shut and cleared her throat. “I’m going to have a nap.”

Aelin didn’t say anything more before pushing herself up from the couch and walking to her room. Rowan was glad she hadn’t said anything else, because he was at a loss for words and probably would have stuttered something incoherent. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it. Gods, he’d been thinking about it since that first time. But that was a complication he was not even going to entertain for a fraction of a second. 

They were just starting to get on the right track, and he wasn’t about to ruin that thinking about things they most definitely shouldn’t be doing. 

~~~~~

Aelin was so godsdamned stupid. 

Why had she said that? They were just getting over their awkwardness and she had to go and ruin it with that stupid joke. After her friends had left, with nothing much else to do, Aelin had been musing over what had been said. They weren’t going to ‘bang it out’ as Lysandra so eloquently put it, not when they could barely hold a normal conversation. But still the idea was interesting, interesting enough she had felt comfortable making a joke about it when Rowan most obviously wasn’t feeling the same. Aelin turned her face into her pillow and groaned, in frustration, at herself, at the complications of the situation.

That little tidbit Elide had dropped about the bet Aelin was most definitely going to keep to herself. Judging from Rowan’s reaction to her little joke she suspected he might die of embarrassment if she was the one to tell him about it. If she wasn’t currently very pregnant and had full use of her body she would kick each and every one of their asses for being nosy busybodies. Idiots, the lot of them. 

Aelin closed her eyes. She hadn’t been lying when she had made her exit after the disaster her mouth had caused. Aelin was tired and she did need a nap. It also wasn’t a lie when she told Rowan it wasn’t such a bad idea. It would relive a lot of the… frustrations between them. 

No. Aelin closed her eyes tighter against the thought.

That was a complication neither of them needed. They would just keep fumbling through this until they could work it all out. However long that would take.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Sorry it took so long. Please enjoy. Also spoilers for Little Women, just FYI.

“Have you seriously bought nothing for the baby?” Rowan asked eyes on the road. 

Aelin shrugged and she saw him glance at her out of the corner of his eye. “Well, until recently I wasn’t sure if I’d be staying and I loathe moving so less stuff to take and pack up the better,” Aelin explained. When she felt a lingering awkwardness due to the touchy subject she added, “There's also the fact I haven’t really been able to leave the house and I didn’t want the delivery guy to see me so disheveled. He’s pretty cute.”

Rowan chuckled. “I’m sure he’s seen worse.”

Aelin smiled at that then looked out the window. Rowan was taking her to her 24 week appointment and it seemed she could finally bear being in a car. Well barely. She still felt nauseous but it wasn’t the imminent vomiting kind. It was more of the ‘needing to sit down and probably have a nap to sleep it off’ kind. But it was an improvement and Aelin would take what she could get. 

The _whatever_ it was between her and Rowan was improving as well. Besides the awkwardly hellish moment inflicted on her by her two best friends, she and Rowan were doing pretty well. They had kind of gone back to the point they were at before the Big Incident, as Aelin liked to call it, somewhere in the realm of friends. Except now they were both aware of certain feelings neither of them was willing to touch or bring up at the moment. They were taking everything slow, step by step. They both knew that if they messed it up now it might just ruin things completely, and it was more than just the two of them at stake, as Aelin was so timely reminded. 

Her side received a sharp jab from the inside and she inhaled sharply, her hand immediately going to that spot. “I understand you’re uncomfortable but I can’t move,” Aelin scolded her unborn child. Then she heard a breathy laugh and turned to see Rowan smiling softly. Aelin felt her lips do the same.

It wasn’t too much longer before Rowan pulled into a parking spot just outside the doctors clinic. He was out of the car as soon as the ignition was off while Aelin took her time getting out, then he was opening the door before she reached for it. And she let him.

Aelin had a little lingering bitter acceptance when it came to these little helpful gestures. It no longer stung her pride and she no longer fought against it, but there was still that something that nagged at her. It was nice having someone be concerned and to be considerate enough to even think of these little things. Rowan had practically turned into the perfect, albeit fussy, gentleman. He even offered her a hand to get down and it surprised Aelin a little when she took it without a second thought. Their hands may have lingered a millisecond longer than needed as if they were both subconsciously unwilling to let go. 

Letting go, Aelin walked through the doors and went to check in as Rowan took a seat. By some miracle the receptionist told her Yrene was waiting for her and to go straight through. Aelin smiled her thanks and started to walk towards the door, but then she stopped, turning to look at Rowan. 

“Did you want to come in?” Aelin asked hesitantly. She had no idea where this offer was coming from, but she guessed… Rowan had said he was all in, this was probably part of it. 

Rowan looked up, clearly surprised. “Yeah, if you’re sure.” 

Aelin just nodded and watched as Rowan walked over and they headed down the hallway to the door with a plaque that read _Dr Yrene Towers_. The door was ajar and Aelin knocked before pushing it open. 

“Hello, hello,” Yrene said looking up and smiling as the two of them walked in.

Aelin clearly read the surprise on her face when she saw Rowan coming in behind her. Yrene wisely decided not to comment and got the appointment started. After a few questions the appointment changed a little and this time Yrene asked Aelin to lie on the table and she measured Aelin’s bump from near her sternum over the swell of it, and then pulled out a little machine. 

“We’re just going to check the heartbeat,” Yrene said. “If you could just lift your shirt up.”

Aelin did as was asked and Yrene put the cool gel on her stomach. It wasn’t long before there was a rhythmic noise coming from the box in Yrene’s hand. Aelin’s gaze found where Rowan sat, tears filling her eyes without her permission. His own eyes were watery and something about that just made Aelin cry harder. It reminded her of the first time she had heard the sound of her baby’s heart, that moment had been a turning point between her and Rowan. And sure they had hit a few major bumps along the way but now they were working towards something… new. Something together. 

“Stop it you two, or you’ll make me cry,” Yrene said, snapping both of them out of their thoughts, as she helped Aelin wipe up the gel.

“How’s it looking, doc?” Aelin asked as she sat up and fixed her shirt. 

“Heartbeat is strong, which is very good to see. But things are measuring a little small. How are your HG symptoms?”

Aelin swallowed, her anxiety spiking. “Much better, vomiting once a day if that. If I can manage myself well enough I can keep it to that, and I’m eating more. Cars still pose some problems though.”

“That’s good to hear,” Yrene said as she nodded. “Baby just might be playing catch up for a bit. We’ll see how things go next appointment but I might send you to get another scan to check on things a little better.”

Aelin nodded, rubbing her sweaty palm on her thighs. 

“Hey, I’m only the tiniest bit concerned, barely even concerned really,” Yrene said reassuringly. “Sometimes babies are just small and there’s nothing to panic about yet. Keep doing what you’re doing and we’ll see where we are at the next appointment.” Then she turned to Rowan. “You work at the gym, yeah?” Rowan nodded dutifully. “Use your good food knowledge and make sure Aelin is eating nutrient rich food, not that rubbish she usually does. Chocolate is not an essential food group.” Yrene gave Aelin a knowing look. 

Aelin rolled her eyes and eased off the table. “To you maybe.”

Rowan just nodded again. “I will.”

Then Yrene turned back to Aelin, “Birthing classes start up in a week or so. Make sure you book in.”

Aelin nodded, “Yep, will do.”

“Okay, well I guess I’ll see you at the baby shower.” Yrene pretty much sang the last two words and did a little shoulder dance to go along with it.

Aelin smiled and waved her off, “You better bring me chocolate as my gift now that you’ve forced me to be fed by him. He only knows how to cook meat on a stick accompanied by a salad that tastes like dirt.”

Rowan scoffed but they both ignored him.

“I’m going to buy you the most boring and practical gift you could possibly imagine,” Yrene said dryly, but her eyes were dancing with humour. 

Aelin laughed. “I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

~~~~~

Rowan glanced over to where Aelin gazed out the passenger window. He could tell her jaw was clenched, the muscles of her face tight. She was thinking over what Yrene had said at the appointment, just like he was. He could tell she was worrying, even though Yrene assured them things were looking okay. Clearing his throat he looked back to the road, thinking of what he could say to get her mind elsewhere.

“I was thinking tonight we could watch that new movie you got. The one about the… ladies,” Rowan said and he saw Aelin look over at him in his peripherals. 

It took Aelin a moment before she asked, “You mean Little Women?”

“Yeah that one,” Rowan said. “I’ll make some real popcorn and you can have ice cream or whatever you’ve got stashed in the freezer. After dinner of course.”

“Ah, yes. Mister I hate sweets,” Aelin teased, hearing the disdain in his voice. “What do you mean real popcorn?”

“Like from a pan, that microwave stuff will kill you with all those chemicals,” Rowan said. “I’ll make you whatever you want for dinner too. A nutritious dinner,” he added before she could request something ridiculous like chocolate cake. 

They pulled up to a stop light and Aelin huffed and Rowan looked over as she crossed her arms. “Well, you’re no fun.”

She was glaring at him but he could see the smallest tilt to her lips that told him she wasn’t serious. 

He smirked right back and held her gaze, his voice low that would lead to the perfect distraction if he could get it right. “You know that I’m plenty of fun.”

Aelin’s eyes went a bit wide and her cheeks flushed as she caught his hidden meaning. She opened her mouth to say something else but the honking horn from the car behind them startled them both and Rowan turned his eyes back to the road. 

“Rowan Whitethorn, I never. Since when did you learn to make such inappropriate innuendos,” Aelin said. Then she giggled, which turned into laughing and Rowan couldn’t help but join in. The sound was bright and infectious and soon they were both laughing so hard they needed to stop so they could catch their breath. “One day this will stop being awkward,” she said at last. 

“At least we can laugh about it now,” Rowan said. 

“At least there’s that,” Aelin agreed. 

A few hours later Rowan was in the kitchen cooking a red sauce pasta for the two of them. Aelin had retreated to her room when she’d left dinner up to him and he had told her what was on tonight’s menu, saying the smell of cooking meat still made her nauseous. Rowan hadn’t heard a sound since and assumed she’d fallen asleep. It seemed he was right because just as he finished Aelin walked out, dressed in a long loose t-shirt dress, rubbing her eyes. 

“Is my very nutritious, delicious dinner ready? I’m starving,” Aelin said through a yawn. 

“It is,” Rowan told her as he set out the drained pasta and the sauce on the bench so Aelin could serve herself. She did, her pasta to sauce ratio was a little high but he wasn’t going to say anything about and risk the repercussions. He served himself and slid onto the stool next to her, keeping up casual conversation while they ate. Once they were done Rowan cleared up even though Aelin insisted she could help, when he waved her off she just rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath he decided it was best that he didn’t hear. 

Aelin got the movie ready while Rowan made the promised popcorn. He had no idea what it was about but from the title he assumed it was about multiple women, possibly small ones. Beyond that he really had no idea. 

This was their first movie night since they’d started to fix things, so Rowan had promised himself that he’d be on his best behaviour, mainly just reminding himself not to make fun of a movie Aelin was obviously very excited about. Once the popcorn was done he brought it over to the couch and set it between them on one of Aelin’s lap tables. Rowan watched dutifully, but the time jumps were confusing him a little, but Aelin didn’t mind explaining things when he asked. He eventually worked out that the hair was the key to working it all out. When it became blatantly obvious that one of the sisters was going to die he had become so invested in the movie that he found himself being moved by it. Sniffling came from beside him and he discreetly looked over.

Aelin was a mess, near distraught. She had her lower face covered with her hands as tears welled in her eyes. When the sister did die Aelin let out a heavy sob. 

“You doing okay over there?” Rowan asked, careful not to sound as though he was teasing. 

Aelin looked over, her cheeks wet with tears and said quietly, “No.”

“I can… do you need a hug?” Rowan asked. He was half joking about his offer but seeing her so upset he just — he wanted to comfort her. 

To his mild surprise Aelin nodded, and Rowan moved the lap table and empty popcorn bowl leaving the way clear for Aelin to scoot over and rest her head on his shoulder. Instinctively he draped his arm around her and she nestled in closer. Rowan could still feel her crying so he started rubbing soothing patterns on her arm with his thumb as they continued watching. When the old neighbour hesitated about going into the house, it seemed to set Aelin off again and she lent further into his chest. Rowan just let her, if Aelin wanted to say anything about it she would and he wasn’t about to start playfully teasing her and potentially make her more upset. Her current hormones and emotions were a bomb he most definitely did not want to poke at.

When Aelin eventually settled down she began to yawn and ended up lying on the couch, her head resting on his thigh. Absentmindedly Rowan played with her hair, running his fingers through the golden strands, twirling the ends. Aelin didn’t seem to mind, in fact from the way she shifted that much closer and let out a contented sigh, he was sure she enjoyed it. So much so that by the end of the movie she was asleep.

“Aelin,” Rowan asked gently. He didn’t get a response. As smoothly as he could he eased himself out from under her in the hopes that it might wake her up and took the few dishes to the sink to wash up tomorrow. Then he went back to the couch to see if Aelin had woken up. She had not, and after a gentle nudge and saying her name a few more times it was clear she was in such a deep sleep she was practically dead to the world. Rowan weighed his options, he didn't want to leave her on the couch, but she was refusing to wake up. So he did the only thing he could think of, he scooped her up and began walking her to her room. The bump on her stomach made it a little awkward for a few moments but it didn’t take long for him to maneuver her safely in his arms. He was almost at her door when she stirred.

“Mm, what you doing?” Aelin asked heavily, like each word took monumental effort.

Rowan pushed her door open with his foot. “I didn’t want to leave you on the couch.”

Aelin didn’t say anything, but started sniffling and Rowan realised she was crying again. At a loss as to what to do Rowan just helped her into bed and planned to leave, not wanting to would her price by coddling her. But just as he went to turn away Aelin grabbed his hand, halting his footsteps. Rowan looked down at her, she had that raw vulnerability on her face that he so rarely saw.

“Can you stay? Just for a little bit?” She asked.

Rowan nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”

He laid on top of Aelin’s bedding on his side so he was looking at her, a bit of distance between them mostly taken up by her bump. She had only pulled a sheet up over her because of the heat and was laying on her side as well, her eyes closed as she tried to go back to sleep. In the dim glow coming from the kitchen lights he had forgotten to turn off he could see that she was still upset by the way her body shuddered as she breathed and the small frown on her mouth. 

Eyes still closed, she reached out for him and he caught her hand in his, holding it to his chest. Aelin’s eyes fluttered open at that, eyes swimming with tears. Something told Rowan if he asked what had upset her so much she wouldn't tell him, she might just shut down or ask him to leave. But she needed comfort, a connection to the world that was outside her mind, Rowan could tell that much. So, not letting go of her hand, he rolled onto his back, wordlessly beckoning her over with an outstretched arm and quick _come here_ gesture with his hand leaving the choice entirely up to her.

Aelin looked at him for a moment then she shifted closer, Rowan meeting her half way. Her hand was still pressed to his chest and she rested her head on his shoulder, her body nestled against his. The baby bump rested against his side, the weight of it odd but not unwelcome.

“Thank you,” Aelin whispered.

Rowan didn’t say anything as his arm wrapped around her and rested on her hip. Laying together like this, it felt so natural, so right and it brought a lot of feelings to the surface that Rowan had been quietly ignoring until he knew Aelin was ready. But he couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to go to bed like this every night, his arm wrapped around her, her body pressed to his. His thoughts were interrupted by soft movements against his side. It took him a moment to realise what it was, that it was the baby moving. He stilled, even as his face broke out into a wide smile. Waiting for Aelin to move or to say something, Rowan stayed perfectly still, but she was breathing deeply already sound asleep again even as the baby kept moving. 

That was his baby stirring, most likely rebelling against the way his body encroached on her space. the thought of that made him want to laugh, but the sudden awe that was creeping over him made him keep quiet, as well as the sleeping woman next to him. His daughter was really there, a little thing kicking and moving around. 

Not wanting to risk waking Aelin by leaving, Rowan decided he would wait five minutes before he would get up and go to his own bed to make sure she was well and truly asleep. Listening to Aelin’s steady breathing Rowan didn’t realise he had closed his eyes and before he knew it he had fallen asleep.

~~~~~

The feeling of being overheated woke Aelin up from what felt like the best sleep she had had in years. Blinking against the light peeking from around her curtains Aelin saw the source of the heat. A solid mass of a man that was still sleeping, as far as she could tell, and she was cuddled up next to him. 

Why was she cuddled up next to Rowan? She remembered watching the movie with him on the couch, then she had obviously fallen asleep and then… it took her a few moments to remember exactly what had happened.

She had been barely conscious when Rowan carried her to bed, but then she had woken up enough to catch his hand as he went to leave and had asked him to stay. Because Beth dying had set her off and she hadn’t been able to stop crying and she hadn’t wanted to be alone. Before she could stop herself Aelin groaned at her own stupidity. The sound made Rowan stir and his brows rose up his forehead as he tried to wake himself up. Aelin didn’t know what to do with herself so she just lay there as Rowan stretched out, his arm tightening around her. Then he opened his eyes and looked down at her.

“Hey,” he said, voice gravelly from sleep.

“Hey.”

That was when the embarrassment hit. She had crossed a line here, a definite physical line, without even asking Rowan if it was okay and not even discussing with him if he was ready. She sat up quickly, the movement making her dizzy and nauseous, but she didn’t want Rowan to see the shame on her face.

“I’m sorry,” was all she managed to say.

Rowan spoke, his voice still heavy with sleep, “It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have put you in that position,” Aelin went on, risking a glance over her shoulder.

Rowan was rubbing his face, most likely trying to wake himself up to some level of coherency. “It’s okay, really,” his voice full of sincerity. Then his face scrunched as if he was in pain. “Oof, my back is so sore.” He shifted again. “Is that a spring digging into my shoulder? Your mattress is terrible.”

Aelin let out a breathy laugh, “Yeah I know. Sorry I made you sleep on it.”

“I don’t mind,” he said, finally sounding at least half awake. Then he groaned again in pain.

Aelin cringed. “Are you sure?”

Rowan caught her gaze and held it, “Yes.”

The earnestness in that single word had a blush rising to Aelin’s cheeks. No doubt seeing it Rowan took pity on her and sat up, wincing a little which just made Aelin feel worse.

“I’m going to make pancakes,” he announced and left the room.

Aelin’s hands dropped to her lap and she just stared at them. What was she supposed to do now? A normal person didn’t have an emotional breakdown over a movie and insist their kind of a little bit more than a regular roommate sleep next to them because they were so sad. She could probably brush it off as hormones… or maybe she could tell him the truth. Really, she owed him that after everything he’d told her. Maybe it was her turn to lay everything bare, just like he had done.

She couldn’t even really pinpoint what had set her off, but she knew hormones weren’t entirely to blame. Maybe it was Jo’s loneliness and determination to hold onto Beth as long as she could, denying the imminent tragedy of her sister’s death. Then there was old Mr Laurence. He reminded her so much of her Uncle Orlon, really she had been his Beth in a way, listening to Aelin as she played the piano as a child. They had been the simplest of songs but he had praised her like she had played the finest symphony. She had lost so many people, some days it just hurt. 

Aelin threw off the sheet and set off for the bathroom. Each step she took she was more and more determined to tell Rowan why it had hurt so much each time he had left her, why that fear of being abandoned ran so deep. By the time she had reached the kitchen she had already formulated the start of her story. Rowan was mixing the batter in a large bowl and when she walked in he looked up — still mixing— as she sat on one of the stools. She swallowed her anti-nausea tablets with the water bottle Rowan had put on the bench for her.

“I want to tell you something,” she said simply.

Rowan put the bowl down and turned off the element on the stove before he rested his elbows on the bench leaning across from her. “Okay.”

Aelin fiddled with the hem of her pyjamas shorts. “When my parents died I went into the custody of Gavriel, Aedion’s father. He took as much leave as he could to look after us but he had to do another deployment eventually and he said it would be his last one, after that he’d take a desk job somewhere. But something went wrong and he was killed. So, me and Aedion were left orphans with no guardians. We were staying with Emrys and Malakai when my uncle….” Aelin shook her head, not wanting to say the words again. “They tried to get custody of us, but there was no family relation so legally they couldn’t, they wanted to get registered into the foster system but they had just adopted their son and it was a lot for them to handle. And it’s a hard and lengthy process trying to get in, so.” Aelin tried to take a breath to steady herself but it left her body trembling. “My Uncle Orlon, he died a few years before my parents. I loved him and he was and he was kind to me, he was more like a grandfather more than anything. His husband was a harder man, but not unkind. Weylan… he um.” Aelin felt her lips contort as she tried to speak, she looked at the ceiling not wanting to see the pity in Rowan’s eyes. “He didn’t want us, didn’t want to be our guardian so we became wards of the state. Aedion managed to get into a military school through some connections of his dad’s but I was sent to a foster home run by a woman named Clarisse.”

Aelin could see the memory plain as day, Aedion hugging her in the front yard of Emrys’ home, behind her there was one car for him and one car for her.

“I was barely 9 when I went into the system, and no one wants older kids. The few homes I did go to didn’t last. I was angry, and wild and grieving and too much for anyone really. So eventually I just stayed in the home. But it was where I met Lysandra so that was something I guess,” Aelin added with a shrug. She had been very much alone until Lysandra came along, their friendships had been rocky at first. “I was in the home until I aged out and on that day Aedion was waiting out front for me with his car and he brought me here.” Finally Aelin looked at Rowan, it wasn't pity she saw in his eyes, there was sadness and sympathy but no pity. “I did what I needed to to survive, I definitely wasn’t the nicest person for a while.”

“Oh, don’t I know that,” Rowan said, a tentative smile on his face.

Aelin just gave him a wicked little smile of her own before it faltered. “I know it wasn’t my family’s choice to leave me, but I still felt it. The abandonment, the hurt. Then coming back to the home over and over. Weylan though, that hurt the most. I thought he cared for me. Emrys had always said it was because Weylan was sick, I was never sure if I quite believed that. I always thought maybe he still grieved the loss of my uncle and I would have been a reminder of that.”

“That’s not fair to you, you were just a kid,” Rowan said quietly. Then he asked, “Why didn’t you want to tell me any of this?”

Aelin sighed. “I didn’t want your pity, or for you to mock me for it. It was easier just to be a bitch and not have to face it.” Again she shrugged and wiped a tear from her cheek. “That’s why when you ran all those times I couldn’t bear it, you were another person deciding I was too hard to deal with and walking away. I just wanted you to know, and wanted you to understand, why I need you to mean what you say. I don’t think I could bear it if you left me.”

Rowan reached out, taking her hand in his. He brushed his thumb over her knuckles before pressing a kiss there, just a quick comforting gesture. 

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere,” he said. 

Aelin watched as Rowan went back to the pancakes, with such a normal domesticity she couldn't help but smile because she. Believed every word that he had said. She felt something molten rush through her as each word hit it’s mark, forging those broken pieces of herself back together. She watched Rowan as he poured out the batter into the pan, some semblance of utter normalcy finally making it’s way into her life. And for the first time in a very long while Aelin didn’t feel alone in the world.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whoa ok, this beast is over 8500 words long. In hindsight I should have split it but it’s too delicious to have it broken up. And like... I could be tweaking this forever so forgive me if its a little flawed.

Aelin carefully stepped out of the shower onto the mat and grabbed her towel. As she wrapped it around herself and her growing bump she was glad she had always insisted in buying extra large bath towels for herself despite the extra cost. She could tell that if she were to use the normal size ones they just weren’t going to cut it soon. After a habitual glance down the hallway Aelin walked down it to her bedroom. Today was the day of the baby shower, so she was going to spend the morning getting ready and then Elide would come get her and take her to Lysandra and Aedion’s apartment around lunch time. Shutting the door behind her she contemplated what exactly she was going to wear for the little party when she saw what was lying on her bed.

It was a blue dress, the same wrap dress she had tried on when she went shopping with Rowan. The one she had loved but had been way more than she wanted to pay and was inconveniently not on sale — she hated buying things that weren’t on sale. Aelin looked at it for a few more seconds, her face spreading into a wide smile. There was no doubt who had bought it for her. Rushing for her door, she hoped she could catch Rowan before he left for work to thank him. Her hair dripping on her shoulder reminded her that all she was dressed in was a towel.

Right, clothes first, then she’d find Rowan.

~~~~~

Rowan was packing up his food for today when he heard Aelin’s door open. He was only working a half day because he was going to the baby shower, so he didn’t worry about lunch, he was just packing snacks to keep him going until then. He heard her footsteps coming towards him and he looked up. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun –– still wet from the shower –– and she was wearing his dark green t-shirt. It was hers really, considering that he hadn’t worn it in months. But still the sight of her in it had his heart stuttering in his chest. Well, it was that or the stunning smile on her face.

“I caught you,” she said as she stopped next to him.

She really had, in more ways than one.

“Did you need something? I’m just about to head out to work,” Rowan told her, finally noting that she wasn’t wearing the dress that he had got her. Did she not like it? Did he get the wrong size? Had he overstepped…

“I just wanted to say thank you,” she said looking up at him. “For the dress.”

“You not coming out in it had me worried,” Rowan said nonchalantly as he could as he zipped up his bag, hopefully disguising his tiny moment of panic.

“No, no!” Aelin said, still smiling. “I just didn’t want to sweat in it while I got ready.”

Rowan flipped the strap of his duffle bag over his shoulder. “I just thought you deserved a present today as well. You’re the one doing all the hard work. And don’t worry, I got it on sale.”

Aelin’s smile grew then without warning she rocked up onto her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love it.”

Then she turned away from him, leaving him a little stunned by the kitchen bench. He managed to keep his blush from his cheeks until she was gone and safely behind her bedroom door.

He was in such deep, unending shit.

~~~~~

There was a knock on the front door just as Aelin was finishing up fixing her hair in the bathroom and then she heard Elide calling out a hello. Aelin slipped in a bobby pin, making sure her bracelet caught on her hair and messed it up. It was the one with the _Fireheart_ inscription on it, it had been lying on top of her dresser and she had just put it on without thinking. Rowan was right, she should wear it more.

Aelin gave herself another once over in the mirror and deemed herself ready. Her makeup was simple and her hair up in a high ponytail to keep it off her neck. The air conditioning at Lysandra and Aedion’s place often decided to not work properly and she didn’t want to overheat unnecessarily or risk sweating off her makeup. Lastly, she fixed the neckline of her wrap dress to make sure everything was contained. Aelin had never been disappointed by her cup size, but these days her boobs were out of control. Hormones were apparently good for something it seemed, even if it meant some of her clothes struggled at times.

She walked out and found Elide leaning on the back of the couch, looking at her phone.

“Hello,” Aelin said as she walked into the kitchen to take some more anti nausea tablets. She wanted to make sure she could enjoy herself this afternoon and vomiting was not on her agenda.

“Well, somebody is looking lovely,” Elide said as she looked up from her phone.

Aelin gave her a smile as she swallowed a mouthful of water after the tablet.

“And you can’t stop smiling. Why?”

Aelin shrugged. “Excited I guess. My birthday was pretty miserable this year, I feel like this is making up for it. Also, I haven’t been out for a while.”

Elide smiled, handing Aelin her handbag from where she had picked it up from where it sat on the couch. Then they were out the door and soon enough they were in the car, with Aelin closing her eyes against the steady feeling of nausea in her gut. She hated needing a chauffeur, but she wasn’t brave enough to risk driving herself in case that made her nausea worse by being in the driver's seat.

“So,” Elide said, her voice tight. “Is Rowan coming or has he found a way to get out of this as well?”

Aelin said, looking over she saw a scowl on Elide’s face. “El, cut him a break. Please.”

Elide sighed. “He hurt you Aelin, I wanted to knee him in the balls when I picked you up after that big fight. You had been sobbing on the phone to me and he had caused that with his stupidity. I have never wanted to kill someone so bad before. You’re my family, I protect my family.”

“I know, trust me I do. I’ve made intricate plans for what I’ll do to Lorcan if he ever hurts you. But,” Aelin’s tone made Elide glance at her and she gave her friend a hard look. “I’ve given Lorcan a chance and now I need you to do the same for Rowan. Life hasn’t been easy on him either.”

They came to a stop light and Elide looked over, giving Aelin one of her unnerving _‘I know exactly what’s going on here’_ looks. Gods, the woman was too smart for her own good sometimes.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Elide said as the light went green.

“We have something, I can say that much,’ Aelin said. Then she sat up a bit straighter as she looked out the window. “This isn’t the way to the apartment. Where are we going?”

Elide just smiled.

“Where are we going?” Aelin asked again. “Are you kidnapping me?”

“Patience,” was Elide’s insufferable answer.

“I don’t possess any patience,” Aelin said, still trying to figure out where they were going. “Please tell me.”

Elide remained almost stoically silent. Seems she had learned something from her brooding boyfriend. Eventually they pulled up to one of the fanciest restaurants in town, one that Aelin would probably have to save up for a month to eat at.

“What are we doing here? I can’t afford this place, no one can afford this place. What have you done? Who’s taken out a loan to pay for this?” Aelin was panicking, how was she supposed to pay whoever had planned this back? She couldn’t have them paying for it, not when it was most likely costing them a fortune. Then the front door of the restaurant opened and out walked a devastatingly handsome man, one she recognised instantly with his black hair and bright blue eyes. Aelin shook her head and smiled.

He came right to the car and opened up her door. “Happy ‘I got myself knocked up’ party!”

Aelin laughed, then muttered, “You’re a prick, Dorian.”

“Unfortunately not the one doing the knocking up though. Missed my chance there,” he said as he extended a hand to help you out of the car. Because of the lowness of Elide’s car she took it willingly, even though she wanted to strangle Dorian. “Alas, we were far too young and it would have ruined us.”

“You have to be nice to me, I’m pregnant,” Aelin said, but she was unable to stop her smile. “Hello, Dorian.”

Dorian smiled back, “Hello, Aelin.”

“I’m assuming you’re responsible for this, and not paying for it either,” Aelin said as she linked her arm with his as they headed for the restaurant.

“Yes to all of the above. This is one of my father’s most recent acquisitions, I quite like the place. _He’s_ the one paying for it because he wants me to check it out, you know sample the food and whatnot,” Dorian said and opened the door for her. “Party’s upstairs.”

Aelin stepped into the restaurant and looked around, it was sleek and modern, very nice to look at. Then she turned to face the stairs that led up and felt her face pale. There were a lot of them. Her ligament pain seemed to be taking a day off, but Aelin didn’t want to push her luck.

“Please tell me there’s an elevator,” Aelin said as Dorian and Elide joined her inside.

“Round here,” Dorian said and led the way to where the elevator was. He pushed the button and the three of them waited. “Do I get to meet the baby daddy, or...”

The door opened and Aelin stepped in, rolling her eyes. “If you promise not to be an ass.”

Dorian pressed the button for the right floor. “From what I hear, _he’s_ the ass.”

From next to her Elide snorted and Aelin gave her a withering look.

“He’s not wrong,” Elide said simply.

Aelin sighed heavily, gods save her from obnoxious and overprotective friends. “We literally just talked about this.”

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Stepping out Aelin saw a wall of transparent glass and a room decorated with white and gold. she saw Lysandra bustling about, carrying things or telling some of the staff where to put things. It was simple, elegant, Aelin loved it.

Dorian opened this door as well and Aelin stepped into the function room and saw it in its entirety. The tables were covered in white table cloths, gold painted mason jars held bunches of little white flower and behind a table that was empty besides two wrapped presents was a gold sign that said _Oh Baby_. Little accents of gold were elsewhere, matte gold bunting and edges on the platters. In the middle of the room there were a collection of couches, all of which looked expensive. 

She spied Aedion sitting on one of the sleek couches, arm thrown over the back of it while he was on his phone. Leaving Dorian to answer a few questions of someone who looked like they worked in the kitchens, Aelin made her way over to her cousin while Elide went over to Lysandra. Aelin eased herself down, but she still let out a heavy breath when she landed.

Aedion glances up at that. “Should I have helped there?” He asked.

Aelin shook her head. “I’m not that pregnant yet.” Then she paused for a moment. “Getting up is another story. These couches are very low.”

“Duly noted,” Aedion said. “Nice, huh?”

Aelin joined her cousin in looking around the room. “Very, although your apartment would have been fine.”

“Yeah, but when we invited Dorian he said he had another idea then he offered to cover the cost for the food, _and_ this place has amazing air conditioning. So I thought we might as well,” Aedion explained.

“I do love air conditioning,” Aelin said. She waved at Lysandra who had finally spotted her. “Are you talking to Rowan yet?” When her cousin didn’t look at her she pressed. “Aedion?”

“I just…” he ran his hand through his shoulder length hair. “He just keeps letting you down and when I see you hurting I get so angry it’s just easier to stay angry at him.”

“But he’s your friend,” Aelin said. “And what’s between me and him shouldn’t affect that. Thank you for being the gallant big brother but what is going on is really between the two of us now. We’re at a good place, we understand each other and we’ve talked over a lot of stuff. I think from now on we’ll be okay.”

Aedion looked at her, weighing her words. “You sure?”

Aelin nodded. “I’m sure.”

Aedion looked away and crossed his arms over his chest, lips pursing as he put his thinking face on. Aelin left her cousin to mull over whatever was running through his brain, watching the people move about. Some of the staff were starting to clear out so Aelin guessed it was almost time for the baby shower to start. She should probably get up so she could greet people properly when they arrived, maybe it would be better if there was a chair that was easier to get in and out of. Looking around the room for such a chair her eyes caught on a woman with moon-white hair, her back was to Aelin as she talked to Elide –– one arm draped over her small shoulders. Something tugged at Aelin’s memory, Elide had gone to Briarcliff for a year as part of her University degree and she remembered Elide telling her about the friends she met there and Aelin had a feeling she was one of them, it just left her wondering what she was doing here. Just then Dorian walked past and Aelin caught his attention.

“Hey, help me up.”

Dorian dutifully complied and Aelin was on her feet again.

“Who’s that woman?” Aelin asked.

Dorian gave a shy smile, Aelin’s interest piquing. “I brought a… friend. I hope you don’t mind.”

Aelin gave him a wicked grin. “Oh, I don’t mind at all. As long as you introduce us.”

For a fraction of a second it seemed like Dorian hesitated and Aelin’s brows rose. “It could go either way,” Dorian started to explain. “You two will either get on like a house on fire, or you’ll be the ones starting the fire to get away from each other.”

Dorian led the way and Aelin was trying to subdue her grin. She wasn’t doing a very good job of it, but the poor thing seemed a little nervous so she really tried for Dorian’s sake. He must really like the girl.

“Manon,” Dorian said and the white haired woman turned around and Aelin was almost struck dumb by how beautiful she was, but she also seemed to emanate a kind of fireceness that probably would have intimated a lesser woman than Aelin. Elide wandered off at this point to give them some privacy during the introduction. “This is my old friend Aelin Galthynius.”

Manon flicked her hair over her shoulder and gave Aelin the smallest of smiles, her voice deathly bored and unimpressed, “Nice to meet you.”

Aelin wanted to scoff but for the sake of Dorian she held it in. Manon didn’t sound pleased at all to be meeting her. Granted she was at a baby shower for someone she didn’t know and Aelin was sure this was at the bottom of the list of things she would like to be doing with Dorian as his… friend.

So instead of snarking back Aelin took pity on the woman, “I’m assuming attending a baby shower for someone you don’t know isn’t your idea of fun, so I won't be offended at all if you just happen to disappear.”

Manon’s smile grew to a smirk and then she pulled her phone out of her pocket, the screen lit up with a convenient as hell phone call, “Excuse me, I have to take this.”

As she walked away Aelin turned to Dorian grinning. “Good gods, Dorian. She’s terrifying. I like her.”

Dorian just laughed, even as they watched Manon walk out the glass door –– which Aelin was willing to bet on she wasn’t going to come back through.

Soon after that her guests started to arrive. Luckily a comfy, easy to get in and out of chair was found so Aelin could rest in between greetings. Chaol was the first to arrive, he’d come from Rifthold with Dorian but respectfully realised that he would be useless in the preparation stage and instead turned up exactly on time. Next was Yrene, who was unsurprisingly punctual, like she always was to anything. Then the rest filtered in.

The twins strolled in, having got a half day off like Rowan to come. Nehemia Arrived just before Nesryn and Sartaq, Aelin made them sit on the couches and demanded they catch up with her before they did anything else. She hadn’t seen any of them in a long while and she was trying desperately not to cry at the fact that they had come all this way just for her and her little party. Emrys came too, and this time he brought Malakai and Luca. Luca just talked and talked, about what he was doing at University, the girls he was chasing, just anything and everything. Aelin let him, she missed the kid.

Lysandra was incredibly attentive throughout and brought over plates of food and flutes of sparkling juice so Aelin didn’t have to get up and get it herself. Everyone else was mingling and chatting, laughter sounding here and there. But at this moment Aelin was content for the brief calm and just to take it all in.

“That dress is nice,” Lysandra said, playing with the sleeve as she perched on the arm of the chair. “Is it new?”

Aelin took a sip of her drink and then said, “Very.”

“Where’d you get it?” Lysandra pressed.

Aelin took a bite of a pretty little cake decorated with a swirl of white icing and gold flecks. Lysandra just patiently waited for her to finish so she could get her answer. “Rowan got it for me.”

Lysandra didn’t say anything but Aelin could feel her friend’s eyes on her, so reluctantly she looked over.

What she saw was Lysandra giving her knowing look, “Did he, now?”

Aelin’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, he did. A baby shower gift.” Her explanation did nothing to deter her friend and she hissed, “Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what exactly, Aelin?” She asked, poking Aelin in the arm.

Aelin glared and looked away, ignoring Lysandra but she didn't miss her amused chuckle. At the mention of Rowan, Aelin had realised that he wasn’t here. He said he was coming, maybe she had just missed him coming in. Looking around discreetly, mainly in not wanting to draw Lysandra’s attention as she sat on the arm of the chair chatting with Nehemia, Aelin tried to see if he was here. He wasn’t with Fenrys and Connall, he wasn’t getting food — he wasn’t there at all.

Then movement at the door caught Aelin’s attention. And there he was.

Rowan slipped into the room –– no one making a fuss at his sly arrival –– wearing a pale grey button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the tattoo on his left arm on display. He caught her eye and gave her a smile and Aelin couldn’t help that she smiled right back. Then he ducked away, no doubt to go talk to the twins.

Aelin was still smiling when Lysandra cleared her throat, that damned look back on her face, and Aelin knew she had been caught. Caught doing what she wasn’t exactly sure, but from the way her stomach fluttered she knew, despite that trepidation, she wasn’t about to run from it.

~~~~~

Rowan walked over to where the twins loitered near the food table after depositing his gift on the designated table. He would apologise to Aelin later for being late, he had to stop by home first and it had taken him slightly longer than he expected it to. He grabbed a few things to eat, all bite sized and painstakingly styled, he almost felt bad for eating them. There were a few people here, it was nice they had come here for Aelin. She had had a rough time in this pregnancy and it was nice that she was getting back to a place where she could function and feel like a human again. She had been so excited for today as well, something she had been telling him over and over the past few days when they were together at home. And Rowan was glad they were at a place where he could celebrate this with her.

He leaned on the wall by Fenrys while he ate. He had the full intention of being a literal wallflower for the duration of the party. Today was about Aelin and the baby, he almost hadn’t come until she insisted that he did. He wasn’t going to be a distraction from her if he could help it. Her laughter drew his attention to her and he saw her smiling at something Elide had said. Rowan had noticed in the last week or so that Aelin was looking… better. Not feeling violently ill every day had understandable lifted her spirits and he understood what they meant about pregnant women having a glow. Aelin had it, she was radiant and he couldn’t look away.

“Whatcha looking at there?” Fenrys’ insufferable teasing sounded from next to him and Rowan turned, a glare already on his face. Both Fenrys and Connall we’re giving him shit eating grins.

“Don’t,” Rowan said, his voice low.

“I didn’t say a word, I just asked you a little question,” Fenrys said, giving him a nudge.

Rowan was saved from any further _questions_ by Aedion coming over. Although he wasn’t sure if saved was the right word to use as the twins made themselves scarce, leaving him alone with Aedion. They had barely spoken all these months, Aedion just getting pissier with every mistake Rowan had made. And right here and now, Aedion’s pulsing anger wasn’t something he wanted to face.

“Hey,” Aedion said.

“Hey,” Rowan replied. Then he waited; this wasn’t his conversation to lead.

“Are we…” Aedion cleared his throat. “Are we good?”

Rowan blinked once. He assumed this might be the best apology he would get from Aedion considering everything. So Rowan extended his hand and said, “We’re good.”

Aedion surprised him again by instead of shaking his hand, he gave him a brief hug. Rowan returned it, giving Aedion a pat on the shoulder and they ended it.

“If you mess this up, nothing will stop me from punching you in the face again,” Aedion said and Rowan nodded. “I’ve held back like the last six times so don’t tempt me even a little bit.”

“I would expect nothing less,” Rowan said and that had Aedion cracking a smile.

Aedion left after that and Rowan caught Lysandra and Elide giving him looks he couldn’t read. Rowan knew to let whatever they were thinking and piecing together alone. He wasn’t about to go fuelling anything if he could help, as there was a distinct feeling in his gut that he was still in Elide’s line of fire and that was somewhere he did not particularly like being. So he went back to what was on his plate, and chose to ignore the looks instead.

~~~~~

Aelin's cheeks were hurting from smiling so much. She just couldn’t get over that these people had come here to celebrate with her, to celebrate her baby. If she thought about it too long she started to tear up, so she was determined to keep a conversation going to distract herself. It was easy to do, she was the guest of honor and everyone wanted to talk to her.

Except for Rowan. He hadn’t come up to her when he’d arrived or at any point since, and he’d been skirting the edges of the party the whole time. Aelin guessed as he was avoiding drawing attention to himself.

“Presents!” Lysandra sang and helped Aelin move to one of the couches so that she would have room to unwrap and look at the gifts without drowning in the wrapping and the items. Aelin opened cards and gifts, most of which were tiny clothes, the outfits so small she started to tear up a little. True to her word Yrene got her a little baby first aid kit, which included things like a thermometer, nail clippers, a spoon for medicine and a few other things she would have to look up –– but there was also a block of chocolate in there as well. Aelin was smiling as she put that to the side and Lysandra passed her another gift.

“From Rowan, I think,” she whispered.

It was big and lumpy, but light, leaving aelin to guess what was inside. She managed to find Rowan in the crowd, looking over at him he nodded. Aelin opened it, gasping a little when she saw what was inside.

“Oh, this is gorgeous,” Aelin said and lifted out a plush deer. It felt impossibly soft and was adorable with it’s fluffy ears. Underneath it was a muslin wrap, decorated with a floral pattern and little fawns in amongst them. That was beautiful as well. Aelin looked at Rowan again and he was already watching her with a quiet confidence as if he already knew she would like his gift. She did like it, in fact she loved it. “Thank you,” Aelin said, she put the deer next to her.

“You should…” Rowan said and just about every set of eyes in the room turned to him, and Rowan visibly bristled in discomfort. “There’s something else.”

Aelin smiled at the surprise and she lifted up the wrap. “Oh, shut up.”

Under the wrap was a tiny blue dress, almost the exact same shade of blue as the one Aelin was wearing. The room was full of ‘aw’s and other such sounds and Aelin looked up to see Aedion nudge Rowan with his elbow. Rowan just crossed his arms before shouldering him back.

“If you think that’s cute just wait until you see this,” Fenrys said as he lent over the back of the couch and handed her his gift.

Aelin was suddenly filled with an overwhelming sense of apprehension, not at all helped by the look on Fenrys’ face. “Why do I get the feeling I’m either going hate this or love it?” Aelin said as she pulled at the ribbon that was tied around the paper.

“Only one way to find out,” Fenrys said with a grin.

~~~~~

Wanting to escape further attention, Rowan headed to the drinks table leaving Aelin to open up whatever Fenrys had given her. From the look on Fenrys’ face Rowan was sure it was highly inappropriate in some way.

“You ass!” Rowan heard Aelin snarl and he turned around just in time to see Aelin throw something in Fenrys’ face, a tiny item of clothing from the looks of it. He caught it, howling in laughter. “You take that back and buy something nice, or Mala help you Fenrys Moonbeam.”

Ignoring all the questioning looks, Fenrys backed away, arms raised in surrender. Aelin just continued to glare at him as he kept laughing. When he saw Rowan standing at by the drinks he came over, the offending item tucked into his crossed arms. Aelin had moved onto another gift, from the way Elide hovered near by Rowan assumed it was from her.

Fenrys was still giggling when he stood beside Rowan, Connall a step behind.

“What did you do?” Rowan asked.

Connall shook his head, “I told him not to do it.”

Fenrys actually snorted as he handed Rowan the little onesie. Rowan laid it out flat in his hands and immediately understood why Aelin had thrown it in his face. Rowan was tempted to do the same.

_I’m proof my mama puts out_

Rowan didn’t throw it at Fenrys, rather just shoved it back at him then slapped him upside the back of his head.

“What is wrong with you? An infant is meant to wear that, you idiot,” Rowan said to him.

Fenrys looked completely unphased, still grinning. “If it’s there for buying I’m not the only one who thinks it’s funny.” Then Fenrys grinned wider, “I think you’re just a little touchy on the subject. Both of you apparently.”

Rowan saw red and became very interested in pouring himself a drink.

“Maybe,” Fenrys said and from his tone Rowan knew he wasn’t going to like the next words that would come out of his mouth. “If you relieved some of those frustrations you both would feel better.”

Rowan’s gaze snapped up.

“Hey, I’m not the only one rooting for it,” Fenrys said, no doubt seeing the anger in Rowan’s eyes.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Rowan demanded.

Finally, Fenrys was silent but then Connall piped in, “There’s a bet.”

“A what?” Rowan said, putting his glass down roughly enough that its contents threatened to splash out.

“Well, it already happened once so,” Fenrys said with a shrug, as if putting a bet on people’s sex lives was the most natural thing in the world.

Rowan turned on Connall. “Are you in on this too?”

“Nope.” Rowan breathed a sigh of relief that some of his friends might possess an ounce of sense, but it was short lived as Connall went on. “I was knocked out ages ago. Your stupidity cost me big.”

Rowan was stunned, and embarrassed. But he just shook his head. “You bunch of perverts.”

With nothing else to say Rowan walked away from his idiot friends, contemplating who else might be in on the bet. Did Aelin know? He sincerely hoped she didn’t. Gods, his friends were a bunch of idiotic, busybody dumbasses. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice beside him.

“Hi there.”

Rowan looked down to see Aelin standing beside him.

“Hey,” he said a bit lamely.

“So, ah,” she said a bit hesitantly, “I have a few friends who want to meet you.”

“Me?” Rowan asked.

“Mmhmm, if they try to intimidate you don’t even worry about it, you can take them,” Aelin said.

“Okay then,” Rowan said and let Aelin link her arm with his to lead him where she would.

She was leading him back to where she had been holding court before, but seated on the couches were a group of people Rowan hadn’t met before. They all looked at him as he took up the empty seat closest to Aelin as she sat in her chair.

Then Aelin started listing off names, pointing to who they belonged to. “Dorian, Chaol, Nesryn, Sartaq and Nehemia, this is Rowan,” she reached over and patted his arm, maybe in reassurance. “The father of our baby.”

_Our_. The word hit Rowan in his gut. He hadn’t heard Aelin say those words before, and hearing them now had him stumbling over his hello to her friends. A glance at Aelin showed him that she was smiling, leaning back in her chair with one hand idling rubbing over her stomach. He was so distracted by her and her radiance once again that he almost missed the first casual and polite question about what he did for work that was thrown at him by the dark haired handsome man, and trying to recall the introductions Rowan thought maybe was Dorian. After that Aelin’s friends were relentless, they pried and picked and Rowan was left reeling while he tried to answer. Aelin was no help, she only sat there laughing behind her hand. Eventually they let up and the questions turned friendly and Rowan found himself laughing when they started recounting some of Aelin’s more embarrassing moments from when she was younger. Nehemia had some of the best, so much so Aelin forbade her from saying anything else. Everyone pointedly ignored that request so Rowan decided to take pity on Aelin and excuse himself.

He heard her hissing something as he walked away that was followed by some raucous laughter. Maybe his act of pity hadn’t been so successful after all.

~~~~~

Aelin was ready to leave. She was tired and drained after interacting with so many people for so long. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it, because she had. But she had been so relieved when Rowan had walked up behind her chair and had lent over the back of it and asked if she was ready to go –– Aelin had unashamedly said yes straight away. By that point people were preparing to leave anyway, so Aelin didn’t feel bad in the slightest.

Lysandra and Aedion helped take the gifts down to the car, Fenrys was roped in too by Rowan as well as the start of his penance for his idiocy. But Aelin had kept the plush deer with her, tucked under her arm. She was tempted to ask Rowan where he had got it so she could buy one for herself, she loved it so much. Her and Lysandra stood by the passenger door as the boys loaded everything into the back seat of Rowan’s truck.

“Thank you so much for organising this,” Aelin said as she hugged Lysandra. “The surprise was amazing.”

“You’re welcome,” Lysandra said, then she gently patted the bump. “Happy to celebrate our baby girl.”

If anyone else would have done that Aelin would have just about bitten them, but with Lysandra she didn’t mind. “It meant a lot,” Aelin said earnestly.

“We were all more than happy to come,” Lysandra assured her. “We love you.”

Exhaustion and hormones had tears welling in Aelin’s eyes, at least that’s what she told herself anyway. She was saved from trying to answer by Aedion squeezing her around her shoulders. “I did as you commanded, majesty. I made up with him,” Aedion said, inclining his head toward Rowan who was just closing the back door. “Any other commands?”

Aelin didn’t even try to hide her eye roll at her cousin’s antics. “Yeah, don’t be a dumbass.”

“Oof, that’s going to be hard,” Lysandra said. “Pretty sure it’s inbuilt into his DNA.”

Aedion let go of Aelin and moved to Lysandra, his arms looping around her waist. “I thought you were meant to be on my side.”

Lysandra shrugged. “I can’t help the facts.”

Aedion looked comically offended then easily lifted Lysandra off the ground, his face nuzzling in her neck. Lysandra squealed, hissing at him to put her down. Aelin smiled but looked away, shaking her head a little at their antics.

“Ready?” Rowan asked, stepping up beside her, Fenrys not far behind.

“Definitely,” Aelin said.

“Well,” Fenrys said and Aelin inadvertently braced herself from his insufferable tone. “Have a good ride, you guys.” He accentuated his words with a wink and an eyebrow waggle that had Aelin wanting to swing her fist into his face. Instead she just looked up and closed her eyes, Fenrys just laughed.

“Piss off Fenrys, this anger isn’t good for the baby,” Aelin said, still refusing to look at him.

“Look, I just didn’t know what the situation here was. Just thought you might need a tiny wingman.” Aelin gave him a withering stare and Fenrys at least looked half apologetic as he said his goodbyes. “I’m done, I’m done. Goodbye.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Rowan muttered, once Fenrys was out of earshot.

Aelin just glared at his retreating form. “Not if I get to him first.”

Rowan huffed a sinister laugh and opened the passenger door for her and Aelin put her handbag and deer on the seat as she prepared to haul herself up into the truck. But then Rowan's hand was under her elbows and helped her up into the seat. Before she could thank him he closed the door and was heading around to his side of the car. Out of the front windscreen Aelin could see Aedion and Lysandra still playfully bickering on the footpath, but they waved goodbye as Rowan started the car. As he pulled out of the parking spot Aelin sat the little deer on her lap, playing with its soft ears.

“Did you have a good afternoon?” Rowan asked.

Aelin lent back, smiling as she remembered. “I did. You were a bit absent though.”

“I didn’t want,” Rowan blew out a breath. “Just… I didn’t want to be the novelty to distract from you.”

Aelin looked over at him, her head cocking to the side as she studied him. It had been a considerate move on his part. Her friends had been chomping at the bit to meet him and had been tentatively teasing her about him when it became obvious that it was a safe topic to broach. Rowan could have easily become the spectacle of the day if he had been at her side the whole time. But instead he had kept to the outside, and even though he had probably been reining in his fussiness to let other people fuss over her.

She was about to comment on that particular attribute of his when they went over a speed bump on the road and that had Aelin’s stomach rising. She closed her eyes, hand going to her mouth.

Right on cue that fussiness made its reappearance as Rowan slowed down a little and asked, “Are you all right?”

“Mm, I think so,” Aelin said. “I’m probably just going to focus on not throwing up though.”

The rest of the car ride passed in silence and Aelin steadily breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. She should have put some more tablets in her handbag but she forgot to. But she was sure she could keep it under control until they got home.

Aelin didn't open her eyes until the car stopped, and even then she didn't move until Rowan had opened the door for her. The baby had chosen that moment to dance away and Aelin was distracted by the pattering against her hand.

Before Rowan could even ask Aelin said, “Yes, I am fine.”

Rowan just gave her a wry smile as he helped her down, passing her the deer and her handbag. Aelin slowly walked toward the elevator as Rowan grabbed a load of things from the truck. It would take him at least two loads to get everything up.

Aelin held her hand in front of the door to keep it open for Rowan as he stepped into the elevator, his arms full of things while Aelin lamely only had the deer and her handbag. She probably should have at least grabbed a little something else. Her and her baby had been spoiled, she couldn’t stop smiling about it.

“So,” Rowan said to get her attention and Aelin looked over at him. “I actually have one more present for you, but you have to close your eyes before we get inside the apartment.”

“Another present?” Aelin asked, and Rowan nodded with what appeared to be a very rare shy smile. “And I have to close my eyes?”

“I would like you to, yes,” Rowan said. “But obviously I’m not going to make you do anything you don't want to.”

The elevator reached their level and Rowan waited for Aelin to step out first. She led the way to the door, pulling out her keys and unlocked it.

“Okay,” Aelin said quietly. Rowan stopped and looked at her. “I’ll do it, I’ll close my eyes.”

The smile that he gave her was brilliant and excited as he pushed the door open with his foot, then disappeared inside the apartment. He wasn’t inside long and Aelin guessed he had just dumped the things he carried by the door. He looked nervous when he reappeared, but Aelin gave him her hand and dutifully closed her eyes. Rowan’s hand was firm, but still gentle as he led her into the apartment. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, or it may have just been the baby kicking, she couldn’t really tell. Rowan stopped them and she felt him move to stand beside her, his hand hovering over the small of her back.

“You can open them,” Rowan said quietly by her ear.

Aelin bit her lip, her excitement making her nervous, then slowly opened her eyes. What she saw had a small breathless gasp passing over her lips. It was a simple bassinet, timber legs and white basket. But that wasn’t what had Aelinspeechless. Hanging over the bassinet was a mobile, made up of a halo of flowers with a few blooms hanging down from it. And they weren’t just imitations of any old kind of flower, they were kingsflames. There were also small felt birds hanging from the flower ring as well, Aelin couldn’t be sure until she looked at them closer, but they looked like little hawks.

“The mesh sides help with ventilation and airflow,” Rowan said gesturing to the bassinet. “And this bit here folds down so you can put it next to the bed.”

Aelin didn’t say anything, she just reached out and spun the mobile. She swallowed hard, emotions she couldn’t name tightening her throat.

“You can adjust the height too,” Rowan went on. “It’s light enough that you can move it around the apartment if you wanted to.”

Aelin looked at Rowan, he wasn’t looking at her though. He was looking at the bassinet, a finger running along the edge of the bed of it. He listed off another feature but Aelin barely heard what it was as she realised he was rambling. Rowan was nervous and he was rambling as if he was worried he had done something that had crossed too far over a line. He couldn’t be more wrong.

“Rowan,” Aelin said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“You can strip it down and it’s all machine washable,” Rowan still went on, not hearing her.

“Rowan,” her voice a little louder this time.

“You can move the base so it’s in an anti-reflux position.”

“Rowan,” Aelin said again and he finally glanced at her, a raw vulnerability on his face.

He shrugged ever so slightly with one of his shoulders. “I don’t really know what that means, but it sounded important.”

He looked away again but Aelin dropped the plush deer she was still holding in the bassinet and reached up, putting her hand on his cheek, making him look at her. She looked at his face, a face she had hated so violently, but now…

Her thumb brushed against his cheek, and his handsome face softened at the touch.

Then before she could question what she was doing her lips were on his, her hand sliding down to his neck. Rowan stood there frozen in shock for half a moment before his own hands rested gently on her hips. This was the first time they had kissed since that fateful night and it reminded Aelin just why she had been so willing to tumble into his bed even though she had hated him in that moment. Kissing Rowan was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

When she felt his tongue run along her bottom lip she gasped. Rowan took the opportunity to slip his tongue against hers and Aelin was ready to combust. How long they kissed, utterly lost in each other, Aelin didn’t know. But Rowan’s lips became gentle, the kiss changing from that urgent burning intensity to something soft and tender. When he finally pulled away Aelin had to remind herself how to breathe.

“Rowan…” Aelin’s voice was hoarse, evidence of how thoroughly he had wrecked her.

Aelin didn’t know she was crying until a tear rolled down her cheek, but she couldn’t move and she let it fall as Rowan looked at her and smiled.

~~~~~

For heartbeats that felt as if they lasted forever they just looked at each other, chests rising and falling. That kiss had destroyed and remade him, it had been the final confirmation that told Rowan that this was what he wanted, what he would fight to keep for the rest of his life. Aelin’s cheeks were flushed as she looked away, but Rowan wasn’t ready to let go of this moment. One hand stayed steady on her waist and then the other hand cupped Aelin’s jaw guiding her to look at him. Her turquoise eyes were bright as they looked into his. He lent in, their lips close.

“This is what I want Aelin. To whatever end,” Rowan whispered, then he closed that distance between them.

This kiss wasn’t as urgent and desperate as their one before had been. This kiss was passionate, but soft, slow and through as if they had all the time in the world. What seemed like too soon Aelin pulled away, but with the delicate smile that played on her lips had his disappointment dissipating within moments.

He looked at Aelin then. She was so beautiful, strong and fierce, he’d been running from what he felt for her for so long. That lingering guilt and fear had been distancing him from who she truly was. Something in his heart cracked. No, it didn’t crack. It mended. Like his final admission poured something molten and burning over it forged it anew. Rowan took her hand in his pulling on it gently to urge her to come closer. She did, eyes still shining with tears. He rested their joined hand on her stomach, a soft pattering beating against their palms. Aelin laughed softly as she looked at their hands.

Then she looked up at him, a brilliant smile on her face. “To whatever end.”

For a few moments that just stood there, as the world around them realigned. It was Rowan who broke the silence, filled with a giddiness he couldn’t remember ever feeling before, nodding at the bassinet beside them.

“I’m assuming you like the bassinet then?” Rowan asked, he could feel the cockiness in his smile.

Aelin tipped her head back and laughed, drawing away a little so she could run a hand over the rim of the basket. “I love it.”

They both were silent for a while, Rowan wasn’t sure what else to do so he said “So, that happened.”

“Do you wish it hadn’t?” Aelin said, looking up at him.

Rowan turned to face her fully again. “Absolutely not.”

Then he kissed her again, both of them smiling into the kiss so much that their lips barely met. It made Aelin laugh again and she stepped away.

“I am going to have a shower and put my pyjamas on,” Aelin said, “and then we’ll eat and watch whatever movie you want. I think you most definitely deserve it.”

“What am I making for dinner?” Rowan asked, wanting nothing more than to have her in his arms again.

Aelin turned around to face him, pulling out her ponytail. “Whatever. Order in if you like.”

She didn’t say anything more before she disappeared down the hallway. Rowan blew out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding and ran his hands through his hair. Of all the ways he had expected today to end, it certainly wasn't like that.

~~~~~

When Aelin got out of the shower Rowan was already on the couch, changed out of his dress shirt and pants into a t-shirt and loose shorts. Dinner wasn’t in sight but the TV was on so Aelin sat on the couch next to him. He put his arm around her and she snuggled into his side as if those simple gestures were the most natural things in the world.

“I ordered Chinese for dinner, I hope you don’t mind that. I made sure not to get anything too fragrant,” Rowan said.

“So considerate,” Aelin told him, his face breaking into a crooked smile. “Are we watching a cowboy movie?”

“Yes it’s a Western,” Rowan said, murmuring the answer into her hair. “Dinner will be here soon.”

He pressed a kiss to her head and then caught her hand and interlaced their fingers. Aelin stilled for a moment, her body tensing. This… this all felt like a jump and for a moment panic gripped her. Was this too soon? Was there more they should have done first? She felt Rowan’s fingers on her chin and she didn’t fight him as he tilted her face to look up at him.

“What is it?” He asked, concern marring his features.

“I… um,” Aelin started, she didn’t know how to broach this.

“Please tell me,” Rowan said. “Together, remember?”

_Together._

“If we were to take this slow, that would be okay right? I just, I know it’s all messy and out of order but,” Aelin finished her sentence with a shrug, her fingers squeezing his for a moment.

“I know what’s on the line here and everything is still up to you. Even if it’s slow, at least we’re taking it somewhere,” Rowan said simply, then he smiled. “Together.”

“Yeah, together,” Aelin said.

Dinner arrived soon after, Rowan had made good choices and although Aelin kept to the fried rice, whatever he got for himself didn’t turn her stomach either. Once they were done they went back to how they had been, Aelin tucked into Rowan’s side, his arm around her. For some reason the main actor mumbled incessantly and Aelin had to ask every once and a while what was going on. Rowan was in the middle of one of his explanations when the baby started to move. And move a lot. Rowan was still taking when Aelin casually moved his hand to lay flat on her stomach.

“He’s taking them —“ Rowan stopped talking abruptly and looked down as the baby kicked against his hand. His face broke into a wide and unrestrained smile. “She’s really going for it.”

Aelin let out a burst of laughter. “It doesn’t feel so great from the inside.”

Rowan chuckled, but didn’t move his hand. For the rest of the movie his hand stayed on her stomach and Aelin would move it every now and then, following the baby’s movements, and would look up to see Rowan grin when he felt it. She managed to keep from dozing off until the very end of the movie, mainly due to the poor girl losing her arm to a snake bite. Rowan helped her up off the couch and walked her to her bedroom door.

“Well, this is me,” Aelin said, leaning on the doorframe and smiling coyly up at Rowan.

Rowan lent down and pressed a tentative kiss to her lips. “Goodnight, Aelin.

He was still close as Aelin smiled, brushing her lips against his again. “Goodnight.”

Aelin slipped inside her room closing the door behind her as she lent against the door. She heard Rowan walking down to his bedroom and she had half a mind to go after him, spend the night in his arms. But slow, they would take things slow to make sure this thing between them worked. And, gods Aelin was going to do everything she could to make sure it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! Feels like Christmas in July! I feel like thats a southern hemisphere thing... anyway. Hope you enjoyed it. Movie was True Grit by the way. And that baby onesie does exist... I’m not taking credit for that one. It’s also late so I might do an extra edit tomorrow morning... please excuse anything along those lines.


	28. Chapter 28

Rowan woke up reaching for a body he knew wasn’t there. Aelin was in her own bed, probably still fast asleep. She had been in his dreams all night, soft smiles and gentle touches. He wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms again. With that thought in mind Rowan threw back the sheet he had slept under and went out to the kitchen. 

He tried to act like he wasn’t loitering as he put a bottle of water and anti-nausea tablets on the kitchen bench, but there was really no other word for it. All he was doing was waiting for Aelin to appear. Just as he was getting some toast started, her door opened. But Aelin slipped down the hallway instead of coming to the kitchen and Rowan bit back on his disappointment. He was being ridiculous. It was only minutes more that he would have to wait.

The toast popped and Rowan dropped it onto the cutting board. He pulled the butter from the fridge just as he heard shuffling feet come towards the kitchen and looked up to see a bleary eyed Aelin walking in. At some point between bidding her goodnight and now she had changed into his green t-shirt that she had claimed for herself. For a moment all he could do was look at her, feeling too many things to comprehend any of them properly.

Aelin walked right to him, her arms wrapping around his waist as she yawned into his chest. Toast completely forgotten Rowan wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

“Good morning,” Rowan murmured onto her hair before kissing her again.

She looked up at him, “‘Mm, morning.”

Her bright blue eyes were red rimmed, beneath her lower lids dark. Rowan’s concern spiked. “Are you okay?”

Aelin yawned again, and when she blinked back up at him her eyes were glassy with tears. “Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well. Couldn’t get comfortable, so I was up half the night.”

“You should go back to bed,” Rowan said, rubbing her back soothingly. She almost purred at the gesture.

“That’s my plan. I just wanted to see you before you left for work,” Aelin said and Rowan’s heart nearly flipped at the words. “I’ll probably see you later though. Lys and Aedion want to take me out for lunch so we’ll pick him up from the gym.”

“Yeah?” Rowan said, one of his hands coming up to cup her cheek..

Aelin smiled softly at him and rose up on her tiptoes, her lips coming close to his. “Yeah.”

It was Aelin who closed the distance between them and graced his lips with a gentle kiss. His hands tightened on her, so softly holding her in place. She dropped down to the flats of her feet and stepped away, grabbing her water and tablets. 

“So I’ll see you later,” she said as she took the lid off the water bottle and took a sip.

Rowan couldn’t help but smile at her as he said, “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Her tired eyes lit up but she didn’t say anything else as she turned towards her bedroom.

“Hey.” Rowan chased a few steps after her. “Take my bed.”

Aelin turned back around and cocked her head at him, her fingers playing with the packet of the tablet. “You sure know the way to a pregnant lady's heart. A firm mattress and soft pillow to nap on? I might just kiss you again.”

Aelin grinned as Rowan walked to her and dropped that promised kiss onto her lips. He swore he would never get tired of this, tired of being with her. He was loving every second of it. 

Aelin put a delicate hand on his chest. “You need to get ready for work and I need to sleep. So this is goodbye.”

Rowan smiled at her dramatic farewell. “I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll see you later,” Aelin agreed.

Rowan let her go and went back to his breakfast. He sat at the bench and ate, checking his emails as he did. Once he was done it was time for him to head out and he went to his room to get his work bag. He eased the door open quietly, expecting Aelin to be awake when he went in. But she wasn’t, she was wrapped up in his sheet head on his pillow, her face utterly content and she breathed deeply. Rowan just watched her for a few moments before he grabbed his bag and closed the door behind him, leaving it open just a fraction so the noise didn’t disturb her. 

He was smiling again, he felt like he hadn’t stopped since last night. Passing the bassinet as he headed for the front door and Rowan’s smile only spread further. The only way he could think of how to describe his mood was giddy. 

The drive to work was uneventful and Vaughan was the one at the front desk when Rowan walked in. He wasn’t late by any means as he passed Vaughan as he got the systems ready for the day.

“Good morning,” Rowan more enthusiastically than he usually would.

Vaughan noticed, and eyed him curiously. “Morning. Lorcan wants you working the weights this morning.”

“Great, thanks for the heads up,” Rowan said almost cheerfully.

That time Rowan even surprised himself. Everyone hated working the weights section. They more often than not ended up saving all the guys who were too full of themselves and tried to outdo each other, or tried to look good in front of the staff. Any other day Rowan would have cursed under his breath and gone straight to Lorcan’s office to flip him off, but today he couldn’t find a reason to be pissed off. Things were finally working out and he was riding that high as long as he could. 

Vaughan wasn’t the only one to notice the change in his usual demeanour. The twins were eyeing him just about every time he turned around and Lorcan’s eyebrows were high when he came to check a shift change with him. No one had said anything though, Aedion was the only one who didn’t seem to be suspicious in any way. If he knew what happened last night, Rowan didn’t know. He wouldn't be surprised if Aelin had told him, those two told each other everything and honestly it didn’t phase Rowan in the slightest if Aedion did know. Even the fact that his and Aedion’s relationship was on the mend was a boost to his mood. 

It was when Rowan left the weights area to get a drink from the staffroom that he was ambushed. He’d been in there less than 30 seconds before Fenrys burst into the room, startling both him and Aedion and the door bounced off the door stopper.

“You got laid!”

Aedion choked on the food bar he was eating, Fenrys moved towards him and gave him a few sound pats on the back to dislodge the food. Fenrys was waiting for an answer, looking expectantly at Rowan, who just ignored him and gulped down a few mouthfuls of his water. 

Aedion was still coughing a little, but managed to get out, “I don’t want to be in the room for this conversation.”

“I gotta get back out there,” Rowan said and left the room. He hoped that Fenrys would take the dismissal but he wasn’t surprised when he heard footsteps hurrying after him.

“Whitethorn, don’t you walk away from me,” Fenrys called after him, gathering a few curious stares from the patrons.

Rowan just continued walking. 

Fenrys caught up to him just as they reached the weights area and appeared in front of him. “There’s a reason you’re so chipper and happy and less… frustrated. You haven’t stopped smiling since you walked through the door and I have a pretty good idea of the reason why.”

Rowan straightened some of the weights on the rack and shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is my normal sunny disposition.” Rowan’s lips quirked up, but he suppressed a full blown smile. “I’m smiling all the time.”

A burst of loud laughter broke the hum of the room. “Don’t make me laugh so hard, I’ll hurt myself.”

Rowan didn’t bother to acknowledge the comment as he moved on, still Fenrys trailed him like a dog. “Rowan. Rowan. Ro. Rowan.”

“Would you stop yapping at me,” Rowan threw over his shoulder.

“This is vital information,” Fenrys pressed. “All signs are pointing to you getting laid, finally might I add, and I _need_ to know.”

Rowan rolled his eyes and he looked at Fenrys in the mirrored covered wall. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, you perv.”

Fenrys huffed and put his hands on his hips. “I’m not a perv. There’s just a lot of money riding on this.” 

Grabbing a cloth Rowan rubbed at a blemish on the mirror. “You were a perv to start a betting pool in the first place.”

“How do you even know it was me who started it?” Fenrys demanded.

Rowan turned to face him now. “Coming from the man who got the highly inappropriate baby onesie, do I really need to ask?” Rowan punctuated his question by throwing the rag at Fenrys’ face, which he was too slow to stop and only caught it as it began to fall. 

“But it was Lys’ idea, she started it. I’m insulted that you would think that it was me,” Fenrys said, throwing the rag back.

Rowan easily caught it, dropping it in it’s spot before crossing his arms. “I’m insulted that you’d all bet on our sex lives.”

Fenrys looked beyond frustrated, no doubt seeing the determined glint in Rowan’s eye. He would give nothing away, if they wanted to be idiots and bet on something like that he was going to make them suffer for it as long as he could. Finally deterred Fenrys made a frustrated noise and threw his hands in the air.

“This isn’t finished,” he said, pointing a finger at Rowan before he stormed off. Rowan just smirked at his retreating figuring.

True to his word Fenrys pestered him throughout the day until it was the blonde’s turn to man the front desk. Rowan had been checking his watch much more often than he usually did, waiting for lunch and who would come with it. He was helping a patron count reps when he saw movement by the front door and a familiar female form caught his attention. He felt his face light up as he saw her.

“You good with this?” Rowan asked the man, but didn’t even wait for an answer before he was moving for the front doors.

Unsurprisingly Aelin was in conversation with Fenrys as Aedion greeted Lysandra. When she saw him coming she turned to him and grinned. Rowan didn’t even hesitate before he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her.

~~~~~

When Aelin had seen Rowan coming with that dopey grin on his face and a spring in his step she had hoped it meant that he would do exactly what he was doing. Kissing her. There was a heartbeat of silence and then pandemonium broke out.

Fenrys yelled, “I knew it!” And at the same time Lysandra’s exclamation of “What!” echoed in the gym.

Rowan’s eyes were crinkled with mirth as he pulled back a little. Out of the corner of her eye Aelin saw Lysandra shove Aedion's shoulder.

“Ow,” he muttered in response, giving his girlfriend a dark look.

“Did you know?” Lysandra asked accusingly, waving her hand at Aelin and Rowan.

“No, I didn’t,” Aedion said. “I’ll take an apology when you’re ready.”

Aelin let out a breathy laugh as Lysandra looked at least half apologetic, but all that fell away as she looked at Aelin instead. “We’re going to be talking about this.”

Rowan tucked Aelin into his side in an almost protective gesture and Aelin couldn’t help but lean into him just to get that little bit closer. Then she turned to Fenrys, giving him an innocent smile. “And what exactly do you know, Fen?”

Fenrys had the good sense to flush a little and stammer over his words, “That you guys… you know.” Aelin just cocked her head in question. “Don’t play coy with me, Galathynius. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not sure if I do,” Aelin said and she felt Rowan’s chuckle before she heard it. Aelin moved out from Rowan’s side and lent on the high desk so she was almost eye level with Fenrys. “Did we? Or didn’t we?” She tapped her lip with a finger as she feigned contemplation. “Hmm. How on earth will you ever find out? It's not like I can accidentally get knocked up again to prove it.”

“You’ve done it, I know you have.” Fenrys sounded so sure of himself.

Aelin looked him straight in the eye. “You have no proof.”

With that Aelin kissed Rowan’s cheek, telling him she’d see him at home then went to Aedion and linked her arm with his, asking where he wanted to go for lunch. Just before they got to the doors Aelin looked over her shoulder and saw both Lysandra and Fenrys gaping. When Lysandra asked some unknown question Rowan just shrugged and walked away, his hands in his pockets. It seemed Aelin had a willing co-conspirator.

They were out on the street when Lysandra caught up, matching their pace. “Bitch, excuse me!”

Aelin tipped her head back and laughed. “I was going to tell you about it at lunch.”

Lysandra still looked mad. “I can’t believe _something_ happened and you didn't tell me anything.”

“That’s because I’ve either been with Rowan or sleeping,” Aelin explained.

“Oh, trust me I want to hear exactly _how_ you’ve been with Rowan,” Lysandra said, but Aelin definitely saw Aedion cringe in her peripherals. “We had the whole car ride and you could have said something.”

“You know I still can’t talk much in cars,” Aelin said. 

“Um, what about when we were in the apartment and you were showing me that lovely present Rowan got you? Or in the elevator? Or any time in between that and the car?”

Aelin shrugged. “Seeing that look of shock on your face was much more satisfying.”

Lysandra huffed then Aedion asked. “What gift?”

Aelin turned to her cousin. “Rowan bought a bassinet for the baby, with a kingsflame mobile hanging off it.”

Aedion let out a low whistle. “That’s pretty impressive. Good work on his part.” 

Lysandra opened her mouth to undoubtably ask more questions but Aelin held up a hand to stop her. “Nope. No more questions until we’re sitting down.

Lysandra let out a muttered _fine_ and they kept walking down the street. They stopped at a little restaurant choosing to eat in the courtyard out the back. Aelin ordered a pasta and a freshly squeezed juice then waited for the questions to start. She lent back a little, her hands resting on her stomach. “Alright, this is what happened.”

Aelin recounted how she had already been so touched and overwhelmed from Rowan’s baby shower gifts but then as they got in the elevator he told her he had one last gift for her. She had been beyond thrilled when she had seen the bassinet with the mobile hanging above it, but she told them about Rowan’s panicking and that had both Lysandra and Aedion smiling. Then she told them that she had just reached out to touch his cheek to stop his ramblings and kissed him.

“And before you ask for too many details, we are taking this slow. He kissed me goodnight at my bedroom door,” Aelin said in closing.

She looked at Aedion who had his arms crossed over his chest but was nodding like he approved. Then she looked at Lysandra and she was smiling. “About bloody time.”

Aelin snorted and poked at her friend's arm. “I know, right?”

“But all you did was kiss?” Lysandra asked.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “I can barely face a flight of stairs without vomiting. How am I supposed to last long enough to enjoy sex without vomiting all over him. And look at me, I’m not exactly the peak of sexiness right now.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Lysandra said with a feline smile. “Rowan looked like he was more than ready to jump your bones.”

Aedion had inopportunely chosen that moment to take a sip of water and managed to catch it before he sprayed it all over Lysandra who sat across from him. “Why does everyone feel the need to talk about Aelin’s sex life in front of me? Stop. I’m begging you.”

Aelin managed to keep her laughter silent, her shoulder’s shaking.

“Ok, I’ll stop,” Lysandra promised with a sly smile that told Aelin as soon as they were alone that particular subject would be picked up again. 

“This is lovely and all,” Aelin said, leaning forward on the table, “but I do feel like there’s a reason you asked me to lunch.” 

Lysandra and Aedion looked at each other for a moment and the silence suddenly became awkward. Aelin looked between the two of them, trying to figure out what was going on. Aedion nodded and Lysandra gave him what Aelin could only describe as a nervous smile. He shifted and cleared his throat, a wide smile on his face as he looked over at Aelin, his energy completely changing – he was practically buzzing with excitement. Aelin’s head darted between them again, back and forth, she was about to ask someone to please explain when Aedion beat her to it.

“ _Lysispregnant_ ,” he blurted out, the words all coming out together as one.

Aelin blinked once. “What?”

“There’s going to be a little cousin for my niece to play with,” Aedion said, grinning so hard Aelin knew his cheeks must be hurting. 

Then Aelin looked at Lysandra, “And you have a go at me for withholding information?”

Lysandra laughed, “We only just found out. It’s very early, I’m only just on six weeks. But we wanted you to know.”

Aelin felt her throat tighten as the reality of the situation set in. “This is… wow.”

Lysandra reached over and put her hand over Aelin’s where it rested on her stomach. “You’re not upset are you? We just… we’d been talking about it before everything and –”

“What, no!” Aelin said, flipping her hand so she was holding onto Lysandra’s. “Why would I be upset? This is wonderful. These are happy tears, I just have no control over my emotions right now. I truly couldn’t be happier. Congratulations.”

“It will just be like when we were little,” Aedion said, his smile not faltering for a second. “Just like the two of us running around.”

That made Aelin cry a little harder and a tear slipped from her eye. “I don’t think we know what we’re in for.” She wiped at her face as she turned to Lysandra. “Gods, how are you feeling?”

Lysandra shrugged. “Fine, really tired. But besides that, absolutely fine.”

Aelin eyed her skeptically. “Seriously?”

“Mm-hmm, my boobs are out of control too. But I hardly feel sick or anything,” Lysandra said. “I’m hoping it lasts.”

“I hate you,” Aelin said, scowling. “I love you, but I hate you right now.”

“I… we…” Lysandra cleared her throat. “It wasn’t exactly on purpose.”

Aelin laughed. “So now the bravado falls away once the tables are turned.” 

“I’d still prefer not to talk about any ones sex lives,” Aedion muttered.

“You do know how babies are made, right cousins? The stork doesn’t bring them,” Aelin teased.

“I’m perfectly aware,” Aedion said.

Aelin opened her mouth to snark back and ask him if he was absolutely sure, but Aedion was saved by the waiter bringing their food. Aelin was near starving so she didn’t bother waiting and took pity on Aedion by not continuing the conversation in between bites. The rest of the meal passed in easy conversation, mainly Lysandra asking pregnancy questions. All Aelin’s answers were clouded with the fiasco that was her horrible morning sickness, but she offered what she could. Both Lysandra and Aedion were nervous, but so excited. Aelin was more than overjoyed for them. 

When they were done they left Aedion to walk back to work as Aelin and Lysandra went to the car. Aelin knew that if she went to see Rowan again she’d just be a distraction and Lysandra had been yawning for the last half hour. 

“I was thinking,” Aelin said when they were on the road. “I might come back to work. Maybe not straight away, but soon.”

“Aelin, I don’t want this to rush you,” Lysandra said. “I know you’re still not one hundred percent. Like I know right now all your effort is going into not throwing up.”

“Not all my effort,” Aelin said defensively. “But it’s not fair on you.”

Lysandra sighed. “Please believe me when I say I’m fine. And if I wasn’t I would honestly tell you. But right now I’m fine, you do a lot from home and the bookstore wouldn’t be functioning without it.” 

“But I’m getting better,” Aelin told her earnestly.

“Yes and when you’re feeling much better I’d be more than happy to have you back. I don’t want you pushing yourself into something before you’re ready for my sake when I’m _fine_.”

Aelin crossed her arms, her damn nausea rising more the longer they were in the car. As much as she hated to admit it Lysandra was right, she wasn’t ready to go back just yet. But she hoped she would be soon though. She missed her little store.

“Okay, you’re right,” Aelin admitted.

“I know,” Lysandra said smugly.

Aelin told Lysandra to park on the street outside the apartment building so that she could head straight home, insisting if she needed anything or if she needed leniency at work Lysandra would tell her. Her friend just waved her off and told Aelin to go nap or something. Once Aelin got to the apartment she set herself up on the couch with her laptop and the remote. She did what she had to for work but then the lure of baby things became too much and Aelin found herself researching lists of essential baby products, lists of unnecessary things that everyone seemed to buy anyway, clothes and toys. She didn’t buy anything but she was making her own list in another document to reference later. Her baby budget wasn’t extensive, and she didn’t want to assume that Rowan would pay for things. She had looked up the bassinet Rowan had bought and it wasn’t cheap at all. Aelin knew it was exactly the polite thing to do but she was curious. 

She kept looking up things until it was time to make dinner. There was food Aelin decided she would easily be able to cook without making herself sick when she glanced in the fridge this morning. It would be a change for Rowan, he had taken sole responsibility when it came to the food but she thought this might be a nice surprise for him.

Aelin went to the kitchen and pulled the chicken fillets out of the fringe. She only managed to gag once as she placed them in a baking dish and sprinkled seasoning over them. Then she put that into the over and moved onto cutting up the cucumber, tomatoes and cheese for the salad. Once she had finished that she put the salad bits in the fridge and returned to the couch. Choosing a movie she had seen a hundred times, Aelin set a timer in her phone for the chicken and started watching. It only took her 15 minutes to fall asleep. 

~~~~~

Rowan found Aelin asleep on the couch when he walked through the door. The apartment smelled delicious and he realised that she must have made dinner. When he shut the door behind him she woke up looking towards the noise.

“Hey,” Rowan said smiling softly as Aelin tried to find her place in the world again.

Then she smiled back at him, stretching. “Hey.”

“You made dinner,” Rowan said as he pulled his bag over his head and left it by the door. Aelin swore she could smell his dirty gym clothes from metres away so he’d chuck them in the washing machine once she was out of the room.

“I did, I thought I’d be nice,” Aelin said and looked at her phone. “It should be done in 3 minutes and 46 seconds.”

Rowan came and sat beside her one the couch and she still smiled sleepily at him with her head resting on the back of the couch. 

“Did Fen pester you for the rest of the day?” Aelin asked.

Rowan huffed a laugh. “All day. I thought he might follow me home.”

“Hmm,” Aelin hummed as she leaned into him. “I’m glad he didn’t.”

Rowan wasn’t sure who closed the distance first, her or him. But their lips met in gentle but demanding kisses. Aelin had just set him growling as she nipped at his bottom lip, which had her giggling, when the timer went off. She sighed as she leant away from him.

“I worked really hard on dinner and I don’t want it to burn,” Aelin said.

“You mean you put a tray of chicken in the oven?” Rowan teased.

Aelin flicked his nose in retaliation. “Yes asshole, and I almost threw up doing it.”

She pushed herself up from the couch more gracefully than he expected her to and he watched her as she went to the kitchen, a hand rubbing on her stomach as she did so.

“I know I’m an asshole,” Rowan said and she looked at him as she slipped the oven mits onto her hands, “but my life is better with you in it.”

Rowan swore he saw Aelin blush but she turned away from him before he could be sure. Aelin pulled the chicken out and put it on the bench before going to the fridge and he decided to be useful and went to the kitchen and got out the plates and cutlery. They moved effortlessly around each other as they served up their dinners and sat at the stools at the bench.

“So, I’m guessing you know about the bet then,” Rowan said as he thought back to what she’d said to Fenrys.

Aelin nodded while she finished her mouthful. “I knew since Lysandra asked if we banged it out.”

Surprised, Rowan just looked at her for a second. “You’ve known that long and you didn’t say anything?”

Aelin shrugged. “Would you have wanted me to? It was already awkward enough as it was.”

Rowan thought for a moment. “No, I suppose not.” 

“It’s _very_ fun messing with them though,” she said with a wicked grin. “Their faces when we kissed were near priceless.”

Rowan chuckled then went back to his dinner. They were almost done when Aelin cleared her throat.

“There’s something I wanted to ask you,” Aelin said and Rowan could tell she was a little nervous.

“Okay,” Rowan said.

“I was originally going to ask Lysandra and she would probably still do it. And if you don’t want to I completely understand –”

Rowan reached and touched her hand to stop her. “Aelin. What is it?”

Aelin’s lips pursed for a second as she reconsidered and Rowan was about to ask her to just say it when she spoke.

“Would you like to come to the birthing classes?” Aelin said very quickly.

Oh… _Oh_.

“If you don’t want to, I understand,” Aelin said just as quickly, probably reading too much into his hesitation. “I just thought maybe, you know, just maybe…” she just ended her explanation with a shrug.

But Rowan had decided. “No, I’ll come,”

“Yeah? I mean only if you wanted to,” Aelin said.

“Only if you want me to, of course,” Rowan told her, feeling nervous but trying to be reassuring. “I want to go.”

Aelin bit her bottom lip and then nodded. She looked down at her plate but then made a face before pushing it away, about half her dinner still left on her plate.

“Want me to pack that up for your lunch tomorrow?” Rowan offered.

“Yeah, that would be great. I’m just done with it for tonight,” Aelin said.

“Okay, I’ll do that. You go get ready for bed and then you want to watch a movie?” Rowan said as he went around to the other side of the bench and started cleaning up.

“Sounds good.” Aelin left offering him a grateful smile.

Rowan cleaned up the kitchen, packing away Aelin’s dinner in a container for her lunch tomorrow and did the dishes. He heard her head to the shower and back to her room. By then he was done in the kitchen and went to change into his pyjamas before heading to the couch. Aelin was already there, flicking through movies.

“What do you feel like tonight?” She asked as he sat down. She let out a sound of delighted surprise when Rowan put his arm around her, pulling Aelin closer to him. 

Rowan shrugged. “Whatever.”

Aelin ended up putting on a romantic comedy, assuring him it wasn’t awful. It didn’t take her long to shift so that her head was in his lap and then when Rowan started rubbing her arm it took even less time for Aelin to fall asleep. She had been right, the movie wasn’t awful and he ended up watching it to the end. When the credits rolled he bent over so that he could whisper in her ear.

“Aelin.”

She gave him an enquiring, “Hmm?” 

“It’s time for bed,” Rowan said.

“Mm, no,” she mumbled, snuggling into his legs further. 

Rowan let out a breathless chuckle as he brushed her hair away from her face. “You don’t want to sleep here.”

“I dunno, I think it would be comfier than my bed,” Aelin complained, still not moving. 

An idea struck Rowan, but he hesitated a moment before he voiced it. Worrying again that he was about to overstep some boundary. 

“You could always… you know,” Rowan shrugged even though Aelin couldn’t see him, “sleep in my bed.”

Aelin rolled over so she could look at him and his stomach dropped at the ways her brow furrowed.

“I can take your bed,” he added quickly.

“Whatever for? I’ve been in your bed before and it’s definitely big enough for the two of us.” Aelin said with one of her knowing smiles. “Are you worried about my virtue? Because I’m pretty sure we’ve well and truly ruined that.”

Aelin’s hand smoothed over her stomach and Rowan’s eyes followed the movement. When he looked back at her face she was smiling teasingly.

“Alright, sit up and let's go,” Rowan said and helped ease Aelin into a sitting position before he stood and offered her his hand.

“You’re not even going to bite?” She said as she took his hand.

Rowan pulled her up and helped to keep her steady on her feet. “I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.”

Aelin snorted and she covered her face with her hand. “Just like the old days, huh?”

Back when he and Aelin hated each other, when she would say things to get a rise out of him – to get him angry. But now it was playful and flirty and Rowan couldn’t help but smile. He laced Aelin’s fingers with his and kissed the back of her palm.

“Come on,” Rowan said right onto her skin and he didn’t miss how she shivered. “I’ve got an early shift tomorrow.”

He led them through the apartment, turning the lights off as he went, not letting go of her hand until they reached the bedroom. Rowan let Aelin go first, choosing which side of the bed she wanted, and she took the right so he took the left. Barely having time to settle on the mattress Aelin shuffled closer to him, one of her arms wrapping around his waist as she rested her head on his shoulder. She looked up at him, pursuing her lips ever so slightly. Rowan knew instantly what she was asking for and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

“‘Night, Rowan,” Aelin murmured, getting comfortable on his shoulder again. “You don’t mind this, do you?” She squeezed him tighter to convey what she was talking about.

Rowan’s response was to settle a little more into the embrace and kiss the top of Aelin’s head before saying, “I don’t think I’d want it any other way.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So. I’ve split this chapter. It was about to get very long so I thought you might like an update a little sooner rather than later. I also liked the idea of building a little bit of suspense

Rowan was on his way out of work and he was more than ready to head home, but he had a feeling he should stop by Lorcan’s office first just to make sure his boss had given him Wednesday evening off. Rowan wasn’t in tomorrow, and Lorcan wasn’t the most communicative person over the phone but Rowan was still a little surprised when he didn’t receive an answer to his text. Wednesday evenings for the next four weeks were taken up but Aelin’s prenatal classes, and Rowan was determined to keep his word and go.

Knocking on the open door Lorcan looked up and Rowan stepped into the office. “Just wanted to make sure you’ve covered my Wednesday evening shift.”

“What, why?” Lorcan said, crossing his arms.

“We’ve got the birthing classes starting this week,” Rowan explained matter of factly. “I texted you about it a few days ago.”

Lorcan’s brow furrowed as if he was about about to contradict him but then his face went a bit slack and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I may have been a bit… busy with something in that moment.”

It was Rowan who crossed his arms this time, the makings of a knowing smirk on his lips. “Busy, huh? Should I tell Elide you referred to her as _something_?”

“Shut it,” Lorcan said. Just at that moment Connall walked past. “Con, come in for a sec.”

Connall took a few steps backward and then stopped in the doorway. “What’s up?”

“You’re taking Rowan’s evening shift on Wednesday,” Lorcan said in a tone that didn’t invite discussion.

Connall argued anyway. “Why? Because I would really prefer not to.”

“He,” Lorcan said, jerking his head in Rowan’s direction, “has to go to birthing classes.” 

Connall looked between Rowan and Lorcan a few times, then kept his gaze on Lorcan. “He knows he’s not the one giving birth right?”

Rowan shoved him in the shoulder.

“I’m sure Rowan will owe you a favour or something, I don’t care. I just need you on Wednesday evenings for the next…” Lorcan said and looked at Rowan so he could finish the sentence.

“Four weeks.”

“Fine, whatever,” Connall muttered. Then he pointed a finger at Rowan. “You owe me big time.”

Rowan nodded and waved him off. Whatever the favour would be he’d try and get Lorcan to do it anyway. It was his fault this got sprung on Connall so last minute, and he had just been the unlucky one to walk by at that moment. 

With that sorted Rowan headed home and when we walked through the apartment door Aelin was stretching in the open space. She was on the phone so she didn’t notice his presence straight away.

“So it’s perfectly safe?”

“Go for your life.” It was Yrene’s voice on the other end, and he closed the door quietly so he didn’t disturb the conversation, but it made Aelin aware of his arrival. “Just make sure —“

Aelin almost scrambled for her phone, rushing to turn it off the speaker and put it to her ear instead. “Yeah, that’s great. Thank you, bye.”

The goodbye was rushed and Rowan raised a brow in question. “What was that about?”

Aelin casually dropped her phone on her yoga mat. “Just pregnancy questions.”

“Oh, okay,” Rowan said

Aelin stretched her hands over her head and then reached out for him to help her up. Rowan took her hands in his and helped her to her feet. They shared a sweet kiss before she asked, “So, what’s on the plans for tonight.”

Rowan shrugged. “The usual.”

“Dinner, TV and sleep?” She asked and Rowan nodded. “Sounds perfect.”

~~~~~

On Rowan’s rostered day off he insisted they go shopping. Aelin had woken up that morning with his arm draped over her and when she slowly blinked her eyes open Rowan was already looking at her. He traced the lines of her face, whispering good morning and kissing her softly. Before it could even get mildly interesting he broke the kiss and then kissed her lips quickly once more and told her to get ready. Rowan left the bed then, leaving Aelin sighing after him. The man didn’t wear much to bed, it turned out, lightweight shorts and nothing else because of the _heat_ apparently. Whatever the reason it was a a very specific kind of torture.

Now Aelin browsed through the racks of tiny clothes, her mind not at all on what was in front of her. She hadn’t been back to her bed since Rowan’s offer to use his, but they hadn’t done anything besides kiss. Granted she was barely conscious most nights by the time they went to bed but… 

Finally, _finally_ , her hyperemesis gravidarum symptoms were bearable. She was on a three day vomit free streak and she felt like a new woman. She still needed her tablets and cars weren’t fun, but she was eating and wanting to eat without the fear of losing it. It gave her time to think about other things and those other things mostly included Rowan. They were taking things slow, she reminded herself, Aelin didn’t want to rush him into anything he wasn’t ready to do. And really with everything swollen and bloated it’s not like she wasn oozing in sex appeal right now. She’d barely managed to keep it together after noticing a particularly bad stretch mark this morning. If he wasn’t interested in going _there_ she couldn’t blame him honestly. But still, being able to do _something_ was a very nice idea.

She was trying so hard not to think about it that she didn’t notice when Rowan had snuck up behind her until he was whispering in her ear.

“What are you thinking about?”

Aelin managed not to jump out of her skin but she startled a little and Rowan put a steadying hand on her hip, the touch near burning considering her most recent train of thoughts.

“Nothing,” Aelin said very quickly.

“I just asked you twice if these were the onesie singlets you wanted and you didn’t answer,” Rowan explained, waving a packet that he had in his hand. 

“Yeah, that’s them,” Aelin said and Rowan left her side and went back to the trolley and unceremoniously threw the packet on top of the other things in there. 

“What had you so wrapped up in your own thoughts? I just about gave you a heart attack,” Rowan asked. 

Aelin turned back to the rack of baby clothes, hoping Rowan wouldn’t see the blush on her cheeks. Her answer was a shrug. 

“It’s not serious, I hope,” Rowan said from the handles of the trolley.

Aelin didn’t want to tell him, this whole thing was confusing enough for her and she was not ready to share, especially after getting caught being so distracted by him in every sense. So she deflected to the other topic that was consuming her thoughts, which conveniently came to the forefront of her mind as she saw a tiny skirt and tiny pants in a matching print. Would Lysandra and Aedion have a boy or a girl? Would Aedion allow the babies to be in matching outfits? Because Aelin was very keen on it, and she assumed Lysandra would be on her side and there was even photographic evidence of Aelin and Aedion doing the same thing when they were little. And all of a sudden that was the thing about to burst out of her mouth.

“Lys and Aedion are having a baby,” Aelin said, then all the words were tumbling out. “I’m not even sure if I was supposed to say anything, but we’re… us. And I don’t know how they expected me not to say something. But like, if I see cute matching outfits should I get them now?”

Rowan blinked once in surprise but then he smiled, one of his soft smiles that made him unbearably handsome — or maybe that was just Aelin’s hormones talking. 

“Good for them,” Rowan said. “How’s Lys doing?”

Aelin snorted. “Perfectly fine apparently. Hasn’t thrown up once and barely feels sick. I hate her just a little bit for it.”

Rowan chuckled at that. “Lucky her.”

“There’s still time. It’s very early, that’s why I’m not sure if I was allowed to say anything, so you can’t tell them you know.”

“Scouts honour,” Rowan said, giving her a two fingered salute.

“Did you even do Scouts?” Aelin asked and pulled out her phone.

“No.”

Aelin was smiling at her screen as she looked over her list and ticked off the few things she had found already. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rowan wander off, returning a few moments later with a little wooden rabbit on wheels and an adorable outfit. Aelin rolled her eyes.

“Rowan, I have a list,” Aelin said. “And a budget.”

“Well, so do I,” Rowan said leaning on the trolley again.

“Oh?” Aelin crossed her arms and waited.

“Yeah. It’s cute and I want it, so it’s on the list,” Rowan explained. 

Aelin let out an exasperated sigh. “Rowan, I…” but she cut off her own words as she chewed her bottom lip. 

“What is it, Aelin?”

Aelin’s jaw was set as she internally contested with herself. They hadn’t had the money talk, Aelin was too nervous and proud to bring it up. She could do all this, pay for everything, she had planned to right from the start. It wouldn’t be the fanciest of products or top of the line, hence why they were currently shopping in a department store rather than a specialised baby store, but it would be enough. From her research it hadn’t taken long to work out that a high price tag didn’t always mean the best product, especially with the mess babies tended to make. She wasn’t about to buy sleepsuits at $40 a pop and see them vomited on and gods knew what else. 

“I just, you know,” Aelin waved her hand in front of her and Rowan just raised his brows, waiting for further explanation. “I just don’t want you to feel obligated to pay for things. Because I can do it, you don’t have to.”

Rowan’s face softened. “Aelin, I know you can be entirely independent. But when I buy things for the baby it’s not out of obligation, it’s because I want to. And you realise if we pool our resources it’s double the budget?”

“You don’t have to –”

“Yes dear, I know. But I want to and we’re doing this together. Remember?” 

Something warm and fuzzy made its way into Aelin’s chest at his words, the smile on his face did him some favours as well. Gods, Aelin wanted to kiss him so bad right now. She resisted though, and went for a scolding instead.

“Just don’t go overboard, alright?” 

That charming smile of his spread wider. “I can’t make any promises there.”

Aelin walked away before she started making out with Rowan in the baby section and scarred any passerbys for life, stopping in front of the teeny tiny swimwear. By the time summer rolled around again the baby would be about seven months according to her very quick calculations in her head. This summer had been brutal on Aelin, the heat was oppressive in a way that she had never experienced before. She was ready to vow never to be pregnant over summer again, and that was even if she decided she wanted to be pregnant again in the first place. Aelin had always loved summer, days in the sun at the beach, late evening parties on those balmy nights that went into the early hours of the morning. Instead she had spent it indoors, either throwing up or trying no to throw up. Now summer was nearly over.

“I didn’t know that infant swimwear could be so offensive.”

Aelin turned to Rowan, knowing her face must have been set in scowl after thinking about her wasted summer. “I just miss the beach and doing summer things. These little swimsuits are just mocking me.”

Rowan was quiet for a second and then said, “Well, let’s go then.”

“What?”

“We don’t have time to go all the way to the coast, but I know a place we can go,” Rowan explained. 

“You’re serious?” Aelin asked.

“Absolutely,” Rowan said, nodding once.

“But I don’t —“ Aelin cleared her throat, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly self-conscious. “I don’t think any of my swimsuits will fit.”

“Buy a new one,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Head over to the ladies section and I’ll grab a few things and then we’ll drop by home to pick whatever else we need.”

“We’ll go right now? You’ll take me to a beach?” Aelin said.

“We’ve got the time, unless you take forever choosing something out,” Rowan said, his tone playfully accusing. “So stop second guessing me and go find yourself something to wear.”

Despite where they were Aelin flipped him off as she walked away, his laughter chasing after her.

The whole picking swimsuit thing didn’t do wonders for Aelin’s self esteem. She perused her options, feeling a little disassociated from herself. Her goal was to find something that provided coverage and support, things she hardly considered when usually shopping for a swimsuit. She grabbed a few options and headed to the change rooms. 

It was a struggle to sort through exactly what size she needed but the very nice and patient sales assistant was able to run out and get Aelin what she needed. Looking at herself in the mirror over and over, the changes to her body were blatantly staring her in the face. She managed not to cry but her throat was feeling tight when she walked out with a floral high neck bikini top to keep her cleavage contained and a set of black bottoms, both offering far more coverage than her usual choice of swimwear. But right now it was what she was most comfortable in. Aelin also grabbed a throw-over dress as well for a little more protection from the sun, especially over the bump. She didn’t think she could bear the tightness of a one piece or a tankini over her stomach.

Rowan was waiting by the register, what was in their trolley already bagged up and paid for, plus some other extra purchases. “Took you long enough,” he teased

“You’re an asshole,” Aelin muttered as she passed him, giving a shove to his shoulder that did absolutely nothing to his solid frame.

It wasn’t too long before they were back in Rowan’s truck diving home again. He had a little smirk playing around his lips, his eyes crinkled ever so slightly at the corners, as if he was excited to be taking her wherever they were going. When they pulled into a parking spot beneath their apartment building he turned to her. 

“Okay, you grab what you need and I’ll take this stuff up,” he jerked his head to what was in the backseat. “I’ve got snacks and sunscreen, but I’ll grab a few other bits and pieces. But quick and efficient is what we’re after.”

“Roger that,” Aelin concurred.

Rowan was halfway out the door when he said, “Let’s roll out.”


	30. Chapter 30

Rowan glanced over at Aelin as she sat in the passenger seat. Even though she wore sunglasses he could tell her eyes were closed from the way she lent back and how relaxed the rest of her face was. A lazy hand drew patterns over her stomach as she hummed along to the song playing through the speakers. He had given her control of the music and he would readily admit she had pretty good taste.

Aelin sighed and she looked over at him. “Do I get to know where you’re taking us?”

Rowan shook his head once. “Nope.”

“I don’t like surprises,” Aelin said, settling back into her seat again. “Not even a hint?”

“Somewhere on the river,” Rowan told her.

“That’s not even fair,” Aelin grumbled. “I can tell that using my eyes.”

Rowan just chuckled as she pouted. They were at a stop light and he took the opportunity to look at her fully. Despite her very vocal protests stating the opposite, she was glowing and so beautiful. He just wanted to be touching her all the time, just now he wanted to reach out and take her hand, just to have that connection. But unfortunately he needed two hands to drive – he was carrying very precious cargo. 

“If you keep staring at me you’ll miss the green light,” Aelin said, her lips quirking up.

Rowan unwillingly turned back to the road. 

“So, the hawks on the mobile,” Aelin said. “Any special reason why them specifically?”

Rowan shrugged, knowing she was looking at him. The bassinet was still set up near the living area so they passed it multiple times a day and he wasn’t the only one who smiled when they saw it. “I just like them I guess. My parents used to have a few hawk decorations around the house. There was this big bronze one that sat on a side table that my mother said I used to stare at for hours when I was baby. Guess it stuck.”

It stung a little talking about his parents, they had both died when he was in his early twenties. He was a little sad that they were missing this, his mother would have loved Aelin, but his father probably would have been scandalised by most of the things that came out of her mouth. That thought made him smile.

Aelin’s voice brought him back to the present. “That’s very cute. I think it suits you, too. Always circling and hovering, like a buzzard looking for its next meal. I can barely breathe sometimes.”

Rowan blatantly ignored how Aelin referred to herself as a meal. “So I’m a buzzard because I’m concerned?”

“Oh, it goes way beyond concerned,” Aelin said teasingly. “The amount of times I’ve muttered fussy bastard under my breath, I would be very rich by now if I got a dollar for every time I did. But, I can start using buzzard if you’d prefer.”

“I have a feeling that I’m not going to get a choice in this,” Rowan said.

“No, I don’t think you will,” Rowan could hear the smile in her voice as she said the next word, “buzzard.”

The rest of the drive passed more quietly as the winding roads near the river started to make Aelin nauseous. Rowan knew where he was going, probably could have driven there with his eyes closed. It was a secluded part of the river that he and the boys would come to. Very rarely were there other people there and the best thing about it was that it was near the foot of the mountains so it wasn’t busy with boats or other water activities. He parked the car and went to help Aelin out of the car.

She smiled as she muttered, “Buzzard.”

She had a point. That didn’t mean he was going to stop. 

There was a large tote bag that she grabbed from the floor of the front seat and Rowan got the rest of the things from the back seat. He shifted everything so that he could carry it in one hand and took Aelin’s hand in the other and led her to the riverside. There was a small stretch of sand and he dropped their things there in mottled sunshine from the trees. Before Aelin had even dropped her things he had let go of her hand and pulled out a low chair for her to sit on. It sat a fair few inches off the ground, but it gave her support for her back so she could relax.

“Your throne, your highness,” Rowan said as he gestured to it.

There was a look of delighted surprise on her face. “You spoil me.”

“Just wait until you see the snacks.”

Aelin managed to get herself into the chair pretty easily, but Rowan assumed getting up may be the problem. She put a wide brimmed straw hat on her head and reclined in the sun. Rowan laid out a towel for himself and laid down with his sunglasses, hand tucked behind his head. 

“Ah, not so fast,” Aelin said. “I don’t need you falling asleep before I have my snacks.”

Rowan barked a laugh. “Can’t leave a pregnant woman without snacks.”

“You say that like it’s a joke, this is serious Rowan,” Aelin scolded him.

Rowan just smiled as he opened the cooler and started pulling things out. Aelin immediately took the watermelon off his hands, she practically lived on the stuff. She pulled the lid off the container and inhaled, when she bit into a piece she moaned. Rowan was embarrassed by the reaction that sound caused in him and he tried very hard not to remember the time he had been the one to illicit those sounds from her.

They were yet to find themselves in that position again. Hell, he didn’t even know if Aelin was even interested in going there. He’d never been nervous about sex, well maybe when he’d been a fumbling teen, but this whole situation had him nervous. Aelin had had a rough time of it, the morning sickness and she still struggled in the car, and he’d noticed how winded she got after walking up a flight of stairs. And he knew it was bad because Aelin complained about it, and she wasn’t a complainer, it was evident that the limits of her body were really pissing her off. If she didn’t want to go there he couldn’t blame her, he wasn’t even sure if she _could_ go there. He was convinced there was no way she felt like it, so he was trying his hardest not to entertain the possibility. He was content enough to be with her and be a fussy bastard as she so affectionately called him. Or that may just be buzzard now.

There was a flurry of movement beside him and he turned to see that Aelin had removed her dress, leaving her in her high necked swimsuit. He couldn’t help but drink all of her in, from her long legs to her golden hair that was braided and half hidden under her hat. 

“What?” She asked him, no doubt noticing his gaze. An almost self-conscious hand went to her stomach. 

“You’re radiant,” he said before he could think of a better answer.

Aelin let out a disbelieving laugh. “That’s just me sweating.”

“If you’re so hot, let’s go for a swim,” Rowan suggested. 

When Aelin nodded he packed the snacks back into the cooler and stood up. He pulled the neck of t-shirt over his head dropping it onto his towel and looked back at Aelin. He didn’t miss the way her eyebrows were raised over the frames of her sunglasses and the way the corner of her bottom lip disappeared so slightly into her mouth. If he didn’t know better he would have guessed that she was trying not to bite her lip. Rowan couldn’t help the cocky smile he just _knew_ was plastered on his face as he reached out to help Aelin up. She ended up needing both his hands to get up and before they set off for the water she dropped her hat and glasses onto her chair. 

“Oh, my bracelet,” Aelin said. “I shouldn’t wear it in the water.”

Aelin took it off but she looked a little concerned about putting it in her bag.

“Here, I’ll take it to the car,” Rowan said, holding out his hand for it. 

She dropped it into his hand and he jogged it back to the car, putting it in the cup holder by the steering. The elegant inscription caught his eye, _Fireheart_. It really did suit her, if he were to find someone’s heart that burned with an unrelenting fire it would be her. He was smiling about it as he made his way back to her. 

Offering her his hand she gripped it tightly as they headed for the water. The first few steps were cold but refreshing, and with the heat of the sun on them it didn’t take long to be waist deep in the water. Aelin let go of his hand then, and took a few more steps out before she dove under the water. The water was so clear that Rowan easily tracked her. When she surfaced she sighed and floated on her back, her bump sticking out of the water, and sighed heavily.

“It feels so nice not to weigh anything,” she said, her feet going beneath her again.

Rowan followed her example and dipped beneath the water before swimming out to meet her. His feet barely touched the bottom of the lake enough to keep his shoulders above the water, he knew that if Aelin tried to stand she wouldn’t be able to. Aelin swam for him, her arms coming to loop around his neck, instinctively his hands went to her waist.

“I’m a bit tired,” she said, giving him a too innocent smile.

“Want to go back in?” Rowan said as his thumbs brushed along her skin.

Aelin shook her head. “It’s too nice out here.”

“It’s irresponsible, swimming all the way out here,” Rowan teased. “You’re so lucky I’m strong to keep the two of us above the water.”

Aelin laugh came out as a snort. “You’re so annoying. Just kiss me already.”

Her legs wrapped around him, and his hands slid down her body to support her thighs. They were as flush as they could be, with Aelin’s rounded stomach between them but they managed and their lips met. This kiss was lazy and slow, and Rowan savoured the feeling of it. It was Aelin who wanted more, her tongue flicking at the seam of his lips. He was at her command and he groaned at the first brush of her tongue against his. Their hands began wandering, Aelin’s into his hair one of his up her back, as the other stayed where it was on her thigh. Aelin arched into the touch, her lips parting as she gasped. The sounds she made, the way she felt, it was all too perfect.

Rowan’s hand continued up her back as they kissed again. He had planned on it making its way to the base of her head but instead it hit a snag, getting caught in the ties of Aelin’s bikini top. Surprised, he tried to pull it away but only managed to get his fingers tangled in the loops of the knot. He broke the kiss, swearing softly as he tried to extricate himself from the mess but only managed to loosen the top all together. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, his hand leaving her thigh to help the other. After untangling his fingers he re-tied the top into a secure bow.

Aelin looked at him, one eyebrow raised. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before. There’s even more to enjoy too.”

Rowan’s face flushed at her entirely unexpected words. He… didn’t know what to say. Aelin just laughed at him, her arms draped around his neck as she tipped her head back. Then her nose scrunched in that adorable way when she was amused by something.

“You’re such a perfect gentleman.”

He opened his mouth to answer but received a mouthful of water instead as she splashed him. He spluttered wiping at his face as Aelin disentangled herself and swam away. Once Rowan could see he saw her heading back to shore, it didn’t take him long to catch her and he easily scooped her up, arm under her legs and back. She squealed in delight, endless laughter bubbling out of her.

“Don’t you dare throw me,” she managed to get out through her laughter.

“I would never,” Rowan said, grinning. “I’m a perfect gentleman after all.”

“I still don’t like that look in your eye,” Aelin said, her arms looping around his neck again as he carried her out of the water. 

The only warning he gave her was his arms tightening, then as they reached the shore he spun them once – hard and fast and making Aelin gasp. When she knew they weren’t going for another round Aelin slapped him on the bare chest, the sound wet. 

“You can’t do that,” Aelin hissed at him.

Rowan eased her down, hands on her hips to keep her steady on her own feet. “I had you.”

“You’re too sure of yourself,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him.

Rowan just shrugged.

Being the gentleman that he was he helped Aelin back down into her low chair. He was about to pull away but her hand went into his hair and tugged. He knelt over her as she kissed him. Her kisses were insistent, her hands urging him closer.

“Aelin,” her name coming out more like a groan. “You should probably have some water. You’ve been in the sun for a while.”

Aelin released him with a sigh and muttered. “The perfect gentleman through and through.”

Rowan knelt on his towel and passed Aelin her water bottle as she popped her sunglasses back on but left her hat off to let her hair dry in the sun. He grabbed a bottle for himself, sitting with his legs bent up, elbows resting on his knees. 

“Would you rather I try and seduce you?” He said jokingly.

“Honestly, yeah.”

Aelin’s answer took him aback and he was glad he hadn’t taken a sip of his water just then. He felt himself visibly panic, unlike Aelin he hadn’t put his sunglasses on and she was no doubt reading every expression that flitted across his face. She just gave him a feline smile that he had come to learn only meant trouble.

His voice was far too high when he said, “Well then.” It seemed he had been wrong about assuming Aelin wasn’t interested in sex. 

“I mean, your skills were great and all. But I bet given a second chance you might be – Ow!”

Rowan sat up a bit straighter at her distress but Aelin was laughing and rubbing her stomach. 

“You have terrible timing kiddo,” Aelin said to the baby. “A jab to the ribs because I’m teasing him, you’re already daddy’s girl it seems.”

Aelin’s words made him smile as a shaky sigh of relief escaped Rowan, both at the fact that Aelin was all right and that this awkward conversation was over. But it looked like he was wrong on at least one account.

“Is it because I’m not attractive anymore? Is that it?”

Rowan head shot to look at her, she was smiling but he could tell it was a front. There was a little bit of truth in what she had asked him. But it also felt like a trick question, like there was no right answer. It was a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. That wasn’t it at all but in saying that it left him open to who knew what else.

“No of course not,” he said honestly. “I just didn’t didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Ah, the gentleman. He surfaces again,” Aelin said, hopefully satisfied by his answer. But then she added, “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“I’m waiting,” Aelin sang at him.

“For what?” Rowan asked, but her grin only spread further. He did not like where this was going. So he said flatly, “I’m not seducing you here. 

“Why not? There’s no one else around,” Aelin said.

“No way are we having sex on a beach.”

“Oh, where then? It sounds like you’ve got something planned. I do hope you plan to take me out to dinner first because last time –“

“Stop it,” Rowan said through his barely contained smile. Gods, this woman was infuriating.

Said woman let out a dramatic sigh. “Probably for the best, I’d most likely vomit on you anyways.”

Rowan’s laugh came out in a huff. “Then why bring it up?” 

Aelin slid her sunglasses to the top of her head so that he could see her eyes, they were lit with mirth. “I just like to see you squirm.”

Rowan hid his smile with a shake of his head as Aelin just laughed then politely asked for more snacks.

~~~~~

When afternoon rolled around Rowan packed up their things into his truck. The day had been perfect, they swam, they talked and teased. It was all just another confirmation to Aelin that this is what she wanted. That Rowan was who wanted. She lent on the passenger door of his truck, rubbing her stomach. She didn’t want to admit it but the day in the sun had left her tired and queasy. In the rush to come she hadn’t packed enough of her anti-nausea tablets and the last lot were starting to wear off. She was pretty sure she wasn’t going to vomit, but any delightful plans she had had for when they got home were quickly disappearing from her mind.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Rowan asked as he came and stood in front of her, cupping her cheeks so he could look at her face.

“Tired. So, so tired,” she told him.

He kissed her forehead and then helped her into the truck, handing her the seatbelt so she didn’t have to reach behind her. It was these casual helpful moments that had her smiling. Yes, Rowan was fussy, but at least he was cute about it most of the time.

“Here,” he said from the driver’s seat.

Aelin looked over and he held out her bracelet for her to take. “Thank you.”

“I know I said it before, but Fireheart really does suit you,” Rowan said as they started to drive off.

Aelin looked down at her bracelet. “I miss hearing it.”

“I could, I mean… if you don’t mind,” Rowan cleared his throat. 

Aelin put together the pieces of what he couldn’t say and reached over and ran her hand from his shoulder to his elbow. 

“I don’t mind,” Aelin said quietly. “I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.” 

Before Aelin could return her hand to her lap, Rowan caught it in his and brought her knuckles to his lips. “My Fireheart.”

At those words Aelin couldn’t help the tears that fell. 

Eventually she dozed off, her nausea easier to ignore when she was asleep. Getting from the car up to bed was a bit of a blur but she managed to slip into one of Rowan’s shirts before collapsing onto the bed. Rowan came in a few minutes later brushing her hair away from her face.

“You need anything?” 

“No,” Aelin mumbled, “just sleep.”

“Okay,” Rowan said, dropping a kiss onto her cheek. “I’ll make up a plate and leave it in the fridge if you get hungry later.”

Aelin only hummed, and she was asleep before she even knew if he’d left the room or not. The next time she woke up Rowan was in bed beside her. She wasn’t quite ready to get up yet so she snuggled into his side, his arm encircling her to bring her closer.

“Thank you for today,” she said into his chest.

“It was my pleasure.”

Aelin felt his voice rumble through his chest as his hand rubbed over her back soothingly. She opened her eyes for a moment curious as to what he was reading. What she saw was a little unexpected.

“Is that… a pregnancy book?” 

“Yeah, I thought the more I know the better,” Rowan said.

There was a feeling in Aelin’s chest, a feeling she wasn’t quite ready to acknowledge, so instead as sleep started to pull her under again she murmured, “You’re perfect.”

She thought she may have dreamed the words she heard from Rowan’s mouth.

“So are you, Fireheart.”


	31. Chapter 31

Rowan left Aelin sleeping soundly in bed, she hadn’t stirred at all when he got up and got ready for work. Throughout the night he felt her get up a few times , no doubt driven out by hunger at least once. So he let her sleep, leaving her with a kiss on the cheek, brushing her hair away from her face before she could inhale it. It wasn’t until he was about to drop his things in his locker that his phone buzzed. There was just a simple text from Aelin but it still made him smile.

**_Good morning_ **

Rowan flat out grinning when he texted back.

**_Good morning, what’s the plan for today?_ **

The three bubbles popped up immediately.

_**You know… sit around not throwing up, order some books, eat my weight in watermelon** _

**_Ah, so the usual. I’ve got to get to work. I’ll text you at lunch_ **

**_Try not to piss Con off, poor boy_ **

Rowan laughed at that, Connall was at least two years older than Aelin but still he felt like the young one of them all, and dropped his phone into his locker before closing it.

He did get a few baleful looks from Connall, but Rowan promised to buy him lunch and he was less aggravated after that. Rowan kept his texting lunch date with Aelin, enduring the teasing of his coworkers when he smiled at what she was saying. When Aedion walked in Rowan didn’t quite know what to say, this was the first time he had really seen him since finding out that Lysandra was pregnant and knowing that he wasn’t supposed to know about the baby. When Aedion sat down Rowan glanced over, lips tight. They were the only ones in the staffroom and Aedion sighed.

“She told you didn’t she?” 

Rowan nodded. 

“I don’t know why I expected her not to say anything,” Aedion was smiling as he shook his head.

“Congratulations,” Rowan said.

Aedion accepted his congratulations, his smile growing. “Thanks.” 

There were a few beats of silence before Aedion spoke again.

“I’m terrified, excited, but so terrified,” he said quietly. 

Rowan cleared his throat. “I don’t think I have anything to say here.”

Aedion barked a laugh at that. “Good call.”

The rest of the day passed without anything exciting. He left earlier than he usually would on a wednesday so he could get back home and get ready for the birthing class this evening. On his way out Rowan gave Connall an apologetic smile and told him he should piss off Lorcan, because it was really his fault that he got stuck on this shift. Connall gave him a smile he more commonly saw on Fenrys and knew Lorcan was in for some trouble. 

When he got home Aelin was waiting for him on the couch, dressed and ready to go. 

“Hello,” she said, overly cheery. Rowan immediately picked up on the underlying nervousness he knew Aelin was trying to hide.

“Hey. I’d come kiss you hello but I know how you feel about the smell,” Rowan said moving through the apartment. Aelin’s face scrunched in disgust and he laughed. “And try not to feel so nervous. It’ll be fine.”

Rowan was just passing her bedroom door when she said, “I’m not nervous!”

He just called back, “Yes, dear!”

That at least got him a laugh. 

Once he was showered and dressed he made his way to the kitchen where he found Aelin snacking on some strawberries. 

“Want some?” She offered.

“No thanks, what did you want to do about dinner? Class starts at 5:30, so do you want to eat before or after?” Rowan asked, although from the snacking he assumed it was before.

“That’s the most ridiculous timing. Sticking a bunch of pregnant women in a room at dinner time, they better be providing snacks,” Aelin said, closing the lid on the strawberries.

“So, dinner?” Rowan asked, bringing back her focus.

“After, I’ve been snacking for the last hour.” Aelin approached him, wrapping her hands around his neck. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Rowan said, a smile spreading across his lips as he lent in.

“You smell nice. Much better,” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” Aelin was the one who brought her lips to his and they shared a kiss.

“We should go,” Rowan said, even though he didn’t feel like stopping the kiss.

She played with the ends of his hair. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you really that nervous?” Rowan asked.

Aelin shrugged. “I dunno, probably.”

“I would say we don’t have to go but neither of us really know what we’re doing, so,” Rowan admitted.

Aelin let him go. “Yes we’re going.”

Rowan got the keys to his truck while Aelin grabbed her handbag.

“Aedion found out I knew today,” Rowan confessed as he held the door open for her.

“You ratted me out?” Aelin said.

Rowan closed the door behind him and they headed for the elevator. “Apparently my poker face is terrible.”

“Was he mad?” Her voice was a little worried.

Rowan shook his head. “No.”

Aelin fixed him with what he guessed to be an intimidating look. “Lucky for you, otherwise I’d have to kick your ass. And I’m pregnant so you can’t fight back.”

Rowan rolled his eyes at her which earned him a smile. They rode the elevator down to the car park and Rowan dutifully helped her into the passenger seat, which had become a habit of his without him really realising it. Before too long they were off and a heavy silence filled the car. Aelin’s nerves were palatable, and he started feeling nervous on her behalf. He began wracking his brain for a conversation to start but he was coming up empty.

He cleared his throat, going for something easy. “Want to share what’s on your mind?”

Aelin’s laugh came out in a huff. “Not particularly.”

Rowan reached across the console and held her hand, her thumb brushed across his fingers. “You know you can tell me, whatever it is.” He glanced over and saw that her face was set in a smile that he knew meant trouble. Taking his hand back, he muttered, “Here we go.” Trouble was better than her anxieties eating at her.

“What? I haven’t even said anything,” Aelin said too innocently.

“Yes, but whatever you’re about to say will be something, I’m sure,” Rowan said.

“Well,” he could hear the smile in her voice. “I’ve been curious about some things.”

Rowan took the bait. “What things?”

“Well, we’ve only really had one go at it, and I’ve heard that sex while you’re pregnant can be _really_ good,” Aelin explained.

Rowan didn’t know what he was supposed to say with that, so he just went with a one word answer. “Okay.”

“What I’m saying is that you’ve got decent skills, and it was good the first time but –“

“I’m sorry, good?” Rowan stammered. 

“Don’t interrupt, it’s rude. What I’m saying is that it was fine but given a second chance –“

“Fine? What do you mean it was fine?” He knew, right down to his very bones, he knew that Aelin was baiting him, ready to real him in. But he couldn’t help it, as stupid as it was. 

“Yes, I said fine, but just let me finish. What I’m saying is that given a second chance and the current circumstances it could possibly be _much_ better.”

“It was _fine?_ ” Rowan said again, not hiding the incredulity from his voice.

Aelin laughed. “Gotcha. Just keeping your ego in check.”

By chance they stopped at a red light and Rowan looked over at Aelin, who was grinning at him like she had won. Two could play at this game. He grinned right back, in a way that had her eyes flicking to his lips.

“I seem to recall that you enjoyed yourself, I could even say that you were thoroughly satisfied.” The light turned green and Rowan kept driving so he missed Aelin’s reaction.

“I’m a very good actress. I might – ow! Baby that’s my spleen.”

A laugh burst out of Rowan and Aelin shoved his shoulder. “It’s not funny, you’re insides aren’t being used as a punching bag.”

“I just think it’s funny that she always seems to interrupt you,” Rowan said with a grin. “I don’t think she likes mummy teasing daddy.”

Aelin scoffed outright at that. “I think you’re misinterpreting the kick. She’s actually laughing so hard at how funny I am that she can’t contain herself.”

Rowan sobered for a second. “I really hope she can’t understand what we’re talking about.”

“Of course she can’t, it’s muffled through all that liquid whooshing around,” Aelin explained. 

“Then how can she be laughing with you if she doesn’t know what you’re saying?” Rowan asked.

“She can sense –“ Aelin gasped. “She did it again! This isn’t fair,” She said as she rubbed her stomach as if she was trying to soothe the restless baby. “She’s not even out and the two of you are ganging up on me.”

“What can I say?” Rowan was laughing again but he managed to get the words out, “She’s a daddy’s girl.”

“You sound awfully proud of yourself there,” Aelin said teasingly.

Rowan just shrugged, not willing to deny or confirm anything.

~~~~~

Aelin had tried to push down her nerves, but it wasn’t working. She didn’t even know why she was nervous, she’d read through the pack the midwives sent out when she’d signed up so she half knew what to expect. But still those butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Their conversation in the car had distracted her for part of the drive but as soon as they pulled into the parking lot at the hospital the anxiety was back. They went through the main doors and asked at the front desk where to go, and eventually ended up in a conference room past the cafeteria. There were a few other couples already there and they all gave each other tight lipped smiles. Seems Aelin wasn’t the only nervous one. 

A young and very cheery midwife was up the front of the room getting the projector ready, chatting to the couple closest to her. Eventually a few other couples filled in the seats around the horseshoe of tables. The midwife pointed as she counted everyone off and when she was done she smiled.

“Well, I think that’s everyone. My name is Sorscha and I’ll be running these classes for the next few weeks. Please if you have any questions at any time please ask, or I’ll have a bit of time after. Sorry to say, but we’ll be diving in at the deep end this class. In your packs you might have seen that this class will be about understanding labour and that means seeing one happen until the very end result.”

Aelin felt the colour drain from her face, she’d seen a birth video in science class in high school but she was assuming this was a much more in depth version than those they showed to teenagers. Sorscha didn’t dive in straight away thankfully – they also skipped the horrid get to know you activities – and instead went through the early signs of labour and what to do. Resting as much as possible seemed to be important, conserving energy for the ‘main event’. There was also timing of the contractions and everything that came with that, it was heavily recommended that you wait until contractions were about five minutes apart before coming to the hospital, depending on where you lived. Aelin quickly did the math, They weren’t far, maybe 20 minutes in moderate traffic, so that was probably about four or five contractions between home and here.

“Of course if you are worried that something is wrong or aren’t coping, you won’t be turned away,” Sorscha insisted. “Now birth partners, these are things you can do.”

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rowan nodding as he listened intently to what the midwife said, at one point he pulled out his phone to write down a website Sorscha mentioned. He looked like he was contemplating keeping it out to take even more notes. 

“Ok, we’ll take a short break while I get the video ready,” Sorscha said. “There are some snacks up the back of the room.”

People started moving, the pregnant people slower than the partners, and Rowan turned to her.

“See, they did provide snacks. You want anything?”

“Sure,” Aelin said.

Rowan stood and went to where the snacks were, not gone for long before he was dropping a pack of crackers and sliced cheese and a small bottle of water on the table in front of her.

“Ok, snacks but not great snacks,” he admitted.

“Better than nothing,” Aelin said as she ripped open the packet.

Once snacks were eaten everyone took their seats again and Sorscha dimmed the lights. “This is a real, raw birth. There’s no Hollywood treatment here.”

Aelin felt her nerves spike again and watched the screen. Sorscha hadn’t been lying, nothing was covered, no stylistically cut shots from the camera angles, there was a baby coming out of that woman and they saw everything.

“I’m so sorry,” Aelin said to Rowan as she saw the look of what she could only call horror on his face. She had a feeling she looked the same. Those two words were said over and over until they handed the newborn to its mother. And in that moment the full gravity of the situation hit Aelin like a truck.

The baby inside her had to get out, one way or another. The whole idea was frightening and Aelin felt her panic rising. She had to do it, there was no shifting of responsibility here. The rest of the class passed in a blur and she sure hoped Rowan was paying attention because she certainly wasn’t. One thought kept repeating itself over and over as the tangible reality of what was happening settled over her. It was too late to turn back now and she wasn’t sure if she could do this.

~~~~~~

Aelin was quiet on the way home, Rowan had asked a few times if she was all right and she had muttered a yes in a soft voice, but he could tell that she was holding something in, all that playfulness from earlier evaporating into nothing. The prenatal class had been intense to say the least, the midwife wasn’t joking when she said they were jumping into the deep end first. Aelin had kept muttering apologies to him, but after seeing all that he felt like he needed to apologise to her.

That video… Rowan didn’t have the words to describe it, and it wasn’t something he was going to forget about any time soon. Holy gods, what women went through was beyond incredible, and probably just equally as terrifying. He wasn’t going to complain about any amount of pain any time soon. He had asked Aelin if she wanted to stop for food and she had just silently shook her head and he’d told her he would order something to be delivered.

When they got home Aelin was out of the truck and headed for the elevator, her body set with some sort of determination. She ignored the worried glances Rowan sent her way and they rode the elevator in silence, but she let him take her hand all the way to their door. With his free hand he unlocked the front door and led them inside.

“What do you want me – Oof.”

The impact of Aelin hitting his chest knocked the breath out of his lungs. She was holding onto him tight enough that he couldn’t see her face but when her body started shaking he knew she was crying. Immediately his arms were around her shoulders, giving her that comfort.

“Aelin?” he asked tentatively. She didn’t move or say anything. “Do you want to sit down?”

He saw her nod and she let go of him, using her sleeve to wipe at her face. Rowan took her hand again and led her to the couch, picking up the box of tissues from the kitchen bench as he went. When they sat down Aelin let go of him to blow her nose and wipe away her tears.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Aelin said before he could even ask. “I know that sounds so stupid because there’s no going back now. But I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through that, in any shape or form. I’m scared Rowan, I’m so scared.”

Rowan moved closer so that he could hold her again, smoothing his hand over her hair. He didn’t blame her for how she felt, and he knew there was nothing he could offer her except hollow reassurances.

“I don’t know how to be a mother, I don’t even know what to do with a baby,” Aelin cried. “I have to go through all of that and then there’s a new someone I don’t know how to look after. I’m selfish, and rude, and angry all the time. That’s not someone who should be raising a child. I’m just going to let her down, I know it!”

Rowan pulled back enough so that when he titled Aelin’s face up he could look into her eyes. “You aren’t just those things, Aelin. You are brave, resilient and compassionate. You are kind, and loving, and loyal. I have seen you sacrifice so much already for this baby so don’t you even try to convince me that you’re a selfish person. And I promise that I will be with you every step of the way, I meant it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere and that we’re in this together.” 

Aelin gave him a watery smile. “Even if I call you horrible things? And scream and yell at you?”

A soft smile made its way onto Rowan’s lips. “Even then. Because I think,” Rowan’s throat was suddenly tight, emotions he hadn’t expected overwhelming him. “I think when we meet our daughter it will all be worth it.”

A new steady stream of tears fell from Aelin’s eyes as she looked at him, something he wasn’t brave enough to read flickering across her face. “Rowan, I – “

Whatever Aelin had been about to say to him was cut off by a knock on the door.

~~~~~

The knock on the door startled them both, even though Aelin knew who it was.

“It’s Elide,” Aelin said as she wiped away some of her tears. “She’s opening the bookstore because Lys has a doctors appointment in the morning.”

Rowan gave her a sympathetic smile as he got up from the couch to let Elide in. Aelin watched as Elide stood in the doorway, taking in the scene. Rowan by the door, Aelin on the couch tears still swimming in her eyes. Her posture changed, like she was readying for a fight. 

Wisely Rowan stepped away from the door, letting Elide close it behind her as he began his retreat. He stopped by the couch to kiss Aelin on the forehead. “I’ll be in my room.”

Aelin nodded as Elide closed the distance between her and the couch, glaring at Rowan’s retreating form.

“If he’s hurt you again, I’ll kick his ass. Physically this time,” Elide said, seriousness and determination filling every ounce of her small frame. Aelin had heard of how she was able to drop Lorcan like a rock and didn’t doubt her friend for a second.

“No, he’s been nothing more than reassuring and supportive, this is all on me this time,” Aelin said, still wiping away tears.

“Is everything all right?” Elide asked as she took Rowans’s spot.

Aelin nodded. “Yeah, just had a very graphic reminder about how this baby plans to exit my body.” Elide made a face and Aelin said, “Exactly.”

Elide slumped back against the couch. “Well, at least it wasn’t him.”

Aelin poked Elide’s shoulder and she hissed in pain. “You hold a grudge worse than Aedion and that’s saying something.”

“Can you blame me? Elide said defensively. “I had to watch all that shit go down, you getting hurt over and over, then all is forgiven?”

“If I’ve forgiven him, shouldn’t that be enough? You two were friends before this,” Aelin said, then waited as Elide went over her own thoughts.

“But…” Whatever thought Elide had dissipated as she drummed her fingers on her crossed arm. “You said life had been unfair to him. Was it bad?”

Aelin could only nod, her emotions already too close to the surface and remembering what Rowan had been through with his wife and everything had tears brimming in her eyes again. 

“Oh, no.” Elide’s voice was panicked. “Now I’ve made you cry. I’m so sorry.”

Aelin waved her friend off. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine. I just can’t stop now that I’ve started. I should get the keys.”

“I can get them,” Elide said gently. “Where are they?” 

“On the rack by the kitchen bench,” Aellin pointed in the general direction. “I’m going to go have a shower, no doubt Rowan’s ordered dinner by now and I want to be out before it gets cold.” 

“Okay, I’ll grab the keys. You need any help up?” Elide asked but then laughed at Aelin’s glare. “Alright, alright, no helping the pregnant lady unless she asks.”

It took Aelin some effort to get up but she made it. Elide said goodbye with a hug and a smile before Aelin headed down the hall to the shower, hoping by the time she got out her tears were gone.

~~~~~

Rowan had finished ordering their dinner and was going over some client workouts when there was a soft knock on the door. 

“Come in,” he said as he turned to face the door. He hadn’t really expected to see Elide stepping into his room, he thought maybe it would be Aelin getting shy after the vulnerability she had just shown him. “Hey, Elide.”

“Hey,” she said, her hands fiddling with the keys in her hands. “So. I don’t think I’ve been very fair to you.”

“About?” Rowan asked.

Elide cleared her throat. “I want to apologise. Aelin was right, I’ve been holding a grudge. She’s like a sister to me and I owe a lot to her, so when I see her hurting… I guess I can get a little protective.”

“I can’t fault you for protecting people you love,” Rowan said. “I understand, don’t even worry about it.”

“Just, I never considered,” Elide paused and gave him a sympathetic look. “Aelin said something, I just didn’t think or consider there was more on your side than I knew.”

Rowan could tell she was floundering, not wanting to overstep or ask exactly what happened, so he decided to offer an olive branch. “When I was in my early twenties I lost my wife and child in a car accident.”

Elide’s face fell into a look of devastation. “That’s why Aelin and the baby… Ro, I’m so sorry.”

“I know it doesn’t excuse anything I’ve done but I just wanted you to know why,” Rowan said earnestly.

Elide shook her head. “I shouldn’t have been so mean to you.”

“I admire how important Aelin is to you and how you’re always there for her. I’m glad Aelin has you on her side,” Rowan said and Elide looked back up at him, her eyes misty with tears.

When she spoke Rowan could hear the emotion in her voice. “I’m happy she has you, too Rowan.”

~~~~~

After her shower Aelin put on one of Rowan’s T-shirt’s and a loose pair of shorts. She found him in front of the TV, dinner on the coffee table. When he heard her approaching he turned around and smiled at her.

“I got pasta, I hope that’s alright,” Rowan said.

Aelin nodded. “Sounds great.” 

She sat down on the couch, and Rowan kissed her temple. The pasta smelled divine and because of all the crying she hadn’t realised how hungry she was. They dug in, Aelin too enraptured by her food to say anything in between bites. After eating enough to sate her stomach she decided it was time to say something.

“So, about before,” Aelin said quietly.

“You don’t need to apologise for that, don’t even think it,” Rowan said pointing his fork at her.

“I feel –“

“Don’t you dare say stupid or anything along those lines,” Rowan insisted. 

Aelin let out a weak laugh and let the subject drop, and ate a few more bites of her pasta. “Hey, the other night were you reading a pregnancy book in bed? I was semi-conscious and I wasn’t too sure.”

She could see Rowan’s smile even though he was looking at his pasta. “Yeah. I bought one when I got the baby shower presents. Honestly, it’s all pretty interesting.”

“Only a man who is never going to experience pregnancy would say that,” Aelin said flatly.

Rowan chuckled at that. “That’s fair.”

Once they were done Rowan started to clear up, while Aelin sat on the couch, hand tracking the pattering movements in her stomach. She couldn’t help but smile, even though she was still feeling mildly terrified she knew Rowan was right; when their baby was here it would all be worth it. At least she hoped so. The couch dipped as Rowan sat back down, that charming smile of his on his face. He hesitantly reached out a hand and Aelin took it and placed it on her stomach. He smiled a bit wider when the baby kicked against his hand.

“Does she ever stop?” Rowan asked.

Aelin laughed. “Yes, but definitely not when I’m trying to sleep.”

Rowan ran a thumb over her stomach. “Did you want to watch anything tonight?”

Aelin blew out a heavy breath. “No, I think I’ll just go to bed. I’m tired.”

“Okay, I’ve got a few things to fix up for work but I’ll be in bed soon,” Rowan said.

“I’ll probably be asleep,” Aelin confessd. “So I’ll say goodnight.”

Aelin lent over and kissed Rowan, once and then twice, then he helped her up before she could say anything to stop him. 

Rowan kissed her again, sweet enough that Aelin was smiling by the end. “Goodnight, love.”

Aelin left Rowan in the living room and headed down the hall to his bed. She was right, when Rowan walked in half an hour later she was sound asleep and taking up a good three quarters of the bed. He didn’t mind one bit as he slipped into bed beside her, kissing her cheek as she stirred but then settled in his arms.


	32. Chapter 32

Rowan woke up, muscles stiff as though his body had been tense all night. As he slowly managed to get his brain functional the reason why became apparent. Sometime in the night Aelin had rested her head on his chest with her arm sprawled over him, and ending up almost diagonal across the bed. The bump was pressed up against his side, as Aelin used the slight height of his body for leverage. The sight of her like this had a soft smile spreading across his face. His alarm was yet to go off but he had no plans to leave the bed just yet, and he wasn’t even sure he could if he wanted to. Rowan didn’t mind in the slightest.

Looking for something to do he reached for the book that sat on the bedside table, flicking through the pages until he found the page he was looking for and started reading over all the information the pregnancy book had to offer on the 27th week of pregnancy. It was propped awkwardly on his bicep and a bit too close for him to read comfortably, but he’d survive. After a little while there was a soft groan and Rowan looked down to see Aelin blinking up at him as she slowly woke, brow furrowed as if the act of doing so was offensive to her.

“Morning,” he said, the gravelly sound of his voice surprising him. 

Aelin’s response was to groan and bury her face in his chest again. Rowan chuckled and rubbed her back with the hand that wasn’t holding the book.

“Did you sleep well?”

When Aelin spoke he could barely hear her because her voice was so muffled. “No speaking, it’s too loud. Why are you even awake?”

Rowan didn’t say anything until Aelin looked up at him, a displeased glare shining in her eyes. “You said no speaking.”

Her expression turned indignant before she made herself comfortable on his chest again. “Smartass.” They both just lay there for a while, just content and comfortable before she asked, “What are you reading there?”

“That the baby is approximately the size of a cauliflower,” Rowan told her.

“A very small cauliflower,” Aelin muttered.

Rowan let out a soft laugh but when he felt Aelin shudder he realised she wasn’t joking. “Aelin? Are you crying?” There was no answer and he started to panic. “Fireheart, what is it?”

Aelin looked up at him, cheeks wet with tears. “It’s my fault. The baby being small it’s my fault. I should have done more, eaten more, better food. And now she’s too small and it's because of me.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Rowan said, putting the book on the bedside table and rolling over so that he could face Aelin completely, cupping her face with his hands so she had to look at him. “You did everything you could. What else could you do? You were sick and you had me being an absolute bastard at every turn. Despite all that you were amazing. And remember that Yrene said she was barely concerned. But we can book another appointment if you’re worried, I’ll call who I have to, and drive you. Whatever you need.”

“Rowan,” she said, her voice wavering and gratitude shining in her eyes.

He brushed her hair away from her face before it could get caught in her tears and kissed her forehead. “If anything, you could probably pin it on me. I should have paid more attention in the beginning and then we could have got it under control quicker. Maybe if I hadn't been such an ass and caused you so much stress, things would have been better.”

“You were an ass,” Aelin admitted with a sniffle, her hand finding its way to his cheek.

“I was,” Rowan agreed.

“Lucky for you, you blew it out of the park with those presents and I forgave you,” she said as she brushed a thumb over his cheek. “And that you’re such an attractive man.”

“I’d say that’s lucky for you,” Rowan murmured, giving into the undeniably pull and leaning closer.

“Uh-huh, that too,” Aelin breathed, their lips almost brushing.

Rowan couldn’t bear it anymore and he kissed her, Aelin melting into his touch. One hand tangled into her hair while the other slid down her body and rested on her thigh. When Aelin let out a soft moan he didn’t think before he tightened his grip there and pulled her leg over his hip. He couldn’t stop his hand from moving, feeling, touching and it only urged Aelin to deepen the kiss even more. Her own hands started to wander and he had never been more glad in his life that he didn’t wear a shirt to bed as her hands set fire trailing across his bare skin.

When Aelin gasped his name as Rowan kissed his way down her neck the heat simmering in his body had him ready to take it further, to show Aelin just how amazing he thought she was. But then the blaring of his alarm started, the sound so loud and intrusive on their quiet moment that Rowan was ready to throw his phone across the room. Begrudgingly he removed his lips from Aelin’s skin and went to roll over to get his phone, but her grip tightened on him.

“Don’t you dare,” Aelin hissed.

Rowan closed his eyes, sighing through his nose, trying to calm down. “I have to get up.”

It was Aelin’s turn to kiss his neck. “You don’t.”

This woman was going to be the death of him Rowan thought to himself as he finally turned off his alarm. “I’ve got a session to run this morning, I can’t be late.”

Aelin relinquished her grip on him, huffing as she pushed away from him, her leg unhooking from his hip. “Not only a gentleman, but responsible too.”

“I’ll make you breakfast before I go?” Rowan offered as a miserable consolation.

“If I can eat it in bed, you have a deal,” Aelin all but pouted.

“No, you’ll get crumbs in the bed,” he gave her nose a flick before getting out of bed.

“You woke me, then got me all riled up and now you’re leaving me all alone,” Aelin complained.

Rowan stopped by the door. “I didn’t wake you up. And I can’t help that you got excited.”

“I could sense that you were awake,” Aelin countered. “So that woke me up. And don’t you even try to dismiss what was going on there.”

Rowan gave her an unimpressed look but Aelin just eased herself up giving him a sweet smile, hands running over her bump. “But we’re so tired and hungry.”

She had him and he knew it. “Fine. But one crumb and you’re in trouble.”

“That only makes me want to do it more,” she said and gave him a cheeky wink.

He tried not to smile, he really did. But with her looking at him like that, so bright and happy despite being woken up he couldn’t help it. “You’re insufferable,” he said through a laugh as he finally left her.

“You love it,” she called after him.

Rowan was sure he did.

~~~~~

After piling the pillows behind her Aelin lent back and looked at the ceiling. She had got unbelievably lucky with what she had with Rowan. It has been chaotic and messy and painful to get to where they were, but they were stronger for it in the long run. He was more than willing to prove that he had changed and he meant every word that he had said, almost every minute of every day. 

But _gods_ he was frustrating her. They had been dancing around the topic of sex for a while, but it was becoming more and more obvious that it was something that they both wanted, especially after that conversation in the car yesterday. But then that had all but fizzled out after the ill fated birthing class. She had been more than ready to jump him just now, the thought of how his hands had felt on her skin still making her flush. Yet, Rowan still seemed hesitant. He seemed more than willing to call it off when his alarm ruined the moment, and she wasn’t going to push him on it. He had to go to work and it wasn’t fair that she made him late, especially if there were clients waiting for him. 

Resigned to her fate, Aelin sighed and looked around the room. Her eyes caught on the pregnancy book on the corner of his bedside table and she reached across the bed to get it. Aelin got most of her information from the pregnancy tracking app on her phone, the internet and Yrene, but she had heard this particular book was quite good. She started to flick through, skimming over topics here and there. Then she noticed Rowan had dog eared a page so she opened to that. When she saw what it was her mouth spread into a grin.

That grin was still on her lips when Rowan walked in a little while later, a few pieces of toast and a bowl of fruit on one of her lap trays, a tea towel folded neatly on there too along with a bottle of water and her tablets. But when he saw her face he stopped in his tracks. 

~~~~~

“Oh Gods, what are you up to now?” Rowan asked without hesitation. That face meant trouble. 

“Well, I was just having a read of your book. I noticed you had marked a certain page,” Aelin said and Rowan felt the realisation dawn over his face. “ _Safe sex during pregnancy_. My, my, Rowan, whatever has your mind been on? Maybe you’re not such a gentleman after all.”

Rowan didn’t move a muscle, he just stood there for a few long moments silent and unmoving. “I just…” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t know if you wanted to or even could. The book recommended checking with your doctor and it’s not something I wanted to pressure you into.”

“Oh, buzzard,” Aelin said, that grin not faltering for a second. “All you had to do was ask. Yrene said I could go for my life, just you know, go gently.”

“Oh,” Rowan whispered, not quite sure what the appropriate response was. But her words pulled at something in his memory. 

It was Yrene’s voice, coming through the phone. _Go for your life_.

_Oh_.

That was just a few days ago and Aelin had scrambled for her phone to get the conversation off speaker so he couldn’t hear what was said next. She had been flustered then, He had been worried it was something to do with the baby.

_Oh_.

The full realisation hit him, everything that it meant for what was going on between them. What they both wanted to happen. And now Rowan could feel himself getting more flustered by the second, a reaction Aelin looked beyond delighted to be getting.

He cleared his throat. “How was I supposed to know when you’ve said anything physical would just lead to you vomiting on me?”

“Things change,” Aelin said simply.

She held his gaze, challenging and tempting him. But he didn’t have the time for this, didn’t have time for _that_.

“I have to get to work,” Rowan said and went to walk out the door.

But a sweet voice called him back. “Rowan, dear. What about my breakfast?”

Right. Rowan was still holding the tray. He walked to the bed, Aelin’s bright eyes tracking him the entire time. When he placed the tray on her lap she pulled him down a little so she could kiss him.

“Thank you,”she whispered onto his lips before kissing him again.

Rowan knew he was walking a fine line here, especially with all this new information, and especially with Aelin smiling at him like that.

“I’ll see you when I get home,” he said as he pulled away, Aelin’s fingers lingering on him as long as they could. 

“I’m looking forward to it,” Aelin said, a heat in her gaze that set his own blood simmering. “Whatever shall we do?”

Rowan was determined to regain his footing and said, “I’ll remember this teasing you know,” his eyes dancing over her in a way that caused a beautiful blush to rise to her cheeks. “Might have to return the favour.”

Aelin’s mouth dropped open in surprise, then she tucked her bottom lip between her teeth as that delicious pink on her cheeks deepened. “I’m looking forward to it.”

With that Rowan left, wondering how he was supposed to get any work done at all today, knowing what awaited him when he got home.

~~~~~

Aelin was smiling the whole time she ate breakfast, ecstatic that everything was finally out in the open. She wondered if she had anything mildly appealing that still fit that she could surprise Rowan with. Her choice of underwear these days wasn’t anything beyond basic, but surely in her fairly expansive collection of lingerie she had something that would at least halfway fit. 

She put the now empty tray down beside her and looked down at her bump. For all the talk of the baby being so small Aelin felt huge and a little strange in her own skin. Sharing her body with someone else was an experience she was yet to get used to.

“How can something so small make me feel like the size of an elephant, huh?” Aelin said to the baby. Her answer was a kick to her hand like the baby was upset about her space being encroached, then another kick landed on Aelin’s insides. May have even been a punch. “We’re not friends right now, just so you know.”

Aelin pushed herself off the bed, very grateful that Rowan’s mattress was so high, taking the tray with her, dropping the dirty dishes off in the sink before heading to her room. She was just starting to sift through her underwear drawer when she heard her phone ringing from down the hall. Aelin hurried to get it but she was too late and saw she had a missed call from Elide. Before she could even call back Elide was calling again.

“Hey, Elide,” Aelin said, answering the call immediately.

“Hey, so we’ve got a problem,” Elide said. 

Aelin bit back her sigh. “What kind of problem?”

“The delivery guy has turned up, but he won’t sign the goods over to me because I don’t officially work here,” Elide explained. “Only yours and Lys’ names are on it and he is adamant I can’t receive it.”

“Are you serious?” Aelin didn’t hold back her sigh this time.

“Yep.”

Aelin couldn’t believe both she and Lysandra had forgotten about this delivery, they both had a case of baby brain it seemed. Checking the time Aelin saw that Lysandra hadn’t even got into her appointment yet, so she wasn’t about to turn up and save the day. The store needed this delivery. Today.

Aelin rubbed at her eyes. “Can you get him to hang around? Or come back? I can be there in about half an hour.”

“Let me check.” The phone went muffled as Elide spoke to the courier. “He said he can come back in half an hour, but if you’re not here he’s taking it back to the depot.”

“Alright, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Aelin said, already moving back to her bedroom to grab some clothes. 

“I’m sorry to bring you down, Aelin,” Elide said on the other end. “Can Rowan drive you?”

Aelin opened her cupboard and picked out a top and a skirt that didn’t need ironing.

“He’s already left, I’ll drive myself. It will be fine,” Aelin insisted before Elide could say anything. “Now, I’ve got to get ready. I’ll see you soon.”

Elide said goodbye and then Aelin hung up, getting dressed and ready as quick as she could. She would be cutting it fine, the bookstore was about a 15 minute drive away and she didn’t excel at moving fast these days. But she did the best she could and within 10 minutes she was headed down to her car. She hadn’t driven it in so long she just hoped it started. Turning the keys in the ignition the engine stuttered for a second but then came to life and Aelin nearly cried with relief. 

It turned out that driving was much worse than being in the passenger seat. Having to keep her eyes open and track everything around her made her sick almost instantly and by the time she reached the bookstore she had the start of a pounding headache near her temples. She parked next to the delivery truck, grateful to see that it was there and counted five steadying breathes before getting out of the car. She did not feel good at all, but she needed to get this delivery signed for so she had new stock to sell. Aelin did her best to ignore the violet need to vomit and the aching in her head as she opened the back door of the bookstore and found the courier seated at the little table, cup of coffee in his hand.

“I was about to leave,” he said, pushing away his cup. “But your friend is very persuasive.”

“That she is,” Aelin managed to say as she felt her stomach rise. All she could do was gesture with her hand and the courier handed his electronic scanner and she signed her name neatly before fleeing to the bathroom. 

A little while later Aelin walked out to the counter and found Elide sitting there. Her friend ran a concerned eye over her, but Aelin waved her off.

“Good news! I didn’t throw up,” Aelin announced. It had taken all her self control but she managed not to lose her breakfast to the toilet bowl and all she was left with was some nausea and a little bit of a headache after washing her face and drinking some water. 

“New books are in the stockroom,” Elide said. “I really am so sorry about bringing you down here.”

“Elide, it’s fine.” Aelin said, giving her friend a meaningful look. “Don’t stress about it, I’m glad you called me so I could get it sorted.”

“But now I feel like I’ve ruined your day,” Elide said.

Aelin laughed at that. “My day was not going the greatest, anyway. Pretty sure I was finally going to get laid this morning but then Mr Responsible just _had_ to go to work. Left me high and dry.”

Elide gaped at her for a second then her head cocked to the side. “Wait, what?”

“I’m going to need that seat,” Aelin nodded to the stool that Elide currently sat on behind the register, which she willingly gave up. “Well you see,” Aelin began as she eased herself onto the stool. “We’ve been dancing around the sex topic for a while. Turns out he’s been fretting about it, being a gentleman about it all, waiting for me to make the first move. We were getting somewhere with it this morning but then his alarm went off and he left me there, while he went and made an apology breakfast. But then I found the pregnancy book he’s been reading and he’d marked a page about sex during pregnancy. He was just worried about me so he didn’t want to push the issue, waiting until I spoke with my doctor. But I cleared it with Yrene days ago so all he had to do was ask.”

The bell above the front door jingled, meaning a customer had just come in, Aelin knew she had limited time to wrap the conversation up.

“But I’m hoping when he gets home he’ll be more than willing to bl—“

“Look who I found wandering around outside,” Lysandra’s cheery voice interrupted. 

Aelin and Elide looked to the new comers and Aelin felt her eyes go a little wide. Lysandra stood with her arm linked with another, a tall man with bronze coloured hair and golden brown eyes.

“Well, hello Sam Cortland,” Aelin said with a smile.

“Pleasure to see you as always, Aelin,” Sam’s boyishly handsome face splitting into a grin.

From where he stood the counter was hiding her stomach and when Aelin stepped out from behind it to greet him his eyes went a bit wide.

“Wow, okay,” Sam said. “I think I should say congratulations before anything else.”

Aelin stopped, watching Sam’s face as he processed the revelation. Sensing the impending awkwardness Elide and Lysandra disappeared into the back room. Once upon a time Aelin and Sam had been a couple, back when they had worked for Arobynn. They were kids then, nothing overly serious and had eventually called it quits when Aelin had left the bank. But somewhere deep down she knew Sam still held a torch for her, never anything he was willing to act on, but more a lament of what could have been if circumstances hadn’t driven them apart. As he looked at her now though, the way one hand cradled her growing stomach, she saw that torch start to gutter out.

“I thought Arobynn would have said something,” Aelin said a little awkwardly.

“Nope,” Sam answered as his eyes found hers again.

How like Arobynn, playing another game.

“Speaking of, I actually came to apologise for him coming by that day,” Sam said, pushing forward. “I assume it wasn’t a pleasant experience.”

Aelin lent on the counter, letting out an indelicate snort. “That is an understatement.”

“Gods, he’s a prick,” Sam muttered, leaning on the counter as well a little bit away from her. “This is a purely social visit, just to be clear.”

Aelin’s brow furrowed, “Why are you still there?”

Sam shrugged. “It’s easier for now. And you know what he’s like, he doesn’t like to let go of things.”

Aelin nodded her head at that.

“How’s this place going?” Sam asked. “I know it’s well from my end, but you know.”

“It’s good, things could always be better, but,” Aelin gave a casual shrug. “I love this place and I love what I get to do, so as long as it keeps me afloat I’m happy.”

“Well, if you have any recommendations I’d love to do my bit,” Sam offered with one of his signature grins. “And if you’re not busy, maybe we could catch up for a bit.”

“I’d like that,” Aelin said earnestly. She liked Sam, he had been a good friend even though they had barely seen each other over the years. Once the loan was set up Aelin hadn’t needed to physically go into the bank because everything was online, so their relationship had whittled down to emails here and there. “What do you like to read? Wait no, let me guess.” She made a show of scrutinising him closely. “I think you’re a crime fan, something with a little thrill. Maybe assassins in tight suits and grand adventures.”

“Spot on,” Sam said with a laugh. “The assassins in tight suits are optional though.” 

“I think I can find something,” Aelin pushed off the counter as she called out to the back room. “Lys! Can you come man the controls?”

“Sure thing, boss!” Came her answer before Lysandra appeared a few moments later. “Elide had to head off, she said to say goodbye.”

“I’ll give her a text in a minute. I’m off to find a book for Sam,” Aelin said as she rubbed her hands together. “He most graciously offered to help our cause.”

Lysandra let out a short laugh. “This is her favourite thing. Picking out books for people.”

“I’m looking forward to the results,” Sam said.

Aelin left Lysandra and Sam chatting as she wandered over to the crime/thriller section of the bookstore. She looked over the spines of the books, skipping over authors she knew Sam probably wouldn’t like. She spied one, but it was on the top shelf, she reached for it but it was just beyond her grasp. A little ways down the aisle was a step stool and Aelin nudged it over with her foot. When it was in place she stepped onto it, easily reaching what she wanted. She slipped the book out from between the surrounding books when another from further down the shelf caught her eye. 

Assuming it was close enough Aelin reached out to get it. She forgot that her centre of gravity was off, that her balance was not what it was. Aelin didn’t realise her mistake until it was too late.

~~~~~

Rowan had been distracted all day. It was stupid really, a little bit of poor communication and they had ended up in a very tension filled rut. And now everything was out in the open, well… Rowan was making plans. He’d managed to keep his focus through the session he had this morning, even though it had been the main cause of the interruption and he was resenting being there. 

Fenrys, of course, had noticed and had been itching to call him out on something all day. But he’d cried wolf so many times already he would be in trouble if he was wrong again. It got him curious about the bet, wondering who might win if Rowan followed through with his teasing from this morning. For everyone’s sake he hoped it wasn’t Fenrys. He’d be unbearable if it was.

Said nuisance was walking over to him now, something purposeful in his steps.

“What is it, Fen?” Rowan asked before he could spout whatever nonsense he was planning.

“Do you have your phone on you?” He asked unexpectedly.

“No, it’s in my locker. I don’t keep in on me when I’m on the floor,” Rowan said, and the way Fenrys was looking at him had him feeling uneasy.

“Aelin has been trying to call you, she’s on the phone at the front desk.”

Rowan was moving even before Fenrys had stopped speaking, heading straight for the front desk.

“Aelin?” He said into the receiver.

“Hello, Rowan,” Aelin said. “So, first of all I need you to know that the baby is perfectly fine.”

In the background he heard random beeping and someone call for a doctor over a PA system. Then Rowan stood up a little straighter. 

“Wait are you at the hospital?”

Aelin let out a heavy sigh. “I had a slight accident.”

“At home? What happened? What did you do?”

“No, at the bookstore,” Aelin told him.

“Why were you at the bookstore?” Rowan asked, confusion and panic combining. 

“There was a problem with a delivery,” she explained. “I had to drive down to sign for it.”

Rowan pressed further, not really caring about the reason why Aelin was at the bookstore instead of home. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?” 

“The first thing I told you was that the baby was fine, please listen,” Aelin chastised him. 

Rowan’s mind was struggling to catch up. “What happened?”

“I fell,” Aelin said.

“You fell?” Rowan said the words so loud they echoed around the gym.

“Buzzard, calm down,” Aelin said, sounding exasperated at him. “It wasn’t far, but because I’m surrounded by darling, fussy, panicky friends I came to the hospital to get checked out and everything is fine, I just can’t drive.”

“Why can’t you drive?” Rowan asked.

“Because I’ve sprained my wrist and twisted my ankle,” Aelin explained. 

“That’s not fine Aelin,” Rowan said from behind clenched teeth. 

Aelin sighed, she sighed at _him_. “It’s fine because I will be fine in a few days. It’s fine because they’ve checked the baby over and she’s fine too. So please, can you just come pick me up so I can go home.”

Even though Rowan had more questions and more frustrations to voice, he held back. “Of course, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thank you,” Aelin said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye,” Rowan said and then he hung up. He didn’t bother to acknowledge Fenrys who had come back to the front desk, he just went straight to his locker and grabbed what he needed.

On his way out he did tell Lorcan there had been an incident and he had to go, assuring him everything was fine when he raised a brow in question. Then he’d left, got into his car and drove to the hospital, running over his list of questions over and over. What exactly happened, what tests did they do to see if the baby was okay, was Aelin as fine as she said. There were more, but they came in such a constant steam that he almost forgot them as soon as he thought of them. 

At the hospital he asked for Aelin at the reception desk, and they told him she was in the maternity ward. He already knew the way from the last trip to the hospital and it didn't take him long to find her room. He had expected to find her alone, maybe Lysandra or Elide with her, but he never expected to see what he now saw through the window of her room. There was a man on the bed, sitting so Rowan could only see the back of his bronze-haired covered head. But he could see Aelin’s face, which was set in a smile as she nodded along to whatever this man was saying. Then she laughed, her head tipped back one hand on her stomach and the other was touching this man’s arm. Aelin had just finished one round of laughter when he obviously said something else funny and she started laughing again, this time the man joining in. Something rose within Rowan at the sight of Aelin being affectionate with this stranger, something that didn’t sit well. Obviously not a stranger to her, but Rowan didn’t recognise him at all.

Getting over the surprise of seeing someone unexpected in her room Rowan went to the door and knocked. Immediately her eyes went to him, her smile not as bright, but it turned into something softer. Rowan ran an assessing eye over her, she had a bandage around her left wrist but besides that that was the only injury he could see. The man on the bed turned to him but didn’t move, undeniably having no qualms about the casual closeness of it all, and damn him if it didn’t make Rowan bristle. Aelin didn’t seem inclined to kick him off either. 

“Rowan this is my old friend Sam.” Aelin gestured between them. “Sam, this my baby daddy.”

Rowan extended his hand, despite the sting of her words, barely looking Sam in the eye or giving him a friendly smile. He and Aelin hadn’t really had a discussion as to what exactly they were, but baby daddy….

Aelin was saying something but Rowan didn't really hear it. It was directed at Sam anyway who had finally got up from the bed. Then he was leaning over her, giving her a kiss on the cheek, her hand resting on his arm. That’s when it clicked, Aelin had mentioned Sam before. Sam was her ex.

“It was good to see you, and congratulations again,” Sam said as he stood. “See you, Aelin.”

“Bye Sam,” Aelin said, giving his hand a final squeeze. 

Sam walked to the door and said to Rowan, “Nice to meet you.”

Rowan replied with, “You too.” He was well aware of how insincere the words sounded. 

Then he turned back to Aelin who was easing herself off the bed, and Rowan was immediately there to help her down. She winced a bit when she put weight on her injured ankle.

“Do you need a wheelchair?” He asked. 

Aelin shook her head. “No, it's barely hurting. The doctor said it should be fine tomorrow with rest.”

“Ok,” Rowan said but he still hovered close. 

Aelin led the way and signed herself out, she even took the arm Rowan offered her as they walked to the car. Rowan helped her as much as she would allow into the passenger seat, which was a little more than she usually permitted. Once they started driving she explained what happened. 

She had been reaching for a book and somehow managed to forget the weight around her middle, losing her balance. She had fallen off the step stool but managed to mostly save herself, her left arm taking most of the impact and hence the bandage that was now around her wrist. Sam and Lysandra had come running and insisted she go to the hospital, even though she insisted she was fine and hadn’t hit her stomach at all. But they would not be dissuaded and with an arm around both of their shoulders they had helped Aelin to the car and Sam had driven her to the hospital. 

“They did an ultrasound and everything was fine, like I said,” Aelin explained. “I’m sorry you couldn’t be there, but I couldn’t really wait. The technician was a bit surprised to see Sam there instead of you, but he found the whole thing very interesting. I recorded the whole thing so you can see it, well not all of it. I started after the baby got the all clear.”

Rowan felt that thing rise up in him again, along with a bitter feeling of disappointment. He understood why he wasn’t able to be there, he would have been pushing to get the baby checked over as soon as possible if he had been there himself. That was another thing, he hadn’t known. His phone had been in his locker. What if Aelin had really needed him? It had taken her calling the actual gym to get his attention. That was going to change, he was going to have his phone on him at all times, even if that meant that he had to carry it on a band around his arm. Instead Sam had been there, and Rowan didn’t miss those lingering looks she gave Aelin as they said goodbye. He may have been her ex, but that didn’t mean he was content with that.

Rowan parked the car in his designated spot and turned to Aelin. “Please don’t try to get out until I come around.” 

“Sure thing,” Aelin said. 

Rowan got out of then hurried around to Aelin’s side, not trusting her lack of patience. She smiled at him as he opened her door and he practically lifted her out of the car, making her giggle.

“I think you’re going above and beyond here. I’m surprised you haven’t offered to carry me,” Aelin said, interlacing her fingers with his. Then she took a step and winced and Rowan pulled the both of them up short “Rowan what—“

She let out a yelp of surprise as Rowan scooped her up, one arm under her knees the other cradling her back.

“The doctor said to rest it right?” Rowan said.

Aelin arms clung to his neck. “Yes but that doesn't mean putting me in more danger.”

Rowan scoffed. “I won’t drop you.”

“We’re heavy, Rowan,” Aelin says as she clung to him that much tighter. 

“At least it only takes one of me,” Rowan muttered.

“Gods, Rowan. What is up with you? And put me down so we can get in the elevator,” Aelin said and Rowan did as she asked.

He didn’t answer though, ignoring the question. When the doors to the elevator opened he waited for Aelin to step in first. He could sense her glaring at him, waiting for him to say something, an explanation for his behaviour. But he was too busy convincing himself against the obvious. 

~~~~~

Aelin had her arms crossed over her chest as she looked at Rowan, her curiosity piqued at his odd behaviour. His mouth was set in a slight scowl, his shoulders tight. She could tell he was uncomfortable or something was bothering him. What exactly it was Aelin wasn’t sure. But she was ready to find out. 

“I’m sorry again,” Aelin started, “about the ultrasound. But that means they can send that to Yrene and she can go over the size and everything. That’s good, huh?”

Rowan just nodded. The elevator got to their floor and Aelin followed him out, hardly limping but Rowan looked ready to pick her up again if she so much as breathed too heavily. Once they got inside the apartment Rowan dropped his keys on the counter and walked further into the apartment. 

“Hey, where you off too?” Aelin said, following and dropping her own things next to his. “I’ve got that video of the ultrasound to show you.”

“I just have some things to do,” Rowan said over his shoulder, heading for his room.

Aelin followed. “Are you upset because I had to go down to the bookstore? Because that’s not doing you any favours. I had to, and I’ve already established me and the baby are perfectly fine.”

“I’m not upset about that,” Rowan said as he walked through his bedroom door and sat at his desk, for a few moments neither of them said anything but then Rowan let out an almost inaudible sigh. “Is that all I am to you?” He asked quietly.

“What are you talking about?” Aelin just about demanded, feeling a little exasperated as she stopped in the doorway leaning her shoulder on the frame, trying to pinpoint what Rowan was referring to. “Is this about the baby daddy thing? I said it as a term of endearment, of course you’re more than that. Is that what this is about?”

Rowan shrugged, not answering again.

“Then what is it? You’ve been pissy since you walked into my room at the hospital. And you were rude to Sam, don’t think I missed that.”

She noticed how Rowan’s shoulders tensed at the mention of Sam, but why she wasn’t sure. If anything he should be grateful Sam had been there to help, and keep her distracted and…

Aelin stood up a little straighter, the realisation hitting her. “You’re jealous.” 

Rowan kept his back to her opening his laptop so hard she was surprised it didn’t snap in half. “No, I’m not.”

Aelin laughed. “ Oh, yes you are.”

“No,” Rowan bit back as he swiveled in his chair to face her, his arms crossing defensively. 

“Yeah, you are,” Aelin’s voice shook with her laughter, a smug smirk on her face. “He’s my friend Rowan, he was keeping me company and distracted, you have nothing to worry your pretty head about.” 

“I’m not jealous,” Rowan said and ran his hair through his hair. 

“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you Rowan. You’re just lucky I love you.”

The words were out before Aelin realised she’d even thought them, her face immediately flushing. Rowan's whole body went still but Aelin couldn’t look at him, looking down the hallway instead –– the escape down to her bedroom seemed very appealing. This was not the way she wanted to tell Rowan she loved him, she wanted to be sure he felt the same, maybe let him be the one to say it first and let him be openly vulnerable. But her traitorous mouth had said the words without her permission. She heard Rowan stand up, his footsteps quiet and slow. Then all too soon he was standing in front of her and his knuckles under her chin were turning her face toward his. Aelin closed her eyes tightly, still unable to look at him.

“You love me?” There was something in his voice, something hopeful and Aelin couldn’t help but open her eyes at the sound of it. And then she saw it. There was such hope and quiet joy in his eyes, she felt her own welling with tears as her throat constricted from the sheer amount of emotion she was feeling in this moment. 

“I do,” Aelin all but whispered.

That hand by her chin came up to cup her face and she looked into Rowan’s eyes, finding the courage of a new conviction there.

“I love you. I am in love with you, Rowan. I have been for a while.” Aelin remembered, remembered all that Rowan had been through before they had even met, before they had found their way to each other. “And I know there are limits to what you can give me, and I know you might need time ––”

Everything else she had planned to say left her mind as Rowan’s lips crashed onto hers, a kiss that made her unsteady but he was there right with her. He pulled away gently, just far enough so that he could speak.

“I love you. There is no limit to what I can give you, no time I need.” Each word he said was as precious to her as any gemstone as she felt each one settle in her soul. “I love you, Aelin.”

Those tears that had been gathering in her eyes spilled over, running down her cheeks. Rowan only wiped them away and kissed her again as he whispered, “Fireheart.”

Aelin sniffed, trying to regain some composure. “Buzzard.”

Rowan laughed at that, his harsh face splitting into a grin. Then his hands ran down the length of her arms to her hands, he held her left delicately –– bringing the exposed fingers from the bandage to his lips. Those kisses were an unspoken apology, an acknowledgment of his worry for her. But then he led her to the bed, her heartbeat picking with each step, pounding in her chest. He eased back onto the mountain of pillows Aelin had made this morning and he pulled her with him, his broad hands steadying her as she settled in his lap. Rowan’s eyes traced every inch of her, his fingers tightening their grip.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, almost reverently, and Aelin knew he wasn’t just talking about what he could see.

Despite that Aelin leaned forward, her hands running over his shoulders as she hummed, “I know.”

An amused chuckle from Rowan was smothered as Aelin kissed him again, not able to get enough of touching him. Rowan, it seemed, felt the same as his own hands began to wander, setting Aelin’s blood afire with every touch. When they finally broke apart to catch their breath they were both breathing hard. Aelin ran her fingers over his face, tracing it’s harsh and handsome lines, the face she had once hated so fiercely and now loved. The sheer force of the feeling had her chest aching.

“You love me,” Aelin breathed, it wasn’t a question.

“I love you,” Rowan answered anyway, his voice just as breathless as hers. “To whatever end.”

Those words were both their undoing. For too long they had been wandering in the darkness alone, but not any longer. The kiss they shared told Aelin everything she needed to know in this moment. Rowan loved her, she wasn’t alone, together… they would face everything in this world together and their child would have them both. As Rowan’s lips pressed against hers, a needy sound broke from her own lips. More. She wanted more.

“Please,” she panted, hands slipping under his shirt making Rowan jerk and her nails dragged over his bare skin.

Rowan drew back, fingers brushing away hair from her face. “Are you sure?”

Aelin’s answer was a kiss that had Rowan sitting up a little straighter. When he still hesitated, Aelin kissed his jaw, whispering onto his skin. “Yes.” Then she kissed his neck, she could feel him almost trembling with restraint, his muscles taut beneath her lips. “Yes.” When she bit at where his neck and shoulder met Rowan groaned and she breathed that single word again. “Yes.”

As she murmured that final yes on his skin that restraint snapped and his hands were moving, lifting her mouth back to his for a searing kiss, filled with a desperate and urgent need. Aelin matched that insistent urgency, she felt it through every fibre of her being. She moved against him, melting into him, but it caused a sharp twinge of pain in her ankle and Aelin couldn’t contain the hiss at the discomfort. Rowan noticed immediately, but before he could ask Aelin pulled his shirt over his head, and ran her hands over his chest before kissing him again, a kiss that told him exactly what she wanted from him, what they both needed.

And that was answer enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up... I don't like to write smut


	33. Chapter 33

A golden sunlight sneaking between the curtains was what woke Rowan, the sunlight illuminating the room in a soft glow. Aelin was asleep beside him, on her side so she faced him, one hand tucked under her cheek and the other resting on the pillow. Her shoulder was bare, the sheet draped precariously over the rest of her, with her mouth parted a little as she took in those deep and peaceful breaths. It took everything in him not to lean over and kiss her, or trace the lines of her face and body. He had a hard time believing this was real, that she was here with him. That she loved him, and he loved her.

They had spent the previous evening and night completely wrapped up in each other, the world outside their apartment hadn’t existed for those hours. When Aelin had told him how she felt it as if something Rowan had been searching his whole life for had finally fallen into place. After they had made love that first time they had laid in bed talking, laughing, touching, it was hard for Rowan to remember when he had ever been happier with Aelin smiling at him like that, her smile as golden as the sunlight that encroaching on his bedroom. They had only been driven from the bed by hunger and Aelin had perched herself on the counter top while Rowan made dinner. When he had given her a disapproving glare at her position she had just rolled her eyes at him and called him a fussy buzzard, he had reminded her how much she had enjoyed his fussing not too long ago making her cheeks turn pink. 

Once dinner was done with they had settled on the couch to watch something when Aelin remembered to show him the video of the ultrasound. As he watched the screen of her phone Rowan had rested a hand on Aelin’s stomach, feeling the movements of their baby’s he saw her wriggle and move on the screen. When he heard Sam’s voice in the background his jaw tightened, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Aelin and she laughed at him. It all just reminded him of what had happened, of why they were watching the video in the first place and it had begun his rant about how she needed to be more careful and that she shouldn’t have been on the stool in the first place. That was as far as he got before Aelin had kissed him silly and led him back to his bedroom.

But now in the soft light of morning he couldn’t help but watch her in this precious quiet moment. Rowan thought he’d be better off alone, after losing Lyria he never expected to find something like that again. But then Aelin happened, the baby had happened, and it had led him to here. Life had taken him where he needed to be. He had ended up in Orynth and moving into Aedion’s apartment perfectly timed for him to move in with Lysandra. Then it had been almost two years of loathing between him and Aelin, they had just about hated each other before they had combusted. Then everything that happened after…

He still questioned what he had done, if falling for Aelin, if loving her and this baby was the right thing for them. It felt dangerous to him, a terror was deep inside him that he would let them down yet again. Rowan shook his head to banish the thoughts as all that shame and guilt welled inside him. He had been a bastard, he knew that. He had said and done things that Aelin should never have had to endure. But she had forgiven him for all of it. She had saved him. Rowan never thought he needed saving, he was content with who he was, lost and wandering in his lingering grief. Aelin and this baby had shown him that there was more to the world than a bleak and miserable existence. And Rowan would work hard to prove everyday that he was worthy of it.

A soft snore interrupted his thoughts, just a single gentle snort as Aelin nestled deeper into her pillow. He wanted her to wake up, wanted her to be here with him so he could tell her how much he loved her. So when she stirred again, her eyes scrunching against the intruding light, Rowan reached out and smoothed her hair back from her face. Aelin didn’t open her eyes, but she sighed and Rowan did it again. Then he rose up on his elbow so he could lean over her and kiss her cheek. That finally made her blink up at him, those stunning eyes slowly focusing on him. He hoped their baby had her eyes.

“Hi,” he said, unable to stop the smile spreading across his lip.

Aelin stretched out an arm in front of her and groaned, her voice husky as she said, “Hi.”

Rowan kissed her cheek again. “I love you.”

Aelin looked up and him, smiling. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Rowan said as he rested a hand on her hip.

“I love you too,” Aelin said and then pulled him down for a kiss.

When they finally pulled apart they were both grinning, hands wandering all too casually. 

“Are you ditching me for work again today?” Aelin asked, bumping her nose with his. 

Rowan gave her an unimpressed look, one eyebrow raised as if asking Seriously?

Aelin laughed, a bright and carefree sound. “Just because I could think of a few other things we could do that would be much better than working in a terrible smelling gym all day.” 

“I don’t doubt your imagination,” Rowan said. 

“Is that a yes, then?” Aelin asked, playing with the ends of his hair by the base of his neck. 

“No,” Rowan replied and Aelin let out an over dramatic sigh. “But I can make it up to you.”

Aelin perked you at that, her smile turning both hopeful and a little wicked as she urged him closer. “Oh?”

Rolling his eyes Rowan kissed her. “By making you breakfast.”

Aelin let out a noise of pure disappointment. “You are such a tease.”

Now it was his turn to give her a wicked smile. “You didn’t mind my teasing last night.”

It took everything in him not to kiss her senseless until she was begging him for more as her face flushed as she remembered their escapades of the previous evening. 

But Aelin was quick to recover. “All I’m hearing is talk, Rowan.” 

The way she said his name had him contemplating faking some illness just to get out of work but then his alarm went off. “You’re a menace, you know that?” Rowan said as he rolled away to put a stop to his alarm. . 

“Stop acting like you don’t love it, because I know that you do,” Aelin said. 

Rowan turned back towards her, running a hand down the length of her body. “Only because I love you.”

“You need to stop saying that or we’re never leaving this bed again,” she said, her voice breathless and her expression almost pained at the thought of him going. 

“If I don’t get out of bed now, you and the baby don’t get breakfast and you’ll have to fend for yourselves,” Rowan said matter of factly. 

“You would never,” Aelin said, calling his bluff.

Rowan laced his fingers with hers, and they brushed against the bandage that was still on her left hand. He held it gently and felt his brow crease and he couldn’t look away. 

“You shouldn’t have—“ 

Aelin was kissing him before he could finish his sentence. She had tried this on him last night and kissed him until he had forgotten every word except her name. But he wouldn’t let her get away with it again so he pulled back, determination written in his features. Aelin saw it and sighed, her head falling back in her pillow. 

“Say what you need to, buzzard,” Aelin said to him. “I can see we won’t be getting anywhere until you do.”

“I’m not going to tell you what to do and what not to do,” Rowan said, then blew out a heavy breath as he reigned in his emotions. This wasn’t the time to lose his temper, Aelin falling had been an accident but he was still concerned –– and he wanted her to know that. 

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Aelin said.

“But,” Rowan kissed her gently, “I want you to be careful. Very careful. I just... if something happened to you or the baby…”

He couldn’t finish the sentence, but Aelin reached up with her unbandaged hand to touch his cheek. Rowan had lost everything once before, it would break him entirely if it happened again.

“Okay, I promise. No more step stools, or ladders, or dancing on tables,” Aelin said, her face heartbreakingly earnest despite her playful words. “You don’t have to explain, Rowan. I know.”

For a few long moments they just looked at each other, understanding passing wordlessly between them. Then Rowan cocked his head, his lips quirking in amusement.

“Have you been dancing on tables?” Rowan asked.

Aelin laughed, pushing him away with her good hand and clutching the sheet to her chest with the other as she sat up. “Not recently. Haven’t really had the opportunity. You know being cooped up in this apartment for months doesn’t present any reasons to. Now, how about breakfast? I think baby is getting hungry.”

Rowan kissed her nose before he got up from the bed, slipping on a pair of sweats, feeling Aelin’s eyes on him the entire time. “I still have some questions about the dancing on tables thing,” he said as he threw Aelin one of his T-shirts.

It was his turn to stare as she slipped the piece of clothing over her body and she was smirking at him when she finished pulling it over her head. “I’m sure you do.” 

Rowan waited for more but Aelin said nothing as she got up from the bed. “I get nothing, really?”

She just patted his bare chest as she walked by. “Maybe if you play hooky today I’ll tell you.” 

“I can’t do that,” Rowan said as he caught up to her as she stopped in the doorway of the bathroom, where Aelin just shrugged and shut the door in his face. That set Rowan laughing as he walked to the kitchen. 

Despite his best efforts Rowan was still late to work. He served them up breakfast as Aelin sat at the bench laughing and talking with him, sharing food and kisses. When he kissed her goodbye she asked him to stay again, promising to make it well worth his while. He really had no desire to leave Aelin, especially after the wink and smile she had given him as she sauntered back to his room when he insisted once more that he had to go to work. Gods, today would be pure torture. 

His coworkers were determined to only make matters worse. 

He was in the middle of giving the treadmills and bikes their standard wipe down when the twins and Vaughan started dogging his footsteps. Aedion even joined in as well.

“What?” Rowan demanded, not bothering to look up.

“We were just wondering why you rushed out yesterday,” Fenrys said, pretending to examine his nails. “Don’t even say goodbye and then no one hears from you for the rest of the day.”

Rowan rolled his eyes, and caught Aedion shaking his head. “Whatever little story you’ve made up in your head it’s not that.”

“What was it then?” Vaughan pressed.

“Aelin had a fall and needed to be picked up from the hospital,” Rowan said and looked up and saw four faces looking at him, all written with varying stages of panic.

“She what?” Aedion exclaimed. 

Oh, he was going to pay for that later… Rowan went on. “She’s fine. The baby is absolutely fine.”

Regardless of Rowan’s reassurances Aedion was storming off to the staffroom.

“You got your information, can you leave me alone now?” Rowan was interrupted by his phone going off in his pocket and quickly checked to see what it was. It was just a message from Aelin saying that she loved him, but it had him grinning.

“Look at him, he’s smitten,” Vaughan said, his voice sickly sweet.

“We’re happy for you, man,” Connall said as he leaned on the bike handles Rowan had just wiped down. “So glad you’re so _smitten_.”

“Don’t you all have work to do elsewhere,” Rowan said flatly, slipping his phone back in his pocket. 

“Nah, it’s super slow right now,” Fenrys waved behind himself.

He was right, there were only a few patrons in the gym. 

“So that means you can come and annoy me?” Rowan’s said, moving onto another bike.

“Pretty much,” Fenrys admitted. “We were just talking about how you managed to get it all despite doing it all out of order. It was the baby, then the girl, and you haven’t even taken her on a date yet.”

Rowan started at that last comment. Fenrys was right, he hadn’t even taken Aelin out on a date. The beach trip could probably pass as one, but it wasn’t official, it had been a spur of the moment thing. Her words from this morning rang in his head, she had literally been cooped up in that apartment for months with very little to do besides stress and think over their problems.

Rowan realised then that he wanted to take Aelin out on a proper date, treat her and woo her like he would have any other girl he had been interested in. 

It was something he could all too easily fix.

Throwing the rag and spray bottle, one each to the twins, Rowan said, “I’m taking my lunch break. You can finish up here.”

Rowan didn’t wait for a reply, or even to see if they had complied with his request before he walked towards the staffroom. He didn’t get far before someone slammed into him, not needing to look to know who it was, he already knew which of his colleagues had followed him. 

“Yes, Fenrys?” Rowan muttered, pushing him off.

“Just taking my lunch break too,” Fenrys said, giving Rowan’s hair a playful ruffle. “But in all seriousness, your girls, they’re really all right?”

There was sincere concern in Fenrys’ voice that Rowan didn’t miss. 

“Yeah, Aelin ended up with a twisted ankle and sprained wrist. They checked that baby over too and she’s perfect,” Rowan explained.

“You had us all in a panic back there for a second,” Fenrys admitted. 

By then they had reached the staffroom and Rowan headed to the fridge to grab his lunch. Aedion was in there, on the phone in the middle of a very heated discussion. Rowan really should have checked with Aelin before letting that little detail slip to Aedion. They both had been too busy with each other to really even consider anyone else, but again with how close the two cousins were he had expected her to say something. Maybe it was just when Rowan did something wrong that Aelin told Aedion every little detail. Aedion barely gave them a second glance before he took his conversation elsewhere.

Rowan opened the lid on his lunch and took a few bites before he got his phone from his pocket.

**_< < dinner 6:00. Wear something nice._**

“Dude, did you just ask her out on a date via text?” Fenrys’ voice came from behind him and Rowan whirled to see him standing there and reading over his shoulder. Then he let out a disappointed sigh, shaking his head at Rowan’s efforts.

“Since when is it okay to read private messages?” Rowan said.

Fenrys ignored the question. “You obviously need some help, I wouldn’t be surprised if Aelin turned you down after that. Something I say before hit a nerve?”

Rowan felt himself get defensive, as he ignored the question this time. “Well, I’m out of practice. It’s been a while since I actually _dated_ anyone.” 

“I can tell.”

Rowan wanted to throw something at Fenrys’ insufferable face, but the man had a point. He glanced at his phone, there was still no reply. 

Fenrys shrugged. “Granted you’ve done all of this out of order and you’re crazy about each other and all that, but you could have at least asked her in person.”

“Yeah you’re right,” Rowan admitted.

“You trying to get lucky tonight?”

Fenrys laughed as Rowan threw a cashew at him. “Stop fishing for information for your stupid little bet.” On the inside all Rowan could think was _if only you knew…_

Just then Aedion stormed in, grabbed his water bottle and stormed back out.

“Those Ashryvers and their tempers,” Fenrys mused, “good luck with that.”

A soft ping distracted Rowan and prevented him from accepting Fenrys’ sympathies as a message finally came through. It was from Aelin.

_**> > Rowan Whitethorn did you just ask me out on a date? Smooth. Very smooth** _ _._

This wasn’t going well if she was already teasing him. Rowan hesitantly texted back, Fenrys’ playful criticism still ringing in his ears.

_**< < .... yes?** _

Her reply was immediate.

**_> > You dork_ **

This wasn’t going to go well at all...

_**< < Is that your answer?** _

The next message took a little longer to come through, and Rowan was wholly focused on its arrival.

_**> > What makes you think I’d go anywhere with you after you blabbed to Aedion. I just got the scolding of a lifetime.** _

Rowan smiled at that, he didn’t doubt it with the look on Aedion’s face when held walked in here before, and he assumed Aelin gave as good as she got.

**_< < Because I’m promising you food_ **

Then he added: 

_**< < And you love me** _

Rowan was grinning at his phone and he imagined Aelin would be as well. Maybe she was lying in his bed, he wouldn't be surprised if she’d woken up from a nap, her bottom lip tucked beneath her top teeth 

**_> > Well that’s true. Are you trying to woo me with dinner? A bit late for that, isn't it buzzard? You already got a baby in me, I’d say we’ve already reached the end goal here. Or are you trying to seduce me again? Because you honestly don’t have to. I am more than willing for another tumble in your bed. No need to wine and dine me._ **

That made Rowan laugh out loud. 

**_< < You’re ridiculous, and you can’t even drink wine. It’s because I want to._ **

Two texts came through in quick succession. 

_**> > But why, you’re getting all the extra perks** _

_**> > And please don’t remind me.** _

Rowan let out a nervous and frustrated laugh and he heard Fenrys snort from where he still stood behind him.

_**< < Gods woman, just let me do something nice.** _

_**> > These are some quality perks too, don’t you think?** _

She was leading him in circles, still refusing to answer his one question.

_**< < Please be ready at 6** _

_**> > I haven’t said yes yet. And you didn’t answer my question. About the perks ;) I won’t say anything else until you do.** _

This woman would be the death of him.

_**< < Your perks are wonderful.** _

He swore he could hear her cackling from their apartment. 

_**> > Did I make you blush? Please say yes…** _

_**< < if I say yes, will you stop?** _

_**> > Maaayyyybe. Honestly... probably not.** _

That made him smile, she was always making him smile these days. Rowan left his phone in his hands, fingers hovering over the letters, not knowing what to type next besides just begging her to say yes. It was probably a minute later when a message came through.

_**> > Should I send you outfit updates? Like every step of the way… I’m about to get into the shower. Stripping down for that would mostly definitely be counted as step one.** _

_**< < No thanks** _

_**> > Liar** _

Rowan just shook his head, a smile spreading across his lips. At least that half sounded like a yes. Again, he was floundering for an reply. He might as well accept that this teasing was going to become part of his life from now on, he’d have to brush up on his comebacks. He was still thinking of what he could say besides _answer the gods-damned question already_ when a message notification appeared on his lock screen, he’d been thinking long enough that his phone had gone to sleep. Automatically he went to open it but realised at the last second it was actually a photo message. Panicking, Rowan whirled around to check that Fenrys wasn’t still behind him, but he had been so absorbed in his messaging that he hadn’t realised he actually had the staffroom to himself. But still, he turned his phone over slowly looking around the room one last time. Turned out he needn’t have worried.

The photo was of Aelin, standing in front of her mirror, her phone in one hand as she cradled her bump with the other. She was still wearing the shirt he had thrown her this morning and she had a soft smile on her face. It wasn’t one of her wide dazzling smiles, but it still took Rowan’s breath away.

Her next message popped up.

_**> > Made you look.** _

A burst of laughter escaped Rowan.

_**< < So, if you’re getting ready doesn’t that mean it’s a yes?** _

_**> > Hmm I guess you’ll find out when you get home.** _

His reply was one word, but he hoped she got the gist of his tone.

_**< < Aelin…** _

_**> > Try again when you get home. And make it count.** _

Rowan sighed heavily. Nothing was easy when it came to Aelin, he didn’t know why he expected anything else. If she wanted him to try again, he would make sure her answer would be a yes. He was going to need to take a longer lunch break. 

~~~~~

Aelin had been napping when her phone started ringing and she had blindly reached for it without opening his eyes. She’d been hugging Rowan’s pillow, breathing in that scent that was so uniquely him while her own pillow was tucked under her stomach. When the phone was in her hand she squinted a little to locate the green answer button. There was no time to say anything before Aedion’s _What do you mean you fell?_ had her pulling her phone away from her ear and grimacing at his tone and volume. 

They had spent a while arguing back and forth, mainly about the fact that Aelin hadn’t told him anything, but she wasn’t about to let slip the reason why exactly she had been so distracted. Aedion would probably pass out. Sometime during the conversation she heard a text message come through. She assumed it was from Rowan, she hoped it was from Rowan. So she let Aedion rant for a bit, just to get the conversation over with quicker as he flexed his veritable big brother muscles, before she apologised for not telling him but reminded him that her and the were both fine and that he wasn’t entitled to every tiny detail of her life. He told her that he couldn’t help but worry and he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. Aelin reminded him he had his own pregnant woman to worry about now. Then they had somehow got into it again and they’d both hung up pissed at each other, all bound to be forgotten once their tempers mellowed out.

There was no need to wait and the text conversation with Rowan had made her forget all about being pissed off with Aedion. And as she sent off the bump shot she was grinning. She seriously hoped Rowan was panicking, thinking she’d sent a nude. If she was feeling better about her body she probably would have been game enough to do it. 

But Rowan had asked her on a date. A real date. She knew she should have just told him yes but stringing him along was much more fun, make him sweat a little. A little payback for all those things she had already forgiven him for. 

Aelin showered and then went to her room to sift through her closest for something to wear. Despite there being hours before Rowan was getting home and the fact she had some work to do before close of business today, it was all just too tempting not to start planning. She was about to call Lysandra and ask for her advice when Aelin’s eyes landed on the dress that Rowan had bought her for the baby shower. It would be the perfect touch for the evening, she decided. Aelin pulled it out of her wardrobe and laid it on her bed and set a pair of nude flats by the foot of the bed and sorted out some earrings from her jewellery box. Then she dressed in one of Rowan’s T-shirt’s and went to get her work done before she would get ready. 

A few hours and another nap later Aelin was ready. She was fixing her makeup in the mirror in her room when she heard a knock on the front door. Slightly puzzled, she abandoned her lipstick and went to see who it was. When she opened the door she was pleasantly surprised. 

Rowan stood there, looking as handsome as ever, wearing clothes he had most definitely not taken with him this morning. He wore a white button up shirt rolled up to his elbows, a pair of beige chinos and even a decent pair of shoes instead of his work sneakers. In his hands he held an obnoxiously large bouquet of flowers that his smiling face was peeking over. Aelin assumed an air of nonchalance, well the best she could with a wide smile on her face.

“What’s all this then?” Aelin asked.

“Aelin, would you like to come to dinner with me? Then maybe after we can see a movie?” Rowan said as he offered the flowers.

Aelin took them and made a show of examining them before looking at Rowan. He hadn’t made to come into the apartment, he was acting as though he were just here to pick her up, her gentleman waiting at the door. 

Or so she thought until he lent an elbow on the doorframe, looming over her just a little. “Did I make it count?”

“Oh, you most definitely did,” Aelin said as she ran a hand over his collar to bring him down for a kiss. As she went to step back her hand caught on something and she pulled. There was a snapping noise and then she was holding a sales tag in her hand. “Pop out for an outfit change on your lunch break, did you?”

Rowan smiled. “Don’t you dare laugh. I was hoping you thought I’d put more planning into this than I did.”

Aelin kept her lips tight over her teeth, she wouldn’t laugh at him. He was trying very hard.

“Well,” she said , walking into the apartment. “I’m pleased to see that you got it on sale.”

Aelin stopped in the kitchen to find a vase and Rowan followed, his hands finding her waist as he kissed her neck. She melted into him, unable to help herself.

“I don't remember inviting you in,” she breathed, dropping the flowers into a vase. “You just wandering in like you live here isn’t part of the game.”

Rowan chuckled against her neck, making her shiver. “You were just so impressed with my shopping skills you wouldn’t have said no.”

Aelin hummed, not quite sure if it was meant to sound like she was agreeing with him or not as she tilted her head to give him more access to her neck. She could not get enough of him.

“Is that what gets you all hot and bothered? Saving money?” Rowan asked, while his hands wandered dangerously high,

Aelin turned to face him, trying to get the upper hand back, the bump in between them was enough to break the tension by itself. But still the way Rowan looked at her had her heart racing. “You have no idea. The thrill of a bargain is just as good as foreplay.”

Rowan laughed and then he was kissing her again, keeping her close as he spoke. “Next time,” another kiss, “I’ll go for the 75% off rack.”

Aelin was so surprised at the joke it actually made her snort, which in turn made Rowan laugh again.

“Come on,” Rowan said, linking her hand with his. “Reservation is at 6:30, don’t want to be late.”

Aelin nodded and followed him out. She didn’t worry about the lipstick, it was pointless really. It would just get ruined anyway 

~~~~~ 

Dinner went just as well as Rowan expected it to. He had booked a table at a place where he knew the food was good and they had both enjoyed their meals. They had passed the time talking over mundane things like favourite colours, the cartoons they would watch growing up, and he found out Aelin wanted a dog, as they sipped their sodas like teenagers. He was driving and Aelin was pregnant, and even though he probably could have got away with a drink or two Rowan decided on soda too for solidarity. When they weren’t eating their hands were linked and rested on the table, like it was torture not to be touching.

Once dinner was over they split a dessert before Rowan asked for the bill and they left. The cinema was an easy walk away and Rowan kept an arm around Aelin’s waist as they walked. Her hand was rubbing over her stomach and she was smiling. She looked beautiful tonight, he had secretly been hoping that she would wear the dress he had got him, and when he had seen her in the open doorway wearing it his heart had flipped in his chest.

“Somebody certainly enjoyed that strawberry cheesecake,” Aelin said, her hand pausing on one particular spot.

“Can I?” Rowan asked and Aelin stopped walking.

“I think we’re past the point of you needing to ask permission.” 

Aelin didn’t see Rowan’s awkward shrug as she moved his hand to the spot. This time the baby didn’t just patter against his hand, she _pushed_. Rowan looked up and saw Aelin was grinning at him, and he smiled back then they started walking again. It was only a handful of minutes before they were at the counter and Rowan was buying two tickets, popcorn and a chocolate bar. He didn’t see the point in the food considering that they’d just had dinner but Aelin insisted a movie wasn’t a movie without snacks, he wasn’t about to say no to her on their first real date. She excused herself to go to the bathroom and Rowan waited just outside their cinema snacking on the popcorn without really realising he was doing it. When he saw her coming he held the door open for her before following her into the dimly lit cinema. 

Aelin led the way to a couples set up near the back of the cinema, there were a few other patrons dotted around but overall it was pretty empty. The lack of arm rest in the middle meant the two of them could snuggle in close and Rowan pressed a kiss to Aeli’s head before he put an arm around her shoulders. The ads and previews played and they snacked on the popcorn, most of it disappearing before the film actually started but eventually the lights finally dimmed all the way, the cinema going completely dark for half a second before the opening scene started.

Rowan was content to watch, enjoying the warmth of Aelin beside him. Out of the conerner of his eye he saw her put the popcorn to the side and laid her hand on his thigh, his body tensing at the contact. It was innocent enough until she used her fingers to draw patterns on his leg, the tickle of it making him shiver. Her hand shifted higher and he sucked in a breath. He was about to tell her to stop – or to return the favour he wasn’t sure – but then he felt her lips on his neck and every other thought flew out of his head. 

One minute Aelin had been kissing his neck, tracking her way to his mouth and the next the lights were being turned on and the credits were rolling, a poor red-faced attendant cleaning his throat to get their attention. Acne dotted his face, he couldn’t have been older than 16, and he could look neither of them in the eye. Rowan felt his own cheeks heat, but Aelin looked more delighted than ashamed as she coaxed Rowan to his feet, leading him out by the hand. Rowan muttered an apology to the kid and watched him turn the colour of tomato, before he and Aelin practically fled. Them drinking sodas was nothing compared to the two of them making out in the back corner of the theatre like a couple of hormone fuelled adolescents.

Aelin managed to keep it together until they got outside, her bottom lip tucked beneath her teeth to keep her laughter in. Once they were in the night air she let it out, her cackle echoing in the quiet and empty night. Rowan was still feeling some embarrassment but it was impossible not to smile at Aelin’s mirth. When she caught his eye and winked he finally laughed as well, taking her outstretched hand as they started walking back to his truck. 

“I thought the poor boy was going to faint,” Aelin said, her voice bubbling with laughter still. 

Rowan shook his head. “He was like 16. You’ve scarred him for life.”

“We’ve,” Aelin said, accentuating the word with a squeeze to his hand, “ _we’ve_ scarred him for life.”

“I wasn’t the one who started it,” Rowan defended.

“But you certainly didn’t try to stop it.”

Rowan tugged them to a halt, making Aelin turn so that she faced him so he could cup her cheek with his hand. “You’re a menace, did you know that?”

Aelin grinned in that way of hers that made Rowan want to sell his soul to Hellas just to make her happy. “Ah, but you love me.”

That was enough to undo him and he kissed her, and he could feel her smiling, knowing she had won. It wasn’t long before the kiss turned desperate and her hands fisted in the front of his shirt just to pull him closer. Somewhere across the street someone wolf whistled, followed by some jeering, and Rowan pulled back groaning at getting caught during some more fairly amourous PDA. Again.

Aelin just laughed again, completely unfazed. “Take me home, Rowan.”

Rowan led the way back to the truck. He didn’t need to be told twice.


	34. Chapter 34

Aelin sat in the chair in Yrene’s doctors office, wringing her hands nervously. Her 28 week appointment had been rescheduled from the usual Monday to Wednesday because Yrene had been called in to attend at the hospital unexpectedly. Without hesitation Rowan had taken the whole day off so he could take Aelin to the doctor’s appointment and then to the prenatal later this evening. They had spent a lazy morning in bed before Aelin got up to do her stretches. Rowan had followed her out to the living area, where he stood in the kitchen smirking into his coffee cup as he watched her. Aelin snarked at him, calling him a creep. Rowan’s reply had been to tell her she was beautiful and he loved her. Aelin had just shook her head and tried to ignore him as she focused on not falling on her ass.

But now they were here, watching Yrene as she looked at the ultrasound scans, going over the measurements and details the technician at the hospital had recorded. Aelin almost jumped when she felt Rowan’s hand rest on top of hers, pulling one free of the other so he could hold it. Turning to him he gave Aelin a reassuring smile which she tried to return, but felt as though she failed.

“So, why exactly,” Yrene asked, clicking through the images and regaining Aelin’s full attention, “were you on the stool again?”

The hold on Aelin’s hand tightened ever so slightly, Aelin knew the look that would be on Rowan’s face without looking.

“I was just helping out a friend,” Aelin admitted.

“Needlessly,” Rowan mumbled. 

“I was just being nice,” Aelin said as Yrene swivelled away from the computer screen. “And I promised I wouldn’t do it again.”

Yrene turned her gaze to Rowan. “And you believe her?”

When Aelin looked at Rowan he looked visibly panicked. “Hey,” she said defensively. “Don’t throw me in the firing line.”

Both of them gave Aelin a look that said they didn’t entirely trust her on this matter. She let out an exasperated sigh.

“I said I wouldn’t. And scolding me for one little mistake is not why we’re here,” Aelin deflected. 

“You’re right. And I have good news,” Yrene said. “Your baby has grown enough that I’m no longer exceedingly concerned. I think she’s just not an overly large baby, I’ll still be monitoring measurements to keep an eye on things, but we should be in the clear.” 

Aelin felt as though her heart might just jump out her mouth. “Oh, gods, that a relief.”

She was jostled a little as Rowan kissed her head and said to her, “Probably because I make you eat your vegetables.”

“Mmm, I’m not too sure,” Aelin said. 

“No, he’s probably right,” Yrene added.

“Stop ganging up on me, you two,” Aelin huffed.

That made Yrene laugh. “Okay, okay. What about the morning sickness and the ligament pains?”

“I do my stretches nearly every day and the pains aren’t not too bad or not even there most days,” Aelin explained. “Morning sickness it’s almost gone, cars still seem to give me the most trouble though.”

“That’s great, I’m glad to see you doing so well after everything,” Yrene said with a genuine smile. “How about your ankle and the wrist?”

“Good, not sore,” Aelin said, then indicated with her thumb to Rowan. “The fussy buzzard here wouldn’t let me lift a finger and practically carried me everywhere.”

Aelin looked over to see Rowan scowling as Yrene laughed again. 

“I can believe it,” Yrene said, golden-brown eyes sparkling. “Did you have any questions?”

“Not on me, no,” Aelin said.

“Then I think we’re done. See you in a fortnight,” Yrene said and then bid them farewell. 

The rest of the day went just as well.

The two of them went to a cafe for lunch as a little bit of a celebration and Aelin had thoroughly enjoyed the milkshake she had ordered. After that they had gone home and Aelin had fallen asleep on the couch while Rowan worked on his laptop one handed as he rubbed a soothing pressure on her calf. Very dutifully he woke her up with enough time to freshen up and eat a few snacks before they left for the prenatal class. 

Aelin walked in, feeling nervous again. After breaking down over last week’s class from feeling so overwhelmed, she was just hoping it didn’t happen again. Sorscha welcomed them all again, giving all of the expectant mothers encouraging smiles. Maybe Aelin wasn’t the only nervous one then. After Elide had witnessed her reaction after the last one she insisted that Aelin call her after this one, and when Lysandra heard about it she wanted to join in too. So that meant that when she got home Aelin had a video call date with her friends to look forward to even if this went downhill.

This class went a little beyond just the standard natural birth. Different pain relief methods were discussed and explained, another video was shown, this time of a woman getting an epidural. Aelin felt herself come near to passing out at the sight of that giant needle going in and out the poor woman’s spine. Rowan, of course, noticed and gave her knee a squeeze. Aelin just held his hand after that.

Sorscha went on to explain what the support person could do to offer useful support to the labouring woman. Rowan let go of her hand then to actually type in some notes on his phone. Aelin watched him, waiting for him to look over. When he did his brows rose as if to say _what_? Her lips spread into a smile, her eyes telling him _you fussing buzzard._ Rowan just rolled his eyes and went back to listening and note taking, pretty much until the class finished, and all the nervous pregnant women went their separate ways. 

When they got home Aelin went straight to her room and changed into one of Rowan’s t-shirts and a loose pair of pyjama shorts. She stopped by the bathroom to wash her face and put her hair up and by the time she was done Rowan had a bowl of salad waiting for her on the kitchen bench.

Aelin sat on the couch using some books to prop her phone up on the coffee table keeping her hands free so she could eat her salad. She knew once Lysandra and Elide saw what she was eating they would laugh and tease. But if salad and all manner of green things helped her baby grow it was just another sacrifice Aelin was ready to make. With a mouthful of only Rowan knew what Aelin tapped on her screen, video calling Lysandra first. It didn’t take long for her smiling face to appear, all bright eyed and bushy tailed this evening. She was practically glowing.

“Have I told you how much I hate you and your lack of pregnancy symptoms?” Aelin said, not even bothering with a hello. 

“Not recently, no,” Lysandra replied. “But I have to admit I took a nap during my lunch break the other day. Sorry.”

Aelin waved her fork with a pierced piece of lettuce on it at her friend. “Don’t even worry about it. I did that too. Are you going to start telling people soon?”

“Maybe another week or so. Okay, before I get started on how there is something green on the end of your fork, should I add Elide in or do you want to do it?” Lysandra teased.

“You do it, I’m busy eating,” Aelin said, taking another bite.

Aelin focused on her bowl, making sure to get some of the variety of stuff Rowan had added to the salad while Lysandra added Elide to the conversation. 

“Hello, hello,” Elide’s voice said, coming through the phone a few moments later. 

Aelin looked up but saw Elide’s rectangle was still blank. “Elide why is your camera off?”

“Oh, we–– I mean _I_ just need a moment,” Elide hastily explained. 

Aelin and Lysandra shared a look, wordless planning passing between them. When Elide appeared she was in her bed, wearing a shirt that was most definitely not hers. Neither Aelin or Lysandra said anything, they just smiled slyly.

“What?” Elide sniped, just as there was the sound of shifting sheets and she was jostled just enough that half of Lorcan’s flushed face appeared on the screen for just a millisecond. Elide tried to recover but the damage was done. 

“Hello, Lorcan,” Aelin said and she heard Rowan bark a laugh from the kitchen at her wicked tone. “Sorry to interrupt, but Elide said to call when I got home so…”

The only response Aelin got was a grumble that she couldn’t understand, and that was maybe for the best, and more shifting sheets. 

Aelin sighed with dramatic disappointment and mock offence. “When someone says hello it’s only polite to say it back.”

“Shut up,” Lorcan finally said and Lysandra let out a shocked gasp.

“Lorcan Salvaterre,” Lysandra scolded. “That is no way to talk to the dearest friends of your girlfriend.”

Elide was grinning when she elbowed her boyfriend off screen.

“Hi,” Lorcan all but growled. Aelin could hear Rowan laughing in the kitchen again.

“How are you today, Lorcan? Having an enjoyable evening?” Aelin asked, Lysanrda’s hand was over her mouth as if she might be able to physically hold in her laughter. 

“I’m leaving,” Lorcan’s perpetually grumpy voice said.

Aelin was quick to reply. “Make sure the camera doesn’t slip this time.” 

Lorcan’s hand appeared on screen as he flipped her off, making all three of them laugh. Elide’s screen jumped a little as Lorcan was no doubt leaving the bed, and she was smiling past the screen as she said, “Say goodbye, honey.”

“Goodbye honey,” Lysandra and Aelin sang in unison, the two of them breaking into a round of cackles as the door slammed.

“My, that must have been quite a sight to have you grinning like that,” Lysandra quipped at Elide once the laughing had subsided. 

Heat immediately filled Elide’s cheeks and Aelin made a disgusted sound.

“Lys, why would you say that? I’m trying to eat,” Aelin said. 

“Wait, wait,” Elide said and brought the screen closer to her face. “Are you eating… salad?” 

“Yes, this is the first course apparently,” Aelin explained. “I don’t get the good stuff until I finish it.”

“You know all about the good stuff, don’t you Elide,” Lysandra said, wiggling her eyebrows. 

“Lys, stop!” Aelin said, caught between wanting to cover her ears and keep eating. It may be mostly green but the salad wasn’t half bad and she was hungry. 

Lysandra turned her playful gaze to Aelin instead. “What about you, Aelin. You know anything about the good stuff?”

Aelin refused to look at the screen, instead she focused on spearing a slice of cherry tomato. She heard Rowan walk over and he put her next plate of food on the lap table beside her. He did this all from leaning over the back of the couch and pressed a kiss to her cheek as he then rested his elbows on the couch behind her head. 

“Evening ladies,” Rowan said, with his most charming smile that Aelin could just see in her own little rectangle on her phone screen. Aelin knew full well that Rowan had timed his appearance to save her from answering the question they were both having too much fun avoiding. She’d have to thank him for that later.

Aelin put down the bowl of salad and picked up the plate of pasta and showed it to the screen. “This is the good stuff.”

“Oh, that does look good,” Lysandra said.

“Come over for dinner and I’ll make it for you,” Rowan offered.

“That’s right, we can do that now that Aedion can be in the same room with you and not want to kill you,” Lysandra supplied. “You boys set it up and we’ll just follow along.”

“You wanna come too, Elide?” Aelin asked.

Elide just laughed. “You really want me to inflict Lorcan on you like that?”

Aelin shrugged. “I’ve come to accept you’re a matched set now.”

Elide laughed. “Maybe soon, I think he’d be too pissy about being interrupted to say yes right now. But you know what we should do?” She said, her voice getting excited. “We should go to the beach. Everything has been so hectic this summer and it’s almost over, and we haven’t been yet.”

“Yes!” Lysandra agreed. “We should do that.”

Aelin smiled, she liked where this was going.

“Lorcan has Sunday off, what about Aedion and Rowan?” Elide asked.

“Rowan,” Aelin turned to where he was still doing stuff in the kitchen.

“Yes, love,” Rowan said and Aelin bit down on the thrill his pet name gave her, trying not to grin lest her friends start teasing her mercilessly.

“Are you working Sunday?” Aelin asked. 

She watched as Rowan pulled his phone out and clearly checked his roster. “No, not this Sunday.”

“Okay, what about Aedion then, Lys?” Elide asked.

“He’s not home yet, but if he doesn’t I’ll get him to swap a shift,” Lysandra said. “I’m sure someone owes him a favour or he’ll swindle his way into one.” She paused for a moment and then gasped. “We should go shopping! Get new swimsuits for the occasion.” 

Aelin grinned at that, it had been forever and a day since they’d gone shopping together. “I’m in,” she said without hesitation.

“When?” Elide asked. “We could do late night shopping tomorrow after work.”

“I like that idea,” Aelin said. “I’ll come into work for the day and then we can go from there.”

“I can pick you up after work,” Lysandra said.

“Or I can come get you,” Rowan suggested from the kitchen.

“Everyone stop the fussing,” Aelin said, cutting off any other attempts to keep her coddled up at home. “I’m perfectly capable of going into work for a day and then doing some shopping. No one can convince me otherwise.” She looked between the man in the kitchen and her phone screen and waited for the protests but they blessedly didn’t come. “Excellent. So that’s sorted then.”

“How did it go at the baby things today?” Elide asked, shifting the conversation to the whole purpose of the call.

“Have something you need to eat back to, Elide?” Lysandra teased, making Aelin snort and almost inhale a spaghetti noodle up her nose.

Elide gave them a wicked grin. “Obviously,” 

The unabashed smugness in Elide’s tone had Aelin laughing. But she obliged Elide and got her news over and done with so her friend could go back to her nefarious activities that Aelin had no desire to know any details about. By the time she hung up she was nearly thrumming with excitement over their upcoming plans, looking forward to getting back to some semblance of normalcy in her life again.

~~~~~

Rowan was on his way to his room finished with the clean up after dinner. After Aelin had given her recount of the day to Elide and Lysandra he had joined her on the couch and they’d eaten together. They’d watched a bit of TV after that, Aelin resting her feet in his lap. Eventually Rowan had started rubbing them, practically making Aelin purr in response. When she had started to nod off she told him she was getting ready for bed and left him with a kiss. He’d told her he’d be in soon after he cleaned up.

Today had been a lot, to say the least. He had watched Aelin go from stressing about the baby’s well being to stressing about her own well being during labour. He knew she probably wasn’t finished with teasing him about the notes. But Rowan wanted to make sure that when he was utterly powerless to do anything, he would be able to at least do something that would be at least the smallest bit helpful. All he was concerned was with supporting Aelin the best he could. He was glad she had the girls for support as well. He could tell by the way Aelin’s face lit up at the prospect of spending time with them that tomorrow’s adventures would be good for her in so many ways. 

As he got closer to the bedroom he could hear her voice, and he wondered who she could be talking to. Rowan was about to turn back around to give her some privacy when he realised she was reading; a children’s book from the sounds of it.

“ _He lost one of his shoes amongst the cabbages, and the other shoe amongst the potatoes. After losing them, he ran on four legs and went faster…_ ”

Rowan stopped in the doorway, leaning on it with his arms crossed as he listened and watched. Aelin was resting on a pile of pillows, a small book in her hand as the other rubbed over her stomach. It was a sight that had his heart clenching in his chest, he didn’t want to disturb her so he kept as quiet as he could, wanting to commit this image to memory.

“… _so that I think he might have got away altogether if he had not unfortunately run into a gooseberry net, and got caught by the large buttons on his jacket._ ” Aelin put the book down slightly and looked at her bump. “Just so you know, rabbits don’t wear shoes or little blue jackets, they don’t wear any clothes at all actually. That’s just a little bit ridiculous and I want you to know the truth.”

Rowan laughed and that gave him away, and Aelin looked up at him, a wry smile on her face. 

“Any other deep truths you want to confess to our daughter?” Rowan said. “Should we get the Santa Claus thing covered now?”

Aelin laughed. “Well now that you mention it.”

They were smiling at each other as Rowan pushed off the doorframe and walked to the bed, setting himself up next to Aelin. “What were you doing?”

“Reading,” Aelin said simply, knowingly stating the obvious just to be difficult, undoubtedly.

“Obviously,” Rowan replied, playing along and letting some attitude into his voice. “I guess I should have asked _why_ then.”

“Alright, Mr Sasspants,” Aelin said, making Rowan guffaw. She looked very pleased with that reaction too. “I read in your book that reading to the baby while still in the womb is good. So, I thought I’d give it a go.”

“I like it,” Rowan admitted, getting comfortable on the bed. “It’s sweet.”

“It also has benefits that I can’t remember at the moment,” Aelin added. “I think one was letting the baby hear and get to know your voice.”

“Can I?” Rowan asked, then quickly added, “I mean, if you want to keep going I don’t want to interrupt you.”

He was still shy about overstepping when it came to Aelin and the baby, he had messed it all up for so long he knew it would be a while before he would be able to ask things like this without hesitating first. But when he looked at Aelin she was just smiling at him in a way that calmed all his anxieties on that matter. 

“I would love it if you did.” Aelin lent over to kiss Rowan’s cheek before she handed him the book. Still leaning on the pillows she snuggled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder then pointed to the page of the book. “We’re up to here.”

Rowan cleared his throat, letting Aelin take one of his hands to rest on her stomach and then he picked up from where she had left off. “ _It was a blue jacket with brass buttons, quite new. Peter gave himself up for lost, and shed big tears; but his sobs were overheard by some friendly sparrows, who flew to him in great excitement, and implored him to exert himself_.”

As Rowan read he could feel the baby move beneath his hand, kicking and shifting around. It didn’t take too long for Aelin’s breathing to turn deep and even, and Rowan glanced down to see her completely passed out on him. But he kept reading, smiling as he said the words, Aelin may be asleep but the baby certainly wasn’t. Rowan read until he finished the book, and when he did he felt a sharp kick beneath his hand. It was hard enough that it caused Aelin to stir and Rowan took that opportunity to ease her into bed properly, helping her lay down on her side. Before he did the same Rowan bent closer to her stomach, his thumb rubbing against the fabric of his t-shirt that Aelin wore.

“Were you disappointed that the book finished, huh?” Rowan murmured soft enough that he wouldn’t wake Aelin up. His answer was another kick, making him laugh softly. “Well, maybe we can read another tomorrow then.”

Rowan pressed a gentle kiss to where the baby was, hoping she would settle down enough that her mother could get a good night’s sleep, and then he kissed Aelin’s cheek for good measure too and just because he couldn’t help himself. It was then he settled down next to Aelin, smiling as he went to sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

“And you’re sure you’re fine?”

Aelin rolled her eyes, this was most likely the fiftieth time Rowan had asked her that this morning. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Aelin assured him. 

“I can still drive you home,” Rowan offered anyway.

That was a lie, they were currently parked around the back of Aelin’s bookstore. Rowan didn’t have time to drive her all the way back home and then go all the way out again, if he drove her home he’d be very late for work. 

“Rowan, what do I have to do to convince you I am fine?” Aelin demanded.

“You just look a little pale—”

“I don’t see the sun much anymore.”

“And I know you didn’t sleep well last night,” Rowan continued.

“I haven’t slept well in months.” That was the honest truth. 

“Aelin, please. I’m just…”

When Rowan paused, Aelin took her opportunity. “A fussy bastard who is feeling very over protective right now?” Rowan turned to where Aelin sat in the passenger seat, she offered him her sweetest smile. “Trust me, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, okay I trust you,” Rowan said, with a small—almost shy—smile. “Just no step ladders when helping customers today.”

Aelin’s laugh came out in a single burst, then she was leaning over the centre console to bat her eyelashes at him innocently. “I promise. And now give me a kiss goodbye so you can get your fine ass out of here to your own job.”

Rowan didn’t bother to hold back his eye roll, but he still kissed her. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” Aelin said back as she pulled away and grabbed her handbag.

There was a heavy sigh from beside her, Aelin willed her patience to last a few more minutes.

“Are you sure? I can drive you home, I don’t care if I’m late,” Rowan all but pleaded.

“What is it? Why don’t you want me to go to work?” Aelin asked, her voice cutting, her patience finally reaching its limits.

Rowan shrugged. “You just don’t seem to hesitate when it comes to pushing yourself. I would just rather you didn’t.”

“I can’t stay up in my tower forever,” Aelin said.

“I know, I know,” Rowan murmured. “You just scared the shit out of me calling me from the hospital like that. I’ll get over it eventually.”

Aelin didn’t know what else to say, she didn’t want to get into this now, they didn’t have the time. “I’m going to go, I’ll see you tonight. I’ll probably get dinner with the girls and it’s going to be terribly unhealthy, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

That earned her half a smile.

Bag in hand, Aelin got out of the car, giving Rowan a final wave as she reached the backdoor of the bookshop. It was unlocked so Aelin walked right in, dropping her bad on the table. Walking through to the storefront Aelin found Lysandra booting up the computer, a pile of books on the counter. 

“Good morning,” she said happily.

“Morning,” Aelin replied, inspecting the books on the counter.

“Online order. Needs to be boxed up,” Lysandra explained.

Aelin nodded, and then waited. She knew her friend would have questions, Lysandra would want to hear all the details of her and Rowan’s blossoming relationship. She was surprised Lysandra hadn’t been waiting by the door ready to ambush her. But instead the brunette was silent and focused on the screen in front of her. 

“Well?” Aelin said.

“Well, what?” Lysandra asked. 

“The interrogation. When does it start?”

Lysandra rolled her eyes, but Aelin had a feeling it wasn’t actually directed at her. “As much as I would love to start grilling you, I’m under strict instructions from Elide not to start until we’re all together. So you’re off the hook. For now.” She punctuated those last two words with a point with her finger.

Aelin laughed, it came out more like a triumphant cackle, which just made Lysandra scowl at her.

“Ugh, I can’t even be in the same room as you,” Lysandra said. “Go do something important and boss like.”

“Okay, I’ll go make some phone calls or answer some emails or something,” Aelin said and disappeared into the back room.

That’s mainly what her day consisted of, being on the phone and emails. She’d gone out the front when Lysandra had poked her head in saying that she needed to run to the post office. A handful of customers had come in while she was out, the outing taking longer because she’d offered to pick up lunch as well. Aelin had desperately wanted chicken nuggets and no way would they be on a Rowan or Yrene approved list of foods, but sometimes a pregnant woman just needed chicken nuggets—and a milkshake. When Lysandra came through the door, she hung the gone to lunch sign and carried in her spoils towards the table in the back.

Aelin breathed in deeply, that greasy chicken smell making her stomach grumble. Once upon a time it would have sent her rushing for the bathroom… how far he had come. “I love you, did you know that?”

“About to leave Rowan for me?” Lysandra grinned.

Aelin shook her head, following Lysandra into the back. “No, you’re not my type. I still love you very much though.”

Lysandra put the food on the table before grabbing her water bottle from the fridge. “It’s the height, isn’t it? Or don’t I brood enough?”

Aelin snorted as she opened her box of nuggets. “Yep, that’s exactly it.” 

Lysandra pulled her own food out of the bag. “I’ll try not to be insulted.”

Aelin couldn’t reply with her mouth full. They ate and made light conversation not really talking of much. Lysandra was frustrated enough that she sent a text to Elide, casually asking if she could start asking the important questions, a solid no came through in response.

“She’s going to owe me for this,” Lysandra said as she tidied up the wrappings from her burger, then she cleared her throat. “There is actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Aelin paused, her last chicken nugget halfway to her mouth. “Is this good or bad?”

“Good, even though it’s going to cost money,” Lysandra explained. 

“Okay, what is it?” Bracing herself for it regardless. 

“You know Evangeline, of course.” Aelin nodded, then let Lysandra continue. “She’s 17, turning 18 next year. I was thinking we could bring her on. You’ll be on maternity leave soon, then I’ll be getting pregnant enough that I won’t be able to do the heavy lifting around here. Then by the time I’m ready to go you’ll be able to come back, so it would work out perfectly. She’s going to age out, if we take her on full time now she can leave school and have something behind her once Clarisse kicks her out.”

Evangeline had come into the foster home when Aelin had been out on one of her brief stays with a family. She had been a shy thing, barely spoke to anyone with wide citrine eyes and copper hair. Her mother hadn’t been able to look after and she’d become a ward of the state on the decisions of the courts. Lysandra had been quick to take her under her wing, they’d become sisters in everything but blood. Even when Lysandra had left she made all the time she could for Evangeline to come out and visit. But when the bookstore had taken off she and Aedion had been busier than ever before, and Aelin knew they hadn’t been able to spend as much time together. 

Aelin thought for a moment, it did seem like a good plan. “I don’t see why not.”

Lysandra positively beamed. “I didn’t think you’d say no, of course. She’s going to be so excited.”

After lunch Aelin went back to admin things, Lysandra manning the store front. Aelin managed to nod off for a 15 minute nap at some point despite the stiff chair. She was still yawning when Lysandra was closing up.

“We should put a lounge back here,” Aelin said as she stretched her arms over her head. “Solely for naps.”

“I won’t argue with that,” Lysandra said. “You ready?”

“To face the gallows? Yes.”

That made Lysandra laugh, leaving Aelin to pack up her things while the brunette went close up the shop. She didn’t have much, just her laptop and the containers Rowan had packed her snacks in. He had handed her a cooler bag packed full of things as they left this morning, she would have teased him for it but he was stressing so much about her going to work that she’d let him off the hook this time. Lysandra was efficient in her closing up and it was only a few minutes before they were in the car driving to the shopping centre for their night out shopping. They parked and wandered inside the shopping mall and found Elide waiting for them outside a surf shop, grinning at her friends as they approached. 

“Good day at work, ladies?” She greeted them cheerily.

“Ah-ah, no. We don’t have time for idle chit chat,” Lysandra said. “I’ve been waiting all day.”

Aelin did not acknowledge anything Lysandra had said. “Shall we get to it then? Oh look, they have a sale.” 

Elide’s laughter chased her into the store as Aelin left her friends without another word. Music played just that fraction too loud as she navigated her way through the aisles to where the women’s swimwear was displayed. She knew they were following her, not bothering to hide their ever so slightly hushed conversation. Aelin glanced over as she stopped by the rack, just in time to catch Elide snort at something Lysandra had said. Flicking through the hangers Aelin just waited. It was Lysandra who appeared beside her.

“How are things between you and Rowan?” Lysandra asked very casually.

“Good, we’re just taking things slow,” Aelin replied. 

“Aelin,” Lysandra said placatingly. “I’m genuinely asking, I’m not just fishing for whether or not you’re getting any.” A pause. “At least not right now.”

Aelin grinned, her lip tucking under her teeth, trying not to show how giddy the thought of Rowan actually made her. “It’s great, actually, amazing. He’s amazing. I don’t know why I insisted on hating him for so long.”

“That’s because he was an ass,” Elide supplied from where she browsed. “An absolute bastard.”

“Don’t hold back,” Lysandra muttered, amused. “I think Elide has a grudge.”

“Oh no, we’ve made up,” Elide explained. “Me and Rowan are best of friends now.”

“Since when?” Lysandra asked, very surprised.

“When I covered for you and I went to get the key,” Elide said. “And why was that, anyway? You never told me.”

“Doctor’s appointment,” Lysandra said without thinking.

Elide’s shrewd eyes narrowed. “What for?” 

“Just a check up.” Lysandra’s response was not convincing, her voice a little too high. She cleared her throat once before continuing. “You know sometimes you just have to take what they can give you.”

Aelin would have to congratulate Lysandra on her recovery later.

“So, the big question is,” Lysandra said, turning to face Aelin fully. “Is he your boyfriend?”

The question took Aelin by surprise. “Well, he’s my… Rowan.” Aelin just stood there for a moment, thinking. They hadn’t had the discussion, it seemed kind of pointless given everything but it got Aelin thinking. “We haven’t really discussed it yet.”

“You must be awful busy with something if you haven’t had the time for that discussion.” Lysandra’s voice was smug but she gave nothing else away as she kept browsing.

“Yes preparing for a baby is quite time consuming,” Aelin said, nodding sagely. 

Lysandra laughed at that. “You got me there.”

Elide let out a frustrated noise. “Why are we even in here? These are all made for prepubescent teenagers with nothing to support.”

Elide was right, the three of them had been well endowed when it came to the chest department, Aelin more now than ever. They wouldn’t find anything here.

“I have no choice but to buy something. My boobs don’t fit in any of my old swimsuits anymore,” Lysandra said as she examined a one piece before putting it back.

“Mmhmm, I hear that,” Aelin said. “It’s where the fun starts.”

Lysandra and Aelin shared a look, she had said too much and Elide was too clever for her own good. But she had already wandered a little further away, looking at hats. They then both shared a look of relief. 

“Let’s go try the swimwear store a level down,” Elide suggested. “Then we’ll get some dinner.”

“Sounds good to me,” Aelin said and they abandoned the shop.

The next one was the level below wasn’t overly large but had racks of swimwear lining the walls.

“Much better,” Elide said, wandering in and stopping by a bikini top that looked more like a bra than scraps of stretchy fabric. “I’m all for wearing what you will to the beach, but I’m just more concerned about losing it in the water.”

“I’m sure Lorcan wouldn’t mind the show,” Lysandra said.

Elide huffed a laugh. “He would not. He doesn’t like to share.”

Aelin felt her face contort in disgust, she loved Elide… Lorcan not so much. And even though she would admit he was growing on her a little, she didn’t like the thought of _that_. Aelin glanced at Lysandra for some solidarity on this but she had a mischievous look on her face that Aelin knew meant trouble. 

“How about this?” Lysandra held up an obscenely small bikini for Aelin to see. Aelin scoffed, rolling her eyes until she saw the expression on Lysandra’s face. She was serious.

“Lysandra, no!” Aelin hissed, shoving the pieces back onto the rack.

“What?” She asked all too innocently. 

“That wouldn’t cover anything,” Aelin said, fussing over the rack so the offending items were back in place.

Lysandra just pulled them right back out again. “That’s the point.”

“I’m 7 months pregnant, they’re is more of me to cover than ever,” Aelin explained. “Did you know my nipples have gotten bigger? That,” Aelin pointed to the bikini top, “wouldn’t even cover them.”

Lysandra relented and put the swimwear back, shrugging nonchalantly. “I’m just trying to help get you laid.”

Aelin looked at a blue floral set that might work. “Well, it’s too late for that.”

She froze, realising what she’d just said. Looking over at Elide and Lysandra she saw they were both watching her, mouths gaping a little and eyes wide. 

“Are we talking conception or post conception?” Elide asked.

“Um,” Aelin said, quickly grabbing some sizes. “I’m going to go try these on.”

She knew she was fleeing, but Aelin kept on heading towards the back of the shop even as she heard Lysandra coming after her. Aelin managed to get into the changeroom and twist the lock before she caught up with her.

A hand slapped once on the door, “Aelin Galathynius you can’t hide from me.”

“Is that so?” Aelin taunted. “I have snacks in my handbag, I can withstand a siege.”

Another slap but then Aelin heard a voice she didn’t recognise. 

“Everything alright here?” The shop assistant asked.

“Yes, sorry,” Lysandra said meekly. “My _friend_ is just choosing not to show us what she’s trying on.”

“Okay, well just let me know if I can help,” the assistant said.

“Of course,” Lysandra Sid sweetly and Aelin could hear the exact smile Lysandra was using. There were a few beats of silence before Lysandra hissed through the door. “You sly bitch, I can’t believe you didn’t say anything. Just answer the question.” 

Aelin lent a hand on the wall of the changeroom, she didn’t see a way out of this one. Maybe it was just time to come clean. “Both.”

“I beg your pardon?” Lysandra asked.

“I said,” Aelin raised her voice a little louder, “both.”

Lysandra gasped, Aelin heard no response from Elide. 

“When?” Lysandra asked a little desperately. “Please, we’ve suffered long enough.”

“Suffered?” Elide said incedulously.

“Hush you,” Lysandra hissed right back.

“After I fell, when we got home from the hospital. I told him I loved him and it went from there.”

When Aelin didn’t get a response she got curious and opened the door and found Lysandra scrolling through her phone Elide peering over her shoulder. 

“No…” Lysandra breathed. “No _way_.”

Elide tipped her head back and cackled. 

“What?” Aelin demanded.

“Never you mind,” Lysandra answered, putting her phone away. “Why aren’t you showing us what you’re trying on?”

“Why aren’t you finding things for yourselves?” Aelin countered. 

Elide turned and walked away, a knowing smile on her face, Lysandra following behind giving Aelin a halfhearted glare. Aelin shut herself back in the change room, looking at her reflection for a moment before unzipping her dress. It was still odd, seeing the changes in her body. When she looked in the mirror she didn’t quite feel like herself, something in her brain not quite connecting with what her body was to what it was now. Trying not to notice the stretch marks fullness that just seemed to be everywhere, Aelin changed into the bikini. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to face the mirror. 

There was a soft knock, making Aelin jump a bit. “You ready?” Elide asked quietly. 

“I guess,” Aelin said. “No laughing, alright?”

Aelin opened the door, feeling self conscious. The last time they had all been shopping together for swimwear it was a totally different experience, a totally different body. Last time they had been laughing, those tiny bikinis were a challenge to be met. But now Aelin just wanted to keep things contained. 

“Aw, look at that bump,” Elide said. 

“I just… I dunno,” Aelin said, running her hand over her stomach. “It’s a lot.”

“You’re gorgeous Aelin, don’t worry,” Elide assured her. 

“Oh, look at you. Hot damn, Aelin.” Lysandra said, appearing with two handfuls of swimwear. 

“I’m not.” Aelin risked another glance at herself in the mirror, making a face of disapproval at what she saw. “There’s too much butt in this one, I don’t need a new bikini anyway. I bought one when Rowan took me to the river.”

“Oh you actually do,” Lysandra said. “And I’ve found the perfect one.”

Lysandra held out yet another bikini to Aelin, this one was much more demure than the pervious one but from the glint in Lysandra’s eye Aelin suspected that was an illusion. “Go on, please just for me.”

“Fine,” Aelin said and grabbed the bikini and closed the door again. Lysandra and Elide chatted outside, discussing their own choices. Aelin looked again at the bikini Lysandra had given her, it was white which immediately made her suspicious. But on closer inspection both the bottom and top were fully lined, not likely to go transparent when wet. So steelinging herself with a shake of the head at Lysandra antics and changed. Aelin looked in the mirror this time, it certainly covered where she wanted, supported her she needed, but still… Aelin had to hand it to Lysandra’s keen eye. 

Aelin opened the door without ceremony and was met by Lysandra wearing a feline grin, but it was Elide who spoke, wearing a smile of herown.

“The poor man won’t know what hit him.”

~~~~~

Rowan was on the couch when Aelin walked through the door, it was early enough that it didn’t seem like he was waiting up for her when he actually was. Today had been nonstop, Rowan had been more than happy to clock off at the end of his shift. He immediately muted the TV and watched her walk over, she was beaming, her hands full of bags.

“It went well then, your shopping trip?” Rowan said as Aelin walked to the couch, dropping the bags on the coffee table.

“Very,” Aelin said with a smile, Rowan helped ease her down so she could sit next to him. “You didn’t miss me too much, did you?”

Rowan brushed her hair back, holding her face in his hands as he kissed her and lied. “No, not at all.”

Aelin laughed softly. “You’re a liar.”

“I missed you desperately, so much so I couldn’t do anything but sit here and think of you until you got back,” Rowan said, his hand finding its way to her stomach on its own, thumb brushing over Aelin’s dress. It had become one of his favourite things, to feel his daughter move, and just now he felt a kick. “Is that better?”

“Much,” Aelin said. “Dinner was half decent by the way. We had Mexican so it was fresh, not deep fried.” That made Rowan chuckle and she nudged his shoulder. “Do you want to see what I bought? I didn’t buy everything, we stopped by a kids clothing store and Lys and Elide couldn’t help themselves.”

Rowan nodded. “I do.”

Aelin grinned at him and started to sift through the bags. There were little outfits for the baby, sleepsuits and dresses with matching headbands, chew toys and little socks. The size of them so small Rowan could hardly believe it. There were a few things Aelin had bought for herself too. 

“What’s in this one?” Rowan asked picking up a yellow bag but Aelin snatched it out of his hand before he could look inside.

“That is for you to find out,” Aelin told him, moving the bag to the empty space on the couch beside her. 

Rowan’s curiosity piqued, very interested to know what it was. “When?” 

“Sunday,” Aelin told him, then she sighed waving a hand over the bags. “I need to stop buying things, there’s nowhere to put it.”

She was right, the bassinet was still in the empty space between the living area and the kitchen, bursting with things from the baby shower and he knew there was a growing pile of things in the corner of Aelin’s room. Rowan took Aelin’s hand in his, the fingers of his other hand running over their interlaced fingers. There was something he had been wanting to ask her for a while, an idea he’d had about their living situation. But he had been wanting to give her time and space, not to move too fast. But now seemed a good time to bring it up. 

“Aelin,” Rowan said quietly. 

“Hmm,” she looked over at him from where her head rested on the back of the couch, giving his hand a squeeze. 

“I was thinking,” Rowan said, her eyes brightening. “We’ll need your room for the baby and you’re in mine for most of the time now anyway. So, I’m asking if you want to move in with me.”

Aelin sat up, kissing his cheek. “Yes, of course. I would love to move in with you. Officially and not on a roommate basis.”

“Oh?” Rowan asked, shifting so he could face her better. “On what basis would that be then?”

“Now I have a question for you,” Aelin asked, something cheeky in her face. “Now that I’m moving in with you, _officially_ , does that mean I’m your girlfriend?”

”I think you know you are so much more than that,” Rowan said, reaching out to cup her face and his thumb ran over her cheek. “But I do like the sound of calling you my girlfriend.”

Aelin smiled up at him. “Mmm, boyfriend does sound good too. But I think I still prefer baby daddy though.”

“You ruined it,” Rowan said, leaning in to kiss her as she laughed. “That was a moment and you ruined it.”

Aelin giggled, hands going to his hair. “I love you, boyfriend.”

“I love you, Aelin,” Rowan whispered, his nose brushing hers, “No matter how many moments you ruin, it’s just more and more everyday.”

“Och, you,” Aelin said, full of bravado but Rowan could see tears starting to shine in her eyes. “Just kiss me.”

Rowan gave her wry smile.”Just try and stop me.”


	36. Chapter 36

Rowan was woken up by Aelin pushing his shoulder over and over, really not doing much against the solid mass of his body. _  
_

“Rowan. Rowan. _Rowan_.” Her voice was urgent, all but hissing his name that last time. “Wake up.”

He pushed himself up, the tone of her voice sending a tendril of adrenaline coursing through him. “What is it?”

“Look!” Aelin gasped.

Rowan tried, he really did but he was still squinting and saw Aelin was sitting up in bed. “I… what? What’s wrong?”

Aelin shoved him again, this time a little gentler. “Nothing is wrong, just hurry up and open your eyes.”

Stars burst behind his eyelids and Rowan rubbed at his eyes, trying to follow Aelin’s instructions. Finally he could open up his eyes, but it still took him a minute to adjust to the grey light in the room, the sun must have just risen. Rowan sat up, groaning and sighing as he looked over at Aelin. She was leaning against the headboard, his t-shirt pulled up over her stomach–she had taken to wearing his clothes constantly since moving into his room. She was grinning down at her stomach and Rowan followed her gaze.

“She’s moving,” Aelin whispered, as if speaking too loud would startle the baby.

“Aelin,” he groaned. “I know she’s been moving, for ages.” Rowan was ready to roll over and go back to sleep but Aelin poked at his bare chest.

“No, just look,” Aelin insisted.

Rowan lent his chin on Aelin’s shoulder and looked at her stomach after one very long blink. Then he saw it and Aelin’s head whirled to the side to look at him, despite how close he was. 

“Did you see?” Aelin asked, her voice beyond excited.

Rowan kept watching, wanting to see it happen again. He waited… then there it was. It wasn’t much, but over the smooth curve of Aelin’s stomach there was a small protrusion, it shifted, disrupting the even swell. He laughed and that made Aelin giggle.

“It’s so weird,” Aelin said. “It looks like there’s an alien in there, ready to rip it’s way out.”

Rowan snorted, taking his head off Aelin’s shoulder. “Nice, Fireheart. Calling our daughter a murderous alien.”

“I just said that’s what she looks like, not that she is,” Aelin explained. “Do you think I like the idea of her tearing through my skin.”

She was still smiling cheekily at him when Rowan laid back down on the bed, and he gave her a tired smile before he reached for his phone to check the time. It was quarter past five. He knew he wouldn’t be getting back to sleep anytime soon, he usually woke up at six and by the time he settled back down his body clock would be waking him up again. But he was willing to try.

“Thank you for waking me up to see that, but next time maybe try not to wake me up in a panic,” Rowan said, closing his eyes. But he knew it was pointless, he was far to awake now and he had woken in a panic, with the way Aelin was shaking and saying his name he was berating himself that he hadn’t woken up sooner in case something had actually been wrong.

“I’m sorry, buzzard. I was just so excited.” Rowan shivered as she dragged a nail over over his bicep and over his bare chest. “I wanted you to see it. It’s one of the special privileges of being my boyfriend.”

“Is that so?” Rowan asked and Aelin hummed her agreement. “Do I get any other privileges?”

“That depends,” Aelin shifted a little so she hovered over him a little.

“On?” Rowan raised himself up on his elbows, closing the distance a little further.

“Do you feel like sleeping?” Aelin said, her voice full of mischief and promises.

Rowan shook his head, “Not at all.”

“Good,” Aelin said, throwing the sheet off their legs and very awkwardly she straddled his waist. Knowing what she was planning Rowan’s hands were a steadying force on her hips. She grinned down at him as he shifted, resting against the headboard of the bed, so her lips could still reach his over her pregnant stomach. “Because neither do I.”

~~~~~

Rowan sipped at his coffee, hoping desperately that it would keep him awake for a decent amount of time. They hadn’t gone back to sleep after Aelin’s early morning wake up call, they’d found a far better use for their time than sleeping. He knew she was self conscious and shy about her body, but Rowan had been more than willing to show her that’s not what was important to him. He loved her and she loved him, that’s all mattered. Rowan was determined to prove that in every way imaginable, especially when Aelin dismissed his ongoing claims of how beautiful she was, he just wished she could see it too. 

She was in her room now, getting ready. They were yet to move her things over to his room since he had officially asked her to move in with him. It had been only a few days since their decision but Aelin had just said later or not today when he’d asked. He didn’t mind, they had time. The cooler box was set by the fridge and Rowan took a big gulp of his drink before turning around and started to fill it, knowing his girlfriend was very particular about her snacks. He’d just finished when he heard Aelin’s door open, and turned around to run inventory with her but stopped dead.

“What?” Aelin asked abruptly, no doubt seeing his stunned expression. 

The chuckle Rowan let out escaped him without his permission. “You gotta give a man some warning.”

“What are you on about?” Aelin said, her hand pulling her hair up into a ponytail, but not tying it yet. 

“What you’re wearing,” Rowan told her, walking to where she stood. “You’re so damn adorable you almost killed me.” She was dressed in a set of short denim overalls, striped t-shirt underneath, sleeves rolled up to make them shorter. He slipped his hands into her back pockets as he kissed her cheek. “And you’re wearing my shirt too. How did I get so lucky?”

Aelin’s hands came to rest on his shoulders, her hair falling down. “You’re ridiculous.

“You’re gorgeous,” Rowan said onto her lips, well tried anyway as she laughed at him.

“I’m—”

Rowan pressed a finger to her lips. “You’re my girlfriend now, you have to listen to me when I tell you you’re beautiful.”

The smile she gave him was edged with a shyness that he rarely saw, it had him wanting to kiss her senseless. But then simultaneously their phones went off, Rowan feeling Aelin’s vibrate against the hand it shared a pocket with and his pinged from where it sat on the bench.

“I guess that would be Lysandra making sure we get the message, probably concerned about us being busy,” Aelin said, stepping back and Rowan let her go. “She hasn’t let up about us crashing the custard truck since she found out.”

Rowan choked on his laugh as he headed back to the kitchen, but recovered quickly. Aelin had told him about how she had accidentally let slip the little detail about their npw existent sex life, he didn’t really care. It was just amusing more than anything at this point. “Did you find out who won the bet?”

He heard Aelin’s scoff from her bedroom, then she called out, “No, Lys won’t tell me. I think she’s a sore loser about it.” She reappeared, bag in hand and hair up. “I’m too scared to ask any of the others.”

Rowan’s laugh came out in a huff. “Gods know what will come out of Fenrys’ mouth. I rather not find out at all, honestly, rather that risk that.”

Aelin joined him in the kitchen, her laughter catching in his chest. “Can I help?”

“There’s a lighter bag by the door, I can get everything else,” Rowan said.

Aelin eyed him, one eyebrow raised. “Are you sure? Don’t think I haven’t noticed all the extra beach paraphernalia you’ve picked up.”

“Yes I’m sure,” Rowan said as he picked up the cooler by its handle. 

Aelin was about to say something back, her mouth opening but then she rolled her eyes, but not at him. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and answered. “Yes, we’re coming down. Well maybe we didn’t answer because we had our hands full… no, Lys! Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant with beach things, you idiot.” There was a pause and Aelin glanced over at Rowan furtively, he didn’t understand why. “No not yet. You know if we stopped talking we could probably get down sooner. Yes, bye.”

Rowan went to the door and picked up the bags, leaving the lighter one for Aelin to take before leaving the apartment. He left Aelin to lock up while he called the elevator, she arrived just in time as the doors slid open and they stepped inside. He saw her looking at him and he gave her a questioning look.

“You did buy more beach stuff.” Aelin said to him.

Rowan shrugged, almost losing a bag in the process. “I may have.” 

Aelin nodded, her lips pulling tight as she refrained from saying whatever it was she had thought up.

“I have my reasons,” Rowan said. “All revolving around your comfort admittedly.”

Unexpectedly, he felt her lips on his cheek. “How did I get so lucky?”

They arrived on the ground floor and Aelin walked ahead of him to get the door. He watched her, his gaze traveling up the long length of her legs to her ass. His view was cut short as Aelin turned and held the door open for Rowan as they stepped out on the street. Even then it wasn’t too disappointing, his eyes catching on the cleavage that peeked just above the front of her overalls and the low V-neck of his shirt. As he walked past her, Aelin gave him a look.

“Are you checking me out?” 

Rowan’s smile was smug when he said, “Most definitely.” 

If asked he wouldn’t deny how proud he was when he saw the pink blush in her cheeks. He spotted Aedion’s red SUV parked a little way down the street, as the two of them got closer the boot hatch opened. 

Lysandra stuck her head out the window as Rowan started packing things into the boot. “Pregnant lady, you want the front seat?”

Aelin handed him a bag and said, “Snacks in the car.” Then she went around to talk to Lysandra. “No, I’ll be fine in the back. And you’re pregnant too, what are you talking about.”

“Not as pregnant as you though,” Lysandra replied.

“Did you bring sick bags? I don’t want you vomiting in my car,” Aedion said to Aelin.

Peering over the back seat Rowan saw Aelin flip her cousin off as she got into her seat.

“I’ll be fine,” Aelin assured him. “I’ll give you plenty of warning if I need to.”

Aedion made a disgruntled noise as if he was not all that happy with that answer but didn’t push the conversation further. Smart man. Rowan closed to boot and went around to his own seat, putting the cooler in the middle between him and Aelin.

“That’s your seat,” Aelin said, eyes dipping down to the cooler.

“Huh?” Rowan said.

“I need you in the middle, I’m going to need you to sleep on.”

There was a drawn out _awww_ in the front seat from Lysandra and Rowan didn’t bother arguing as he swapped around with the cooler box. He just got his seatbelt on when Aelin was pulling him closer, tucking herself into his side. She let out a contented sigh once she got comfortable and Rowan kissed her head. 

“If you hadn’t woken me up with the dawn you probably wouldn’t be so tired,” Rowan murmured and Aelin looked up at him.

“I’d be more likely to blame what we did after for how tired I am,” Aelin said with a very slow wink, just demonstrating how tired she actually was. 

Rowan wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of an answer so he just shook his head at her and relaxed back into the seat as best he could. The middle seat wasn’t exactly made for someone of his stature and it was more than an hour drive to the coast. But he’d be fine, he’d rather make sure Aelin was comfortable. 

“Lorcan and Elide just left so we should be getting there at about the same time,” Lysandra told the car.

“Why,” Aelin said, not bothering to open her eyes, “did we invite him?” 

“Elide didn’t want to be a fifth wheel,” Lysandra supplied as music started to play through the car. “It was only fair.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Aelin said almost petulantly. “She owes me one though.”

Rowan chuckled and Aelin patted his thigh in solidarity for laughing at her joke. She didn’t say much else as idle chit chat started up in the car. Slowly Lysandra got quieter too, and they’d only driven for about 20 minutes before both she and Aelin were fast asleep. Not wanting to wake the girls Rowan and Aedion drifted into silence as well, Aedion turning the music up a little to fill the silence. 

Rowan closed his eyes against the brightness of the sunlight in the car, and he hadn’t realised he’d fallen asleep until Aelin was poking his side. 

“Wake up buzzard,” Aelin said. “I’m hungry”

Rowan eased his head up, rubbing his eyes before he opened them.

“I think you drooled in my hair,” Aelin said. 

“I did not,” his voice was hoarse when he answered. 

“Gods, Aelin,” Lysandra said, obviously awake as well. “I can see why you jumped him now. That voice is something.” 

Aedion turned to Lysandra, his face pleading. “Lys, I’m right here.”

“Oh please, don’t act like you weren’t thinking the same thing,” Lysandra said.

Rowan felt his cheeks heat as Aelin laughed at his expense. “I’m not awake enough to deal with this conversation,” he muttered as he opened the cooler to get his girlfriend her snacks.

“Just the rockmelon,” Aelin told him.

Rowan nodded and then asked. “Lys, Aedion, you want anything.”

“Nope.” There was a sound of a packet of something being rustled from the front passenger seat. “I’m set.”

“I’m good,” was Aedion’s simple reply. 

“Aedion lets Lysandra eat chips,” Aelin said, tucking into the rockmelon.

“I don’t not let you eat chips,” Rowan defended. 

“Mmm,” Aelin hummed. 

Rowan sighed. “Aelin eats chips, I just need everyone to know that.”

That got the car laughing. 

Looking out the window Rowan could tell they weren’t too far from the coast, maybe another 15 minutes at most if they didn’t hit any traffic. The main occupier of his time between now and then was passing Aelin snacks on request. Being a hot day and a Sunday, finding a parking spot took a little bit of time but eventually Aedion pulled into one someone had just pulled out of. Aelin and Lysandra waited by the front of the car, whispering like two conspirators, while Rowan and Aedion unpacked it. Aelin was on the phone when he came up hauling the stuff over.

“Okay, so left of the surf club. Why don’t you just get Lorcan to stand up, he’ll be like a lighthouse with his ridiculous height,” she paused as something went on on the other side of the phone. “Tell Lorcan I don’t appreciate his attitude and he better fix it by the time I get there.”

“Got everything?” Lysandra asked teasingly. “We don’t want you having to trek to the car if you forgot anything.”

“Yes, we’ve got it all,” Aedion assured both the women.

“Okay, well, we’re going to the bathroom,” Aelin said. “Just head left and you should find the other two.” With that Aelin turned and Lysandra linked their arms, tipping her head back and laughing as they got further away.

“Why do I get the feeling that they’re up to something?” Rowan asked Aedion.

The blonde man shrugged. “Those two are always up to something.”

“Any idea what it is?” Rowan asked as he shouldered a bag and picked up the cooler. 

Aedion did much the same with what he carried. “Not in the slightest.”

A breeze blew the heat off the sand onto Rowan’s face as they followed the instructions Aelin had given them. The sand squeaked beneath his feet as he dodged kids, balls and people braving the heat of the sand on their bare feet as they ran for the water. Lorcan had stood up, per Aelin’s request, his standard scowl on his face as he waved them over. Elide grinned when she saw them, hands going to her hips as she surveyed them.

“What on earth did you bring,” Elide pushed her cat-eye sunglasses up into her dark hair to see them better. “We’re here for a day, not a week.”

“Rowan likes to over prepare. For everything,” Lorcan added as he took the cooler. “Are the entire contents of your fridge in here?” 

“Just about,” Rowan said as he dropped the rest bags.

With Lorcan, Elide and Aedion’s help it didn’t take long for everything to get set up. It was getting hot enough that by the time they were done Rowan was sweating and had taken off his shirt and was looking longingly towards the water. But that fussy side of him was telling him to make sure Aelin had everything she needed before he went off and had fun. He knew she was coming when he heard her laugh over the buzz of the crowd. She was out of her overalls, instead she was in a checkered yellow dress that tied up at her shoulders, hat and sunglasses on, with her hair down. When she and Lysandra dropped their things, Aelin let out a low whistle.

“You truly are the sweetest boyfriend ever,” Aelin said and then she added with a squeeze to his bicep. “And so thoughtful.” 

“Boyfriend,” Lorcan chimed in. “That’s a fancy word.”

“Do you have something against it?” Aelin challenged, Lorcan just shrugged dismissively. It was the wrong thing to do, Rowan could tell from the way Aelin turned towards him, smiling. “Boyfriend, would you mind laying out the towel for me.”

Rowan nodded his head as he obliged, it was the next thing on his list anyway.

Then Aelin went over to the cooler, lifted the lid and got out a drink bottle. “Wow, did you see the amazing snacks my boyfriend packed for us? He’s such a good _boyfriend_.”

“Gods, how are you so annoying?” Lorcan muttered and Elide hid her laughter behind his back.

“I’m sorry, can you say that a bit louder so my boyfriend can hear?” Aelin just kept going.

“Rowan, can you do something about this?” Lorcan said, gesturing at a smirking Aelin.

“I can’t help it if my _girlfriend_ is annoying you,” Rowan said, making sure the umbrella was at the right angle. “What makes you think my girlfriend listens to me if I tell her what to do?”

Lorcan made a noise of frustration. “I don’t know why I came.”

Everyone was laughing, even Elide as she tried to console her own boyfriend with a huge smile on her face. 

“Nice work,” Aelin said, leaving Lorcan be. “That may be the biggest beach umbrella I’ve ever seen.”

Rowan rolled his eyes, it was average sized at best and Aelin knew that. She was just teasing him, unsurprisingly. “I read in the book that when you’re pregnant your skin can be more sensitive in the sun. I didn’t want you getting burned.” 

“So considerate,” Lysandra said.

“You can take the other spot if you want, Lys,” Rowan said and realised his slip when three sets of eyes landed on him. He glanced over at Elide and Lorcan but they seemed too busy amongst themselves to really notice anything he said.

“Thank you, Rowan,” Lysandra said, undoing the buttons on the oversized shirt she had changed into. 

Rowan took that as his cue and turned away, hearing muttering from Lysandra about how maybe Aedion should borrow his book, and he managed to catch Aelin pulling her dress over her head. To say he was struck dumb was an understatement, he was totally unprepared for the view in front of him. He’d remembered that Aelin had told him there was something in particular he’d be seeing today and in his innocence Rowan assumed it was the overalls, but this… was something else entirely. The bikini was white, glowing against the soft tan of Aelin’s skin. It fit her perfectly, accentuating the length of her legs, leaving her bump on display, with a square cut top framing her chest and a V in the middle drawing his eye in a tantalising way. Aelin was stunning and he didn’t know what to do with himself with her standing there like that. What he did want to do was run his hands over every inch of skin he could see, more than that even. If they weren’t at a public beach he would do it, but right now the only thing he could think to do was look away before he combusted on the spot. 

“Need to take a cold dip in the ocean, Rowan?” Lorcan taunted. “Or maybe there’s some ice in the cooler.”

“I got it,” Aedion added, pulling the lid off the box. “Nah, it’s just freezer bricks. I don’t want to knock him out.”

“I think Aelin already did that,” Lorcan said with a wry grin.

“What did I do?” Aelin asked, fluffing her hair out before putting her hat and glasses on again. 

Rowan didn’t give the boys a chance to answer, gods knew what would come out of their mouths, he went over and helped Aelin down into her chair. He’d thought about buying her a higher one, but he knew she had enjoyed reclining in the low on their trip to the river. “Just being your wonderful self.”

Aelin scoffed. “If it was coming from Lorcan I’m sure that wasn’t it.”

“Just… don’t worry about it,” Rowan said. He didn’t want to want to risk going into this now and embarrassing himself further. “I’ll tell you later.” 

“Alright,” she gave him a dazzling smile. “I won’t forget though.”

“I’m heading to the water, anyone coming?” Lorcan announced. 

Aedion jumped up, but Rowan gave Aelin a questioning look.

She shook her head. “I’m good here.” 

“I’ll be back,” Rowan said as he pushed off the sand and stood. “Save me some snacks.”

He caught Aelin’s grin from beneath the brim of her hat. “Can’t guarantee anything.”

~~~~~

Aelin loved the beach, she loved the feel of the sand, the sound of the waves, the whole atmosphere. While the boys swam in the surf Aelin was content to lie back in the shade of the umbrella and read and chat with her friends. Elide was a fountain of knowledge, letting out all the gossip she had gathered. The woman Dorian had brought to the baby shower was now very nearly officially his girlfriend, Manon was an old college friend of Elide’s but she had managed to garner information from both sides. The twins were up to no good as usual, Vaughan was a blip and no one could really pin down what he did, and she and Lorcan were doing well. 

A little ways away a young family kept catching Aelin’s attention. It was just the three of them—mum, dad and baby. The baby couldn’t have been more than a year old, it was still crawling about the place, the mother fussing as the little thing tried to eat fitstfuls of sand. The parents laughed together as they watched their child play, the father making sandcastles that lasted no longer than thirty seconds before they were crushed to nothing by the baby. Aelin couldn’t help but see her future there, couldn’t help but imagine her and Rowan bringing their baby girl to the beach to play in the sun and sand. She could hardly wait. 

Aelin had just cracked out the sandwiches when the boys started to make their way back, all of them grabbing a towel and drying off before the sand caked onto their skin. Feeling stiff, Aelin decided she had been sitting down for long enough and asked Rowan to help her up before he sat down, which he did. She stood on the towel arms stretching over her head before resting her hands on the back of her hips, adding pressure there. The baby was starting to get heavy, and she still had a good ten weeks to go. When Rowan was done with drying himself off he laid out his towel next to her set up and stretched out in the sun. His tan skin was glorious in the sunshine, the dark ink of his tattoo swallowing the light, Aelin unabashedly looked her fill. It was unfair that he looked so good when she didn’t, she was about to say something along those lines when she heard her name being called by someone not in their party. Turning around Aelin saw Sam coming over, all brown curly hair and smiles. She smiled and waved, but didn’t miss how Rowan sat up when the other man got closer. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Sams said brightly.

“Of all the places,” Aelin said, taking off her glasses. “I think you’ve met everyone, except that one over there,” she pointed over to Lorcan and Elide where they sat together, her between his legs and leaning on his chest. “He doesn’t hate you I swear, he always looks pissed off at the world.” 

So smoothly Lorcan flipped her off, just as smoothly Aelin sent it right back. Then the next thing she knew she felt Rowan’s arm draping around her waist, his hand resting low on her hip, practically on her butt. One moment he had been on his towel, the next he was by her side. Aelin worked hard to suppress her smile at the blatant territorial display, albeit done so casually. She decided to throw him a bone. “And you remember Rowan of course, my boyfriend.”

She felt him relax a little after that, knowing last time the introduction occurred she said the wrong thing. Rowan would appreciate the rectification. 

“Hey, man,” Sam said politely. 

Rowan’s voice was as tight as he was wound. “Hey.” Aelin’s reprimand was a suppressed snort and a squeeze on his arm.

“You’re looking great,” Sam said earnestly. 

Aelin laughed, she almost believed him. “Thank you, you’re too kind. ”

That made Sam smile so wide his dimple appeared. “I read that book you recommended to me, granted I had to go back and get it after everything. I think it’s a series. I might have to drop by and pick up the next one.”

“You better,” Aelin said. “Don’t you even think about ordering it online. I think you owe me that at least.”

Sam laughed and nodded, he was about to say something else when someone called his name. He waved in that general direction before turning back to Aelin. “I might see you around then.” 

“I guess so,” Aelin replied and waved as Sam walked away. Straight away she turned to Rowan and gave him a poke on his bare shoulder.

“What?” Rowan asked, his face giving away nothing.

Aelin’s brows rose as she said, “So do you want to talk about how you just stepped through space and time to appear right next to me?”

Rowan suddenly found the bright blue water very interesting. “Nope.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice, especially that very casual placement of your hand.” Her only answer was silence. “Don’t you get jealous. Sam is a friend—“

“Your ex,” Rowan clarified. 

Aelin poked him again. This time in the stomach making him jump back. “I knew it was bothering you!”

“It is not,” Rowan said defensively.

Aelin laughed. “Your eyes are glowing green with envy.”

“My eyes _are_ green,” Rowan huffed. 

“I guess that means you’re jealous all the time then. Although if you getting jealous means you getting handsy like that, I might have to do it more often.” Aelin knew she had won when Rowan’s lips quirked up just a little and she was going to keep teasing him until she got a full smile but then Lorcan ruined her plans.

“Look at that,” Lorcan said. “Seven months pregnant and Aelin can still pull the guys.” 

And like that all Aelin’s hard work was done and Rowan was scowling in Sam’s general direction again. 

“Oh please,” Aelin said, facing her friends—even if that was a generous term when it came to Lorcan—and let Rowan help her back into her chair in the shade. “I am literally a beached whale right now, no one is attracted to this.”

Aelin tried not too but she glanced at Rowan, he was looking at her with a heat in his eyes that had a flush rising to her check that had nothing to do with exposure to weather. Before she could look away again he caught her chin so that she had to look at him. He even went as far as to take her glasses off, then he kissed her his voice low as he spoke.

“I thought I disproved that theory last night.” Another kiss. “And this this morning.”

Aelin’s blush well and truly filled her cheeks and she lent in so she could kiss him better. Her hand had just slipped up Rowan’s shoulder when she gasped at the sensation of cold water hitting her. She looked around for the culprit and saw Lorcan holding a water bottle in one hand, pointing with the other. 

“Cut it out, there are children present,” Lorcan scolded, gesturing at the people around them. 

Aelin’s mouth was still open in incredulity, but Rowan was laughing beside her.

Elide had a hand over her mouth, but she dropped it as she said. “Give them a break, they won’t be getting any action at all soon.”

That little kernel of truth had Aelin’s mouth closing and Rowan’s laughter stopping. Aelin looked down at her stomach, feeling little movements, knowing the baby would be out soonish was a sobering thought.

“But Aelin,” Elide added, her smile shifting into something else. “You are most definitely a milf.”

There was a burst of laughter from Lysandra but Aedion started coughing violently as he choked on his water, having sprayed it everywhere as well. Aelin started to smile.

“And we all know who the ‘I’ in milf is.” Elide’s voice was shaking with her own laughter. Then she turned to Lorcan, like this was just a conversation between the two of them. “Well, it’s midf now in Rowan’s case… mother I did—“

“Elide!” Aelin nearly shouted. “That’s enough. I expected this from Fenrys, not you.”

That just made everyone laugh harder. There were a few moments of laughter filled silence but then Aelin heard Lorcan’s deep voice.

“If she’s a milf, Rowan is a dilf.”

For a moment Aelin gaped with her eyes wide, so surprised the joke had come from Lorcan. But then she was laughing along with Lysandra and Elide, Rowan was laughing too even with his cheeks tinged the softest of pinks. 

“I’m out,” Aedion said more to himself than anyone, finally reaching his limit.

Lysandra stood, brushing off some stray sand and still smiling broadly. “I better go make sure he doesn’t drown himself.”

Aelin looked over at Elide and Lorcan, the former looked very pleased with herself. But it was Lorcan she narrowed her eyes out, tilting her head as she considered him. 

“What are you looking at?” He deadpanned.

That just turned Aelin’s lips up into a smile. “I just didn’t know you had a sense of humour.”

Elide cackled, leaning back fully against Lorcan’s chest. There was the smallest of smiles on Lorcan’s face as he tried to hide it. Aelin let him be though, not wanting to push him too far after he’d relaxed ever so slightly. So instead she turned to Rowan, offering him the container of sandwiches. 

“Hungry?”

Rowan’s eyes lit up knowingly. “Famished.”

After eating, Aelin read for a bit, which led to her dozing off. Aedion returned at some point, looking grumpy and slightly uncomfortable despite Lysandra’s best efforts to soothe him. Rowan went out for another swim, Aedion and Elide going with him. Aelin saw her cousin and boyfriend shoving at each other playfully as they walked across the sand, Aedion obviously getting over what he needed to. She felt sorry for him, she really did. But he was just so easy to tease and his reactions so entertaining that Aelin couldn’t help herself. 

Rowan came back sooner than she expected, a grin on his face. 

“Hey you,” Aelin said, closing her book.

“Do you want to come out for a swim?” Rowan asked.

Suddenly nervous, Aelin ran a hand over her stomach. “I don’t know… if I can.”

“Once you get out past the break it’s so calm and even then the waves aren’t too rough,” Rowan explained. “I’ll get the two of you out there safe, trust me.”

Aelin weighed the offer for a little while longer. 

“Come on,” Rowan said kneeling on her towel. “This is your last chance, we’ll be heading home soon. Don’t you want to feel all weightless in the water?”

That did sound appealing. “You’re sure?”

Rowan nodded, “I am.”

“Okay.”

That’s all it took for Rowan to help her up, keeping her hand in his as they walked across the beach. The first wave was shockingly cold as it washed over Aelin’s feet and she almost backed out, but Rowan kept her hand held tightly and kept walking. By the time it was up to her knees she was half used to it, the cool water a balm on her warm skin. Rowan walked right in front of her, taking the brunt of the waves as they broke against his body. Aelin got nervous as the water level reached her waist but Rowan just kept closer.

“Last one,” he threw over his shoulder, tucking Aelin in close behind him as another wave broke. 

Aelin felt some of the force of that one, but Rowan was right, the waves were very mild today. After that wave it was deep enough to swim, but not deep enough that they couldn’t touch the bottom. So while Aelin swam a little, Rowan kept hold of her hand because she wasn’t quite sure enough to let go. It felt glorious, not feeling the weight of her body, she almost groaned it felt so good. 

“Want to lie on your back?” Rowan asked.

“Yes please,” Aelin replied.

Rowan smiled as he helped her, supporting her shoulders as Aelin moved to float on her back, eyes closed against the bright sunshine. Rowan’s laughter had her peeking one eye open. He nodded to her stomach and Aelin looked down to see it sticking out of the water ridiculously. Aelin laughed too, not too hard to make sure she didn’t inhale a mouthful of water. The weightlessness and gentle rocking of the surf swell was enough to relax Aelin that she started to feel just a little drowsy. She took that as her indication to right herself in the water, swimming right into Rowan’s arms and she kissed him just the once. She felt so safe and secure in his arms, she trusted him completely out here in the water.

“Thank you,” Aelin said. 

“You’re most welcome,” Rowan said with a handsome smile, his hands bracing her hips, his fingers playing with the edges of her swimmer bottoms.

His fingers did nothing but trace the line where material met skin but Aelin could see Rowan wanted to say something and she had a fair idea of what it would entail. A slightly bigger wave came and Rowan helped her jump it to keep her heads above water, but it did expose everything above her stomach for a moment catching her boyfriend’s attention. The hands that had been on her hips travelled up her waist, but not much higher.

“This swimsuit is going to be the death of me, you know that?”

Aelin laughed airily but this conversation was on its way towards getting too much for her so she deflected. “I think I want to go in now.”

Rowan acquiesced. “Alright, you go first this time.”

Rowan was right behind her the whole way, steadying her as the waves hit from behind. As they got from the edge of water they spotted Elide and Lorcan going in for another swim. 

“I think I might head back in,” Rowan said.

“I’m sure I can manage a walk across the sand by myself,” Aelin assured him.

When Aelin got back to their spot Aedion and Lysandra were starting the pack up process. Aelin eyed her towel for a moment, regretting that it was so far down and she didn’t particularly feel like getting all sandy in her attempt to pick it up. Wordlessly Aedion bent down and handed it to her, Aelin murmuring her thanks as she shook off the loose sand. She watched her cousin and his girlfriend for a few moments, watched the way he couldn’t help but touch the non-existent baby bump, or kissed Lysandra’s cheek softly or rushed over to help her with the easiest of tasks. 

“What?” Aedion said, noticing the way Aelin was eyeing him.

“You’ve gone…” she took a moment thinking of the right way to say it. There had always been a gentleness to Aedion, although he didn’t often display it outside his closest friends. But seeing him with Lysandra now, this was a whole new level. “Soft.”

Lysandra smiled but Aedion rolled his eyes. “Oh please. Look what you’ve done to Rowan, he used to be a stone cold bastard.”

Aelin did in fact look to Rowan, where he was now heading towards them across the sand, looking indecently good with the water glistening on his chest. “Believe me,” Aelin said, reluctantly pulling her eyes away from him, it was much harder than she cared to admit, “when I say I make him anything but soft.”

There was a wheezing sound as Lysandra almost doubled over from laughing so hard, a hand on her stomach. Aedion’s face had fallen, he looked likely to be sick from the pale sheen to his face. Aelin just gave him a winning smile. When Rowan finally did reach them Aedion turned away, as if he couldn’t bear to look at him, let alone risk eye contact.

Rowan was oblivious to the whole thing and just picked his towel up and dried himself roughly. Despite wanting to stay for the show Aelin knew she would be uncomfortable riding home in her wet bikini and didn’t want to hold them up on the way to the cars and she was practically useless here anyway.

“I’m going to go get changed,” Aelin announced and shouldered her bag.

Aedion still refused to look at Rowan, even when he asked him a question. Poor Aedion, he never seemed to be able to catch a break. Aelin smiled as she headed across the sand, knowing that she wouldn’t be the one to take mercy on him any time soon.

~~~~~

They had just all piled into the car when a weird silence settled over everyone. Rowan was seated in the middle seat again, an arm wrapped around Aelin who was covering her mouth with her hand, eyes sparkling. Lysandra also seemed to be holding laughter in, while Aedion had leveled some very flat looks in his direction. He had issues with something, Rowan knew it. So he got brave and asked the question. 

“Did I do something?” Rowan asked tentatively.

“More like someone,” Lysandra said.

“Don’t,” Aedion hissed. “Don’t even finish whatever you’re going to say.”

Rowan stayed silent but Aelin just about snorted from beside him. “You’re ridiculous. I’m pregnant, Lys is pregnant. It’s biologically evident that we’re all having sex. I don’t understand what the big deal is, we’re all adults here.”

She had a point, but from how tightly Aedion was gripping the steering wheel Rowan wasn’t about to point it out.

“I just don’t need a reminder every five minutes,” Aedion bit out.

Rowan glanced over at Aelin and saw her roll her eyes. “There is a fairly large large reminder that me and Rowan definitely had sex at least once. I don’t have half a watermelon stuffed up my shirt.”

Aedion sighed. “He’s my friend, you’re my cousin. It’s all just a bit… weird.”

Both Rowan and Lysandra decided it was best to say nothing, let the cousins work this out themselves. 

“Honestly if your reactions weren’t so damn entertaining I’d probably let up, but as it stands I don’t see that happening,” Aelin ended her sentence with a shrug.

Aedion laughed. “I don’t know how I’ve put up with you all these years. I don’t know how Rowan plans to survive you.”

“That’s easy, it’s because you both love me,” Aelin said.

“Aww, well that’s cute,” Lysandra said from the front seat, giving Aedion’s thigh a squeeze. 

“Whoa, Lys no!” Aelin said dramatically and covered her eyes. “No PDA please! My eyes, they’re burning.”

“Ha ha, Aelin,” Aedion said. “You’re hilarious.”

Rowan chuckled as his girlfriend snuggled into his side, still grinning at her own joke, and he kissed the top of her head. It didn’t take long for Aelin to fall asleep again, head on his shoulder and a hand on her bump. She had been a goner as soon as Rowan started running soothing strokes up and down her arm. Lysandra didn’t last too much longer either and Rowan didn’t miss the soft smile Aedion gave her when he glanced over when they stopped at a red light. 

They stayed mostly silent for most of the drive but then Aedion asked, “So, what’s this book you’ve been reading?”

“You can borrow it if you want, I’ve already read it through twice,” Rowan answered quietly. Not quiet enough it seemed, as Aelin murmured and shifted a little. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Aedion nodded. “That would be good. I just… have no idea about anything.”

The girls woke up just as they got into the city limits and immediately started talking baby things. Lysandra was asking about what prams, car seats and nursery furniture Aelin had looked into. Aelin rattled off brands and types of things Rowan hadn’t even heard of and he was starting to echo Aedion’s sentiment of not knowing anything. Rowan was making mental notes to ask Aelin about these things later to get a better idea of what she liked and what exactly she was talking about. Soon enough Aedion was parking in front of their apartment building and Rowan was unloading their things. Aelin was in the denim overalls again, her hair wavy from the salt water as it tumbled over her shoulder. She said goodbye to her cousin and friend and then went to open the door for him like she had this morning. He couldn’t help but kiss her and he passed. 

“You’re obsessed, I swear,” Aelin muttered, a wide smile on her face. 

“With good reason,” Rowan said over his shoulder as Aelin followed him inside.

When they got into the elevator she turned to him. “What was the ‘I’ll tell you later’ something? You know, from when we were down on the beach.”

Rowan didn’t answer, he just left the elevator and headed to the apartment. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with his hands and arms full of things that weren’t her. This was a conversation he wanted to have holding her, so she could see how much he meant what he said. Aelin didn’t protest or push the topic as she followed those few steps behind him into the apartment. Rowan dumped what he held by the kitchen bench and went to sit on the couch. Aelin stood in the empty space, eyeing him sceptically. 

“Come here,” Rowan said, patting the couch. And Aelin did, sitting as close to him as she could get. He brushed her hair behind her ear and said, “Lorcan was teasing me about how dumbstruck I was after seeing you in that bikini.” Aelin shook her head but Rowan kept going. “If I had enough sense about me I would have teased him back about Elide in the purple number, but I was at a loss for words. I was about to ask you to put some clothes on like a gods-damned idiot because I couldn’t handle the thought of anyone else looking at you while you looked like that. ”

“You were the only one looking,” Aelin said quietly, avoiding his gaze. 

Rowan cupped her cheek so she had to look at him. “Believe me when I saw that I wasn’t. I would know. I was considering asking Aedion for his keys so we could go somewhere more private to let off some steam.”

Aelin laughed weakly but sniffed as her eyes started to fill with tears.

“You are so beautiful, Fireheart,” Rowan said earnestly. “I just want you to see it.”

Aelin looked up at him, those tears threatening to spill over. “I just don’t feel like… well, like me.” Her hands fell into her lap. “I feel different. Bloated and swollen and just so different. It’s hard to feel beautiful when I hardly recognise myself.”

“Different is good, Aelin. I love different, and I love you.” Rowan kissed her just to show her he meant every word, then he smiled against her lips. “And you most definitely are a milf.”

Aelin pulled back as she laughed, it was thick and the tears finally ran down her cheeks, she wiped them away. “I can’t believe it was those two who came out with that. Who knew Lorcan could make a joke.” Then her face became serious again, her eyes meeting his. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Whatever you need, I’m always here,” Rowan told her. 

She shifted closer again, her arms going around Rowan’s neck and he just held her as long as she needed him to. He could feel his shirt getting damp on his shoulder from her tears but he just let Aelin cry it out, his hand running over her back. The crying was something he knew that frustrated Aelin, yet another thing that seemed beyond her control. But when she finally sat up again that familiar mischief was shining in her eyes.

“And you,” she kissed him and Rowan waited for the axe to fall. “Are the biggest dilf of a dad I have ever laid my eyes on.”

“Why don’t you prove it,” Rowan taunted, turning the next kiss into something desperate. He was beyond disappointed when Aelin broke it before he was ready, one hand on his chest keeping him at a distance.

“Shower first,” Aelin said. “I spent the whole day lying on the sand so before you try anything, it’s a shower first.”

“Am I joining you?” Rowan asked as she stood.

“That depends,” she threw over her shoulder as she headed down the hallway.

“On?” Rowan called after her. 

Aelin stopped just before she disappeared around the corner. “On how long it takes you to order dinner.”

Rowan went to the bags he had dumped in a pile earlier and managed to fumble his phone twice in his eagerness to get it out of his bag. He had never placed a Chinese takeaway order faster in his life.


	37. Chapter 37

Another week of pregnancy down, another appointment and class down too. The appointment had been a few days ago and everything looked good. Yrene’s main advice had been to keep doing what you’re doing, and both the parents-to-be agreed to that. This evening's prenatal class was all about the baby, quite literally what to do with it once it was out. And Aelin thought she had never seen Rowan so intensely focused as he was now listening to Sorscha explain and demonstrate how to swaddle a baby. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe her impending motherhood had addled her brain, but as Aelin watched as Rowan deftly wrapped the doll with a missing eye in a tight and neat swaddle she found herself admitting Dad Mode Rowan was hot as hell.

He patted the doll once one the stomach before he lent back to examine his handiwork. A quick glance around the room showed Aelin that his swaddling technique was indeed the neatest and the tightest, the man looked mighty proud of himself as he noticed that fact too. Gods, she just wanted to kiss him, and that would just be the start of things.

Rowan must have noticed her staring because he turned to her, and read enough of something in her face that he tilted head as he asked, “What are you thinking about?” 

Aelin felt her face heat, but she kept her composure and just shrugged. 

“Want me to teach you?” Rowan offered.

“Yeah, okay,” Aelin agreed.

One of those sweet smiles Rowan had found its way to his mouth and Aelin sighed.

“What?” Rowan asked as he unwrapped the doll, the one eye it had rolling around. 

“I’m just disappointed Elide and Lorcan invited themselves over for dinner tonight, there’s other things I’d rather be doing,” Aelin explained, and when Rowan didn’t quite catch her meaning she added. “Like you.” His response was a huffed laugh. “I would call and cancel but they are bringing the food so I guess it’s the sacrifice I’ll have to make.”

Rowan had completely unswaddled the doll when he said, “What on earth is getting you so excited?”

“You have no idea how hot you are to me right now.” Aelin had dropped her voice low so none of the other couples would overhear. “Seeing you is dad mode is such a turn on.”

Rowan’s next laugh was dississive.

“You’re a dilf, don’t deny it,” Aelin said. It had become her favourite joke to use with him, she’d have to thank Lorcan and Elide for it. “Dad Rowan is going to get laid, and a lot.”

That time Rowan choked. “You’re a menace, you know that?”

Aelin wanted him to show her how to swaddle but she wasn’t quite done with him yet. “Alright, daddy. Show me what you’ve got.”

Rowan burst out laughing, drawing curious looks from everyone else in the room. He just shook his head as he smoothed out the swaddle flat onto the table, then slid it across so it was in front of Aelin. 

“Ok so take one corner,” Rowan said and Aelin did as he said. “Make sure the arm is tucked under. Yep, like that. Then you roll the baby a little bit, just a little, and tuck that corner behind them. Then do the same on the other side.” Aelin did, trying to be confident in her moves but it was already looking messy. “Then you take the leftover stuff at the feet and fold it up and tuck it behind them again. And then you have a little baby burrito.”

Aelin looked at her attempt, compared to Rowan’s it was a mess. Far too loose and she sure if the one-eyed doll had been a real baby one stretch would have it all coming undone. But there was time to practice. Sorscha got their attention again and they moved onto the next topic: breastfeeding. Aelin watched the screen with a mix of curiosity, discomfort and trepidation as Sorscha explained it all, detailed diagrams and videos showing everything they could ever want to know about the topic. After that they left the conference room and walked over to the maternity ward for a tour. Sorscha showed them the birthing suite and went through the basic procedure of it all, pointing various things out. That anxiety was creeping back in as Aelin started to picture what it would be like for her in here in a matter of months, and as if sensing it Rowan stepped a bit closer, his hand resting on the small of her back. 

Together. They’d do it together. 

The trip to the birthing ward served like an intermission and the second act of the class was about sleep. Her and Rowan sat down in front of their one-eyed pseudo baby, which was starting to disturb Aelin on some level.

“I want you guys to wrap up the baby again, use those newly acquired swaddling skills,” Sorscha said. Rowan didn’t need to be told twice and got right to it. “Swaddling will most likely be your go to technique but every baby is different, your little one might not like to be swaddled. But we use it because the tiny things have this reaction called a startle reflex and keeping their arms secure they’re not going to activate it. But there are sleeping bags you can buy and wraps as well, so it may just take a little while to figure out what you need. It also keeps them all tight and secure, because as the pregnant people in the room know, it’s getting pretty tight in there. Reminds them of a safe environment.”

Her daughter must have perfect comedic timing because just at that moment Aelin felt a jab to her insides. 

“Once your baby is wrapped up, practice some of these holds.” Sorscha went through a bunch, then she went over settling techniques as well. “If all else fails, or your baby is really fussy, or if you just want to, try skin to skin contact. Strip your baby down to their nappy and rest them on your bare chest.”

Rowan mimicked the movement, resting the doll on his chest. With the dolls face facing away from her, it was easy for Aelin to imagine a real baby there on Rowan’s chest, their little baby, as he sat on a chair they were yet to buy in a room that they hadn’t decorated yet. Aelin knew she was grinning like a fool at the little scene playing out in her mind, if she was in a cartoon she knew there’d be hearts in her eyes, but she didn’t care. She cared even less when Rowan grinned right back.

Being the perfect boyfriend that he was, Rowan had packed some snacks in the car and Aelin dug into them on the ride home. The trail mix wasn’t much, but it would help her hold out until they got home and she could eat more, or their guests turned up with the food.

“So do you think you’ll want to?” Rowan asked, but quickly clarified. “Breastfeed, I mean.”

Aelin nearly choked on the dried apricot in her mouth. “I think so… I mean, I think I’ll at least give it a try.” Rowan nodded and then she asked. “Do you want me to breastfeed?”

Rowan shrugged a single shoulder, eyes still on the road. “There seems to be a lot of benefits, but you definitely have the final say. I’ll support you with whatever you decide.”

“Thanks,” Aelin said a bit lamely, even though it did mean a lot for him to have this kind of discussion with her. To let her know his opinion but ultimately leaving the decision up to her. “Hey, when is your next day off?”

“Sunday. Why’s that?” Rowan asked.

“I was thinking–” Aelin didn’t get a chance to express her thoughts because they hit a speed bump and the combination of nuts, dried fruit and pretzels rose up too far for her liking.

“Aelin,” Rowan said, his voice concerned.

She just made a noise that told him anything else beyond that would make her vomit and he let her be, passing the rest of the ride home in silence. When they parked Aelin took a few moments to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth, desperately wanting to not vomit. She heard Rowan come around to her door and open it, his hand resting on her knee.

He squeezed it gently as he said. “You okay there?”

Aelin opened her eyes to see Rowan looking at her, mildly concerned. It was an expression she had got used to from how often she had seen it. “I’m okay.”

“Want to head up or do you need a little more time?” Rowan asked.

“No, no. I’m good,” Aelin said and took Rowan’s hands as he helped her out of his truck.

He held onto one of her hands all the way up to the apartment, even kept hold as he led the way to the couch. “So dad mode is super hot huh?”

That made Aelin laugh, chasing away the last lingering feelings of nausea. “I can’t explain it but it really is.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Rowan said, leaning in.

“Very important information,” Aelin added, her lips getting that much closer to his.

Rowan tucked a loose bit of hair behind her ear. “Oh, I’m aware.”

The kiss was short and sweet, both of them aware of their impending guests. Aelin leaned back, hands resting on her stomach, but she let them fall to her lap as Rowan did the same thing. He was watching the bump intently probably hoping to see the baby move again.

“Do you know what our guests are bringing for dinner?” Aelin asked.

“Hmm,” Rowan hummed, still not taking his eyes off her stomach. His other hand was playing with the ends of her hair in her ponytail. “I think Lorcan said something about dumplings.”

Aelin felt her face light up, excited at the prospect. “I hope they get here soon. The baby is starving.”

Rowan chuckled, his eyes glancing up to hers. “You mean you’re starving.”

Aelin shrugged. “I don’t think there’s really a difference anymore.”

He laughed again, a gentle, lovely sound. She loved it when he laughed with her, it helped remind her of how far they had come, from when the only laughter she heard from him was bitter and mocking. Now, she liked finding all the different ways to make him laugh. Maybe she might have to find out if he was ticklish. She contemplated running her hands up his sides but there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it,” Rowan said and then dropped a kiss onto her stomach as if it was the most casual gesture in the world before he got up to let in their guests.

The tickling experiment would have to wait until later.

~~~~~

There was mischief dancing in Aelin’s eyes as Rowan got up to get the door. It was a look he was getting used to, even though it usually meant trouble for him. As he approached the door he could hear Lorcan grumbling from the other side, too muffled for him to make out exactly what he was saying. Rowan prepared himself and swung the door open. Elide stood there grinning but Lorcan looked more pissed off than usual.

“Evening,” Elide said, not waiting for an invitation, carrying bags of what Rowan assumed to be dumplings. 

Lorcan sighed and followed Elide through the door. That was when he noticed what Lorcan was holding, his eyes widening in surprise. This was going to be interesting. He looked over at his girlfriend, waiting for her to notice. She was checking something on her phone, but she quickly put it down and looked over.

“You guys arrived just in time–” Aelin stopped herself as she saw what Lorcan had in his hands. “What you got there?”

“Yeah, honey,” Elide taunted from the kitchen. “What have you got in your hot, overly large hands?”

“These,” Lorcan sounded as if this whole experience was a little painful, “are you for you. Well, I guess the baby.”

Aelin looked as if Yulemas had come early as Lorcan walked over to the couch, Rowan following behind so that he could see what these gifts were. One was obvious, it hadn't been wrapped, just a ribbon bow haphazardly tied onto it. It was a little wooden ride-on fawn, four wheels and a flat seat, handlebars sticking out of the head. Their baby wouldn’t be able to ride it properly for years. Lorcan offered it to Aelin but she just waved at him to put it on the floor.

“It’s not that I don’t love it, because I do,” Aelin said, grinning the whole while. “Just it looks heavy.”

“It’s not that heavy,” Lorcan grumbled and put it on the floor, then he handed Aelin the box.

Aelin looked positively delighted as she took the lid off the gift box but then her eyes went a little wide and she looked between Lorcan and the contents.

“Picked it all out himself,” Elide chimed in from where she lent on the kitchen counter. 

Aelin started unpacking what was in the box. There was a bib, headband and bonnet all made of the same floral material. Then there was a tiny pink pair of soft shoes–the bow on them matching the floral pattern again–and then there was a wooden and silicone teether, the beads a pleasant kind of mustard colour. The last thing Aelin showed him was a knitted yellow blanket, it looked incredibly soft, nearly the same colour on the teether. It was then he noticed that that yellow worked with the floral pattern as well. Rowan was beyond impressed. 

“Wow, Lorcan,” Aelin said, shaking her head a little. “Thank you. These…” Aelin ran her hand over the blanket again. “I’ve seen these, they’re not cheap. Why?”

Lorcan sighed. “Because you’re my friend and the baby should have nice things.”

The insincerity in Lorcan’s voice was palpable. Elide’s laughter fizzed from the kitchen and Rowan was trying to piece this puzzle together. It seemed Aelin worked it out before he did.

“You!” she said incredulously pointed at Lorcan. Then she leaned forward enough so that she could see Elide. “Him?”

Rowan saw Elide nod as he looked between the others in the room, still not following. 

“You won the bet,” Aelin said at last. “You won the bet and you used the money to buy these presents.”

Lorcan looked devastated.

“Oh, Lorcan Salvaterre. You’ve gone soft, and it all started with that milkshake,” Aelin said, laughter shaking her voice. “Now, help me up.”

Lorcan held out his hand and helped Aelin up. 

“Wait, milkshake?” Rowan asked, arms crossed as he stood by the armchair.

Aelin grinned and seeing that look Lorcan said softly, “Hellas murder me.”

“When Lorcan took me to the doctors that one time I casually mentioned my longing for a milkshake. Next minute he turns up with one,” Aelin explained. “And that’s not all.”

“There’s more?” Rowan asked, intrigued.

Aelin nodded as Lorcan shook his head, caught between looking at the floor and the ceiling, “Please don’t mention it.”

“Oh, I’m going to be mentioning this for the rest of your miserable life,” Aellin stated. “He offered to carry me to my appointment because my ligament pain was so bad. He was so concerned that the receptionist thought _he_ was the baby daddy.” 

Rowan gaped as Lorcan looked as if he wanted the floor to swallow him. This was a lot to take in, but Rowan couldn’t help the laughter that burst out of him. Aelin and Elide followed, leaving Lorcan the only one not laughing. 

“I’m going to hug you now,” Aelin told Lorcan matter of factly.

The dark-haired man, who had at least a half a foot and a half on the woman beside him, actually cringed. “Please don’t.”

Aelin took pity on him and just patted him on the shoulder instead. “Let’s eat.”

She walked right past Lorcan to the kitchen bench where Elide had unpacked the food. An array of dumplings were counter along with a few other sides. Elide handed Aelin a plate and then him, Lorcan still sulking for the moment in the living area.

“That’s like, three hundred bucks worth of stuff there,” Aelin gushed to Elide, making Rowan almost choke on the bite he’d just taken.

“I know,” Elide said. 

“And you didn’t help him,” Aelin pressed.

Elide shook her head. “Nope.”

Rowan didn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t imagine Lorcan wandering around a baby store by himself, buying $300 worth of baby items. Maybe he’d have to ask him about it when Lorcan was less likely to be mercilessly teased. The man in question finally joined them at the counter, looking more resigned and less petulant.

“What was your guess?” Aelin asked him and Lorcan had barely looked up from his plate when she said quickly, “Wait I don’t want to know.”

Lorcan huffed a laugh at that, and Rowan could barely believe it. Elide and Aelin were talking about something, laughing and smiling, distracted enough that the men weren’t a distraction. Lorcan was eating silently beside him but Rowan could see the way his eyes lit up as he watched Elide. 

Rowan nudged him with his elbow, Lorcan jostling a little. “The things we do for love, eh?”

Lorcan’s lips quirked up in the smallest of crooked smiles as he agreed, “The things we do for love.”


End file.
